First, my muse—Teresa Mathews-Clark. Though it’s been years, it feels like days. I can still see your smile, smell your perfume, taste your guacamole, hear your laugh. Our pictures pop into my memories, and as badly as it hurts knowing I can’t pick up the phone and bitch about absolutely nothing, knowing you’re safe, no longer in pain, and watching over me, helping guide me down the right path … it’s enough—barely—to keep me pushing forward. You knew my dream, saw my potential, and every word I type is because you gave me a confidence I never knew I was lacking. I have absolutely no doubt you’re cleaning your heavenly kitchen in heels so your butt stays perky, watching the girls grow into such beautiful, strong young ladies, whispering in my ear to let it go and look for the good, and riding bitch with Big Poppa, ensuring he doesn’t do anything stupid. You’re my guardian angel. I feel your presence. And one day, we’ll hold hands, skip around those pearly gates, and remember all the amazing times we shared. There won’t ever be a day I don’t miss you, but thank you … soooo very much … for shoving some amazing women in my life. They can’t ever replace you, but they bring me a similar type of joy—and frustration—and because of the push and pull, I know it’s you keeping me with our kind of people. P.S. I always looked better in your glasses than you did. I love you with every breath, and there just aren’t enough words to describe how much I want to see you. Rest easy, TT … our day’s coming. Have my heels ready, my butt isn’t what it used to be.
The love of my life … not a single thing could be done without you. I’m not sure if you see it, but you’re the driving force to the madness that exists inside my head. I learned long ago that in order to keep my insanity in check, I needed an outlet, and for four years, you’ve pushed me to my limits and demanded me to go one step further. I’ll never forget the day you pitched me this idea and you brought something out in me I didn’t know existed. I always knew, especially after Danny’s book, that I needed something for Teresa. You tossed this in my lap and I ran with it. Beyond a shadow of doubt, I’m absolutely certain I couldn’t be half the woman I am today without an equal partner who understands I have a driving urge to be right all the time, even when I’m wrong, and as crazy as it seems, you give that to me without argument. Sixteen years, babe. SIXTEEN! We’ve weathered storms that could crumble villages, yet we show up to fight even when the odds are stacked so high against us, giving up would be so much easier. My favorite thing about you … your tenacity. Mediocre isn’t in your vocabulary, and if it’s not my absolute best, you demand and pull it out of me. I’m the mother, wife, writer, business owner, Realtor, and human because for the last sixteen years you’ve stood for nothing less than for me to follow my goals, and with pure happiness and excitement, you’ve followed me on that ride. It’s been wicked, and there isn’t a single second of our entire relationship I’d take back. The good, the ugly, the heartbreaking, the betrayal, the breaking of promises, the impromptu vacations, the desire to be more than what we are and strive only for greatness. Your outlook on life has seeped into me. Being content isn’t nearly enough, and you’ve proven to me day in and out, I deserve more—we deserve more—the kids deserve more. I’m only one woman, but if more’s what you want, more’s what I’ll give you … Every damn time! Until the last wheel falls off, and even then, we’ll cruise past the haters, middle fingers raised, making sure the world knows it can kiss our ass … ‘cause we got this. Always have, always will, forever and ever, amen. The idea of growing gray and old and saggy and less beautiful with you is on my bucket list. And you’re the only old man I ever want to make out with like a teenager. Starbucks bottles, road trips, coffee stops, Tim Hortons, shooting in the woods, happiness … all of that you give me, and as hard as I tried, I didn’t choose you. My heart did. And does every second of every day. Thick or thin, happy or sad, good times or bad, sickness or health … you’re mine. And Ray … I’m irrevocably yours … without apology or regret. I’ll never be able to find enough words to show you how this second leg of my life was changed by your love and loyalty … but I’m gonna spend the next fifty years showing you how much you’re needed. You’re it for me, Big Poppa.
My best friend—Stephanie Elaine—you’re my favorite person to people with. Not just in our professional lives but personal as well. Ups and downs, twists and turns, in between and around the corner, you’ve been there for me without question and without fail since I started this journey. For my whole life, I thought you were only allowed one best friend—one person—but like so many things, you’ve defied the rules and laws of life, proving me wrong … yet again. I can’t shoot as well as you. I can’t write as beautifully as you. I can’t even begin to step on your level, but every single damn day, you push me a little closer. In my heart, I know damn well that TT sent you to me. I’m not sure I could ever be half the writer and professional in this industry as I am without you there demanding my absolute best and calling me on my bullshit at every bend in the road. When I lost TT, I never thought I’d be able to have anyone else nearly as amazing as her to step in my corner and give me what she did for as long as I had her. Again, you defied those laws and rules, and without ever having met Teresa, you’re her twin. Metaphorically, that is. Only a little different, in the best possible way. You’ve completed a part of my soul I didn’t know I was missing until our first conversation when you more than demanded I do better, be better, write better. My career launched because you wanted to feel. And babe, I feel for you. Not always the good things, but it reminds me of something I read before … sisters fight hard and love harder, and you, my southern babe, are my sister in every sense of the word ... without that whole blood thing. And no, we’re not doing a blood oath … that’s how you get the Hep. More than words, Stephanie Elaine … more than fuckin’ words. Ohana. Code Blue in Barcelona.
Maddie. There’ve been times in the last four years that I’ve wondered where we truly stand … then one phone call puts it back in perspective. Friends fight. They disagree. They fall away. But the good ones—the ones who are meant to be in your life—they never go away, and thank you for never going away. I’m not always the easiest person to deal with, especially when you have two strong women set in their ways and mindset arguing their point because, well, since we’re both crazy intelligent, we’re each always right. But I will say this … if I had to pick one person to fight with all the time, I’d pick you hand over fist. I miss the time when we’re not talking, but I know one day, in the middle of the night, there’s gonna be a three-hour conversation that puts everything back into focus. We’re not perfect (okay, I am … you, on the other hand …) but we mesh perfectly together. I’m beyond lucky to be surrounded by such strong, talented women. I sometimes feel inferior, but I can say this … being around you, talking to you, reading your words, following your world, seeing things from all points of view … it’s what makes it impossible to be mad at you for more than five minutes. The best friendships are those that endure even when the house wants you to fold. Just know, with us, I’m always taking a hit, regardless of what the dealer thinks because every once in a while, twenty-one comes up … and that’s the sweet spot … just like us.
To my family … thank you for still understanding, four years later, that I possess multiple personalities and when it’s writing time, it’s writing time. My favorite football player, JT, thank you for learning how to cook generic meals so you can feed your baby brother when mom’s pushing herself past her breaking point and never making fun of me for crying while I write. My runt, Brady, who, even though you want—okay, demand—every ounce of my attention, somewhere deep inside, you know I’m creating something I truly believe in and can’t be able to be your cuddle buddy on some nights. My mother, who brings me sweet tea when I can’t make it out of the garage, leave my office, or lock everyone out of the back of the house ‘cause I’m in the zone. My husband for giving me everything I never knew I wanted. My siblings for not crawling up my ass when I couldn’t go out and hang because the voices in my head were finally talking.
To my friends … there are too many of you to mention in fear I may forget someone. You guys are my favorite part. Never pushing me to do “things” because you understand my special brand of crazy. For always making sure I’m my truest self and calling me on my shit when I act a fool and pretend I’m something I’m not. For putting up with the book stuff on the regular because my dreams are your dreams, and together, we can push each other further. For all of you … for loving me.
To my beta readers for DEMANDING chapters once they knew I’d been diligently working. Thank you for the honest feedback and the drive to give you more, which meant I had to write more. Thank you for being you. And thank God for giving me you.
To my readers … I hope you’re okay with this turn I took. I know you’re used to similar stories from me, stories you depend on. I hope that even though you might be upset with me, you understand I had to write what was in my heart. This story, although it’s not a traditional romance, was something I could only dream of writing, and it took me three years to build the courage to write it. Yes … THREE long, painful years of withholding these characters because I feared how you would take it. I knew Charlie and Rowan’s story before I knew Skylar and Mira’s. I knew these two before the others said a word on paper, but my fear held me back. I hope you love them, you mourn with them, and you’ll rise above … just like them.
And finally, to the greatest team a girl could ever ask for … Tiffany Fox, my brilliant editor, who never fails to amaze me. You took me on with the understanding I can never meet self-imposed deadlines My work isn’t always the best, but you made it shine … and for that … myself, along with these phenomenal characters, are in your debt. Melissa Gill with MGBookCovers who started out as a friend in a reader group, who did my first cover, and who came back to nail this cover like nobody’s business. Meli, you’re not only a gifted graphic designer, you’re also a fantastic mother and friend. I’m happy to have someone like you in my corner. My agents, Stephanie Phillips and Marisa Corvisiero … it took me forever to get this one out. Marisa, you knew this idea first and all but demanded I get it on paper before the momentum left … and Stephanie, you followed up, made sure I was working, and pushed me to actually finish. You’re both what dreams are made of.
Thank you.