CHAPTER 2 – KYLE
Those asshole Elves just did not want to die, not even for the great Kyle Kallen. He’d been secretly tracking the bastards for two whole days after he found that body they’d left behind. Then he got careless and stood upwind. They caught his scent, which he knew could not be pleasant at that point. Not that those reeking, grey flesh-bags smelled any better.
At least he’d managed to crush one of them with a boulder. He leapt over the pulverized body as the other two Elves circled him, blades raised. Flames danced in Kyle’s hands as he waited for one of them to make the next move. Nasty shitheads.
You hear the word Elf and you picture Marilyn-blonde pansies in silver dresses gazing at the stars. That was not what Kyle Kallen was dealing with. Only thing those slimy monsters had in common with the Nancy Boys of fairytales were the pointy ears.
Kyle glared back as the two sets of beady, jaundiced yellow eyes studied him closely. Well, one and a half sets. He tagged one of them with a rock to the skull earlier and by the looks of the bloody, smashed up socket, it didn’t appear the monster would be using that eye any time soon. That’s okay, Kyle intended to blast his head off and save him a visit to the optometrist.
“Why’d you take the goddamn amulet?” Kyle said, pushing a little more heat into his flames for effect.
“Prrretty,” hissed One-eyed-Joe.
“I know I am,” Kyle said, flipping his filthy, shoulder-length blonde hair, lips curling into an amused smirk, “but I don’t swing that way. Ladies only.” Er. “Human ladies only.” He added as an afterthought.
“Funny man shall diiiie,” said the other.
“Okay, serious as shit,” Kyle said stepping back over the splay of Elf guts underfoot. “Why did you take that dude’s amulet after you killed him? I know it’s not to get all glammed up. You’re ugly as sin, there’s no fixing that mug.”
The one-eyed Elf tucked a claw inside the front of its tattered tunic and flashed a hint of the stolen black amulet. Black huh? A Diviner. Poor bastard probably hadn’t stood a chance against those monsters. Kyle flexed his arm muscles, preparing to obliterate the smug dickhead demon.
He barely had time to move as a shadow shifted in the corner of his eye. A whistling zipped past his ear. The metallic clang of a knife smacked a rock behind him.
“Oh, tricky, tricky,” he said, angling himself to get both Elves solidly back into view. “Next time try dangling a pretty lady in front of me. Might distract me for a little longer.” He chuckled to himself at the opportunity to say something completely cheesy. “Oh wait, there won’t be a next time.”
At least he cracked himself up. He had to, seeing as how he was on his own. But it was perfectly fine. He didn’t need any help to take down a couple of bloated bat-faces anyway.
He reeled his arm back and pitched a ball of flame at one Elf, and then the other.
They knocked the fiery wads both right back at him sending them ricocheting off their swords.
“Ah, you guys are a bit quicker than your buddy, Sticky, over there, aren’t you?” Kyle said, clapping his hands together, conjuring a much larger, singular ball of fire. He needed to take one of them out; he couldn’t deal with this whole two-at-a-time bullshit. One-on-one was the only way to declare yourself a true winner, but these crusty cretins had no honor.
Then again. What did he know about honor? It didn’t matter. He didn’t have time for a little guilt trip down memory lane. Not when it was monster crushin’ time.
He stepped backwards again, toward the edge of the hill the boulder had just gone flying down. Both Elves inched forward after him. Just like he’d planned. When One-eyed-Joe hit the mark, Kyle launched his fiery comet. It whooshed away above his attackers’ heads and for a split second a glint of victory gleamed in all 3 yellow, jaundiced eyes. Then with a raging crackle, a huge black branch fell and pierced One-eyed-Joe through his one remaining eye. The Elf collapsed, bones cracking in its chest under the weight of the fallen limb.
Its brethren hissed and flung another blade at Kyle.
This time Kyle was the one to knock the projectile from its path. An amused grin pulled at his lips. “Sorry about your friend. Now you can see why I don’t keep any myself.”
Kyle pulled a throwing knife from his belt and pressed the blade between both of his palms. He gritted his teeth as the steel instantly grew hot in his hands.
The Elf lunged at him.
Kyle tossed the heated dagger up and caught it by the hilt, tip glowing red.
The Elf raised its sword, prepared to counter his attack.
Kyle flung the knife at the beast.
Metal clanked on metal as the weapons connected. And there it was again: that split second of victory sparking in those disgusting sallow eyes. But the moment that red-hot blade met with the Elven sword, those sparks of victory were replaced with sparks of fire. A spray of glowing embers showered down directly into the Elf’s hideous face. It dropped its guard for a second, but a second was all it took. Kyle swung his blade and sent the Elf’s foul head rolling across the forest floor. The disembodied skull came to rest right next to No-eyed-Joe.
“Friends forever I guess,” Kyle laughed to himself as he wiped his long-knife on his pants. He leaned down and picked up his throwing knife from the ground and slid it back into his belt, blade still hot to the touch.
He sauntered over and nudged the bloody, bodiless head out of the way. He dipped down and heaved the massive branch off the crumpled Elf body and shoved it aside. He snatched the golden chain and ripped the amulet from No-eyed-Joe’s neck, its punctured skull bobbing from the force.
“Goddammit,” Kyle huffed as he lifted the amulet and looked straight through the circular gold fitting. He’d knocked out the black pendant that should have resided within. Those damn things might have been made with treated glass, but they were far from shatterproof as far as he’d seen. Tough to break, but not impossible.
He shoved the broken amulet into his pack and cracked his neck. Now that he’d concluded that chapter in his adventures of Elf-stalking, he needed to find a new storyline. Well, maybe he hadn’t completely ended it. He figured he should probably go check where that boulder had rolled off to, in case he’d blocked a road or something.
He stepped through the trees and crested the hill. Was that—
He squinted into the blinding sunlight. Yes. It was. A totally naked chick kneeling on the ground, ass in the air. Perhaps a higher power sought to reward him for his demon-slaying prowess. He chuckled and shook his head. Either that or One-eyed-Joe had actually killed him, and this was heaven. He could tell even from that distance: that ass was angelic. He bit back his curious grin and began his trek down the hill.
As he got closer he realized the bare-assed babe was less kneeling, and more frantically patting around on the ground. He fought the urge to roll his eyes. The hot ones were always crazy.
Then he spotted the rut marks in the mud at his feet. He followed the path with his eyes. The tracks ran right by the woman. Shit. She wasn’t a lunatic; he’d thrown a giant rock at her and fucked something up. He had to help her.
The grass whipped at his legs as he tore towards her, sprinting down the hill. With less than 10 yards between them, she jumped up and spun to face him, knives raised, and no apparent shits given to the fact that she was completely naked.