Joy
They wove through busy Saturday night traffic, eventually making their way onto Route 9, heading west. Since he’d seemed pleased with having her hand on him during the earlier drive, she returned to the place on the back of his neck that he seemed to like. His hairline was damp from melted snow, something that Celeste found endearing. It did, however, seem that she found everything about him endearing, so it was quite likely that he could belch out the alphabet and she would be delighted. Not that she would suggest that to him.
Justin took them past a town sign for Dedham and soon slowed, pulling into a parking area. Celeste looked out the window and smiled. “We have arrived at a Christmas tree lot?” She clapped her hands together. “Are we buying a tree?”
Justin parked the car in a row by the entrance. “Better. Or I hope better. But if buying a Christmas tree is the true ultimate in your list of awesome things, then I will absolutely buy you a tree. Although you already have one at your house, so your parents might think that I found something ginormously offensive about their tree and was so horrified that I felt forced to replace it. I’d prefer they like me and not see me as some kind of jerk who goes around passing judgment on Christmas tree adequacy.”
She slipped her arm through his as they strolled through the lot, the snow still swirling softly in the night breeze. “I feel confident that they like you very much.”
An older man in a khaki parka with grey hair peeking out from under a Santa hat waved with one hand as he pulled a tree behind him with the other. “Justin! There you are!” He righted the tree against a chain link fence and walked to close the gap between them. “This must be Celeste. Pleasure to meet you, miss.” He held out a hand and flashed a mustached smile. “I’m Steve. Welcome to Steve’s Trees, and excuse the cheesy name.”
“It is very nice to meet you. You own this cheerful establishment?” Celeste had no idea what they were doing here, but she liked it.
“Your girl looks mighty confused,” Steve said. “You didn’t tell her?”
Justin grinned. “Nope. I’ll take her over now. Thanks, Steve.” Justin patted the man’s arm as they walked by.
“What are we doing?” she asked. Justin was leading her through the stacks of snow-dusted trees, winding among shoppers who were examining shapes and sizes, and eventually taking them to a back gate.
“You ready?” His eyes were full of mischief. “I hope you like this. But it’s not a big deal if you don’t.”
He opened the gate and Celeste stepped forward to find herself at the start of a path. A tunnel, really, of evergreen trees that grew rounded over the path in such a way as to nearly obscure the sky. She was surrounded by what must be thousands of mini white lights.
She walked into the glow, a shimmery hue now cast over her. “Justin.”
He dropped her hand and stepped back, watching as she began to move through the tunnel. His hands slipped into his pockets, and he bounced on his feet as she slowly moved ahead.
She touched both hands to her cheeks. “It’s magical. A place for fairies or other enchanted beings.”
Justin hopped to her side. “Or snow goddesses. Like you. Is it okay?”
“It’s beautiful.”
“I used to work here every Christmas season since I was a kid, so Steve let me set this up for you,” he said excitedly.
Dazed, Celeste stopped in one spot and pivoted in a circle, taking in what Justin had done for her. When she circled back to face forward, Justin was ten yards ahead of her.
“Look at you,” he called laughing. “You’re just gorgeous.”
“And you,” she said. “You look like… like Mr. Darcy. The most romantic of leading men.”
He tossed up his hands in a cheer. “I’ll take that compliment. Usually I get told that I look like a boy band member, so this is huge.”
She giggled and shook her head as he made a little hip-thrust-spin dance move in the snow. “I didn’t know Mr. Darcy could dance.”
“Well, he can. And very sexily, I might point out. Come on.” Justin beckoned her to join him, so she ran under the arched trees to catch up. He grabbed her hand and tugged. “I want you to see something else.”
The path was longer than she would have thought, the wooded trail curving in a few spots. She could stay in this cozy fortress forever, only Justin and her. The perfection of this moment was all she would ever need.
The lighted walk eventually ended, and they emerged into a circular clearing. She gasped again. One massive fir tree sat before them, magnificent and alone. Justin walked her through the snow around the edge of the clearing, stopping by a wide driveway. “So this tree? This is sort of my tree. My parents’ tree, I guess. They’ve known Steve for years, and when Steve cleared out this area to use for smaller outdoor weddings and other events, my parents convinced him to leave this tree because it’s so amazing. The fall that they adopted me, they kind of adopted this tree, too.”
Celeste turned to him. “I was not aware that you were adopted.”
“I didn’t tell you that? But I am. Well, when you have two dads, it’s pretty common.”
“You have two dads?”
Justin smacked a hand against his forehead. “I didn’t tell you that either? Oh God… Yup, me and my gay dads.”
“You’ve always just said parents.”
“I guess you’re right. Are you weirded out?”
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
“Um…” Justin looked so nervous. “Does this… change anything for you?”
“Change what?”
Justin kicked the snow. “Us.”
“You think I might find you less… less everything wonderful that you are because you have two fathers?”
“Some people think it’s totally creepy that I grew up with gay parents.”
“Are they creepy parents?”
“They’re awesome actually.”
“Unless there is good reason for me to deem them neglectful or otherwise nasty parents, I find nothing even vaguely hair-raising about this. Plus, they adopted a tree in your honor, an act that is quite moving. Your fathers are thoughtful, and they appreciate symbolism.”
“I’m glad you like the tree.”
“I like more than the tree,” she said, glad to see Justin happy again.
“Okay, so, we’re going to light this baby up. Me and you, okay?” He knelt down and brushed around snow on the ground and then moved to stand behind Celeste and wrap his arms around her as he rested his chin on her shoulder. In each hand he held an end of an extension cord. “Take them. This is your tree tonight, and you’re in charge of turning it on.”
She leaned back into him. “We should do this together.”
“If that’s what you want.” He put his hands over hers. “Ready? On three. One… two… three!”
Together, they joined the plugs, and the tree instantly brightened with red and green lights. She couldn’t speak for a minute, so she just nestled her head into the crook of his neck and looked at the picturesque vision in front of her.
“Spectacular,” he murmured.
“Yes, you are.”
“We are.” He rocked them back and forth as he hugged her.
“You did this just for me?”
“I’ve been here all day. My dads helped, too.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she whispered. “I am touched. Indescribably so.”
“I think there’s missing something, though, don’t you?”
“I can’t imagine what.”
He squeezed her shoulders. “A star, silly. Every tree should have a star on top.”
“Unless we both turn into spider monkeys, I do not think that possible.”
“Anything’s possible, even for us non-monkey types.”
He pulled away and bounded in front of her until he faced the tree-lined rugged road next to them. He waved his arms over his head. Within seconds, a truck was shining bright headlights their way, driving out across the snow into the clearing, and parking close to the tree.
“What in the world…” Celeste wondered. “Why is there a truck from the phone company here?”
“I’ll show you.”
They walked over to the driver’s side, and the window rolled down. “Justin! What’s up, bro?”
Justin clamped his hand into the driver’s and leaned in for a quick hug. “Right on time. This is Celeste. Celeste, meet my friend Trent.”
She looked up into the cab and waved shyly. Even in this cold, he had on a navy shirt, the sleeves cut off and revealing large muscled biceps. She wasn’t sure that the knitted striped watch cap he wore was enough compensation, but Trent’s warm smile conveyed no indication that he was near hypothermia. “Hello.”
“And hello to you, sweet thing. We’ve all been dying to meet you.” He fist bumped Justin. “You said she’s even smarter and cooler than she is pretty, so this girl must be the most badass genius in the world, huh?”
“Don’t make me look pathetic, man. But, yeah, pretty much.”
Celeste felt a flutter run through her. “May I ask why you have driven this bucket truck onto this field?”
“Because my friend here has the most bitchin’ crush—”
“Hey, hey, that’s enough.” Justin smacked Trent’s arm and then explained. “Trent works for the phone company. He’s going to give us a lift.” He looked to the top of the tree. “Follow me.”
“Take your time, lovers,” Trent said. He left the window down and cranked up the radio.
At the back of the truck was a ladder. Justin helped Celeste climb up, then joined her and escorted her into the standing bucket attached to a long, jointed steel arm. “You ready?”
“It is hard to say whether one could ever be ready for something like this, but I believe so.”
“Let ‘er rip!” Justin called to Trent.
The bucket gave a jolt and Celeste let out a sound of excitement as she clutched onto Justin’s waist.
He laughed. “You okay?”
“Yes, very much so!” She was giddy as the bucket lifted them from the truck toward the winter sky until they were poised far above the ground. Her grip on him grew tighter as they veered sideways and swung nearer to the branches of the great tree. Trent skillfully brought them so close to the top of the tree that Celeste could reach out and touch the tips. They stopped moving, and she surveyed the view around her. Dedham looked rather spectacular tonight. City lights twinkled in a sky that was fading from navy to jet black, cars flowed evenly over the nearby bridge, and plenty of evergreen trees nestled in between snow mounds, breaking up the small downtown.
Her hold on Justin was still fierce, and he tipped her face to his. “You’re not afraid of heights, are you?”
“Apparently not. At least not when I am with you.”
“Good.” He reached down and picked up a bag. “I brought a pen and paper for you to write something. Anything you like.” He winked. “We’ll save it in a waterproof container and tuck it under the star. It will stay safe there for you.”
“I think that is a wonderful idea. Now you lean over and look at the tree, and I shall make use of your back as a sort of writing desk.”
“I’m just an object to you, aren’t I?” he said with a laugh. But he did as she asked. “And don’t tell me what you’re writing. This is just for you.”
So Celeste took the small notepad and pen and thought. She had everything to say and also nothing. Justin was making her feel as though anything might be possible, and that was overwhelming. But then she knew what to put down to paper. Celeste wrote in perfect cursive writing, taking her time because she enjoyed the intimate quiet.
She tore off the lower half of the paper with her words and folded it up. “Now it is your turn.”
“But this is just for you,” he protested.
“This is for us.” She turned, offering her back for him to write on.
“If that’s what my snow goddess wants, that’s what my snow goddess gets.” Justin took his time, but she finally heard the tear of paper as he took his words from the notepad and folded them up.
Together, they set their papers into the small box, and Justin sealed it up. “Now hold me so I don’t fall out of this rickety old truck bucket. You know my terrible balance. I don’t want to fly out of this thing, because I didn’t bring my parachute.”
She rolled her eyes in fun, but put her hands on him as he leaned to tuck the box among the top branches.
“I’m falling! Catastrophe is imminent!”
She laughed. “You are not falling!”
He pulled himself up hard, with no small amount of drama. “Whew. You saved me. Did you see how I almost went careening off the side? So close.”
“You are very silly.”
He reached into the bag again. “And now, my beautiful snow goddess, this is the star for the top of the tree.” Justin produced a star that was at least a foot wide and handed it to her.
“For me?”
“Of course. Just reach out. Don’t worry, I’ll hold on to you.”
She took a deep breath and stretched her arms over the edge, while Justin kept his hands on her waist. The star went easily onto the uppermost evergreen branch, the one that stood nearly perfectly straight up as if waiting for its finishing touch.
“Do you see the plug there? Hook them together.”
Celeste lit up the star, showering them both in the bright golden light.
“Now look down,” Justin said softly.
Celeste set her hands on the small ledge and did as he asked. The red and green lights hung on the ends of branches, so many of them. It must have taken hours of work. She took in the patterns, the networks, the way the branches held their own but also intertwined so seamlessly with each other. Minutes went by as she got lost in the view. A feeling of joy—of pure unencumbered joy—coursed through her body and soul. In this moment, she felt the possibility of a wonderful future. This might be the most extraordinary moment of her life.
And then she saw. She knew what Justin had done. Her eyes grew damp, and she did not fight the force of her emotion.
“Oh, Justin.” It was staggering, this beautiful act. “Thank you.” Those two words were inadequate, but they were all she had in this face of beauty. She could not tear herself from what she was looking at, even though the lights began to blur together as her eyes welled. “You knew that I did not care for under a tree, so you have given me the opposite.” Celeste shook her head in disbelief. “You have given me over a tree.”
“Yes.” His mouth was by her ear as he leaned in with her.
Justin held her while she continued to lean over the side, rejoicing in the magic of this gift. When the urge—the necessity— to be in Justin’s arms grew too strong, she stood up and turned to him. His hands slid around her waist and hers lifted around his neck. He was so beautiful, this boy, in all senses of the word. He made her feel raw and exposed and vulnerable, but in doing so, he was healing her and empowering her. She knew that.
He looked at her for a long time before he took her hand and moved it to his chest. “My heart is pounding. Do you feel that? You make me so nervous, but I’m so comfortable at the same time. I don’t know how to make sense of those two things happening at the same time.”
“Why are you nervous?”
He squeezed her hand. “Because I’m going to kiss you.” A touch of a smile crossed his lips. “And I better do a good job because I want you to like it.”
Celeste’s voice was shaky. “I feel sure that I will.”
“How could you know that?”
“Because it is you.” There was no fear, no worry.
She loved the sweetness he evoked as he inched closer. When his mouth first touched hers, she closed her eyes and drifted. His kiss was tentative initially, one soft kiss before he pulled back a hint. He kissed her like that again, just a brief connection before backing up. The cold on his lips was a stark contrast to the heat Celeste was starting to feel. This was a new kind of heat, different from any that she had ever experienced. It did not arrive on the surface of her skin as from the sun, but came from within. These light kisses had ignited her. She was the one who should be nervous and unsure, but she could sense Justin was the one filled with caution.
She could taste it on him.
Celeste eased her hands from around his neck, moving over his skin until his face was in her hands. Justin kissed her fully now, pressing his mouth against hers, moving so smoothly and so perfectly. He was guiding her, making it impossibly easy to respond. For a split second he pulled away. “You give me such clarity,” he said. She felt the breath of his words on her mouth. And that felt like everything she could possibly hope for.
Celeste couldn’t stand not to be kissing him. So she did. Justin had awoken a monster, one starved for a taste of romance and of touch. She kissed him harder, wanting more. More of the kiss and more of him. And then, at the height of their intensity, just for a moment, his tongue brushed against hers.
Her knees almost gave out. Real life blacked out. Intrinsic emotion and need took over. And Celeste allowed it. For once—God, for once—she let go of outside forces.
When their kissing finally slowed, Celeste had to put her hands to his chest and gently push him from her. It was becoming difficult to kiss when smiling could not be held off.
Justin smiled back at her, the twinkle in his eye undeniable. “I did good?”
“Yes, Justin.” She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Yes, you did good.”
Celeste realized that Trent’s music was still blaring from the truck. It was funny, she noted, how when one is so deeply engaged in joy, all else ceases to exist.
Joy, she decided, wins out over everything.