Abel’s eating his apple, taking big, juicy bites, all the while staring at me from across the hall. Today’s his last day of school. He’s graduating but I’m still stuck here for another two years.
He will still be in town, however. He’s going to be working with Mr. B, who even offered him accommodations, right above the store. So Abel isn’t going to be my neighbor anymore, either.
We’ve talked about him going to college but he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to be tied down by rules anymore. It’s stupid. Everybody goes to college. That’s how you figure out your life. Plus, he’s so good with a camera. Imagine what he could do with a little formal training and a degree. But nope. According to him, photography is only a hobby, it’s not a career for him. One day I’m going to make him realize that he has so much to offer this world. His camera isn’t there to make him feel invisible but it’s his tool to look at the world in a different way.
Besides, the real reason he isn’t going to college is because I’m here. He hasn’t said it, but I know. I can’t even be mad at him for this. Though I’m mad at myself for being two years behind him.
I can’t look away from him even though the way he’s eating that stupid fruit reminds me of how he eats at my lips. And the way he swipes the juices off his lips reminds me of how he sucks on his fingers after making me come.
Even though I’m glaring at him right now and telling him to cut it out, I have to admit that I’m going to miss this. I’m going to miss seeing him around school, smirking and making me blush, his little love notes, his chocolates. I’m going to miss meeting up with him in empty classrooms.
School’s over and as soon as I pack up my things and clean out my locker, Abel and I are going to the creek before summer starts and it becomes super difficult to see him. My mom gets clingy and won’t let me leave the house without her. I can’t see Sky or Abel on a regular basis. I thought getting my driver’s license would give me some freedom but nope. I’m as trapped as ever.
“Just have sex with the guy already. He’s practically fucking his apple right now.” Sky snickers beside me.
“Shut up,” I mutter, ducking my head.
Yeah, we still haven’t done the deed. I know he wants to. It’s the way he touches me, his fingers pulling on my hair and my dress. It’s the way he groans and growls and bites me when we make out. My lips are perpetually swollen now. I know he’s impatient.
I am, too. I know we’re heading that way. I know we’re going to be each other’s firsts but it’s so fun to play with him and make him all desperate. Am I bad? Maybe. But I love it so much. I love being his center of attention, something that consumes him like crazy.
He’s touched me… down there; he’s made me come. I know his dick is both hard and velvety. Gosh, it’s so warm. It’s like he’s the warmest down there. Not to mention, he’s so thick. I haven’t seen it but I’ve touched it and sometimes I wonder how it even fits in his jeans, especially when it’s hard. When I touch him and run my fingers along the length of it and play with the moist head, he comes the hardest. His groans are the loudest then.
Even though he never forces me, there are times when he gets so frustrated. And as a punishment, I’m not allowed to touch myself. Which is so unfair. He jerks off all the time; he even watches all those videos. But to torture me, he tells me no. Like an idiot, I listen to him. It’s like I’m physically incapable of disobeying him. It’s as if I like obeying him. I like giving him whatever he wants. It’s stupid and it doesn’t make any sense, but there you have it.
“I hate this,” I tell him. “I hate you. You’re evil.”
He laughs. “Nah. You’re just frustrated because you want me too much.”
“No, I don’t. If this is how you want sex, it’s not going to work.”
“Oh, I’m gonna wear you down, Pixie. You’ll see.”
I think he loves it when I say no. He likes these games too. Jerk.
I’m lost in thought when Duke approaches us. Actually, he’s approaching me. He hasn’t even glanced at Sky.
Duke Knight has been a huge problem for me for the past year. My mom loves him, obviously. Everyone loves him. But it’s gotten increasingly worse. My mom’s started to hint about him and me going out. As in, going out on dates.
It’s enough to make me shudder. I hate him. Well, not as much as my best friend hates him. But I do. Besides, I have no interest in going out with anyone except Abel. How sad is it that we’ve been in love with each other forever but never been on a date? We haven’t ever shared a meal together, or held hands in public or gone to a movie.
“Hey, Evie,” Duke greets me with a chin lift.
“Hey.”
Duke’s the only guy who’s almost as tall as my Abel. But my boyfriend is still bigger and more muscular. Whereas Abel is tanned with golden hair, a loner and rough around the edges, Duke’s pale. He’s the center of the crowd, smooth and polished, with a charming smile.
He focuses on me like there’s no one else in the corridor, his blue eyes pinned on me. “So, I was wondering if you’d come to the party at my house next Saturday. It’s an end of school thing. Low-key, but it’s gonna be fun.”
I literally hear Sky growling behind me. I open my mouth to say something, but then close it. Duke and I are not friends. In fact, everyone pretty much knows I hang out with Sky, and Sky and him don’t get along. I don’t know why he’s suddenly interested in me.
Clearing my throat, I try again. “Well, that’s nice of you but I think I’m going to pass. Thanks though.”
Short and sweet rejection. I’m so glad it’s over.
Only it’s not over because he doesn’t go away. He smiles at me. One of those innocent, charming smiles. “Do you have other plans? Because I’d love to have you there.”
“I, uh, well, kinda. I mean —”
Duke moves closer to me. Not so close as to call it inappropriate but closer than he’s ever been to me. “Come on, Evie. It would mean so much to me if you came.”
“I —”
Suddenly, I’m pushed back and Sky’s in front of Duke. “Cut the shit out, asshole. She doesn’t wanna go. So leave her alone.”
“Hey.” Duke lifts his hand in mock surrender. “I’m just asking a question. I’m sure Evie can speak for herself.”
“And she said no, didn’t she? You need to get lost.”
He leans against the locker and crosses his arms across his chest. “I don’t understand why you’re being so aggressive, Skylar. I wasn’t even talking to you.”
Sky scoffs. “Fuck you weren’t. You were trying to get my attention and you know what, asshole?” She pokes him in the chest. “You got it.”
Duke smirks before straightening up. I swear in this moment, his spiky hair and that pale complexion and cold blue eyes make him look like the devil.
“Skylar, I think you’ve gone over to a very dark place.”
She shoves him, but he doesn’t budge. “Don’t make me hit you, Duke. You know I can do it.”
Duke lowers his voice so only Sky and I can hear his next comment. “Are you jealous I asked your friend and not you? Is that what this is all about? I mean, you can come to the party if you want. I’m sure we’ll be needing a maid. I tip very generously.”
All hell breaks loose after that. Sky shrieks and puts her entire weight into pushing at his chest. Duke wasn’t prepared for that, I guess, because he stumbles back. His eyes turn really hard and glint like glaciers as he charges toward her.
I try to pull Sky back but it’s no use. She has wicked strength and she isn’t backing down. Not even when Duke gets in her face and mutters something that I can’t hear over the shouts and noises. She takes a swing at his face but he blocks her hand. So she relies on her legs and stomps on his foot, all the while screaming at him, calling him names.
Oh God. She’s really gone over to a dark place. What the heck happened to set her off like this?
I get my answer when in the middle of all the cursing she says, “How dare you kiss me? I’ll set your cock on fire, you fucking asshole.”
What?
I’m momentarily stunned at this revelation, my fingers losing their grip on Sky’s t-shirt where I’m trying to hold her back. Duke kissed my best friend? When did that happen? Why didn’t Sky say anything?
Turns out I don’t need to worry about the whole Duke and Sky thing at all because I’ve got bigger things to worry about now.
Like my boyfriend. Abel is here and he’s standing between Duke and Sky, his expression thunderous, and it’s all focused on the prince of the town.
This is so not going to end well.
I come out of my shock and pull Sky back, who’s panting, still shooting daggers at Duke. “Stay put, okay? You’ve caused enough trouble,” I snap and she turns her murderous eyes on me. I shake my head at her, telling her with my eyes that we’re going to talk about the whole kiss thing later. If there’s a later.
Then I turn to Abel when he says, “Get out.”
Duke’s panting; there are a few scratches on his jaw and along his neck. Wow, Sky got him good. “You need to stay out of this,” he addresses Abel. “For your own good.”
“What I need is for you to get out.” Abel’s voice is thick, edged with violence.
Duke wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. That’s the first time I’ve ever seen him do something unpolished. “You really don’t want to do this.”
“Just get out before I do what I really wanna do.” Abel takes a step forward, all threatening-like.
Okay, enough. I can’t stand here and watch. I need to intervene. I need to pull Abel back and tell him to stop it. Only, if I do that then people will know my secret. Or at least, they’ll know that Abel and I aren’t strangers as they all thought we were.
I still remember what happened last time I talked to him. I can feel the bruised skin on my thighs and waist. I’ve been good at avoiding going close to Mom, so I’ve been bruise-free. But this will ruin all of that.
Duke lifts his chin and steps closer too. “Yeah, and what’s that?”
Fuck it.
Did I just curse in my head? Well, there’s no time to analyze that. Saving Abel is more important. Teachers are running toward the chaos, but they can’t see Abel in the thick of it.
I dash to where these two idiots are facing off. Thankfully, I can wedge between their hard bodies and facing Abel, I put a hand on his chest where his heart is beating wildly. “Let it go, Abel.”
His gaze drops to me, and my breath catches at how dark his eyes are. How aggressive. He’s never felt taller and broader than he does now, like some sort of a bear. Angry bear with flaring nostrils, pounding heart and furious veins running up and down his neck.
“He wants you,” he says, his words slurred, garbled. He heard it, didn’t he? He overheard Duke inviting me to his stupid party.
“He doesn’t.” I shake my head and push him back. “You need to back off, okay? Just please back off.”
Of course, he doesn’t move. He puts his hand over mine, staring down at me with a fierce frown and whispers, “You’re mine.”
His touch stuns me more than Sky’s shocking revelation. He touched me. In public. Like, in front of all these people. His rough, big hand is on my small, pale one.
My heart’s going to burn out any second with how fast and hard it’s pounding. It’s afraid, terrified. And my body? My body is going to burst into flames with how much I want to throw my arms around him and tell everyone he’s mine, and I’m his.
God, I’ve never hated this town, my mom more than this moment. I hate them. I hate them so much.
Somehow, I manage to string together a few words. “We need to move back, okay? Just move.”
It’s like he doesn’t understand me, or maybe he does but he ignores my words. He stares at me with such sheer need that I’m completely convinced that everyone is going to find out now.
“But you’re mine, aren’t you?” he whispers fiercely, for my ears only, and squeezes my hand, making my heart squeeze with the same force.
But before I can answer him, the apocalypse is upon us. Teachers descend from every which way, and they are insanely mad, especially when they see Abel. The entire corridor bursts into chaos. Shouts and shrieks and bodies crashing onto each other. Everyone has their own story and in all the stories my Abel is the villain. Sky, too, apparently.
One of the teachers separates Abel and me, and our hands break contact, immediately leaving me cold. I stare at him over the crowd, rubbing my bare arms as if the warmth has been sucked off from the space.
Next thing I know, they’re taking Abel and Sky away. Sky’s struggling but Abel doesn’t seem to care. He goes easily like he always knew this would happen, people would point fingers at him, no matter what. As they turn the corner, Abel glances over his shoulders and our eyes meet for the last time.
***
Apocalypse.
Decimation. Armageddon. End of the world. I never thought I’d see it in my lifetime. I always thought it was in the distant future. If there is a thing called Apocalypse.
I personally call it the dark times. The term I stole from none other than Mrs. Weatherby. I don’t know if it’s similar to what happened after people found out about David and Delilah, but it sure feels like the darkness will never end.
The sun hasn’t been right ever since the incident at school months ago. Somedays it’s hiding behind the clouds, leaving the earth cold and gray, and on others, it’s too much, the sunbeams almost scorching the grounds.
I told the principal that it wasn’t his fault. I told them and told them over and over again. Abel didn’t do anything; he didn’t even touch Duke. Even Sky is innocent. She was minding her own business. It was Duke who provoked Sky. That fucking bastard. Yes, I’ve been swearing now. It’s okay. I’m not afraid of going to hell.
That day in school, nothing really happened between Duke and Abel. There were no actual fists involved. The argument, or whatever it was, was sort of minor, probably detention-worthy. So nobody could do anything.
But did that matter to my mother? No.
She still hit me for defending Abel in front of the principal. Everyone saw how my hand was on his chest, and how he covered it with his own hand. Obviously, she found out and grounded me for weeks, and it would’ve turned into months if my dad hadn’t interfered.
“Do you want to starve her to death? Have you looked at her lately? She was just helping her best friend and her schoolmate.”
“I don’t even want to think about that savage Skylar Davis. Her mother should know better than to let her run around like that. And that boy is not another schoolmate. They should’ve listened to me when I told them to reject his application. That boy shouldn’t even be here. He should be —”
“Can you leave it alone? He’s just a boy. He has every right to go to school, if he wants to.”
“Are you listening to yourself? Did you forget who his parents were? Siblings having an affair. Do you understand how sick that is? You have a sister. You have cousins. Can you even imagine such a thing?”
“Enough. He’s not his parents.”
That was the first time I’d heard my dad raise his voice. My mom was stunned too. Over the years, I have realized the reason why my dad doesn’t say anything to Mom. It’s because he loves her. A little too much, I think. He lets her control his life; he lets her run things because that’s what makes my mom happy. To be in control of things.
I have seen the way he looks at my mom, with love and a little bit of frustration. It makes me sad that my dad does everything to make her happy, including sometimes neglecting me, but my mom doesn’t realize that.
But right then, I could’ve hugged my dad for defending Abel. I couldn’t though; I was hiding inside my room, avoiding Mom and her sharp hands.
“Well, you should remember your words because you’ll eat them. You and your daughter both. He’s going to turn out like his parents: corrupt and immoral. Blood is thicker than water, isn’t it? And his blood is bad; you can’t change that.”
I thought things would get easier after the grounding was over. But no.
My mom takes me to and from school like she used to before. She doesn’t let me get away from her eyes even for a second. I’m not allowed to go to my treehouse or stay back at the library.
I only see Abel in passing around town, where he still works for Mr. B, or at church, where, because of my mom and Mrs. Weatherby, he’s become even more infamous. But he keeps going, he keeps his head high because he knows I’ll be there. He keeps his anger hidden. For me.
Damn it, I don’t know what to do. Some days are so hard. So fucking hard. I don’t want to get up in the morning. I want to keep sleeping on the off-chance that I dream of him and see his smirk or touch his soft t-shirt, warm muscles and gorgeous hair.
“I want to hug you,” I tell him one night over the tiny secret phone he gave me so long ago, which I now hide under the loose floorboard in my room.
“Close your eyes.”
At his whisper, my eyes flutter closed. “Okay.”
“Do you see me?”
“I always see you.”
“Now imagine me leaning over and putting my arms around your waist.”
I do. I imagine it. I wrap my own hand around myself, though my arm isn’t as heavy or warm, nor does it make me feel as secure. I smell the air and pretend it smells like apples, when it’s probably the moth balls and laundry detergent.
I want to cry but I promise myself that I won’t. I’ll be tear-free tonight. No one wants a crier for a girlfriend. “Are you fisting my dress?”
“Are you wearing your sexy as fuck pink dress?”
I clamp my thighs together. “Yes. For you.”
He groans and I hear rustling. “Fuck.”
“And are you smelling my skin?” I bite my lip, rubbing my shoulder on my cheek, imagining his soft nose and velvet lips on the spot.
“And sucking on it.”
“But you can’t leave a mark on me.”
“One day I will.”
“Abel…” I moan, picturing red and purple marks all over my body. They will hurt and throb like bruises do. But I won’t mind them. No, I’ll welcome them because they are made out of love. Too much love. Something so passionate that it becomes painful.
“You’re imagining it, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Yeah. You want me to mark you. And you know what, Pixie?”
“W-what?”
“I wouldn’t stop at your neck. I’d mark you everywhere. On your back, your waist, your soft stomach. I bet it’s silky. Silky and so fucking smooth. I’ll suck on the skin, use my teeth and let it go with a pop. It’ll be red by the time I’m done with it. Maybe as red as your nipples.” A grunt. “I keep thinking of them. I keep thinking about your pussy. How wet it gets. How soft it is. Fuck, it’s so soft. Softer than anything in this goddamn world. I should probably be gentle with it, you know. Like, real gentle and slow, but I don’t think I can be.”
“Why not?” I writhe on the bed, slide my feet up and down, turned on out of my mind.
“Because I’ve waited too long for it. Too fucking long.” There’s rustling at his end. “You’ve made me wait, haven’t you? You’ve made me go crazy for that sweet pussy.”
I love it when he talks like that, when his desperation becomes so thick it saws away at his voice. But he’s right. I’m a major idiot for making him wait and playing those games. He loves me so much and I love him, too. And now we can’t see each other as often. I thought we had time until they snatched it away from us.
“You like it, don’t you? You like it when I beg. When I go horny out of my mind at one smile from you and I come in my pants.”
I shudder, my core buzzing with his words. “Abel…”
“Admit it. Admit that’s why you keep saying no.”
“I…” I look to the dark ceiling, embarrassed and horny. “Yes. I-I love it that you get so crazy about me. It’s… sort of freeing. Makes me feel powerful.”
He chuckles. “Ah, so my Pixie is a cock-tease. Who knew?”
I gasp, shaking my head. “I’m not. I am so not. Besides, you tease me too. You don’t let me touch myself as a punishment. You keep telling me what to do and that’s not nice.”
Okay, so I might be a little bit of a tease. But he’s a jerk too, ordering me around. It’s fun to have a little bit of power. Because I’ve seen what having no power does to a person. I’ve promised myself that I’ll never end up like my dad. Though Abel is nothing like my mom, is he?
“And you listen to me, don’t you?”
“Yes. Like an idiot,” I grumble.
“How about I tell you to touch yourself now, like I’m doing.”
I forget all about maintaining control and whatnot because I’m drowning in lust now. “You are… touching yourself?”
“Fuck yeah. I’m jerking off to your voice. Does that make you horny?”
I swallow, picturing him holding his cock in his large hands. Damn it. I want to be touching it. Me. I want to see his face when he comes in my hand. “Yes.”
“Then I’m gonna be nice to you, Pixie. So you know how much I love you. How much I hurt for you.”
“How?” I breathe, squeezing my legs together, my fingers playing with the hem of my pajamas.
“I’m gonna tell you to touch your tight little clit for me. Can you do that?”
I tell him yes and my fingers fumble in the dark, reaching for my most achy part. And when he tells me to put a finger inside, I do that too. I follow his every direction until I come before going to sleep, thinking that this was a good night.
But some nights are hard. Some nights tears flow freely, running down to my hair, soaking the strands, soaking my pillow. Some nights I’m a crying girlfriend.
“I don’t know how long I can do this. I miss you so much. I hate this town.”
“Nah, you just love me.”
“Of course I love you, you f-fucking idiot. Why aren’t you as mad about this as me?”
“My Pixie is acting all grown up with her swearing and stuff.”
“Abel, stop making jokes, all right? Be mad with me,” I whisper-hiss.
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because if I started, I wouldn’t know how to stop.”
I clutch the phone tighter at the violent vibrations in his whisper. Violent and fierce. He’s angry and grows angrier every day, doesn’t he? I hate this for him, for us, for our love.
“I want to tell them, Abel. I think my dad will take our side.” Well, I’m not sure what he can do in front of Mom but maybe he’ll come to our defense like he did before, about Abel.
“No.”
“But Abel –”
He cuts me off, his voice harsh. “No, Pixie. You’re not telling them. Not until I can do something about it. Not until I have the power.”
“What does that mean?”
“That means we need to be smart. We need to wait. I need to have some money saved up and you need to be legal. So if things go south, we can do something about it.”
He’s scaring me. “Like what?”
“Whatever it takes. Because I’m not letting you go, Pixie. I’m keeping you. Remember I told you that?”
“Yeah.”
“I meant it,” he declares.