BRIAN
Ella knew exactly what I was talking about. She closed her eyes and groaned up at the ceiling. “I don’t know what to say. I know you don’t care about my scars, and you say you want to be patient with me about the sex, but—”
“Forget the sex and the scars. This isn’t about that.”
Ella frowned. I gave her a small smile and tangled our fingers together again. “I know you’re shy about the scars and the sex. You aren’t ready to share either of those things with me, and that is okay; I get it. I support it. I don’t want you to worry about that. When you’re ready to go there, we will. That’s easy.”
Ella blushed, because that’s just what she did whenever the topic of sex came up. But her face stayed confused. “What else is there?”
I wasn’t sure I could put it into words. The other morning, I’d flipped on the news as I made breakfast, and when the anchors mentioned Ella’s first public interview since the premiere, I nearly spilled my coffee all over the counter. I hadn’t a clue what they were talking about. She hadn’t given any interview that I knew of. When they dropped Erik Clarke’s name and website, I almost put my fist through the wall. I knew that bastard’s game, knew he was good at it, and I could only imagine how much my feisty, fun, playful, trusting Ella would give a guy like him.
When I watched that video, I felt like I’d been smacked in the face with a two-by-four. It wasn’t the things she’d said that upset me; it was the things she hadn’t. “Not being ready to get so intimate right away is natural, Ella. But when you spoke on that video, you sounded scared and confused about us.”
She shook her head. “I’m not.”
I wanted to believe her, but there was something stopping me. She was still holding back. “But you are,” I insisted. “In some ways, at least. I can feel it. You’re scared of living with me. There’s something about us—about our relationship—that you aren’t sure about or comfortable with.”
She bit her lip, and it made my gut clench. I was right. There was something really bothering her. My mind automatically turned to my insane life. She promised the fame didn’t bother her, but after everything that happened yesterday, maybe she was worried that she’d made a mistake being with me.
“Ella…whatever it is…please tell me.” I braced myself. I couldn’t let her stay with me if she didn’t want my lifestyle. I loved her too much to hold her prisoner. I never wanted to let her go, but if it was what she needed… “I don’t want anything unsaid between us. I don’t want you to hold back. Whatever you’re feeling, I want to know it. And I promise you, whatever it is, we will find a way to fix it. If I have to give up my career and we have to move to Alaska and live under a rock, or undergo plastic surgery so that we’re completely unrecognizable, we will.”
She cracked a smile and squeezed my fingers. “Your insecurity is adorable,” she said, shocking me. “And it’s appreciated, too. Makes me feel more normal.” She shook her head. “I told you, the fame doesn’t bother me. What happened yesterday at the theater sucked, but it was nothing in comparison to having you by my side yesterday when my father rejected me. It could never erase the way you stepped up and claimed me as yours when he didn’t want me. Or overpower the way you held me all night last night while I cried for hours. Fame is a very small price to pay for that, and I will gladly stand beside you in any spotlight if that’s what it takes to be with you.”
Holy shit, the woman was going to kill me. My chest tightened up so much I couldn’t breathe, and my pounding pulse roared in my ears. I never could have imagined feeling this way. I thought I understood love. I’d cared about Ella for so long I was certain I knew what love was, but this…this was so much more than anything I could have imagined.
I cleared the emotion from my throat. “Then what is it? I can’t stand the thought of you being scared or confused about anything, especially not when it comes to us. Please talk to me.”
Ella must have detected my bubbling emotions, because she scooted forward and pressed her lips to mine. After a quick kiss, she nestled herself comfortably beside me. She rested her head on my shoulder and laid her hand on my chest. I was tempted to pull her thigh across me like it had been when I’d woken up this morning, but I might not stop there, and now was not the time for me to try and start something again.
“I’m not unsure about us,” she insisted, once she was good and comfortable. “In fact, we might be the only thing I am sure about right now.” She lifted her head up to look me in the eye. “And I’m not scared of you.”
I raised a brow at that.
She shook her head. “I’m not. I promise. It’s not that. It’s just…” She sighed as she started absently brushing her fingers back and forth across my chest. The light scratch of her fingernails had my goose bumps coming back.
“Just what?” I whispered in a strangled voice.
“I think…you and I are just in different places right now.”
Needing the physical connection as much as she did, I started running my hand up and down the length of her arm. “What do you mean?”
“I know you’re ready for our Happily Ever After,” she said. “You want to play house together and do the whole adulting thing.”
I smiled at the mental picture she’d just put in my mind. She had no idea how badly I wanted that with her.
“I love that you want that life with me, and I want it with you, too, I do.”
“But…?” I asked.
“But…I’m just not ready for it yet.” She sighed again. “I’ve never been on my own. I haven’t had any time to be an adult yet. I’m not ready to be a full blown grown-up.”
I was starting to see what she meant, and she was right. There was a difference between becoming an adult and being a grown-up.
“There’s supposed to be a transition between being a teenager living at home with your parents and the house with the white picket fence, two kids, and a dog.”
“Cat,” I said, chuckling.
“What?”
“I’m a cat guy,” I admitted sheepishly. “Kittens are cuter, and then they grow up to be feisty, badass cats.”
Ella lifted her head off my chest to look at me, pursing her lips together until finally a laugh burst through her defenses. “Okay, big, bad movie star. We’ll get you a fluffy wittle kittie someday.”
My grin doubled. I was so taking her to the humane society this week.
“Anyway,” she said, rolling her eyes at me before dropping her head onto my shoulder once again.
“Sorry.” I really wasn’t that sorry. I didn’t mean to make light of this whole moment, but I was just so happy. She was talking about this future together that I never thought I would get. Once I became a real superstar, I always figured I’d end up like my dad. I assumed that would be my only option. Ella’s house with the kids and the white picket fence had my mind racing with all kinds of possibilities. Maybe it was possible to have my career and the typical American dream.
“I think what I really need is that transition. I haven’t even been very well since the accident—physically, mentally, or emotionally.”
Suddenly feeling like a jerk for teasing her, I dropped my playful attitude and kissed her temple so that she knew I was taking this seriously. She breathed in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I need time to adjust. I need some stability for once, in an environment where I feel safe, comfortable, and in control.”
“I can give you that,” I promised.
Her cheek lifted against my chest, and I heard a smile in her answer. “I know you can. That’s kind of the problem. I’m afraid you’ll do your job a little too well. While I’m the baby bird finally flying away from the nest, you’ve already built your own and are looking for a mama bird to lay some eggs in it.” I laughed at the metaphor and got a frown for it. “You’ve been on your own for years and are finally hitting that real grown-up stage.”
I snorted. “My father should be happy to hear that. He’s been calling me an immature ass and telling me to grow up for years.”
“Maybe he should look in a mirror,” Ella muttered under her breath.
I laughed again and hugged her to me. “Hey. I get what you’re saying, and maybe there’s some truth to it, but I can wait. What’s a few more years of being an immature ass?”
Ella smacked my chest. “Shut up. I’m being serious.”
“I know.” I covered her hand with mine and held it against my chest. “And I mean it, too. I wasn’t kidding about living more like roommates, if that’s what you need to feel comfortable with this. I can do slow. Hell, it took me three years to work up the nerve to give you my number.”
“Yeah.” Ella scoffed. “And then it took you a week to ask me to move in.”
The woman had a point. I’d held off for so long because I was afraid of telling her who I was. I had a good thing and thought revealing myself would ruin it. Once I learned it wouldn’t, well, my instinct was to make up the lost time for those three years. “Okay, fine. That wasn’t slow. But I can be patient now. I’m completely content with our current situation.”
“Of course you are. You got your way, you big, spoiled celebrity.”
I smiled to myself, unable to stomp out my pride. I had gotten my way. I got exactly what I wanted, and I was deliriously happy because of it. I hadn’t done it on purpose, so I wasn’t going to feel bad about it.
Ella looked up and caught my smug grin. Her face fell flat. “You are impossible.”
“That’s why you love me.”
I don’t think she wanted to smile at that, but she did. I ducked my head down and kissed her. “I understand what you’re saying, and I promise I will follow your lead from now on. You have complete control of this relationship, woman. I know how you are.” When she cocked a brow at me, I smirked. “You’re not the only one who knows what they’ve signed up for. But don’t worry. I happily relinquish my proverbial pants. You’re welcome to wear them.”
I got smacked again. Harder this time. It was totally worth it.
“You are such a dork, Cinder.”
That did it. She called me Cinder, with her Boston accent slipping through extra heavily, like it does every now and then, and my mouth was on hers faster than you could say cah.
She indulged me for a minute but then let me go and sat up. I guessed the time for morning make outs had passed. That was okay. We had all day—forever, really—to find more opportunities. Mid morning, afternoon, evening, and bedtime make outs worked for me, too. If she wanted to take a break for some breakfast and a cup of coffee, I wouldn’t complain.
“So…” She blew out a big breath and ran a hand through her messy hair as she looked around my room. She hadn’t seen it before since it was upstairs. I’d given her a tour of the main level of the house the first time she came over, but we hadn’t bothered to come upstairs because that was a difficult task for Ella. I wasn’t sure what we were going to do about that, but one thing at a time.
The room wasn’t anything special. It had the same modern decor as the rest of the house. Cool winter tones with a splash of bright color here and there. Bed—California King size—night tables on either side, TV mounted to the wall, sliding glass door to the master balcony, a chair in the corner…very basic.
“Home, sweet home, I guess,” I muttered with a shrug. “Nothing fancy. I bought the place already furnished just over a year ago and never bothered to make any changes to it.”
She nodded as if that explained a lot. “It’s nice; just kind of…impersonal.”
“Yeah, it’s not really what I’d have picked, but I was in a hurry to get out of my old place, and this one had all the things I was really looking for. It’s secluded, has a tall privacy fence all around the property—you can’t see anything but the roof of the house from the road—and there are cameras and a state-of-the-art alarm system all along the property line.”
“So, no stalkers peeking in your windows or paparazzi taking pictures with their super zoom-in cameras from nearby trees?”
“Exactly. I’m sorry there’s not a bedroom on the first floor. I hadn’t even thought of that before.”
She shook her head. “We’ll figure something out.”
“Or I could just carry you to bed every evening,” I said with another suggestive waggle of my eyebrows to make as light of the offer as possible. That might end up being our only option for now, but I knew she would loathe the idea. If she was really going to live with me now, perhaps it was time to call the real estate agent again.
There was something very appealing about the idea of Ella and I house hunting together, picking out something we both liked—arguing over color schemes and negotiating on the must-have features. No doubt she’d want a huge kitchen and a nice master bathroom, while I really only wanted a garage large enough for a future car collection and a great back patio for entertaining guests. But I knew better than to mention any of this to Ella, considering I’d just promised her not to be too grown-up. House hunting for our first house together, where we’d someday start a family, definitely fell in that category.
She broke through my daydreaming with a sigh. “Just one more thing to add to the to-do list, but that one can be dealt with later. For now…” She closed her eyes and shook her head. After a moment, she rubbed her temples and let out another heavy breath. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“How about we don’t start?” I suggested, lying back on my pillow and propping my arm under my head. When she shot me an unimpressed look, I grinned and tugged her back down with me. “What if today we just lie in bed all day and pretend nothing outside this room exists? Life’s going to start back up soon enough, but it doesn’t need to start today. I think we earned a lazy day after yesterday.”
Ella smiled as if she liked the idea as much as I did and snuggled right back up next to me, but then a frown spread over her face. “Life starts back up for you, maybe. I don’t really have a life. The GED’s out of the way now, so I’ve got no school, no job, no goals for my future…”
She made that sound like a bad thing. I thought it sounded like heaven. “You have time to figure all that out.”
“I suppose I could start with college. There’s a new semester starting soon. I could take a few classes at community college just to keep me busy while I figure out what I want to do.”
I cringed. I was going to have to burst that bubble, and, yet again, it was because of my life. “Maybe that’s not the best idea yet. After how bad things got yesterday, I think it’s going to take a while for all of this hype to die down.”
She stiffened beside me and spoke in a clipped tone laced with frustration. “So what am I supposed to do? Stay tucked away inside this house like a prisoner? Am I the princess locked away in her tower? Is that what life’s going to be like for us now?”
“Not forever,” I promised, pushing her hair out of her face. It seemed to calm us both down whenever I touched her. “Think of it more like we’re Bonnie and Clyde lying low for a while. And we can still go out, but just randomly. You probably don’t want to have anything so routine like a school schedule until we aren’t the main story of every news broadcast. It will die down, like you said; it just might take a while. Besides, we have to get you all settled in, and you’ve got a surgery coming up in a few weeks, anyway. You’ve got plenty to worry about right now. School can wait a semester.”
Ella shot up as if she’d just woken from a crazy nightmare. “Oh crap!” She looked at me with panic swirling in her eyes. “My surgery! I can’t let my dad keep paying all of my medical bills. Not after I cut ties with him.”
That was what she was so worried about? “Ella. Calm down. That’s not a problem at all. We’ll just have everything transferred into my name. I can take care of any debt that’s still outstanding, and I’ll have Scott look into adding you to my insurance policy. I bet if we’re living together, I can add you, and if not, well, we’ll just pay whatever as it comes.”
Ella’s face paled, and I could see her trying to come up with a way to refuse my offer. “Brian…” Her frown deepened as she struggled for words. Eventually, she settled for frantically shaking her head. “I can’t let you do that. It’s too much.”
“Ella, I made fifteen million dollars for The Druid Prince alone, and my agents have already assured me they can get me thirty apiece for the next four films. And that doesn’t even include any of my savings or investments or other sub rights and royalties. Trust me. It’s not too much.”
She glared at me. “You know what I mean.”
I ignored the glare. Ella hand been raised by a single mom and had always had to live frugally. She was fiercely independent because of it. I admired her for that, and I knew it had to be incredibly hard for her to be so dependent after her accident—first on her father, and now on me. I wished I had another answer for her, but I didn’t, and she really didn’t have another choice. We both knew she had to let me do this; I just wished I knew how to make it an easier pill for her to swallow.
“Would it help if I say I want to do this for you? Or, that if you don’t let me, I’ll probably just spend all that money on another ostentatious car or two to keep Precious company, or other meaningless stupid stuff that will only make me more spoiled than I already am? Not to mention all the presents upon presents I would end up getting you because I’m a filthy rich celebrity who has nothing better to do with his millions of dollars.”
Ella scrubbed her face with her hands, as if that might ease some of the tension building inside her or somehow miraculously solve her problem. When it didn’t, she glared at me. “You fight dirty.”
I grinned. Score another victory for me. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t love the idea, but I really am glad I can help you with this.”
“I know.” She sighed, defeated. “I’ll let you, because I have no other option right now, but I wish I didn’t have to ask this of you.”
“I can’t think of anything I’d rather spend my money on than your health and well-being. In fact, this sounds so wrong, but I’m kind of thrilled that I get to pay all of your medical expenses.”
She scoffed. “Not wrong. Perverse.”
I sat up and scooped her into my arms, placing her between my legs and pulling her back against my chest. I rested my head on top of hers and just held her for a moment. “Thank you for letting me do this.”
Slowly, she relaxed. “Thank you for doing it. It’s not that I’m not grateful; I just don’t want to be your responsibility. You’re my boyfriend, not my caretaker. I want to be your partner in this relationship, not your dependent. Does that make sense?”
My heart warmed. “It does, and I respect that attitude more than you know. I’ve been used for my money many times. That you don’t want me to spend so much on you only makes it that much easier to do. But I don’t want you feeling like our relationship is out of balance. We’re in this together. I want to be partners, too, not your sugar daddy.” She snorted, and I laughed softly. “Okay, I actually wouldn’t mind being your sugar daddy, but we’ll figure out a way to get you on your feet. Right now, I might have to carry a little more of the responsibility, but we’ll get a plan in place for you so that it doesn’t always have to be that way. Or…” I squeezed her tight and kissed the side of her head. “We could always pretend we’re back in the fifties. I can worry about the money and the bills, and you can do all the cooking and the cleaning and stuff.” That got a laugh, so I added, “I mean, I have a cleaning lady who comes once a week, but I can always fire her and show you where the toilet brush is.”
“Hmm…” Ella said. “Maybe we keep the cleaning lady, and you show me where the aprons are. I can handle cooking.”
She grinned and offered her lips. I kissed those beauties and then moved mine to her ear. “If I get you an apron, would you consider cooking me breakfast wearing just that? Because that would be the sexiest—”
“OH MY GOSH, BRIAN! I am not going to give you any nude cooking shows! STOP!”
I burst into laughter. “You are so easy.”
“Please. Like you were teasing.”
“I was.”
“Only because you knew I’d say no.”
“So?”
“So nothing! You are such a perv.”
I rolled my eyes. “I hate to break it to you, woman, but I am a completely normal man. You’re just a prude.” She scrunched up her face into a pout that made me laugh. “An adorable prude, but a prude all the same. There isn’t a man in the world that wouldn’t love to watch his girlfriend cook him breakfast wearing nothing but an apron.”
“Fine. If you’re so keen on the idea, why don’t you cook me breakfast in just your apron and see how you like it.”
Hell yes. That was all the green light I needed. “DEAL.”
I was up and out of bed so fast she’d only managed a surprise squeak before I bolted out the bedroom’s double doors.