When I woke in the morning, I was pinned down onto the mattress. Panic surged through me until I heard the soft snore and realised it was Ashton. I was on my back, and he was lying half on his side with his other half on me, his arm and leg slung casually over me and his face buried in the crook of my neck.
A quick glance at the alarm clock told me it was almost eleven thirty in the morning. I’d never slept in this late in my life, well, not without a substantial hangover anyway. Ashton moved slightly, his hand cupped the side of my head as his face nuzzled into my neck, making a sleepy moaning sound. I smiled and poked him in the ribs roughly.
He grunted and jerked up, frowning at me through sleepy, half open eyes. His nose scrunched up as he regarded me with clear confusion for a split second before his eyes widened. He gasped and jumped out of the bed so fast that he almost fell on his butt.
“Whoa, shit! I’m sorry! You okay?” he asked, his voice panicked, holding up his hands innocently. I nodded and smiled at him, trying not to laugh. He looked so funny; I’d never seen anyone move so fast. He blew out a big breath and his shoulders relaxed as he raked a hand through his messy black hair.
“I’m fine, calm down.” I sat up, stretching my arms above my head. I groaned as my joints cracked and protested to the movement. My body ached all over; my muscles were tight and uncomfortable from my feeble attempts at fighting him the day before.
“Jeez, Anna, I’m really sorry. I didn’t realise I was asleep on you like that. You should have pushed me off or something.” He winced apologetically. I smiled as I noticed how cute he looked when he’d just woken up. His eyes were still sleepy; he had the line of my tank top imprinted across the bottom of his jaw where he’d been asleep on me, and his hair was sticking up everywhere.
“Don’t worry about it, the lying on me was fine, it was the snoring I almost smothered you for,” I joked, climbing out of the bed and grabbing my bath robe.
“I don’t snore!” he protested, and then he frowned, looking at me curiously. “Do I?”
I burst out laughing, raising one eyebrow incredulously. “You don’t know whether you snore or not? Haven’t girls ever told you?” I scoffed. How could any girl not tease the life out of him for it? He was so loud, I’m surprised he didn’t wake himself up.
He sat on the edge of the bed and shrugged. “I’ve never stayed the night with a girl before.”
I glanced over my shoulder to see if he was joking. Nope, no signs of humour there. “Really? How come?” I asked, plopping down on the bed next to him and crossing my legs.
“I told you, I’ve never really had a girlfriend, so…” he trailed off, shrugging casually.
“Wow, you really are a player! So you fuck the girls then it’s just like what, ‘Thanks, ma’am’, and you leave?” I guessed, laughing.
He rolled his eyes. “I’m not a player! I told you, I’ve just never met anyone who I wanted to spend the night with,” he explained.
I smiled. “Until now.”
He nodded. “Yeah, until now. But I’ve never once said ‘thanks ma’am’!” he said, grinning.
Before I could protest, his arm shot across my shoulders and he pushed me so that I fell back on to the bed. He lay down next to me, pressing his body to my side. My heart started to race, but I wasn’t scared because I could see he was joking. He was watching me intently, probably to make sure he was alright doing this.
“Well, thanks for letting me spend the night, ma’am” he whispered sexily. My breath caught in my throat at the husky sound of his voice.
“You’re welcome, Agent,” I answered. “And thanks for staying the night, I slept really well.” I could feel the blush heating my cheeks because I’d spent the night in a bed with him and I’d had his body wrapped around mine when I woke.
“Me too.” He rolled off me and walked to the door as if nothing had happened. “Want to meet me for breakfast?” he asked, stopping at the door.
“Um, it’s a bit late for breakfast, but I’ll eat lunch with you.” I nodded at my alarm clock, showing him the time.
He looked at the clock and shook his head, looking a little bemused. “Right, okay, lunch then,” he corrected, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “Come get me when you’re ready.” He closed the door firmly behind him and I walked over to my closet, picking out clothes for the day. After running a brush through my wild hair a couple of times, it became apparent that there was no salvaging it. Instead, I pulled it up into a ponytail and clipped my bangs to the side. I looked in the mirror and frowned. I looked the same as I did every other day: baggy and loose. I longed to wear normal clothes, but it was easier this way to go unnoticed; it actually scared me when guys started to look at me with lust in their eyes.
I knew every man wasn’t like Carter, but just in case, I couldn’t bring myself to show any skin or curves. It was funny how that was different with Ashton. I hadn’t thought twice about wearing my swimsuit in front of him yesterday. There was something about him that just made me trust him, giving me more confidence around him.
When I was done, I made my way out to Ashton’s room. “Hey,” he greeted cheerfully as he opened his door.
“Hey.”
“So, what do you want to do today? Is there anything good to do around here?” he asked as we walked down to the kitchen for lunch.
“Not really. There’s a small shopping mall about half an hour away. Want to go there? I could buy some new art supplies, ready for school,” I offered, shrugging.
“Sure okay, sounds good,” he agreed, smiling happily.
“Wow, you’re easy to please,” I teased, elbowing him in the ribs playfully.
He smiled. “I guess. I just don’t get much time off from training, so I don’t get to do normal things like that often.”
“Well, that sucks,” I said frowning.
“It doesn’t suck! I love my job; it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. The training’s finished now so things should calm down,” he explained, shrugging.
“Well not really, I mean, you got stuck on some crappy assignment to babysit me. My dad said that you won’t even get time off apart from scheduled school breaks. You must suck at being SWAT if they stuck you here,” I joked, smirking at him. Bless him; I bet he barely passed his training!
“Actually, I graduated top of my class with honours. I hold five new records at the academy, which I was the only one to break in twenty years,” he replied dismissively like it was no big deal.
I recoiled, shocked at the revelations. “Seriously? Then why did you get shipped off here with me? I mean, if you’re some awesome badass, why waste you here body guarding me? It’s not even a SWAT job, it’s the secret service’s responsibility to guard a Senator and his family.” I looked at him, confused. It just seemed like a waste of talent to me.
He looked a little uncomfortable. “I don’t know. I just go wherever they assign me. Anyway, I’m glad I got ‘shipped off here’ as you put it, otherwise we wouldn’t have met,” he flirted, smiling at me cockily.
“Yeah, because otherwise you’d still be holding that claim of never spending the night with a girl, like the badass player that you are.” I pushed him sideways playfully so I could step through the door into the inner hallway first. He didn’t reply. He just grabbed my waist, lifting me off my feet and threw me easily over his shoulder as he carried on walking in the direction of the kitchen. I gasped as everything turned upside down. “Whoa, holy crap! Put me down, right now!” I shouted, but the order lost some of its authority when I started laughing.
“Nope, not until you apologise for calling me a player,” he refused playfully.
“Ashton, put me down!” I instructed, struggling to get off him.
“I didn’t hear you apologise.”
“Agent Taylor, you put me down right now. I know people, I could have you assassinated!” I joked.
He burst out laughing. “Right, and who do you know that could assassinate me?” he asked, still chuckling.
“Dean.”
“Dean Michaels? That guy likes me more than he does you, and I’ve only met him twice, it would be easier to get him to assassinate you!” he countered, laughing wickedly.
“Put me down! All the blood’s rushing to my head,” I whined, giving up on my struggling because I could barely move an inch from the hold he had on me.
“Wow, you whine like a baby, Anna. Where’s the fighting spirit? You could have wrapped your arms around my waist to give yourself more stability and kneed me in the face, you know. I thought you were big on the self-defence,” he teased. He tugged on my legs, making me slide down into his arms before he sat me on the kitchen counter. He was grinning from ear to ear.
“No way! I could barely move, I tried to get down,” I protested, righting my clothes and trying to catch my breath from the experience of it.
“You have much to learn, young grasshopper,” he said, patting me on the head like a child.
“Whatever. Just keep your hands off me in the future, player,” I stated, grinning.
He sighed and rolled his eyes, grinning sexily. “Yes, ma’am.”
Movement from my right suddenly made me aware that we weren’t in the room alone. I flicked my eyes around quickly, taking in the shocked faces of my parents and half of the kitchen staff that were up the other end of the kitchen. I gasped and dropped my eyes to the floor, scooting forwards and jumping off the counter.
Ashton groaned and a subtle blush crept over his cheekbones. I couldn’t help but notice how cute he looked with the pink on his cheeks; it was certainly a good look for him.
“Good afternoon, Annabelle. Agent Taylor,” my father said after a second or two of uncomfortable silence.
“Hi,” I mumbled, fighting to regain my composure and cool my own burning cheeks.
“Good afternoon, sir, ma’am,” Ashton said, nodding politely, clearly uncomfortable because he hadn’t known they were there either.
“Er, maybe we could get some lunch out instead, what do you think?” I asked Ashton, still blushing, just wanting to be out of here already.
“Whatever you want, Miss Spencer.” He shrugged casually, a smirk on his lips, probably at my red face. He pulled out his cell phone, tapping away before shoving it back into his pocket.
I looked back up at my parents who were still watching me like a hawk. “I’ll, er, see you guys later,” I muttered. “And I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have said a lot of those things. I’m not saying they weren’t true, but I shouldn’t have said them anyway,” I shrugged awkwardly, looking at them apologetically.
My mom smiled sadly. “That’s okay, Annabelle. We shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions like that, it wasn’t fair, and I shouldn’t have brought up Jack. I’m sorry.”
“You can talk about him, that doesn’t upset me. I just don’t like you assuming that someone could ever replace him because they can’t,” I said confidently. I knew that for a fact – I would never love anyone like I loved Jack, and I hated people saying that I would get over him in time.
“Honey, I wasn’t saying that at all, but I think you’re under some misunderstanding that you can’t be with anyone because Jack died. He wouldn’t want you to be like this,” my mom countered.
I laughed at her statement; I’d heard that so many times from so many different therapists – repetition still didn’t make it true. “You’re right, he wouldn’t. I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted me to get stuck with Carter either, but what we want and what happens are two different things entirely,” I said casually, making my parents flinch.
“And if the situation were reversed, you’d want Jack to be like this, would you? Unhappy and alone?” my mother asked quietly.
“Of course not!” I shot back angrily. I’d never want him to have to go through this, thankfully he didn’t have to.
“Well then, maybe you should think about what Jack would want,” she suggested.
“I think about what Jack would want every minute of every day, Mom,” I said quietly.
“Oh, baby, I didn’t mean it that way!” she gasped, looking upset. She jumped up from her chair and came forward to hug me; I shrank back unconsciously, not wanting to build bridges with her. I bumped into Ashton who was standing just behind me. He placed his hands on my waist, steadying me.
My mom’s face dropped when I moved away, and the guilt washed through me because all I ever did was hurt them. In trying to make myself less vulnerable by shutting people out, I knew I was hurting them but I just couldn’t help it.
I groaned and shook my head. “Look, let’s just leave it at that,” I said quietly. One of Ashton’s hands was still placed on my waist, so I focussed on the heat of his skin that was emanating through the fabric of my shirt rather than my mom’s sad expression. “I’ll see you at dinner.” I forced a fake smile before I turned and motioned for Ashton to leave.
Ashton nodded at my parents respectfully as we walked out of the room. “You okay?” he asked as we rounded the corner.
“Yeah, I’m just peachy,” I lied, shooting him a ‘shut up’ face.
He smiled sarcastically. “Of course you are.”
“Ashton, I don’t want to talk about this, please can we leave it? I don’t want any more lectures,” I muttered.
“Okay, but if you need to talk to anyone about anything, then you can talk to me, I want you to know that,” he said softly. I looked up at him, seeing that he was watching me intently, his sincerity shining from his eyes. I smiled gratefully, knowing that I wouldn’t put that burden on someone else again. I’d already told him more than I’d told anyone else. I wouldn’t make that mistake again. “This is the part where you say the same to me,” he prompted, nudging my ribs with his elbow.
I chuckled. “Right, sorry. Well, if you ever need to talk about anything, I’ll be here for you too,” I replied, shaking my head amused. His hand took mine casually as we walked down the hallway. I didn’t actually even think about holding his hand now, it just felt natural, which was weird, but at least it would make it easier for us next week with me being able to be so casual with him.
He raised one eyebrow. “Well actually there is something I would like to talk to you about.”
Well, shit, that backfired! I swallowed my groan. “Well then I’m all ears, Pretty Boy,” I said, smiling uncomfortably.
He cocked his head to the side, regarding me quizzically as we walked. “Well, I was wondering, why is it that you let me touch you and no one else?”
“You want the honest answer?” I asked just as we reached the front door.
“Of course,” he said simply. He looked like he was trying to pull the answers straight from my eyes where he was watching me so intently.
“I honestly don’t know,” I shrugged. That was the truth, I didn’t know what it was, but there was just something about him that made me want to trust him. I would trust this guy with my life yet I had known him for less than three days. It confused me, but it was true.
His frown grew more pronounced. “I watched you shy away from your own mother because you don’t like to get close to people, yet you let me sleep in your bed and lie all over you. I don’t get it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m taking it as a compliment, even if it’s not meant as one.”
I sighed and chewed on my lip. “Take it however you want. I’m fed up with trying to explain the way my brain works sometimes.” I smiled sadly, digging in my pocket for my car keys as we approached the garage. When the automatic door rolled up, I led him to my ‘other’ car.
His eyes widened as his mouth popped open in wonder and awe. I smiled. Yep, typical boy reaction to my car! “Oh, nice!” he purred, touching the hood of my maroon Aston Martin Vanquish appreciatively. As I held up the keys, he flinched, and I chuckled wickedly. “What? Why are you laughing? You think I’m scared to admit that your driving frightens the crap out of me?” he asked, laughing.
“You’d rather drive, Pretty Boy?” I teased, smirking at him.
“Definitely.” He held out his hands for the keys, but he looked like he wasn’t actually expecting me to give them to him.
I sighed dramatically and threw him the keys. “Fine, but you take care of my baby.”
He looked shocked for a few seconds then smiled sexily. “Don’t worry, Anna, I’ll take care of you and your baby,” he stated, patting the roof of my car gently. I laughed and got in the passenger’s side, watching him as he slid in behind the wheel with an awed expression etched on his face. “If you have this, then why did we take a Jeep out yesterday?” he asked, running his hands around the wheel lovingly.
I shrugged. “I don’t like to drive this car.”
“So why are we taking it?” he asked, frowning and looking confused.
“I thought you’d like to drive it. You look like a pretty car type of pretty boy,” I replied, smirking and winking at him. He looked at me strangely, just like he did when I gave him the photo frame last night. “What is that look?” I asked before I could stop myself.
“What look?” he questioned, still doing it.
“That look on your face right now. What are you thinking? You had that same face last night when I gave you that photo frame,” I said, biting my lip wishing I hadn’t asked.
He turned, looking out of the windshield as he started the car. “I was just thinking that you’re extremely thoughtful and that no one has ever really thought of me like that, that’s all. I’m not used to getting gifts or having people think of me. It’s weird; I don’t quite know how to deal with it.”
I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. “Because you grew up in foster homes?”
He nodded stiffly. “Yeah, I never really had a family or anything from the age of ten, so I never got presents and stuff. I just got used to it, I guess,” he explained, pulling out of the driveway.
“When’s your birthday?” I asked curiously, after a couple of minutes of uncomfortable silence.
“November fifteenth.”
“How old are you?” I asked, trying to commit the date to memory so I could get him a present.
“I’m twenty-one,” he answered, smiling. He was obviously enjoying driving my car.
“You can put your foot down, I don’t mind a bit of speed,” I suggested, looking at the speedometer to see that he was just one under the speed limit.
“Yeah? And what if I get you killed?” he teased, grinning at me.
I shrugged and spoke before I could stop myself. “Then you’d be doing me a favour.” He slammed on the breaks and pulled the car to a stop, looking at me shocked and actually a little horrified. “What?” I asked, looking around for some animal or something that we hit.
“Please don’t ever think that again, Anna. That’s not nice to hear,” he said sadly. “You actually want to die?” he inquired, his face serious.
“Everyday,” I confirmed, not looking away from his gaze.
He gulped. “Why?”
“Why not? What have I got to live for? A whole life on my own? Waking up every day with the knowledge that I got one of the nicest people in the world killed? Knowing that I’ll never have that again, never feel loved, never feel whole, or clean, or pure? Why would I want to live?” I asked seriously.
He looked so sad, his eyes glazed over. “You don’t have to be on your own. You might meet someone, fall in love again. As for feeling clean or pure, that may not ever change if you don’t let it. That’s a state of mind; you need to let it go because there’s nothing else you can do about it. And you didn’t get Jack killed, he was murdered by a sick asshole. It wasn’t your fault,” he said softly, reaching for my hand and squeezing gently.
I sighed deeply. “Ashton, I’ve heard all of that in every single one of my therapy sessions, and I’ll tell you the same thing that I tell them. I don’t care what anyone else says, I know it was my fault, so let’s just drop it and change the subject,” I suggested, tugging my hand from his and turning on the radio.
He sighed and gripped the wheel tightly. “Anna, you shouldn’t-”
“You gonna drive, or shall we just go back to the house?” I interjected, putting my feet up on the dashboard.
“Anna, it wasn’t your fault,” he whispered, looking at me pleadingly.
“I know it wasn’t,” I lied easily. This was the other tactic I used on my therapist occasionally.
“You don’t believe that,” he stated, gripping my chin between his thumb and forefinger, turning my face so I had to look at him.
Frustration built up inside me. I didn’t want to be having this conversation, not with him, not with anyone. “Oh for fuck’s sake, Ashton! You don’t want the truth, you don’t want the lie! What the hell do you want me to say? What will make you drive us to the fucking mall?” I ranted, throwing my hands up dramatically.
He looked at me a little shocked before he laughed at my outburst. I felt the smile twitch the corner of my mouth and then I laughed too before he composed himself. “Right then, Miss Spencer, you want to see good driving?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows at me. I nodded, a little unsure if that was the right answer, and his eyes sparkled with excitement as he gunned the engine loudly. He pulled away with the tyres squealing. We sped down the winding road so fast that everything was just a blur. He was a kick-ass driver and my heart was beating so fast, I thought I would die of a heart attack. As we approached the populated area he slowed right down to normal, legal speed, glancing over at me and grinning his ass off.
“Enjoy yourself?” I asked, chuckling and still trying to calm my racing heart.
“Shit yeah, this car is awesome!” he gushed, rubbing the dashboard lovingly.
“Well, I’ll tell you what, if you can last the full eight months, you can have it,” I bargained, shrugging. He laughed and shook his head, obviously thinking I was kidding around.