Gabriel

We are seated at a table outside my favourite café. A red and navy umbrella shelters us from the sun’s rays.

“I can buy a house in the suburbs,” I say.

“You want to live in the clubhouse,” Reagan says and stares at the people inside the café—they’re visible through the window.

“It’s up to you, sweetheart.”

“The others want you to live in the clubhouse.”

“What do you want?”

“I want you to be happy.”

Yep, our conversations look like this. It’s blurry. It’s like walking in dense deep mud. It takes time to get some information out of her. It makes me love her even more.

I take her wrist and plant a kiss on her knuckles. “We can try in the clubhouse first. If you don’t like it there, we’ll buy a house.”

“I like it there.” Her eyes fix on mine. “You like it there. They like us to be in there.”

So, it’s sorted. The Salvation Ghosts’ clubhouse will be our family home.

I nod as a waitress delivers our order. “Tell me, Reagan, what you did in the forest.”

“I was with others like me first. We swished and hummed. We were. Then you wanted me to be with you, so I fell out of the fog, and I hit the ground. It hurt, Gabriel. It really hurt. I couldn’t move for a long time. I was denser with each year that passed. I was more real with each year that passed. More awake. She didn’t know at first, but when I turned eighteen, she knew.”

“She won’t take you away from me.”

I know it had taken Reagan eighteen years before her corporeal form stabilised enough for me to pull her out of the forest. She must have been scared—all alone—tittering between energy form and bodily form, frozen, half-alive.

“I want to learn new things,” Reagan says.

“What things, darling?”

“Like reading and counting. History and geography. I know the forest, but I want to know the beach, the mountains and the desert as well.”

“I can teach you.”

Between one session of fucking and another. I can fuck her on the beach, in a cabin in the mountains, in a motel by the desert. It can be very educational, in fact.

Reagan beams at me, floats in her own thoughts, and then props her elbows on the table and rests her chin against her palm. “I could be a waitress in your bar. I could clean the clubhouse and cook.”

No fucking way. My wife is gonna paint her nails and spread her legs for me at night. That’s her only duty in life.

“You could look after our garden,” I say.

The garden is the safest place for her. No man will see her there.

“I could plant some trees.” She nods.

“You could.”

A female figure stands by our table. I raise my eyes, meeting Evelyn’s glance.

“I wasn’t sure,” Evelyn says, “but it is you.”

I don’t want her here. Reagan shouldn’t know about her. Ever. It could upset her.

“And this is your daughter?” Evelyn tilts her head towards Reagan.

“My wife,” I say.

Evelyn’s face does not betray any emotions. She holds a hand out. “Evelyn.”

Reagan squeezes her hand with hers. “Reagan. Nice to meet you, Evelyn. Do you want to join us?”

Fuck no. I shake my head, but Evelyn nods and drops into the chair next to me. She orders a cup of coffee for herself.

“So, Gabriel,” Evelyn says. “You never mentioned you were married.”

“Are you two friends?” Reagan asks.

Evelyn’s lips curl into a half-smile. “She’s adorable.” She nods. “Yes, we are friends, sweetie.”

“I remember you,” Reagan says. She blinks a few times and shakes her head and then rubs the edge of her hand against her forehead. “I need the toilet.” She rises to her feet.

“Go,” I say. “But don’t get lost.” My voice sounds part serious, part humorous.

Something is wrong, but I can’t use my archangel to find out what exactly when there’re humans around me.

As Reagan passes me, I grab her wrist and plant a kiss on her knuckles. “Hurry. I can’t live without you.”

She nods, but her eyes seem kind of imperceptive. Her face has a strange pallor. Pulling her hand out of mine, she blinks as though she has sand between her eyelids and rushes over to the bathroom.

Evelyn turns her face to mine. “Wow. You can be sweet. How long—“

“I’ve been married for three months.”

“You look happy.”

“I am happy for the first time in my life.”

Evelyn nods. “She’s very young.”

“She looks young. What do you want?”

“You haven’t answered my phone calls. You haven’t given me any reports. You just vanished. I need the information, that’s all.”

“There’s nothing to report. I sensed the scumbag commit a suicide.”

“Really?”

“That’s all I know.”

She nods several times. “I thought…”

“You were wrong.”

“What if I needed you? Your service I mean.”

Yes, I’ve always liked her because she can behave with dignity. She doesn’t beg, doesn’t swear, doesn’t make any drama.

“I’ll text you the number of another good psychic,” I say.

“Perfect. Is he as good-looking as you?” She flashes me a flirty smile.

“Uri is very good-looking.”

“Uri? Is he one of the club members?”

“Yes, but you haven’t met him yet.”

Mike and I were in the bar while the rest of the boys had one of Lilith’s bastards in the basement. Evelyn chose that particular evening to sniff around us so I had to divert her attention. Our cooperation was born on that evening.

“I’ve met only Mike and you,” she says. “And the girls. A lot of girls. Is your wife, you know, happy with—“

“Evelyn, listen, my wife is pregnant. I’m busy, you know.”

“I just wanted to say that wives don’t like other girls, you know. I’m just trying to be nice to you.”

“I know, but I’m busy.”

And Reagan should have come back from the bathroom at least five minutes ago.

“It was nice to see you, Evelyn.” I rise to my feet.

“I wish you happiness, Gabriel.” A genuine smile crosses her face, making her look younger.

“I wish you the same.”

I move back, turn around and rush towards the bathroom. I knock on the white door. “Reagan?” Nothing. I bang on the door as uneasiness strangles my throat. “Reagan, baby, everything fine?” My voice is sharp and loud.

Silence answers me. I sweep my foot and kick the door open. It bangs against the wall. My eyes roam over the bathroom, but I can’t see Reagan.

I move back, bouncing off a soft body. I turn around.

Evelyn raises her eyebrows. “You okay?”

“She’s gone.” My voice cracks.

“Your wife?”

“Yes, my wife.”

“I saw her walk into the bathroom, but I didn’t see her walk out.” Evelyn steps towards the bathroom and peers inside. “There’s no window in here. She couldn’t just vanish.”

I move back.

“Wait,” Evelyn says. “Wait. My God, she must have thought… It’s my fault. I’ll help you.”

“She’s probably in the forest.”

“Where?”

“I need to hurry, Evelyn.”

“She can’t be in the forest.”

“There’s not much time left.”

Reagan

Moss bends under my feet. It’s cold and moist against my naked feet. Tears blind me.

I remember.

He brought Evelyn to the forest. They kissed and laughed and touched. They lay down on the moss, clenched together.

“Do you want to come back to me?” my mother whispers in the humid aromatic exhale of the forest.

“I can’t go back. My baby…”

“We could take your baby with us.”

“I don’t know.” I take a convulsive breath as tears trickle down from my eyes.

She isn’t yanking me back to her. This is because I don’t belong to her any longer. I belong to myself. She can only ask and I can say a no.

“You thought you were the only one?” she says.

“I did.”

I keep forgetting my previous life with each day that passes. I keep losing my ability to remember. It’s like I’m more and more of Reagan and less and less of a forest spirit. My knowledge is fading. My memories are vanishing. But Evelyn’s face has brought some of the memories back to my head.

I sit down by the roots of an ancient tree, pulling my knees to my chest.

It hurts so much. Burns. Makes me feel breathless. I am only for him. He should be only for me. He isn’t. Wasn’t.

The forest hums and rings and rustles. The scents of plants and animals dance around me.

“Come, my child.”

“Just a moment. I need to think.”

Thinking clearly is difficult now. Making decisions is difficult now. There’s too many emotions inside me now, too many emotions in general and sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Now, I feel like my emotions are flooding me. They stab me, strip me of oxygen, and make me want to do bad selfish things.

A grey wolf walks towards me. He stops at my side and nuzzles his nose against my arm.

“Coyote,” I say.

He puts his mouth on my knee and wags his tail. I smooth my hand over his head. His fur is damp and smells of wind and rain.

I remember the times when Coyote wasn’t here. There was only her—my mother.

There was no other choice, no freedom, no selfishness. There was only duty.

Coyote gave the world freedom. He makes the world a better place every day.

“Reagan.”

I shudder and raise my eyes. I see Evelyn. Her face is pale and she’s holding a gun in her hand.

“Reagan, sweetheart, don’t move.” Evelyn’s voice falters.

“Coyote won’t hurt you,” I say.

“Coyote?”

“Yes, his name is Coyote. He’s very nice.”

“Who the fuck names a wolf Coyote? That’s ridiculous.”

His mom, Amaia, and his dad, Brass, chose such a nice name for him. Coyote is Alpha’s son.

Coyote growls and Evelyn steps back. Her lower lip quivers as her hand drops.

“I’m sorry, Mr Wolf,” Evelyn says.

Coyote nuzzles his wet nose against my cheek and walks off.

Evelyn rushes towards me, putting the gun behind her back. She sits on her heels. “Are you alright? We’ve been searching for you for two days.” She strokes my head. “Gabriel is so so worried about you.” She looks into my eyes like she’s examining my irises. “My God, where have you been, sweetie? Gabriel’s worried sick about you.”

“You like him?”

“I do, but that doesn’t matter, sweetie, believe me.”

“He likes you too.”

“Yes, he likes me like I’m his colleague. He loves only you.” She cups my face in both her hands, and I sense goodness radiate from her. It blends with sadness. “Let’s get you out of here.”

I see Coyote emerge from behind a bush. He moves closer to Evelyn and nudges the side of her chest with his mouth. A squeal leaves her mouth.

“Coyote wants to say hello,” I say.

Evelyn takes a sharp breath. “Well, hello, Mr Wolf.”

I stroke him and Evelyn watches me with suspicion.

“You can stroke him too,” I say.

“You think?”

“He likes you.”

Coyote growls at me and Evelyn shudders. Well, I should probably keep my mouth shut.

The wall of bushes waves, and a tall figure jumps out from behind it. I recognise it as Gabriel. He strides towards me as Evelyn moves aside. He leans over me and scoops me up into his arms. My eyes roll back into the back of my head.

“Don’t ever do this again, Reagan,” he says, his voice sounding menacing. “I have no authority over her, you know this.”

“Calm down, Gabriel,” Evelyn says. “She looks fine. Jeez, you can be scary. And crazy.”

Gabriel draws me closer to him, brushing his lips against my forehead. “I forbid you to do this again, Reagan.”

“Gabriel, what’s wrong with you?” Evelyn says in a sharp voice. “She—“

He looks at her, and I see her cringe into herself.

“Gabriel,” I squeak.

“We’ll talk later, young lady,” he says.