CHAPTER ELEVEN
When I got back to my apartment, Jenny was sitting on the couch indulging in her favorite processed meats: SPAM and canned corned beef. I grabbed a fork and joined her with my legs curled under me on the sofa. She knew that I was seeing someone who was sick in the hospital, but I hadn’t filled her in on any of the details. Lately I’d been an emotional roller coaster and I appreciated the fact that she gave me the space I needed to deal with the tumultuous events in my life.
“You okay?” she asked, looking up from the papers she had spread out on the coffee table.
I shook my head, digging my fork into the can.
“You know, all my life, I’ve never had money. I’ve never had designer clothes, fancy shoes, or a fabulous penthouse apartment.”
Jenny nodded with understanding, her brown eyes absorbing me silently. She was probably wondering about my sudden introspection.
I shrugged with a slight smile. “None of that stuff really matters.”
“Agreed. I think sometimes those things can cause more problems than they’re worth.”
“I’ve always had the love and support of my family. I’d do anything for them.”
Jenny returned my smile. “You’re lucky. Love is everything. Family is everything.”
“I know that. I’ve learned that.” I stared off into the room, and then I brought my gaze back to the papers on the table. There were long lists of names and signatures. “What’s all this?” I asked, shaking myself from my melancholy.
“The Work Horse petition. We’ve got over a hundred signatures.”
My eyebrows drew up. “That’s great. Hand it over.”
Jenny’s confused gaze searched my face as she picked it up then hesitated.
“I said, ‘hand it over.’” I smiled, grabbing it from her hand and penning my name in the next open slot.
She took it back and shot me a quizzical glance as I shoveled more SPAM into my mouth.
“What made you change your mind?”
I shrugged, catching my bottom lip. “It’s important to stand up for what you believe in, to follow your heart and do what you believe is right. Even when all the odds are against you, you can’t ever give up. Plus, it’s good to be proactive, right?”
I smiled at her and she hugged me. I held on to her for a long time.
I sat with Grayson in the solarium, watching the sun reach tendrils of warmth into the room. I loved sitting in there with him. For a suspended time, I could pretend we weren’t in the hospital at all, but lounging together in our oasis with sunbeams dancing on our skin.
Today, I’d brought some Robert Frost poems with me to read to him. He seemed to enjoy them and it reminded me of the wonderful time we’d shared reading together at his house. That seemed like eons ago. Now, we sat playing a protracted game of chess. I really wasn’t into it. I was distracted and he kept beating me, although I had a feeling he’d beat me anyway. Chess wasn’t my game. Grayson raised a brow, which meant that he had me in check—again.
I growled and sat back in my chair, my gaze escaping out the window. I had a lot on my mind, and my musings diverted my thoughts elsewhere. I’d never discussed my revelations about Charles with him, or told him about his plans to sell the house. I was afraid of what it would do to him. I was afraid this news would be the catalyst to a complete dissolution of his mental state. Never the less, there was something I needed to talk to him about, and I wasn’t sure what to say or even how to bring it up.
I needed him to trust me completely, an almost impossible undertaking for his intrinsically suspicious mind. It would be like asking a bird not to take flight, or a fish not to glide through the water. Because of his illness, he was excessively suspicious of the motives of others. It was simply his nature.
I also worried about erasing the progress he’d made. He still accepted his medications only from me, and at least he was taking them regularly. I feared that if he got transferred, he’d again stop taking them all together. I owed a great deal to Beth, who gave me occasional rundowns of Grayson’s medical management. His doctor had added a second drug that was supposed to control emotional lability and help with negative symptoms such as apathy and decreased motivation. I’d told her these were symptoms that Grayson had been concerned about and I was glad the issue had been addressed.
Although he still had a long way to go, I could already see a clarity in his gaze that had been sometimes lacking. I took a sip of water to soothe my suddenly parched throat and tried to quell my rising anxiety.
I leaned forward on the table and locked gazes with him, watching his blue eyes focus intently on me.
“Grayson, you know the plan is to transfer you to Brightington, which is a long-term care facility, right?”
He stared silently, but the color in his eyes dimmed.
“The doctors have scheduled your final evaluation for this Monday. They want to see if you’ve improved.” I took a deep breath, feeling my lungs expand. “I need you to fail that evaluation.”
He raised a brow and his forehead furrowed with a craggy groove. My heart felt strangled in a tight fist, as if it would be crushed to a bloody pulp. I hated asking him to do this. What must he be thinking? I’m sure he knew if he failed the evaluation there would be no way in hell they’d send him back home. Without a doubt, he’d be transferred to Brightington. Would he think I was working with Charles? That I’d been plotting against him all along? Would I lose him?
“Trust me, Grayson!” I gripped his hands tightly across the table, my muscles almost popping from the strain. Tears filled my eyes. “I need you to trust me. You have to fail miserably. I need you to act crazy, Grayson.”
His lips tugged in a small smile at my statement and I wept.
Grayson did fail miserably, so miserably that he’d ended up in seclusion. On hearing the news, I was filled with profound anxiety and apprehension. I hoped I hadn’t just sealed his fate for a lifetime of misery.
Tuesday, I walked into Charles’ building with my stomach churning with needles. Rudy was at the front desk. I talked to him about the favor I needed from him, and he agreed before he buzzed me up. A few minutes later, Charles opened his apartment door, an arrogant smile on his lips. His blonde hair was slicked back and he looked even more sleazy than usual in his skin tight blue jeans.
“Can’t get enough of me, can you?” he snickered. “Admit it, you really want me.”
Let the eye roll commence!
“I’m here to make a deal with you, asshole!” I said sternly, pushing past him. The apartment was a pigsty.
“Deal?”
I turned and faced him, my hand on my hip. I watched his odious gaze travel my body and I tried not to vomit on his shoes.
“Well, what are you offering?” He smiled slowly.
“I’m offering you one opportunity to keep your lecherous ass out of jail.”His eyebrows jumped into his hairline. “What the fuck are you talking about?”I got in his face, my anger renewed. “I’m talking about my baby sister. She’s sixteen. That makes your fucking her statutory rape in New York State! An offense with a mandatory jail time of three years!”
The color of his face changed several shades and his smug look disappeared.
“Sh-she said she was seventeen!”
“Yeah, and you and I both know what an honest girl my little sister is.”
His eyes widened and his palm skimmed over his hair. I took a deep breath. I had to drive the knife in now before he figured out I was making this all up. I couldn’t wait for him to rationalize this. I had to keep that look of stark fear on his face. “My father found out about it the night she left here. He was pissed! I had to talk him off a fucking ledge. He took her right to the ER where she was examined. They took semen samples. I’m sure you figured out that she was a virgin. You’re the only one she’s been with.”
“That’s bullshit!”
“No. Her last GYN exam was a few days before.” I wasn’t even sure if the GYN could tell that, but I was going with it. I figured that he wouldn’t know, either. “She was as virginal as fucking Mother Theresa!”
He glared at me. “You two set me up! What do you want—money?”
“No! But you should’ve left Anna alone, like I fucking told you to. My father wants blood. He’s been meeting with his lawyer. I just want to save Anna the embarrassment of being dragged to court. She’s been through enough. She was really hurt.”
He dashed his fingers through his hair, his forehead crinkling. He was obviously only concerned about his own ass.
“Do you know what they’d do to a pretty boy like you in jail? The only person who can talk my father out of this is me.” I smiled.
A muscle in his neck was jumping nervously, almost as if it had a life of its own. Panic dilated his irises and his color was that of wax paper.
“What do you want from me? Why are you here? What’s your fucking deal?”
I took a deep breath and pulled out the form Jack had given me. “I’ll make this easy. I want you to make Jack your father’s health care proxy.”
“What? No fucking way! He’ll let him go home!”
I tried to remain calm. I knew he’d give me a hard time. There was a lot of money at stake.
“No. Your father can’t go home. I’m sure you heard about his evaluation yesterday. He failed. No medical professional would let him out in society. They’ve recommended long-term, in-patient psychiatric treatment. Isn’t that what they told you, that he has to be locked up?”
His eyes shifted around the room. He was thinking. I knew he was calculating, trying to see into the future. If Grayson ever did get out, and because of his horrible evaluation it wouldn’t be anytime soon, Charles would’ve already liquidated the house and taken the money.
“Jack agreed to this?” he asked suspiciously.
I sighed. “Yes. He was your father’s friend. He cares about Grayson and he’ll make sure that Grayson gets good care at Brightington. They require ongoing input from family members. Frankly, I don’t think you’re interested. It’s tedious having to deal with all of the doctors, the social workers, case managers, therapists and there’s also all the paperwork. Decisions need to be made and there’re monthly meetings with updates. He’s willing to do it. He’s been Grayson’s proxy before. He’d actually be doing you a favor.”
“And what’s it to you?” he shot back.
“I just want Grayson to get the best care and I don’t trust that you’d make sure of that.”
I held my breath, praying that he’d agree. Hope was smoking embers inside me and I was afraid to let them burst into flame, but hope was all I had left. I had to believe in it for Grayson’s sake. I took a deep breath and called on my reserve, thinking about how much I loved him.
“What’s the alternative? Jail? You’d never survive in prison. This is a no-brainer.” It seemed the thought of imprisonment was too much for him to bear.
“Fine!” he snarled through gritted teeth.
I looked at my watch. “Just one more thing.” I walked to the door and opened it. As if on cue, Rudy and another doorman were walking up the hall. “Come on in gentleman,” I said, ushering them in. I turned to Charles. “They will both sign as witnesses.”
He snatched the papers away from me with a dirty look and started signing. My heart was a time bomb ticking in my chest. I felt as if it would explode at any moment and everything would fall apart. I watched him scrawl his name on the bottom of the forms.
He started to hand them to me and then suddenly pulled them back. My heart stopped beating. Holy fuck! I wanted to scream. I forced myself to take slow measured breaths.
“How do I know you won’t file charges anyway?” Charles asked, pouting.
I schooled my features, trying to remain calm and look unperturbed. I held out my palm, giving him a hard, steely look.
We stood for a moment at a stalemate with our gazes colliding, playing a tense game of dare. The air in the room was charged with tension and I could feel sweat trickling between my shoulder blades. There was no way in hell I was backing down. I denied my eyelids permission to blink. Every muscle in my face was paralyzed.
Finally, the fucker cowered, slapping the forms in my hand. I could now see how truly afraid he was that I’d carry out my threat. God forbid he lost his worldly trappings. He was a pathetic child who cared about no one but himself.
I checked to make sure he’d signed in all the right spots, then handed the forms to the two doormen. They each signed and I thanked them as they left.
I turned back to Charles and stared into his selfish blue eyes, finally answering his question. “You’ll just have to trust me, won’t you.”
He didn’t realize it yet, but Karma had just come calling.
I called Jack from my cell phone on my way to the hospital. Jitters were jumping inside me like crickets. I couldn’t wait to see Grayson. The next step of the plan was for Jack to insist on a reevaluation in the morning and delay Grayson’s transfer. I was sure the doctors would want to observe him for more time in the hospital before they would agree to discharge him home, but I was optimistic that he’d be home soon, especially with his proxy pushing for it.
I burst into his hospital room. Grayson was sitting on the bed with a book in his hand. Robert Frost. I thought about the long road I’d traveled. From the first time I’d spied on this man to the notes on the door. From him saving me from Mark, to preserving his father’s treasures. Our earth-shaking passion and this ordeal in the hospital. The path hadn’t been smooth, but I was glad I’d chosen it. I couldn’t imagine my life without Grayson in it. I wouldn’t want to.
He hadn’t been allowed visitors yesterday because of his feigned melt down, so I was thrilled to see him. Finally. I was grinning so wide that I knew he thought I’d lost my mind. I pounced on his lap and flung my arms around his neck, wetness already glazing my lashes. His eyes crinkled with worry as he explored my face.
“Grayson, I have great news! Jack is your healthcare proxy now. He wants you to go home! We both want you to go home!”
His eyes opened wide, disbelieving. I cradled his face between my palms and nodded fervently, tears blurring my vision. “Yes! Yes! It’s true! Charles signed it over. Soon you’ll get to go home!”
I saw hope flicker in his blue eyes as his lips twitched with a tentative smile. My pulse pounded a little faster, racing ahead.
“They are going to re-evaluate you tomorrow. This time, you have to do a fantastic job!”
He studied me intently, his expression one of disbelief. Then he gave me that look of reverence that I loved, and for the first time he revealed himself. A part of him unfurled and blossomed right before my eyes, a part he never trusted to anyone. I saw it all. His dark fears, his crippling doubts, his fervent passion—and, his amazing heart. It was perfection. A perfect soul with fissures and flaws that made him beautiful. And I knew at that moment that we could overcome anything as long as we were together. He inhaled a shaky breath, then the corner of his lips kicked up.
“Like a sixty-five fantastic? Or a one-hundred fantastic?” Grayson asked.
I gasped with the pure joy of hearing his voice. The sound flowed through me like warm, liquid gold. I laughed and cried at the same time as I looked into his eyes and caressed his cheeks.
“One-hundred fantastic, my love.”
He smiled fully. A smile that I’d been deprived of for weeks now. I ate it up like it was candy when I bent and kissed his lips. His lips melted into mine, soft and yielding. When I felt the gentle thrust of his tongue, I was filled with bursts of golden sunshine.