Fifteen
Two hours later, we’re sitting at one of the dozen or so black wrought iron bistro tables outside Slice of Heaven, munching on two slices of double cheese pizza. My feet, clad in new pink flip-flops, swing back and forth. The warm breeze on my toes must be what freedom feels like.
I watch Sam pick a piece of burnt cheese off his crust and flick it to the black birds hopping around a few feet away. They fight over the crumb, squawking and nipping at each other until one of the smaller birds snags it and flies off toward the trees in the parking lot.
James’s truck pulls into one of the open spaces several storefronts away. I gasp and quickly scoot my chair away from Sam’s, gesturing frantically towards the truck.
“I’m going, I’m going,” Sam grumbles and pushes his chair away from the table. The painful screech of iron grinding against concrete has nothing on the hard look on Sam’s face as he picks up his pizza plate and walks into the building.
By the time James flops into the chair next to mine, Sam is gone and I’ve managed to fill my head with mostly non-embarrassing thoughts. Like how good Sam looks today, and whether the waitress who followed him inside was noticing, too.
James reaches over to tousle my hair and tap my chin. “Hey, was that Sam I just saw walking away?”
While he’s smiling, I hear the warning lying just beneath the words. I force myself to laugh. “I don’t know. You told me to stay away from him.”
“Guys are bastards,” my brother says. “It’s for the best, trust me.”
“You’re a guy.”
My brother snatches the last of my pizza from my plate and shoves it into his mouth. “Yeah, but I’d never hurt you. You should’ve left me a note, by the way,” he says. “I’ve been looking for you for hours.”
I hardly think leaving a note telling my father where to find me would’ve been a good idea, but I’m not going to tell James that. “Sorry. I left in a hurry.”
He freezes. “Why?”
Heat rises in my cheeks. I hadn’t wanted to tell James this part. Not at all. “Dad opened our door looking for me—”
“How do you know? You should’ve been gone before he woke up.”
“Yeah, but—”
“I told you to leave before he got up!”
The daggers in his voice prick my skin all over, even through my long-sleeves and jeans. “He got up early. I didn’t know he’d get up early!”
“So, what, you just welcomed him into our room?”
My mouth falls open, but before I can lash out, Sam appears beside me. He plants his palms on the table and leans toward my brother. “Stop yelling at her!”
James rockets to his feet. “Mind your own fucking business!”
Two tables over, a group of mothers chatting over smoothies glares at us as they get up to push their strollers away. The busboy from inside the pizza joint pokes his head out the door.
“I don’t care whether or not you want me and her to be friends. I’m not going to watch you treat her like shit,” Sam says. “Let’s go, Sarah.”
He holds out his hand to me. A challenge, a hot fierceness I so desperately want to wrap myself up in, flashes across his face. If I take his hand, James will go ballistic. I won’t risk Sam getting hurt, or him deciding that dealing with my overprotective brother isn’t worth it. We haven’t even been together a whole day.
“It’s okay,” I say, looking anywhere but at Sam. “Don’t you have to leave for work?”
His hand drops to his side. I meet his eyes and the disappointment I see swirling in their gray depths hurts. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
I watch him walk away toward his car, which we left parked on the other side of the mall. Where he had stopped at the little shoe store to buy my flip-flops. I feel like an awful person, but why didn’t he stay away? I was stupid to think we’ll be able to hide this from my brother.
“You lied to me,” James says quietly.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t want to make you mad.”
“Is something going on between you and Sam? First the sweatshirt last night, and now…whatever the hell that just was.”
I shake my head a little too urgently. “No, nothing’s going on. He forgot to tell me something and showed up right as Dad was waking up, so I got in his car and we took off. We were at the park for a little bit, and then we came over here and walked around for the rest of the afternoon.”
James’s gaze turns appraising. I feel him dissecting every detail of my expression, feel his eyes slide further down, to my neck, my rumpled shirt, and finally to my arms clasped tight around my knees. “You sure about that?”
No, but I’m not about to tell him what we’ve been doing. “Sam’s your friend. Why can’t he be my friend, too?”
James grunts. “I don’t like the way he looks at you.”
“You can’t be my only friend forever.” I reach for his hand and squeeze. “One of these days you’ll meet ‘the one’ and you won’t want your little sister hanging around. And then, when you get married…”
He’s staring at our hands, a hint of the frustration and the need I saw on his face last night in his eyes. He laces our fingers together. “That’ll never happen.”
Though I don’t want to lose him, the thought of my brother alone for the rest of his life makes me sad. I squeeze his hand. James and I have been joined at the hip for as long as I can remember. He’s always been there for me, protecting me, loving me. He deserves to have someone do the same for him. Someone other than his sister.
Gently, so he doesn’t think I’m rejecting him, I slide my hand out of his and stand up. “Triple Scoop’s running a special today. Buy one milkshake, get one free. Interested?”
“Do I ever turn down food?”
When he smiles at me, I see the brother from my memories. Maybe, if he stays this way, believing I can have the two things I want most—my brother’s love and Sam—won’t feel so impossible.