WES

After Hannah left to pick up Abby, I drove around for a while, cursing the rain, cursing my mother, cursing myself for not handling this situation better. But what could I have done differently?

Hannah was right. We couldn’t go back and change the past. She’d been my brother’s wife. There was no getting around it. But if we weren’t bothered by that, what the fuck did anyone else care?

And it was inevitable that people were going to find out, but it would have been nice to break the news to my parents on our own terms. To be there together presenting a united front. If my mother could see how much we loved each other, and that we weren’t doing this just for the forbidden kick of it, maybe she’d change her mind. I didn’t give a fuck about anyone else, but this would be hard if I couldn’t get her to come around. And Hannah was panicking.

I had to try again.

But I’d be more tactful this time. Less angry. I’d play the long game. I’d concede that this was unusual and agree that many people were going to find it distasteful, but I’d assure her that the only opinions that mattered to me were hers and my father’s. I’d assure her that my professional reputation would not suffer. I’d appeal to her romantic side, remind her that real love was rare—I’d never felt it for anyone else. And now that I’d found it, I couldn’t let it go. I’d tell her how inspired I was by her forty-year marriage, and how I wanted that for myself. I’d convince her that Abby and Hannah and I were meant to be a family, just like Abby wanted. I’d take care of them, just like Drew would want me to.

Once I had her listening to me with a more open mind, I could offer more hope to Hannah that everything would be okay. We would be happy together.

I would keep my promise.

Determined to sway my mother gently this time, I headed for home.

* * *

I found her sitting on the couch with an old photo album in her lap.

“Hey,” I said. “Where’s Dad?”

“Taking a nap.”

I sat down next to her. “What are you looking at?”

She angled the album so I could see. It was open to a page of pictures showing Drew and I around age eight, dressed in our Halloween costumes. I was Batman and Drew was the Joker.

I laughed. “Oh my God, I remember that year.”

She flipped the page and there we were at the Thanksgiving table, wearing neckties that were probably clip-on, our haircuts painfully short. Then Christmas, with photos of us opening gifts, playing in the snow, sitting on the hearth dressed in matching red sweaters. She kept turning pages, without saying anything, without laughing or smiling. Easter. A trip to Florida. Last day of school. Riding jet skis on the lake. The final page was the two of us standing on the beach in our bathing suits, Drew’s arm around my shoulder, both of us tan and damp-haired and grinning.

I felt a deep tug of longing for him, grief hitting me all over again, hollowing me out. I swallowed hard.

My mother sniffed as she closed the album. “Your father is displeased with me.”

“Is he?”

“Yes. He thinks I’m being unfair.”

So he did take a side. I was surprised and yet not. My father has always had a big heart.

“But I just can’t stomach it, Wes. I’m sorry, but I can’t. Why does it have to be her?”

“Because I love her.”

She stared at her hands on the album.

“Mom. Look at me.” When she met my eyes, I repeated myself. “I love her.”

“But why?” Her chin jutted. “I don’t understand. You can have anybody. Why do you have to love the girl your brother chose?”

“I don’t know, Mom. It wasn’t a choice for me.”

“But you’ve never even tried to find anyone else.”

“I wasn’t a monk before I came home. I’ve known plenty of women and never fell in love before.”

“You didn’t give yourself a chance! You took up with Hannah the minute you got back in town!”

“When you know, you know.” I was determined to stay calm.

“I just don’t understand how she can be in love with one brother for so long, and then suddenly decide she loves the other,” she sniffed.

“It wasn’t like that, Mom. Hannah didn’t just decide to love me. Our feelings grew as we spent more time together.”

“How do you even know she loves you? How do you know she’s not just substituting you for Drew?”

That cut a little close to the bone, but I kept my temper in check. “The same way I know you love me. I can feel it.”

She sighed. “I do love you, Wes. I want you to be happy, but I can’t accept this. It feels wrong to me.”

“What about giving it some time?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean taking some time to reflect on it, try to see things from our point of view. See if you can find it in your heart to accept that we love each other and want to be together.”

“And what if things go wrong?” she said. “Have you stopped to think about that? What’s that going to do to Abby? What’s that going to do to our family?”

“Things aren’t going to go wrong.” I said it firmly and looked her right in the eye. “This is it for me. This is what I want. I know people are going to talk, and I don’t care about them. But I do care about you. I want you to be happy for us. Do you think you can?”

“I don’t know.” She looked down at her hands.

“Please, Mom. Hannah and I want your blessing.”

“Are you sure she even cares what I think? I don’t think she does.”

“Of course she does. She’s so upset right now, she asked me for a few days to think things over. She thinks she’s driving a wedge between us.”

“She is,” my mother said petulantly.

I ignored that. “I’d like to be able to tell her that you and I talked calmly and there’s hope for accord. Otherwise, I’m afraid she’s going to decide to end it. And that will break my heart.” I could have told her that I was going to be with Hannah whether I had her blessing or not, but I didn’t think that would get me closer to my goal. It would hurt and anger her, and that did nothing but make this worse.

She continued to study her hands for a moment, and then she spoke. “I suppose I could give it some time.”

I inhaled and exhaled, relief swelling in me. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I still might not be able to give my blessing.”

“All I ask right now is that you try.”

“Okay.” She looked at me again, a little hopeful this time. “Can I still plan a birthday dinner for you?”

“Sure. Can you please include Hannah and Abby?”

Her face fell. “Oh, Wes couldn’t I have you to myself for one night? I just want to make dinner for you here, nothing fancy. I want to make your favorite meal and talk about old times and remember Drew without feeling any awkward tension. You said I could have some time,” she said when she saw my expression. “Couldn’t I at least have one night? One little night? You said she wanted time apart anyway.”

I considered it. On one hand, I didn’t want to do anything without Hannah, and I wanted my mother to see us together. The sooner she got used to us, the better. On the other, I had promised to give them both time, and in the grand scheme of things, what was one night? If I gave her that, maybe she’d be more favorably inclined toward me and Hannah moving forward. I’d be doing us a favor. “Okay.”

Her face lit up. “What should I make?”

“Surprise me,” I said.

* * *

Around three that afternoon, I got a text from Pete telling me to go to Jack’s house instead of his. Jack lived in their parents’ old farmhouse, which was right across the road from the inn. As I hurried through the rain up to the front porch, a brown paper bag under my arm, I glanced at the lot where I’d said goodbye to Hannah this morning and wondered how she was doing. I hadn’t heard from her, and I hadn’t texted or called her after my conversation with my mother because I was trying to give her the time and space she’d asked for. She’d been so despondent, and she was so hard on herself.

But I couldn’t help feeling more hopeful than I had earlier in the day. My mother was stubborn, but she would come around. I was sure of it.

I knocked twice on Jack and Margot’s front door, and Pete answered it. “Hey, come on in. We decided to eat here so they didn’t have to drag all the baby shit over to our house. It’s easier just to drag Cooper across the street.”

“Thanks for inviting me.” I followed him to the back of the house, where the kitchen was. It was much bigger and fancier than I remembered. “Wow. This place has changed a lot. Hey, Jack.”

He nodded at me from where he sat at the kitchen table, feeding a baby a bottle. “Hey.”

I set the bag I’d brought on the island. “I picked up some beer, but I promise not to drink so much I need a ride home.”

Pete laughed, going over to a pot on the range and lifting the lid. “I’d make you walk in the rain. Cooper, get out from underfoot. You’re in my way.”

A little brown-haired boy scurried out from behind the island, a toy truck in his hand.

“Say hi,” Pete instructed.

“Hi,” the little boy said before running out of the room.

I shook my head. “The kitchen isn’t the only thing that’s changed around here. Look at you guys with kids. Anyone want a beer?”

“Me,” they both said at once.

I pulled three bottles from one of the six-packs I’d brought, and put the rest in the fridge. Pete handed me a bottle opener, and after prying off the caps, I set Pete’s beer near the stove and Jack’s on the table. He had the baby over his shoulder now, but he picked up the beer and took a long swallow.

I grinned as I took the seat across from him. “Father of the year.”

“You know it.”

“Looks good on you.”

He smiled. “Thanks.”

“The girls working?”

“Yep.” Pete grabbed his beer and tipped it up. “Somebody’s gotta bring home the bacon. So what’s going on with you?”

I took another pull on my beer and dove in. Earlier I’d decided to confide in the two brothers, mostly because I fucking needed someone in my camp after my mother’s reaction and seeing those texts on Hannah’s phone last night, but also because I could use their support to cheer up Hannah. If she heard there were more friends on our side, she’d feel better. “Well, originally I needed to talk to you because I’d been lying to my mother about where I’ve been at night, using you as my excuse.”

“Huh?” Pete looked confused.

“I’ve been telling my mother I’m hanging out with you at night, but as you well know, I haven’t,” I clarified.

He cocked his head. “I don’t get it. Where have you been?”

“With Hannah.”

His head snapped upright when it sank in. His mouth fell open.

“With her, with her?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“That’s…interesting.” He rolled his shoulders. “How’d that happen?”

I shrugged. “When I came home, we started spending time together and it just sort of happened. At first we tried to fight it, but it was impossible. So we hid it because of what people would say.”

“Fuck people.” Jack’s tone was firm. “It’s not their business.”

I had to smile, because it was kind of hilarious to see this big, muscular guy with an angry expression say fuck people while cuddling a tiny baby. “That’s what I said too, but Hannah is sensitive.”

“She is,” agreed Pete. “She’s been quiet and kind of tense at work the last few weeks. No wonder. I was worried she didn’t like the job anymore, but Georgia told me she was just going through a rough time.”

“She loves the job,” I assured him.

“It’s hard to feel okay about moving on after your spouse dies,” Jack said.

“I know, and the fact that it’s me adds a whole other layer of challenge.” I drank from my beer bottle again. “And then my mother found out.”

“Oh, shit.” Pete’s eyes went wide. “What did she say?”

“She freaked. Said it was wrong and disgraceful and that Drew was turning in his grave.”

“It’s not true,” Jack said. “Don’t believe it.”

I shook my head. “I don’t. I have to believe Drew would have wanted us to be happy.”

“I agree.” Pete nodded. “I knew Drew a lot of fucking years, and he could be crazy and loud and obnoxious, but he was never selfish or mean. In fact, I think he would want it to be you, because he’d trust you.”

Gooseflesh broke out on my back. “Thanks, you guys. I needed to hear that.”

* * *

I hung out with Jack and Pete until around seven, when they had to get bedtime routines going for the kids. Back at home, I put away some laundry my mother had left on my bed, tackled some paperwork I’d been putting off, checked my email, and stretched out on my bed with a book. But after the three beers and three bowls of chili I’d had at Jack’s, I was drowsy and couldn’t keep my eyes open. I dozed off, and when I woke up, it was after nine. I picked up my phone and saw that I’d missed a call from Hannah. After listening to her voicemail, I called her back.

“Hello?” she said softly.

“Hey. Did I wake you?”

“No. I’m in bed but I can’t sleep.”

“I wish I was there.”

“Me too.”

A few beats of silence went by. “How’s Abby? You said she was okay today?”

“Yes. We spent the day together and I think she’s okay.” She sighed. “I mean, who knows what’s going on in her mind, but I tried my best to answer her questions and make sure she isn’t confused.”

“Good.”

“It’s hard when she wants things I can’t give her, like a dad. It makes me feel helpless and sad.”

“I know, baby. Hang in there. You’re doing things right.”

“Thanks.”

“How did it go when you picked her up?”

“It wasn’t pleasant. But I handled it.”

“What did my mother say?”

“Probably the same things she said to you. She thinks we don’t really love each other, she thinks we’re being disloyal to Drew, she can’t believe I exposed my daughter to such shame, and she’s embarrassed of us.”

“I’m sorry.”

“She also wondered if we’ve given any thought to how awkward it’s going to be for everyone in the family after we break up.”

“Ignore her.”

“I’m trying, but it’s hard.”

She sounded so sad, I was desperate to give her some good news. “Hey, I hope you don’t mind, but I told Pete and Jack about us.”

“What did they say?”

“They were one hundred percent supportive.”

“That’s nice. And I don’t mind. Their wives know, so they might as well know.” She didn’t sound any better, so I tried again.

“And I talked to my mom.”

“You did?”

“Yes. She agreed to give herself some time to get used to the idea of us.”

“Really?” Her voice rose.

“Really. No guarantee, of course, but I have hope.”

“How’d you convince her?”

“I told her she could cook me dinner for my birthday.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.” I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I’d promised not to invite her. But it wasn’t that big of a deal, was it?

“On Saturday? Your actual birthday?”

“Yes.”

There was an awkward pause. Should I tell her?

“I take it I’m not welcome on the occasion.”

It was like a punch in the gut. “Hannah.”

“She wants you to herself.”

“You know her well. That’s exactly what she said when I asked.”

She was silent at first. “Of course it is.”

“I only said yes because I figured in the grand scheme of things, this was only one night. We’ll have a lifetime together.”

“Maybe.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t give up hope.”

“It’s just…been a hard day.”

I wished more than anything I could take her in my arms and show her that she meant more to me than anything in the world. Words weren’t helping me. “You need a good night’s sleep. Call me tomorrow?”

“Okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

But she said it like she wished she didn’t.