Chapter 40
Brian heard the news about the hotel from his boss when three city council members showed up for drinks and dessert. He had trouble arranging the orange slices on the New York cheesecake, so he had to take a deep breath to calm himself. What happened to Jill didn’t matter anymore, he told himself. Still, he knew she’d take the job with Mac.
He needed to focus on his own career. His reputation had finally been restored. He needed to start making plans to head to New York. He had no doubt he’d find a job in a Michelin restaurant now.
Orange juice squirted onto his chef coat when his hand clenched around the oranges. He couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing Jill again.
God, he wouldn’t have imagined it, but this hurt more than when he’d lost his reputation as a chef.
More news trickled back to him. Pete was leaving town tomorrow for a new job. Well, hadn’t he said he’d put some feelers out? His stomach clenched with dread, remembering what had happened at PolarFest. He’d tried reaching out to apologize, but Pete hadn’t called or texted him back. He’d have to do some thinking about how he wanted to leave things between them. They weren’t the friends they’d been, but it felt like he was losing another vital part of himself.
***
After another sleepless night in his empty bed, he cruised over to Pete’s house. His friend came down the porch, holding two boxes stacked on top of each other. He inclined his chin in greeting, but didn’t walk over as Brian pulled in front of the house. The tires on Pete’s SUV bulged from the weight of the boxes blocking the back window.
“You didn’t respond to any of my messages, so I’m here to say I’m sorry.”
“Fine,” he snapped.
“I heard you were taking off.” The words spread the hurt in his chest.
“Yeah.” Pete stuffed the boxes in the passenger side. “I decided to take a job at Yellowstone and get the hell out of here. Simple enough to finish my doctorate there while getting paid.”
While the words were easy, the tone wasn’t. The strain between them was as obvious as dried herbs in a fresh salad.
“I’ll say it again,” Brian said. “I was out of line the other night.”
“I was too,” Pete replied, jerking his shoulder. “We were all a bit wired from being at our first PolarFest without Jem.”
“Yeah,” Brian agreed. “Why are you really leaving?”
Pete leaned against the car. “I told you. There are too many memories here.”
God, didn’t he know it? “I don’t like you leaving like this.”
Pete shrugged. “It’s for the best.”
Brian rested on the frame, not knowing what else to say. They both looked out over the snow-covered yard.
“I heard you’ve been staying over at your place the last few nights. Something wrong between you and Jill?” Pete asked.
He cleared his throat. “We broke up.” It was the first time he’d said the words out loud.
“What happened?” he asked.
Staring across the yard, Brian told him everything.
For a long moment Pete didn’t say anything, but he finally said, “I’ll be right back,” and then took off for the house.
Brian rubbed his chest where it hurt while he waited. When Pete returned, he handed him a photo.
“I found this when I was packing my things.”
In the photo he and Jill were sitting close together on a blanket, laughing. It made his breath stop. He remembered that day when they were sixteen. They’d gone hiking in Eagle Pass when all the wildflowers were blooming. He’d wanted so badly to kiss Jill that day.
“Look, I’ve had some time to think about stuff. Things with Jill…have bothered the shit out of me. I understand why she wants to hate me. Hell, part of me hates me. What I’m trying to say is that despite all the crap between Jill and me right now, I know you’ve always wanted her. I saw how much you fought it when we were young, not wanting to lose her or her family when your own was shit.”
Brian looked away. “What are you saying?”
“Fuck, I’m saying that I didn’t feel the way you’re feeling when I broke up with Jemma. I don’t care if it makes me a dick, but I felt free when the two of us split. I missed her, yeah, but we had outgrown each other. You’re torn up over this. It fucking bothered you when you and Jill…fell apart after high school. And this time you’ve really been with her, man. Are you sure you want to go through that again?”
“No.” It would be much worse this time.
“Look, I know your parents’ divorce messed you up, but you know what? They didn’t really lose much when they split.”
He turned his head. “What?”
“They didn’t love each other anymore. Why else could your mom hook up with some other guy so quickly? There was nothing to fight for, man. But you and Jill, well you two fight because you care so much. There’s always been this crazy energy between you.”
Brian’s sigh came from a place deep inside him. “No one knows how to push my buttons like she does.”
“Do you remember your parents ever being as happy or passionate as you and Jill are?”
He thought back to his early years. Nothing popped. “They got married young. I don’t know. Maybe not everyone acts like we do.”
“Exactly!”
The photo seemed to mock him. “What the fuck am I supposed to do? Turn my back on the one thing I have back, the one thing I can count on—my career. She doesn’t trust me, Pete.”
His friend laughed out loud. “Can you really blame Jill? Simca is super hot.”
Just what he wanted to hear. “Fuck.”
“Maybe all Jill needs is time. If you leave suddenly like last time, you won’t know. I’m just saying, man.”
Pete was right. He would always wonder if he had given in too easily if he hit the road without talking to Jill again.
“You don’t have to leave town, Pete.” He bumped him like they used to when they were horsing around.
Pete turned all stiff next to him. “It’s…too much here. It’s not the same. I realized that the other night.”
Brian kicked some snow with his boot. “Are we gonna be okay?”
“Yeah.” He slammed the car door and slapped him on the shoulder. Gave him a one-armed man hug. “I gotta finish packing. I want to get going.” He jogged away. “I left something for you at Don’t Soy With Me since I wasn’t sure if I’d see you.”
Brian started to follow. “Pete—”
He turned around. “One last thing. If you decide to stay and get Jill back, will you guys host PolarFest next year? I think we should keep it going.” He tugged on his ball cap. “Jemma…would want that.”
His friend darted inside, the swinging door cracking in the frame. Brian stared at the house. Kicked around some more snow. “Jesus,” he muttered.
He studied the photo of him and Jill again, tracing her face.
Pete was right. Jill had always been it for him. Now, what the hell was he going to do about that?