Chapter 17

Danielle

Tik-tik-kkkrrttzzz.

The noise breaks through my dreams, through the soft warmth that envelops me. I open my eyes in the dark and frown. The sun set a long time ago, but my bedroom windows are thrown wide, the pale curtains billowing in the Caribbean breeze.

Tik-tik-kkkrrttzzz.

What the hell? What is that?

I force myself upright and look around in the dark, eyes wide as they can go. I absorb dull shapes. The outline of the armoire, the dresser, the mirror, and the closed bedroom door. There’s not much light from outside. Clouds scud across the inky black sky and block the moon from my view.

“Hello?” I whisper, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

Fuck, why did Joey have to leave? Gosh, well, obviously, I know why he had to leave, but this is…

Tik-tik-kkkrrttzzz.

“Who’s there!?” I yell, throwing back my covers. I’m naked underneath. I swing my legs out and place my feet on a towel—the one I threw off after my shower with Joey.

My bedroom door’s knob turns, and the door swings inward. A tall figure moves into view, and I hold my breath, fear thrilling through me.

I grab for the blanket and pull it toward my chest, then reach for the light switch.

A click and the room floods with buttery yellow light.

And there he is.

It’s Holden, wearing a pair of PJ pants and nothing else. His arms are covered by tattoo sleeves, and his chest matches it. He’s got way more tattoos than Joey, but on his chest are the twins, back to back. Warriors.

They have matching tattoos.

My gaze skates from his naked, chiseled torso to his face, and I absorb the sight of this man whom I’ve dreamed about, fantasized about, wanted for what feels like ages.

“Hi,” I say, and it comes out choked. “I didn’t think you’d come back.”

“Why?” Holden asks, standing dead still. He could be a statue but for the rise and fall of his chest and the movement of his lips, the occasional blink.

He’d make a perfect sculpture. He’d definitely put that small-dicked David to shame.

“I—after this afternoon.” Do I really need to explain this? I fucked him. I fucked his brother, and then they fucked me. It’s not exactly a complicated equation. Kinda.

Well, it is, but understanding there’s a problem isn’t exactly a stretch.

“We need to talk,” he says. “About everything. Not only the sex.”

“All right,” I reply and scooch back on the bed. I hold the sheet up against my naked breasts, only because I don’t want him to think that the sex is all I’m into with him.

Holden stands still a moment longer, then sets off from his spot and walks to the bed. He sits down close to me, holds out his hand.

I take it.

This is not what I expected.

He wants to touch me rather than shun me.

“So, let’s talk,” I say. “I’ve been waiting for this for a month, more than that, now.”

“You have?”

“Yes,” I say, and I can’t help the blush that creeps up my cheeks. “You didn’t know? I’ve been crushing on you since the day you hired me. When I got the invite, Holden, I hoped that you’d sent it. I saw you had one, too, or I’d never have come.”

“You don’t need to explain that part to me,” he says, and he clenches his teeth together. “I understand why you’re here and how.”

“I shouldn’t have come,” I say. But I can’t look back on being with him with unhappiness. “I know this will complicate things.”

“Yes, it will,” he says and sighs. “I don’t want you to leave the house, Danielle. I think you’re a fantastic nanny. Jessie’s gotten used to having you around, but I don’t see how we can continue what we’ve done here back in New York. It just wouldn’t work. It would upset my daughter.”

I have to agree with him there. Jessie’s only just gotten used to going to see her mother on weekends. She’s easing into the life of having two parental groups instead of one. This would throw her off for sure.

“I’m not selfish. I totally understand that,” I say.

I’m not selfish? Ha, I’m the one who took the risk to come here. But I’ve been driven wild by desire for way too long. It built up, and I acted crazy.

“But that might not always be the case.” He strokes my knuckles with his thumb. “One day, Jessie might be ready to have another family member to be introduced to our unit. I can’t, however, expect you to wait that long for me to be ready.”

I gulp. “So, what are you saying?”

“That’s just the thing, I don’t know what I’m saying.” He kisses my knuckles, then turns my hand over and does the same with the palm. “I don’t know about any of this, and that’s what fucking gets me. You know how I am.”

He always knows everything. He’s a billionaire. He makes quick decisions and business deals under huge pressure.

“I only know one thing,” he says.

“And what’s that?” My breath catches. Tell me you love me. Say you want me to yourself. Say you’ll be mine.

“That while I can’t expect you to wait, I won’t be comfortable with you fucking my brother. Ever.”

Oh, god. My stomach sinks because of that. It actually sinks. Joey is… complicated.

“What does it matter what I do with him?” It’s a dumbass question, but I don’t stop it from slipping free of my lips.

“It matters to me,” he says, and his upper lip twitches, then curls back. “My brother should’ve been off-limits from the start.”

“I didn’t—”

“I know you didn’t know.”

There were no pictures of them together in the house. In the month I’d been there, Joey had never visited, and the brief conversations we’d had had revolved around Jessie and making sure that she had what Holden had never been privy to—a mother and a father, a real happy family, even if it was split in two.

“But you do know now,” he says. “Let me explain something about him to you, Danielle. He’s not the same type of man I am. He’s—not into women the way you think.”

“He’s gay?”

“No,” Holden replies, with a shake of his head and a tight smile. “I fucking wish he was because then he’d never gone anywhere near you. Then again, he might’ve anyway just to spite me. We’ve always had a… healthy sense of competition.”

I understand that. I have five sisters, after all, but I’ve never fucked one of their exes or potential boyfriends.

“We’re fighters, and sometimes we fight each other,” Holden continues. “We’re opposites. I’m the family man. He’s the free spirit. If fucking a different woman each night means free.”

My stomach twists around an invisible blade. “OK,” I say, because how the fuck else should I respond to that? I can’t judge him for it. I’m a firm believer in respecting others’ choices, but it still eats at me.

He was so genuine in the shower with me. Would he turn around and fuck someone else?

Oh, my god, who the hell am I to talk? I fucked both of them this afternoon.

“He’s only into sex and nothing else,” Holden says. “He’ll never give you what you want, emotionally. I can give you what you want. I can fight for you. I can fuck you. I can be your man. Just not now.”

Not now.

Ugh, that blade twists again, equally as deep and as hard.

“Not now,” I say.

“But someday.” Holden’s gaze holds too much hope. He wants me to tell him that I’ll wait as long as it takes for him to be ready. And a part of me wants to. He’s so perfect.

Joey’s face, his sincerity, our conversation today and the one on the beach after he gave me the shirt off his back, it all floats to the surface in my mind.

I can’t make any promises I won’t keep.

Telling Holden how I feel about him won’t make a difference either. He has to put his daughter and his family first, and I will always respect that about him. I don’t want Jessie hurt either.

Holden drags me closer and presses his lips to mine.

The kiss is sweet, soft, and it melts me through and through, brushes doubts across the surface of whatever meager certainty I’d gathered during our conversation.

We part, and Holden brushes his nose against mine. “I admire everything about you. Especially the way you are with my daughter.”

The words are there, unspoken. This afternoon was a mistake.

I release the question I’ve been holding back since he entered my bedroom. “So, what happens now?”