Six
The next day, Saxon and I are sitting by Samuel’s bed, arguing over who would win in a fight between Batman and Superman. I’m rooting for Batman, but Saxon is detailing all the reasons why I’m wrong. The conversation is beyond ridiculous, but it’s a nice change from sitting around and waiting, wondering if today is the day Sam might open his eyes.
“I cannot believe you’re rooting for Batman,” Saxon scoffs, leaning back in the plastic seat as he links his hands behind his head. His bulging biceps rival his hero. “Superman would win, hands down. The laser beams he shoots from his eyes would fry Batman in seconds.”
I stifle a laugh behind my hand. I can’t believe how passionate Saxon is about this. “Fine, Superman’s inhuman powers are impressive. But…” I emphasize, hushing his rebuke as I raise my finger. “Batman is far more intelligent and cunning than Superman. He would invent some kind of kryptonite gadget and then it’s bye-bye, Superman.”
Saxon folds his arms over his broad chest, the bright lights emphasizing his ink. “We seem to be caught in a deadlock. The only way to remedy this is to watch every Batman and Superman movie ever made, read their comics, and then have this discussion once again.”
I nod eagerly, as this means Saxon will have to spend more time defending Superman’s title.
Last night was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in days. I know it was a false sense of security, but it felt nice having Saxon there. I woke, afraid my house was empty, but the smell of coffee alerted me that Saxon was still there.
We rode in together in my Jeep, as I wanted to ensure Saxon left his bike at home so he couldn’t sneak off undetected. I know I’m being selfish, but I can’t help it. I meant it when I said he makes everything better.
“Sam’s idiocy must be rubbing off on you,” Saxon says, snapping my thoughts to the present. When I cock an eyebrow, he smirks. “Sam would always side with Batman. It’s a fight that’s still ongoing.”
His comment has me wondering what went wrong between them. Sam never divulged why they never got along, and I didn’t press. I could see how much it hurt him, so I let it be. Even when we were kids, Saxon made himself scarce. Whenever I came in the front door, I could put money on the fact that Saxon was leaving via the backdoor. I always thought he hated me because he was jealous that Sam was spending so much time with me. But now, I’m not so sure.
After yesterday, could it be Saxon felt Samuel was the favored child? Kellie didn’t hide her favoritism and made it more than obvious she was happy to see Saxon only because he was here to help Sam.
My curiosity gets the better of me. “Did you hate me?”
Saxon chokes on his Coke, mid-sip. He thumps on his chest, coughing.
I probably should have led in with something a little more subtle, but time is precious. Samuel lying in that hospital bed is proof of that.
“Did I hate you?” he repeats when he can breathe again. I nod. “What kind of question is that?”
“An honest one?” I offer with a shrug.
He seems to weigh up his response before replying, “No, Lucy, I didn’t hate you.”
“Then why did you practically run towards an exit whenever I entered the room?”
His smirk lights up his face. “I hardly ran.”
“Okay, walked briskly then,” I amend, smiling.
He runs a hand through his hair, leaving behind a mussed, but stylish mess. “I guess I didn’t want to be the third wheel. Sam made it clear you were his girl and that he didn’t want his older brother cramping his style.”
“You’re older by two minutes,” I state, rolling my eyes playfully. I don’t buy his excuse, however. “Did Sam tell you that? That he wanted you gone whenever I was around?” I don’t keep the surprise from my voice, as Sam always hinted Saxon kept away by his own will, not because Samuel asked him to.
Saxon pins me with those sea green eyes and I suddenly feel hot. “No, he didn’t, but I knew.” When he lowers his gaze, I know he’s not telling me something. He reveals what a second later. “One of the joys of being a twin is that most of the time, you know what the other is feeling, thinking, wanting, without speaking a word. I’m linked to someone who shares my DNA; I’m bound to share his thoughts, whether I like it or not.”
His comment has me leaning forward, sitting on the edge of my seat. “Did you know something happened to Sam before I called you?”
He exhales deeply, tonguing over the jagged scar on his lip. “I think so.”
I was right. If anyone can drag Sam from this coma, it’s Saxon. Excitement bubbles in my belly. “Can you feel him now?” I ask, hoping I don’t sound bat shit crazy.
That excitement gets shot to hell however when he frowns. “It doesn’t work that way, Lucy.”
He’s stalling and I know why. “Don’t bullshit me, Saxon. Just tell me the truth. I can handle it.”
I really wish I’d kept my mouth shut. He senses my resolve and sighs. “No, I can’t feel anything. It’s…quiet. It’s the strangest, most disconcerting feeling. I’ve never felt this before. No matter how many miles apart we were, I could always feel him. But now, I feel nothing.”
I’m trying my hardest to hold back my tears, but one betrays me and sneaks past my walls. I quickly wipe it away.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m probably wrong, anyway. It’s not like I can read his mind.”
“You haven’t upset me,” I correct. “You’re the only person who has given me an answer I understand. The doctors keep treading lightly around me, telling me these things take time, but I can see it in their eyes. I know they believe his chances aren’t good. And deep down, so do I.” Looking down at my engagement ring, I can’t help but feel cheated.
“Hey, don’t talk like that.” The seat creaks as he rises and walks over to me. He crouches down in front of me when I lower my eyes. “I believe that Samuel will wake up. He’s too stubborn not to. You’ve just got to have faith.”
When he kindly strokes over my thigh, I glance up, taken aback that Saxon is so…nice. I never doubted that he was nice; I just never realized he was so…intuitive. “You’re a good guy, Saxon.”
He grins, a dimple hugging his left cheek. “Depends on who you talk to.”
No guessing who.
His hand is still on my leg, stroking me, and it feels nice. Comforting.
“Saxon?” a stunned voice sounds from the doorway. It appears he has that reaction on everyone.
Piper doesn’t hide her shock to see him crouched by my feet, stroking my leg. She’s met the Saxon we thought we knew, and that Saxon wouldn’t be consoling me, telling me to have faith.
He quickly removes his hand and turns his head towards the door. It takes him a second, but he remembers my best friend. “Hey…Piper.” He stands, his towering height dwarfing mine.
“Hey yourself,” she replies, making no secret she’s checking him out. Piper had a major crush on Saxon when we were growing up, but he either didn’t notice, or he simply didn’t care.
I too rise, rolling my eyes at my friend’s lack of shame. “Did you bring me something good to eat?” I ask, peering at the brown paper bag she holds.
Her gaze is still entwined with Saxon’s as she replies, “Ah, yeah. I got you some bear claws, donuts, and other unhealthy, sugar-filled goodies.” She tosses the bag my way, not caring if I catch it or not.
As strange as this sounds, Piper making puppy dog eyes at Saxon makes me feel a touch better. I’ve been surrounded by tears and gloom all week; it’s nice to have some normality. If what Saxon says is true, I’ll be here for the long haul. To avoid being admitted into the bed beside Samuel, I’ve got to stay connected to the real world and not lose my grip on reality. And at the moment, my reality is my best friend brazenly flirting.
When we were younger, she said it was her dream to marry Saxon because a) he was gorgeous and b) it would make us sister-in-laws. Looks like she’s still dreaming.
“How long are you staying?” Piper asks, subtly pulling out her messy pigtails.
Saxon looks over at me briefly while I hold my breath. “I’m not too sure. I’ll probably head back in a couple of days.”
Couple of days? I hide my disappointment by sticking my head in the bag and retrieving the biggest bear claw in there.
“Where are you staying?”
“Um, with Lucy,” he uncomfortably replies.
I tear into the sweet pastry, wondering why staying with me would make him feel uneasy.
“Oh, cool. Maybe I’ll swing by one night.”
Piper better make it one night soon, seeing as Saxon has no intention of staying. I can’t believe he’s actually leaving. After my confession yesterday, I thought he’d at least stay a week, maybe two. But it appears I was wrong about him. He doesn’t care.
As I shovel half the claw into my mouth, I almost gag on it when Kellie and Gregory stroll through the door. Neither hide their surprise at seeing Saxon.
Kellie brushes past Saxon and Piper and gives me a big hug. My cheeks are puffed out as I try and swallow down my mouthful of food. “How is he?” she asks, rubbing my back.
I don’t know why but once again, Kellie is grating on my nerves. Her soft, sorrow-filled tone reminds me where I am, and that Sam’s progress is still nada. Of course I’ll never forget, but being reminded 24/7 makes everything so much harder to digest.
“No change, Kellie,” I reply into her shoulder once I’ve finished chewing. She lets out a strangled sob.
I subtly pull out of her grip, my gaze fixing on Sam. His strong jaw line is coated with a dark, five o’clock shadow, which is quite unusual for him, seeing as he’s almost always clean shaven. I know it’s only been a few days, but his face looks thinner, and his skin has a waxen, lifeless appearance. I don’t want to admit it, but before long, I know he’ll begin deteriorating before my eyes. My strong Sam will be a shell of who he once was.
These thoughts are giving me emotional whiplash, and I don’t know how much longer I can deal.
“Would it hurt you to shave, Saxon? And get a haircut,” Kellie says, tsking while attempting to comb a hand through his hair. He dodges her attempts to groom him. “I won’t even touch on the subject of your clothes. Or tattoos.”
Looking at his ripped blue jeans, motorcycle boots, and dark gray t-shirt, I think he looks fine. Sam was a little more conservative, nothing ripped and mostly button down shirts rather than t-shirts, but Kellie can’t expect Saxon to be his doppelganger.
“How long will you be staying, son?” Greg asks, walking over to Sam’s bed.
The dreaded question has me wishing for another bear claw.
“I’m not sure. I’ll probably split tomorrow.”
Tomorrow? I thought he said a couple of days.
I can’t hide my annoyance as I huff loudly while clenching my jaw to stop my tirade.
Dr. Kepler walks in, not bothering to remind us about the two visitors at a time policy. He reads over Samuel’s charts, the same, stone-faced expression as he jots something down while looking at the endless machines. However, I notice something different when he peers over at a machine longer than he usually does.
When he slips on his glasses and moves closer, I feel my heart beginning a steady climb. “What is it, Doctor?” I ask, following him as he steps closer and closer.
His response is, “Interesting.”
“What’s interesting?” Greg questions, the room falling silent as we all watch with bated breaths.
“How long has this line been this way?” Dr. Kepler asks, pointing to a yellow squiggly line.
I shrug, desperately trying to decode what that line means. We all look at one another, hoping someone has the answers Dr. Kepler seeks. However, when no one speaks, my hope gets trampled on, that is, until Saxon speaks up.
“It changed this morning,” he says confidently. “When I was here yesterday, it was close to a flat line, fluttering occasionally. But this morning, I noticed it spiking more frequently.”
I’m too caught up in the moment to reprimand him for not mentioning it to me earlier. “What does that mean?” I’m seconds away from dropping to my knees and begging him for good news.
He reaches for the call button. “I need you all to wait outside.”
“What’s going on?” Greg demands, standing his ground.
“Mr. Stone, I need you to wait outside for a moment,” Dr. Kepler repeats. “We’re going to run some tests.”
“What tests?” Kellie asks, her hand wavering in front of her ruby lips.
He senses we’re not going anywhere until he tells us what’s going on. “It’s too early to make any assumptions, but from what I can see, Samuel has increased brain activity. Like I said, we need to run some tests before I can determine what’s going on.”
A group of doctors and nurses storm inside, pushing us out of the way. I want to stay, watch every single thing they’re doing, but I don’t. Saxon is the first to leave, his heavy boots pounding on the floor. Piper follows soon after.
Greg is consoling a grief-stricken Kellie, while I stand by the foot of Samuel’s bed, willing him to wake up and come back to me. Finally we leave, Kellie collapsing into a chair outside Sam’s room, Greg hugging her tightly. I don’t know where to go, but I know I can’t be in here. I can’t listen to Kellie’s cries, nor can I stand being on the outside as the doctors and nurses talk in a language I don’t understand.
With a determined swiftness, I run down the hallway, not looking back, only forward as I shoulder open the door and soar down the staircase. My sneakers pound on the cement as I take two steps at a time. My mind buzzes and whirls the quicker I descend. By the third floor, I’m breathless and my legs ache. But I keep running, desperate to get outside, as that ache can’t compare to the throbbing within my chest.
Once I kick open the door, I stop and bend forward to catch my breath, placing my hands onto my trembling thighs. The lack of oxygen to my brain is making me dizzy and I suddenly feel like I want to be sick. Rushing over to a trash can, I fist my hair to one side and attempt to purge out my sickness, but all I do is gag.
Please don’t let this be a false sign. I couldn’t take it if it were.
I vaguely feel a hand rubbing my back, telling me it’s okay, but I can’t concentrate on anything other than what Saxon said. He said the line moved yesterday and today. It hasn’t moved any other day before, but it moves the day Saxon arrives. That’s got to mean something. That’s got to be a sign.
Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I stand upright, wavering on my feet, feeling nauseous and lightheaded. Piper steadies me, but I shrug out of her hold when I see Saxon leaning against the brick wall.
“It’s you,” I state, wielding my finger at him like a crazy person. He stands tall, not backing down from what he knows is about to turn ugly. “Samuel is responding to you, Saxon. Don’t you see, the day you arrive, he responds. Not on any day prior, just on the day you walked through his door.”
“You don’t know that. The doctor hasn’t even confirmed if that’s true yet,” he denies, shaking his stubborn head, but his firm jaw reveals he thinks it, too.
“Either way, you can’t go. Not now. Please, you have to stay.” I charge over to him, ready to beg. His resolve reveals he won’t budge, but neither will I. “Please, just stay a week. Or two. Don’t give up on him, not yet.”
My plea sends Saxon into a fury as he pushes off the wall. “Why should I stay, Lucy? Tell me, what has he—what have any of them done for me? I’m not the son my mother can proudly boast about to her country club socialite friends. I never have been. I’m a disappointment to my father because I refuse to allow him to control my life, and my brother…” He chuckles, but it’s not a pleasant sound. “My brother is a stranger to me.”
His rage has me reining in my anger because underneath his wrath, I can hear his pain. “I’m not here to apologize for any of them or their behavior. How they’ve excluded you over the years was wrong, but you’ve hardly made an effort, either. It’s a two-way street.”
He resembles an angry bull as his nostrils flare and he huffs raucously.
“But I’m here to beg for your compassion because I know you wouldn’t let your brother suffer if you knew you could help him. If you knew that the simple gesture of you just being here by his bedside would wake him up.”
“You don’t know that!” he yells, spreading his arms out wide.
“Yes, I do!” I shout back, jabbing my finger into his chest. I can be as stubborn and as headstrong as he is.
Piper yanks on my arm, sensing my frustration. “Luce, c’mon, let it go.”
But I’m not going anywhere. “I know that underneath your hard exterior lies a good man. I know that because I’ve seen it. You being here proves it.”
“It proves nothing!” he retorts, leaning down, trapping me with his glare. His angry breaths fan out the wisps of silken hair around his face. “I told you, I was here to do my bit, and then I was out of here! I never made any false promises. You knew where I stood.”
“Why?” I cry, shoving at his chest with both hands. “What has he done that’s so bad that you won’t stay? He’s your brother!” I’m hysterical by this stage. This outburst is so unlike me, but nothing can stop me.
“Not by choice,” he spits, his lip curling. “He may wear my face and share my DNA, but we’re nothing, nothing alike.”
“I know you feel something for him, Saxon. You told me so today. You told me you can feel him, that you share a connection.” My fire is slowly fading, I can smell defeat.
“I also told you that I couldn’t feel him, so if what the doctor is saying is true, we share no connection at all. He’s dead to me, Lucy!” He grabs my wrist and slams it over his galloping heart. “I…feel…nothing!” He lifts my hand and violently strikes it against his chest between each jagged breath he takes. I suddenly realize he’s no longer talking about Samuel, but rather, himself.
He won’t surrender. He would rather let some bullshit feud get in the way of doing what’s right. “Just go,” I say, sniffing back my tears as I yank my hand out from under his.
The air is sizzling with a palpable tension, and if he doesn’t leave, I won’t be held accountable for my actions.
He starts, “I’m—”
But I cut him off. “Don’t you dare say you’re sorry. I don’t want your apologies. They mean nothing.”
His heavy sigh is weighed down like a lead balloon, but he’s chosen to keep sinking, not accepting any help.
“If only you knew the whole story, Lucy, you’d understand.” But I’m past caring. “You want me to stay and see my brother get better, but where does that leave me afterwards? You all return to your happy, perfect lives, while I go back to what?”
I can’t answer that for him.
His exasperated huff slices at my resolve, but I won’t back down.
“Just go, Saxon.” I turn my back, shaking my head in disappointment. Piper’s lips dip into a sympathetic frown.
After a moment, Saxon’s heavy footsteps grow quieter and quieter, indicating he’s respected my wishes— he’s gone.
* * * * *
I’m absolutely exhausted and it’s only one o’clock. The moment we round the corner, Kellie yelps and comes charging towards us.
I look behind, fearing Saxon has followed us, but I see he’s not there.
“Where’s Saxon?” she cries. I scrunch up my nose, not sure why she would want to see him.
“He left,” Piper answers for me, while the burn of defeat chokes me.
“No! Where did he go?” She looks over my shoulder, moving her head from side to side to search between the crowds of people.
“I think he went back home, Kellie,” I reply, confused by her urgency.
“Shit!” she atypically curses, running back down the hallway and into Sam’s room. Her odd reaction has Piper and I both following in hot pursuit.
When we step into Samuel’s room, I’m hoping to see him sitting up and welcoming me into his arms. Sadly, I don’t. He’s still attached to all the machines, and there are still a group of doctors in white coats observing him.
Kellie is pacing, while Greg runs a hand over his jaw, his eyes glued on the doctors. “What’s going on?” I ask, rushing over to him.
My voice snaps him out of a trance. Looking over my shoulder, I know what his question is going to be before he opens his mouth. “Where’s Saxon?”
“He left. What’s going on, Greg?” I ask, this time not holding back my fear.
I’m seconds away from shaking him when he unevenly replies, “Samuel’s brain activity has been mounting in a slow, but steady pattern.”
My legs almost collapse out from under me. “That’s good news, right?”
He nods. “They believe something, some stimuli triggered this response.”
My breathing becomes deeper and deeper. “What stimuli?”
He looks defeated as he reveals, “They’ve looked over his charts and they believe it was some time yesterday, at around two o’clock.”
I close my eyes, my worst fears confirmed.
“What happened at two o’clock yesterday? We think we know, but we need you to confirm it.”
Everything is swirling around in my head, a torrential, wild river and I feel like I’m going to drown.
“Lucy? Sweetie? What happened?” Kellie begs, begs that I corroborate what we all know to be true.
The white noise is a steady rhythm, pounding against my skull. I wonder if it feels the same way for Samuel. Thoughts of Sam trapped within his body has me taking a deep breath. This is it. I know the answers—but it doesn’t make a lick of difference.
“I think it’s Saxon,” is all I can say.