I’ve been stuck in this hospital room for thirteen days now. If it weren’t for Dean visiting me, and apart from the occasional visit from Kiwi who brings me clean clothes, I’d have spent every waking moment on my own. I miss Jenna. She had such courage and I know she’d have kicked my ass and told me to get a grip.

They’ve moved me to a new ward and keep sending psych doctors in here. I just want out of this place now. I’m on my feet and the bruising has faded to a yellow.

Dean has been discharged but comes in every day. He’s not like a normal human, he’s a saint. How he can be around me and forgive me is a mystery to me. He tries to convince me that everything that happened with Slade was manipulation and that I’ll understand all this with the therapy.

But he doesn’t feel the hole in my chest every time Slade’s image flitters into my mind. He doesn’t understand that I gave into being his wife willingly and my feelings are real. Granted, they’re conflicted right now, but I can’t take away from what we had. It was real.

Brenner was the evil bastard, the criminal. Slade was just left to deal with the fallout. I can’t betray him like everyone else, no matter how badly Dean wants me to bring charges.

I spoke up about Brenner, that would have to be enough for him.

Every time my mind goes back to the subject of Brenner my stomach twists, swirling with the fear that rides over me.

As if it’s unable to stop, my mind drifts once again…

“You think you’ll ever be free, Whore Princess?”

I shake my head, horror making me mute. I know now that his words are the truth, that I won’t ever be released from this nightmare he commands.

“My brother will never touch you again. You’re tainted, stained. You’ll always be mine now, the scars I leave on your body and mind will never allow you peace again.”

Once again, he’s right. I know he is. His pollution has burrowed under my skin, his evil muddies my veins and corrupts every fiber of me.

My mind slips to Slade and my heart pangs with sorrow. I miss him so very much and knowing he’ll never be mine again clenches hard and makes it difficult to breathe.

Brenner’s foul touch breaks me from the seclusion of my imagination and my brain is again alert to the here and now. I don’t want to feel, I don’t want to bear what is happening.

I can sense my mind start to slip again, the nothingness only a fraction away from my grasp. I reach out for it, begging consciousness to find the blackness that I have grown to love.

I gag when I feel him force his way inside my aching, sore body. My stomach revolts, but not as much as my mind.

I’ve lost count now. Of how many days it’s been, or how many times he’s infected me with his evil. I can’t count how many bones he’s broken, or how many bruises now mark my body. In the beginning, I counted the hours, the ticking clock that hangs lopsided from the wall above what once looked like a fireplace my mind’s only friend. Yet now, I don’t hear its welcome rhythm or focus on the advance of each hand. Was it ever working? Time isn’t my ally. Time is my enemy. Each passing second is merely another moment of pain and suffering.

The rancid stench of his breath on my face is vile, and I hold my own breath. I’m sure I can hang on this time, reluctant to fill my lungs.

I want to die. But my body won’t allow it yet. Nor will Brenner for that matter. He hasn’t finished with me yet.

His body shudders, and then he’s gone, his weight lifted from me in an instant. My lungs take fuel from the poisoned air around me, and I groan. Turning to my side, I draw my legs up and hold them to me, rocking gently until the pain subsides.

Blood trickles down my thighs and I wince. It’s so cold that my body starts to shake. Warmth escapes with each exhale, and as I watch the cloud of my breath plume in front of my face, I pray that it might be my soul finally abandoning me.

“Hello, kid.”

Tank’s voice pulls me from the memory and I shudder as my mind releases me from its prison.

He’s smiling but I don’t offer him one in return. I find it harder to smile these days. His cut brings with it a sense of dread and I can’t focus on anything else.

“How you feeling?” The Lilith’s Army Prez places a brown bag I can only presume contains more food, everyone brings food, what’s with that? He takes the chair to the side of my bed, watching me expectantly. Although he’s still quite good looking for a guy in his fifties, fresh lines have appeared on his face and his age has started to show. There’s now sorrow in his eyes that wasn’t there before. Much like my own, I guess. What the hell is he even doing here? I don’t want to see any of them. His son did this to me.

“I’m fine,” I deadpan.

He snorts and lifts an eyebrow. “Do you women get taught that at school?”

I frown, not understanding.

“‘I’m fine’, a woman’s response that actually means, ‘I’m far from okay’.”

Shrugging, I reach for the cup of coffee that’s been left to grow cold on the cabinet. Tank helps me when I struggle to grasp the cup between useless hands. The surgeons set my fingers with tiny pins, repairing each broken bone, and although I was told I shouldn’t use them while they are still healing, I don’t care if they don’t set straight. I don’t care about anything. It’s daunting.

“Let me help you,” he offers as he holds the cup for me and guides the straw between my lips. I don’t have the strength to refuse.

I don’t taste the coffee, I haven’t tasted anything in weeks, but the lukewarm liquid relieves the dryness in my throat.

“Brothers are all asking about you, darlin.”

I nod, sucking up more coffee.

“They care about you a lot. They’ve got a good nose for a good ‘un.”

A good nose for a good ‘un?

For some reason, I find that sentence incredibly amusing and I can’t help but laugh. The Prez smiles, watching my fits of giggles as though I’m thoroughly entertaining. I suppose my insanity is hilarious. Brenner used to laugh at it anyway, so why shouldn’t Tank?

It hurts to laugh. But, then, it hurts to breathe too.

“Will you consider letting him in, kid?” His question is full of so much sadness that my laughter catches in my throat. I know he means Slade. Even Tank isn’t so cruel as to ask for Brenner. “He misses you so much, Princess.”

My hands clench. “Don’t call me that. My name is Avery.”

Lowering my eyes, I focus on the bedsheet. It’s thick, made from a dense material, and I make a mental note to ask for a thinner one. The night sweats have become unbearable, the heat in this place stifling. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could climb from my bed and open the window, but they lock them on this ward in case we try and jump from them. Mindlessly, I look to the window. The rain is beating down hard again. It’s been like this for days now. I almost wonder if the weather has taken on my misery.

A tap on the door attracts both our attention when Dean pokes his head around the edge. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you had company.”

Tank stands and shakes his head. “It’s okay, lad. I was just gonna give the girl some peace anyway.”

Dean’s eyes narrow on Tank and drops to his cut. He pales and his fingers curl around the doorframe. He won’t look at him and his jaw is tight, but he doesn’t speak whatever is on his mind.

“Give it some thought anyway, Avery,” Tank says before he closes the door behind him.

“Is he the head of their club?” Dean asks as he takes the seat Tank has just vacated.

“Yes. He’s also Brenner’s dad.”

He nods once and settles back into the chair.

“So, he here to try and get you to stay silent?”

I exhale and close my eyes. “He wants me to see Slade.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not his fault his brother is an animal.”

Leaning forward he grasps my hand. I don’t flinch, which is progress. “They altered your life, Avery. You’re eighteen, getting ready for college. We were building towards something, right? And now look at you. Married to the man whose brother shot your boyfriend, killed my friend, your friend, and tortured you.”

A tear leaks from my eye. “So what do you think I should do now, just go back to before?”

His own eyes close and he brings our hands up to rest on his forehead. “I just want you to be safe and happy. Away from these bastards.”

“I’m not going back to them,” I assure him. It doesn’t mean things with us will go back to what they were, too much has happened. And despite how much I want to hate him, hate them all, Slade still owns my heart. It’s just broken right now, really freaking broken.

“So, what do you want to do today?” He sighs, dropping my hand and leaning back.

I shrug, staring towards the window with a heavy heart. I know we’ll not be doing our usual rounds of the hospital gardens.

“I thought we might fly to Italy for the afternoon. Maybe grab a pizza and visit the sights of Rome. Then, we could come back and watch some TV.”

I smile. “Sounds fun. Although with it raining I’m sure everyone will have the same idea and Rome will be busy this afternoon.”

He nods and sighs heavily, then grabs the TV remote. “Old black and white reruns it is again then.”

The TV hums but I don’t hear any of what is happening on there.

Dean keeps flitting his eyes over to me and I know there’s something he wants to say to me but is treading carefully.

I still struggle to believe he’s real. And that he forgives me for my part in everything.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he says, almost a whisper.

“What?” I croak.

“What happened to us, what happened to you, it wasn’t your fault, Avery.”

“I know.” I lie because it all feels like my fault, like I’m cursed.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he says again, and I nod my head.

“I know.”

He turns to me and gets to his feet. Cupping my face, he makes me look right at him, his brows crashing down over his eyes.

“It wasn’t your fault, Avery!” he conveys, and tears build in my eyes.

Sobs pour from me and he cradles me in his arms.

I know. It was Brenner’s fault and he needs to pay.