“I don’t have a choice,” I told her. “None. When this started, it was clear, and obvious. Now, it’s clear as mud, and impossible. Even when I push all of my own longings and love aside, and try to choose impartially – who is best for the world; I have no answer. They all are. They all have qualities we need. There is no best.”
She studied me for a moment, “Well, surely we can cross Ore off the list, right? His vision and strength lies in Wonder and Discovery. He took you to the dark side of the moon, and showed you the grandeur of the stars, right? How is that a world need?”
I straightened up. “I think we need Ore more than ever right now. We need wonder and discovery. If for no other reason than to shatter the drab and dingy lives we lead.”
“Sure,” she said, “but didn’t that view of the stars make you feel insignificant? Who needs that?”
“Yes, it was overwhelming, and yes its grandeur made me insignificant in comparison – but my insignificance as part of that grandeur was one hundred times more magnificent than my most narcissistic, ego driven delusion of importance. With that awakening moment, I now know what I am a part of – and the liberation from the shell I wore before is breath-taking.”
“OK,” she said, “but what about Quinn. Surely this notion of god is outdated. We should move on from these ludicrous superstitions and define ourselves under stronger foundations.”
“If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. Voltaire said that. And because of Quinn, I believe that it’s true. There are things about the human experience which requires God to exist. We can’t know everything, and yet we must have answers, and we need to believe in the feeling that everything will be alright in the end. That the unjust will be punished and the just will be rewarded; that there’s a court above the world’s corruption, and above the ignorant ties and strings of worldly concerns. That God is in his heaven, and all is right with the world.”
She studied me for a moment, “And Raw? Do we need war? Wouldn’t we be better if war was not an option? Certainly not the go-to option of our species.”
I felt firm on this topic when I said. “And who better to show us that war is not the answer than the dragon of war, who knows every tactic, every nuance, every excuse and justification? Who better to show us it’s never going to work, it’s never going to change, no matter how many missiles and warheads we have, it’s just not going to work. You cannot bomb people into believing. You cannot overwhelm people into trusting and obeying. It doesn’t work. Humans do not work that way. And we have known this since before the crusades. Not one person was converted during the crusades, and yet we still believe force will convert those who do not accept our god. Who could show us this insanity better than Raw?”
She nodded. “And this leaves us Slate and Kane.”
I answered with another quote from Voltaire, "It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong; especially when one of those two isn’t around to keep things civil. There are 195 countries, and 159 of them have freedom of speech, religion and beliefs. Today there are 159 countries who believe that life is a right. Within your lifetime, people and governments required a god to confirm things; like murder and torture were not OK, and certainly not the acts acceptable by the ruling faction of a country. Because of those two, we now have countries who believe those things are wrong, not because some god said so, but because they are wrong.”
She looked thoughtful, and then nodded. “Each of your points are worthy of thought and cannot be simply dismissed, but only one dragon can be chosen. Only one. Otherwise there is war. Not war for the humans but the dragons. One must be chosen, or the world will burn.”
“I understand this,” I sighed, “You showed me what is at stake.”
“Then choose,” she said.
“I can’t,” I confessed.
“For thousands of years, the Inanna have been able to choose,” she pointed out.
“And for those thousands of years, I would have been able to as well. But the foundation has changed. Humans are different, truly different. Hell, we even have new emotions, which currently have no names they are so new. Now we need all of them, each dragon, and any one of them with too great of power would send our world into chaos.”
Inanna studied me. “That might be true. But what is certain, is if you do not choose, Millions will die in the dragon fires of their war.”
I knew this, and there was nothing left to say. I had to decide. But the world needed balance, and wholeness. Not an overbearing focus on one aspect of our lives. And yet, the choice of none was just as devastating.
I knew that their power for humans was the undercurrent of motivation. They were the spark that caught the will, which powered our actions. The choice of none equaled putting the world into an emotional winter; a winter with no summer in sight, or hope.
There was no way I was qualified to make this choice.
I went to the bar and fixed myself a glass of rum on ice. Frequently, in order to find the story you needed to come at the situation from another point of view. With that in mind, I tried to see the situation from a choice of All being acceptable, or permissible. What would that mean?
I supposed that the first thing it would mean would be I would have five husbands. And if that weren’t the formula for war, nothing was. On a more serious note, however, from what I understood, the one with the Inanna had greater powers – powers he gained through me.
Would this mean that each of them would have a greater influence on the world? Would their aspect, their way of belief and thinking – their view of how their power should be used – also be greater? This sounded like a realistic consideration.
After some thought, however, and feeling around in their moods and motivations through our bond-mage connection, I didn’t feel that would be a bad thing. Each of their aspects could be used for evil, or poorly, selfishly or simply unwisely. But with their will and experience being a greater influence – that could mean fewer unwise choices.
In these days when we have the mayor of Jackson, Mississippi proclaiming the way of dealing with the rampant pothole problem in his city, was prayer – a greater influence surely would be a good thing.
Fixing potholes with prayer rather than asphalt aside, those who worried me the most were not the men and women like the mayor, but the populous who didn’t recall him as soon as he said that, unless they were sending prayers for the city workers to show up to work on time and in good health.
The longer I tried to poke around in this area, the fewer drawbacks I found. So, this wasn’t working.
“I’m seriously fucked.”
Inanna looked to me, and started another flower arrangement, an amused grin on her perfect lips.