5

Dee pulled herself up in bed, too excited to sleep. After Stacey’s announcement, it quickly became evident to everyone that Eli was ready for the party to end so he could have his wife all to himself.

In a way, Dee felt bad because she was staying with them. But when she’d suggested getting a hotel for the night, Stacey had just laughed at her. Eli and Stacey’s home was huge. Dee practically had her own wing, which was on the other side of the house from the master suite. So it wasn’t as if she was in their way.

She knew Stacy and Eli had been waiting until they’d settled into their new home before they started a family. And they definitely hadn’t wasted any time. Just seeing the once womanizing Steele brothers tonight, noticing how they doted on their wives, made Dee believe there was still hope. One day, she would meet a man who would truly love her.

Her thoughts shifted to Cohen.

Getting out of bed, she walked over to the window and glanced out at the mountains. In the past, she and Cohen had tried avoiding each other, but tonight they’d shared words. He had been standing close to her, so close that she’d caught the scent of his aftershave. She’d been able to study the shape of his mouth up close, and had been bombarded by the memories of the feel of his lips on hers.

Although she and Cohen hadn’t spoken after Stacey’s announcement, she’d known each and every time he’d glanced over at her. Her body had responded in full awareness. At one point, she’d even felt her nipples swell and tingle. When she’d glanced over at him, he’d held her gaze for only a moment before looking away.

She couldn’t help wondering if he was thinking of the times they’d been intimate. How he’d let himself go, touched her all over, tasted every single spot on her body…made love to her like he hadn’t wanted to stop. Ever. Or was he remembering the mornings after…when the guilt had set in? When he’d retreated as if it was the right thing to do? The only thing to do.

Drawing in a deep breath she pressed her forehead against the window pane and closed her eyes, remembering that first night with Cohen, nearly five years ago…

 

Dee nervously entered Cohen’s apartment, closed the door behind her and leaned against it, releasing a deep breath. She was convinced she was doing the right thing. One of them had to make the first move and since he wouldn’t, she was picking up the slack.

He’d tried hiding his attraction to her but she could see it, sense it. And she had no intention of taking it easy on him, now that she knew he wanted her as much as she wanted him. It was there in his eyes whenever he looked at her. The heat. The fire. And her body had responded. It had gotten so bad that all Stacey had to do was mention her brother and Dee’s nipples would harden.

In her mind, she’d relived the kiss they’d shared a few months ago. She couldn’t put it out of her mind. And the memories of it caused an indescribable ache within her.

She glanced at her watch. Over the phone, Cohen had told Stacey that he’d be back by nine-thirty. Which meant that he would be home in less than an hour. There was no time to lose. Moving quickly, she headed for his bedroom.

It didn’t take her long to strip down to nothing and slide between the sheets. Then, she waited. No one knew of her plan, not even Stacey. Her best friend would have tried talking her out of this crazy scheme and she refused to let anyone do that. She’d never done anything like this before and wouldn’t have felt compelled to do it now if Cohen hadn’t been denying the chemistry between them. She knew he thought he was too old for her, but she was ready to defuse that argument.

Tonight, she would prove to him that she was the only woman he needed. Sure, she expected him to put up a fuss, to say there was nothing between them. That’s why she’d studied all those books on seduction. Poor Cohen wouldn’t know what hit him.

Before going to bed at night, she’d read the books and study all the illustrated pictures. Then, when she fell asleep, she’d dream about Cohen doing all those things to her.

And tonight was the night.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d lain there, staring up at the ceiling, when she’d finally heard his key inserted in the door. It was around ten. She held her breath. He was humming. Was that a good sign?

She heard him moving around in the kitchen. Then moments later, she heard the footsteps coming down the hall. Getting closer. And closer. And then she knew he was in the room. Suddenly the ceiling lights went on. He was moving toward the bathroom, when he suddenly turned and stared straight at her.

“What are you doing here, Dee?”

She saw the shock, the outrage on his face. But there was something else, too…

She thought about pulling herself up in bed, then remembered she wasn’t wearing any clothes. Not a stitch. He wasn’t supposed to find that out until later, although she figured he suspected as much.

“I was waiting for you.”

His brow rose. “Waiting for me?” At her nod, he asked. “Why?”

“So you can make love to me.”

From the hard expression that suddenly appeared on his features, she knew that had been the wrong answer. Apparently the author of the book she’d read on seduction, the one who claimed men preferred women to be upfront with them, hadn’t asked Cohen Carlson.

“You need to leave, Dee.”

“Why?”

“Because you have no business being here, let alone making a statement like that.”

“Are you going to deny you want me, Cohen?”

“Yes, I’m going to deny it. I can’t believe Stacey helped you set this up. Now leave.”

“Stacey doesn’t know anything about this. But you’re right. I have no right to be in your apartment uninvited, but I came here for a reason. I need you to admit there is something between us.”

He shook his head. “Whatever you think is between us is all in your head.”

“I refuse to believe that. I see the way you look at me and--”

“And you decided to get into my bed, based on the way I looked at you?”

“Yes. You’ve done it more than once.”

“It means nothing other than I’ve noticed you’re not a kid anymore. And I wouldn’t even be noticing, if you wore more clothes and a pair of comfortable shoes instead of those high heels you’re so fond of.”

“There’s nothing wrong with how I dress. My clothes can’t be that bad, because I know there were times you couldn’t take your eyes off of me.”

He rubbed his hand down his face, obviously frustrated with her. “It’s all about lust, Dee. Grow up and one day you will understand how a man’s mind works.”

She lifted her chin. “I already know. I have brothers.”

“Please leave, Dee. Either you leave or I will. You are not welcome here.”

Dee stared at him. This definitely wasn’t going the way she’d expected. In the books, she’d read that a man’s usual reaction to finding a naked woman in his bed, was to begin ripping off his clothes. So why was Cohen being so stubborn? He wanted her. She wanted him. What was the problem? “Can we talk?”

“I think you’ve said enough.”

“Can I at least ask you something?” It was something she needed to know.

“What?”

“You are into women, right?” She knew he was into women—why else would he have checked her out so thoroughly and so often? She was merely trying to stall for time, getting him to engage in the conversation he claimed he didn’t want to have with her.

He just stared at her. Obviously, he didn’t immediately realize what she was asking. Then he hardened his gaze. “Rest assured, I am a heterosexual male. I enjoy women.”

She shrugged. “I was just wondering. I’ve never seen you with one and Stacey never mentioned you being involved with anyone.”

He glared down at her. “For your information, my work takes priority over everything in my life right now. And as far as Stacey knowing, I don’t necessarily tell her about every single woman I date.”

“So you do date?” She wasn’t sure she liked hearing that. She much preferred thinking that he didn’t.

“Yes, on occasion. When I feel like it. But it’s not my top priority. My work as a surgeon is.” He glanced at his watch. “Now if you don’t mind, I’ve been on a three hour flight. I’m tired, aggravated and would like to get into my own bed.”

“There’s enough room for both of us. But if you insist that I leave, then I will.” Although she had no intention of doing so. According to one of the books, once a man saw a woman’s naked body, that was it! From that moment on, he’d be putty in her hands.

If the man had been anyone other than Cohen--and if she hadn’t loved him so much--she wouldn’t be doing this. But she’d made up her mind months ago. She wanted him. And she was going to have him. All those sexy items--the shoes, clothes--had been purchased with him in mind.

“Fine. I’ll leave.”

“Good.”

She threw back the covers and slid out of bed in a movement that would have made the most gifted seductress proud. He was seeing it all, just like she wanted him to do. Her breasts, tummy, thighs, legs…and what was between them. And he was looking. If he hadn’t wanted to see, he could have turned his back. But he hadn’t.

“Please hurry and put on some clothes, Deidre.”

Wow. He’d used her full name. This must be serious. She stood beside the bed. “I will. If you truly want me to.”

“I truly want you to.”

‘Okay.”

She turned and leaned over to pick up her panties off the floor, deliberately giving him a view of her backside. If he meant for her not to hear his groan, he failed miserably. After skimming her panties up her hips and thighs, she slid her feet into her shoes.

One author had written that men loved a woman’s boobs and butt more than anything. But she’d discovered early on that no matter how much cleavage she showed, Cohen’s interest was always firmly fastened on her legs. That meant she needed to flaunt what she had and wearing stilettos always did the trick.

“I’ll wait in the living room until you finish,” he said in a deep guttural tone, as if the words had been forced from his throat.

She glanced over at him. “If that’s your desire, Cohen.” She clearly saw what he desired from the size of him below his zipper. A man’s erection was always a dead giveaway and the book suggested that she keep her eye on the prize. In this case, the big E. In Cohen’s case, the massively big E.

He moved toward the door and she wondered if he had the willpower to leave. Regardless of what he said, she could see that he wanted her. Her heart began beating in her chest. Was his willpower stronger than his desire for her?

He was within a foot of the door when he stopped, turned and looked at her with those eyes that made her skin burn. He raked his gaze all over her body—taking in the skimpy pair of panties and red stilettos--before finally zeroing in on her face. His eyes held hers and her heartbeat pounded in her ears. Then he began to slowly walk toward her.

To her, this night would be something special. Cohen wasn’t just handsome, he was hers. She loved him. She’d always loved him and was determined that one day, he’d love her too.

When he reached her, he stopped. Then, without saying a word, he leaned in and captured her lips. The moment his mouth touched hers, chills of intense pleasure rippled through Dee’s body. They consumed her, making her delirious with desire. She’d known it would be this way. That last kiss had plagued her for weeks, and had been the driving force to this, a repeat performance.

For a man who’d been determined that she leave his apartment a few moments ago, he’d obviously forgotten, because he’d taken control of her mouth. When he deepened the kiss, she had never felt so consumed by a man. And when she felt his hands wrap around her naked middle, to pull her close, the feel of his jeans rubbing against her naked skin was a total turn-on. She moaned and he managed to literally absorb the sound from her lips. His mouth become hungrier, more demanding…devouring.

He suddenly broke off the kiss. She watched through glazed eyes as he tore off his clothes. With each piece he removed and every inch of naked skin exposed, she had to force her breath through her lungs. Cohen Carlson was so perfectly made that she felt an intense drumming start in the lower part of her stomach, just by looking at him. Once he had stripped down completely, he then returned to her. Kneeling, he removed her shoes and then slid her panties back down her legs.

And then he did something she hadn’t expected. Something that had never been done to her before. Ever. He leaned in, and easing his mouth between her legs, he devoured her. Right there. She gasped at the contact of his tongue sliding inside of her and grabbed on to his shoulders, to save her from melting to the floor.

He was licking her with an intensity that brought on a moan from deep within her throat. With each stroke of his tongue, she dug her nails into his shoulders. Suddenly, she felt something move within her, beginning at the top of her head and gliding rapidly to the soles of her feet, making her entire body shiver. The tip of his tongue continued to play with her clit, as she moaned and called his name, telling him to stop one minute and go deeper the next.

In response, he jabbed his tongue inside her and did a certain kind of whip-lash movement that had her screaming. An orgasm--her very first man-made one--ripped through her, wrenching her body as every muscle became tight and rigid. His tongue wasn’t through with her yet, though. Its strokes quickened and became even more demanding.

And then suddenly, he withdrew his mouth. Standing, he tumbled her onto the bed. “You tasted so good,” he whispered huskily, moving his body over hers.

Honestly, she didn’t know what to say to that--no man had ever told her that before. But then, she’d never given one a reason to. Cohen lowered his mouth to hers, kissing her in a way that made her toes curl and ignited sensuous sensations within her all over again, and her mind went blank.

She was so caught up in the kiss that she didn’t discern him easing her legs apart until she felt his engorged erection pressing against her womanly folds. She knew she should tell him about her total lack of sexual experience but he’d stop if she did. And she didn’t want him to stop. More than anything, she wanted this. She wanted him to be her first…and her last.

Dee felt him ease into her and knew when he detected the barrier telling him it was her first time. He broke off the kiss and stared down at her. She was certain he saw the pain she couldn’t hide in her features. Refusing to let him back out, she tightened her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck and forced his mouth back down to hers. She knew he’d given into temptation when he returned her kiss. After a brief moment, the pain of it being her first time began easing away.

He filled her with his full length, then began moving inside of her. He was stroking her into sweet oblivion, setting a rhythm that was driving her mad with desire as pleasurable sensations flitted all through her. This was how it was supposed to be. He was with her and she wanted to believe this was just the beginning.

And then, it happened again. As he kissed her and moved within her, she began trembling as an orgasm took hold. Suddenly, he did something she hadn’t expected. He broke off the kiss, threw his head back and screamed her name. Her name. Just hearing it from his lips while gripped in the throes of passion pushed her over the edge once more.

At that moment, as his body continued to buck and jerk while thrusting into her wildly, she believed he’d finally accepted what she’d always known. They were meant to be together.

She fell asleep and when she awoke, it was the next day. She opened drowsy eyes to see the brightness of the sun shining in through the window blinds. The first thing she noticed was that she was in bed alone. When she heard a sound, she shifted her gaze from the window to glance across the room. Cohen was fully dressed and sitting in the wingback chair in the corner. He sat staring at her, his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles.

He had an unreadable expression on his face, but she felt comfortable enough to smile over at him. How could she not, after experiencing such wonderful lovemaking last night. She doubted that she would ever forget how it had felt when he’d exploded inside of her. When he’d broken off their kiss to scream her name. When he’d--

“We should not have done what we did last night, Dee.”

His words intruded into her thoughts. She chose to ignore them, smiling as she answered, “It was time that we did, Cohen.”

“No. It shouldn’t have happened.”

“I don’t think so. Now stop talking and come back to me. I want you here,” she said, patting the empty side of the bed.

He eased up out the chair, his eyes narrowed, his posture rigid and stiff. His hands were tightened into fists, at his sides. “You don’t get it, do you?” he said, his tone sharp.

What was there not to get? They’d made beautiful love together. “I don’t understand, Cohen?”

“What we did was wrong. You should not have come here. I should not have made love to you.”

“But you did. Why are you trippin’ about it?” It was quite obvious that he was angry. At her. At himself. At the situation.

“Dammit Dee, I didn’t even use a condom.”

She waved off his words. “Is that what’s got you all upset? Relax. My doctor put me on the pill a few years ago. So as much as I would love to be pregnant, I’m not.”

He swore, and then inhaled a deep breath as if he was fighting to control his anger. Obviously, he wasn’t getting through to her the way he wanted to do. Again she patted the empty spot beside her. “Come back to bed, Cohen. We can talk later.”

He stared at her for a minute and then stepped back. “I need you to get dressed and leave, Dee. Regardless of how you feel about it, what we did was wrong. I should never have touched you. I’m sorry.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I’m leaving for a while. When I get back, I want you gone. I mean it, Dee.”

Yes, he meant it, but she needed to know why. “Why are you doing this to us, Cohen?”

“Us?” He chuckled derisively. “There was never an ‘us’. Last night we were nothing more than bed partners. You offered something and I took it. I should have refused you. Now I feel guilty as hell.”

“Don’t feel guilty on my account, Cohen.”

“I’m not. I feel bad about what I’ve done. If you were Stacey, and I found out one of your brothers had done such a thing to her, I would--”

“Mind your own business, I hope. I’m not a child. I am a woman who is old enough to do what I want, with whoever I want. Last night, I wanted you.” And then, because she needed him to understand, she added, “I love you.”

He looked at her, shocked. “Love me?”

She was disappointed that he’d thought she’d sleep with him without being in love with him. “Yes. I’ve loved you forever, Cohen.”

He shook his head. “Sorry you believe that.”

She glared at him. “Don’t be sorry. I know my feelings and I do love you.”

“In that case, I would advise you not to waste any of your love on me. Give it to someone who deserves you. Someone who can be the person you need. Someone who can love you in return. Because I can’t. I don’t love you.”

Then without saying anything else, he walked out the room. She flinched at the sound of the front door slamming shut behind him.

She stayed there for a few moments after he left, trying to convince herself he hadn’t meant what he’d said. But deep down, she knew. Fighting back tears, she got out of bed, put on her clothes and left Cohen’s apartment…

 

Dee opened her eyes, her thoughts returning to the present. She was still in Eli and Stacey’s home, standing with her forehead pressed to the window. Remembering her first time with Cohen had brought back painful memories. She recalled going back to her apartment, refusing to give up on him, thinking what he needed was more time. In the meantime, she’d begun dating Eric Stallings, so that it hadn’t looked as if she was waiting for him to make a move. Eric was nice enough but her heart belonged to Cohen. Even when he moved to Phoenix, she’d never stopped loving him.

She’d thought that a little time apart might have made him rethink things, that he might have gotten over his inhibitions the night of his going-away party. Again, she and Cohen shared an incredible night. But then, the next morning, the same thing had happened. He’d told her it was a mistake. Totally crushed, she’d taken the first plane home to Memphis.

Now he was here and they were sharing the same air. Two and a half years without seeing him should have destroyed any feelings she had for him. And she’d thought they had. But it had only taken seeing him again tonight, inhaling his scent, feeling his presence, to make all those emotions she had tucked away come rolling back.

The bottom line was…she still loved him, though she wished she didn’t. Which meant that she’d have put her heart in lockdown. No matter what she had to do, she wasn’t going to let Cohen hurt her again.