I was a lying bitch. A fool. Why would I say such a thing?

But I knew why. My heart had already been through two years of agonising torment. My poor heart couldn’t go another round. It was knocked out cold, face down on the mat. I couldn’t very well let it jump back in the ring and fight again for love? Could I?

I sat picking at my food, watching Nick under hooded eyes, wishing I'd kept my mouth shut. When he'd proposed that we continue this after this trip, I'd froze. The thought of another relationship had seized the blood in my veins, and the words had spilled out of my mouth before I could give it a second thought.

Unfortunately, it had taken the magic out of what was supposed to be our special night together. The celebration had deflated like an old party balloon and Nick and I barely said two words since.

Sighing inwardly, I pushed my full plate aside. “I think, I mean, I’m going to call it a night.”

Nick looked up and I felt the stir of heat in my lower belly as I stared into those warm eyes, wishing I could see the tenderness in them once more. I had ruined it. Pushed him away and there was no going back.

"Sure," he finally said, toying with the drink in front of him. "I'm going to hang out here for a while; I'm not ready to wind down yet. Unless you want me to—"

“No, no. You stay. Don’t leave on my account,” I said awkwardly, politeness and distance creeping in.

“If you’re sure?”

“I am.” You stupid, stupid liar! Tell him no. Tell him you want him upstairs right now, on the bed and naked in five seconds flat. Instead, I gathered my clutch and nodded. We were being too civil, not wanting to tread on each other's toes. Where had the spark gone?

“Okay then.”

I sighed, angry with myself. I had pretty much shut him down when he asked to continue the hottest thing that had ever happened in my life in forever, no wonder he wanted to stay down here. I was an idiot, but I couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth. “Okay. See you later.”

“Yeah,” he said as I stood and walked away, my feet feeling like lead as I made my way to our room. Once inside, I kicked off my shoes, my eyes filling with tears. He was pissed. I could see it written all over his face and honestly, I would be too if the shoe had been on the other foot and I’d been the one to ask him about the future. I’d shut him down so quickly… so casually. Was it any wonder that he was hurt?

What was I thinking?

Brushing at the wetness on my cheeks, in the bathroom I took off my dress, wiping off the makeup I had carefully applied hours before, the thrill of what tonight was going to bring now gone. It wasn’t every day a man like Nick came along, one that had made me deliriously happy in the span of a few days… hours really.

Now I was wondering why I had wasted so much time on Tim, trying to be what he wanted and not what I wanted to be. Nick had brought out something in me, something I liked. He was my missing puzzle piece, making me whole and yet I was pushing him away.

I threw the dirty cloth, laden with clumps of black mascara, in the sink, grabbing the tissues instead and dabbing at my eyes. If I didn’t care about where this was going, I wouldn’t be crying like this, right? I wouldn’t care that I had apparently hurt him.

And I felt like I had.

“Ugh Angel you’re an idiot,” I muttered, walking into the bedroom and throwing myself onto the bed, the bed that still smelled like his cologne.

It was obvious that I was scared, but I couldn’t explain that to him. I was scared of being hurt again, yet I also knew that this short time with Nick was going to hurt me far more than I wanted it to.

Most of all, I was scared that maybe I wanted this to continue too much.

* * *

After a few hours of tossing and turning in bed, I finally got up, peeking in the living room to see if Nick had made camp on the replaced sofa-bed. The lodge hadn’t asked any questions the day when we’d reported the issue and immediately sent a new one up.

The room was dark with no sign of life. He hadn’t made it back yet.

Blowing out a breath, I put my hands on my hips, and ran through my options. I needed to apologise and explain to him my fears, my past relationship with Tim. Surely, he would understand my hesitation then and we could decide what was going to happen after this trip was over. If he still wanted to, that was. For all I knew he could've left already.

Yet there I was inert, wasting away the hours we had left and the best romantic encounter of my entire life over some miscommunication and misunderstanding. All because I wasn’t brave enough to tell him the truth.

Fuelled by this revelation, I threw on some clothes, a pair of sweats and chunky knitted sweater and headed out of the suite, hoping that I could catch Nick without being seen by too many people. It was after midnight as I took the excruciating slow elevator down to the lobby. I scanned the lobby through the glass before the elevator arrived but it was quiet, not a soul in sight. Seeing that the door was closed to the marquee from earlier, I spun around thinking where to go next. Where was he?

“Can I help you?”

I turned and found one of the porters at my elbow, a smile on his face despite the late hour. “Um, where did the party move to?”

“The bar area, about an hour ago.”

"Thanks," I answered. As I rounded the corner to the bar, I caught a glimpse of Nick's tall frame near the entrance. My steps faltered as I realised he wasn't alone, his arm wrapped around the blonde from the very first night as they left together.

Without a word or so much of a noise, I backed away, my heart hammering in my chest. He had already replaced me. That quickly.

I hid in the shadows knowing if I kept on going Nick would see me as soon as he rounded the corner. So I watched instead from the lobby shadows as he and his new conquest went by. She was giggling, clinging to him. He led her into the elevator and pressed her up against the glass. I couldn’t see his face but could imagine what he was doing to her. Kissing her neck, her lips, her cheeks. Like he had done to me. They’d end up in her room doing everything he was supposed to do to me that night.

The elevator slid out of view and I wanted to wail and scream. Before I could let myself breakdown, I bolted up the stairs and leaned against the wall outside the suite, my heart now filled with dread. I had done more than piss him off. I'd pushed him away. Nick had moved on.

“Crap,” I muttered, pushing off the wall and walking the rest of the way to our room. Because of my fear, I had lost him.