eighteen
Vivian
Mom’s closet had been a disappointment. I didn’t know what I’d expected, but nothing worked. Too formal, too farty, too much my mother’s taste.
Francine put a long pleated skirt up against my waist. It was too her.
“No,” I said, getting jostled by a woman with a big tote. The sale section in the back of the store was a wreck at the end of the day, and we’d found nothing. “Too long.”
“You have three hours,” she said, clicking through hangers. “Let’s do this. Tell me your vision when you imagine yourself going on this date.”
“Sexy. Not slutty. But I want to look…” I waved my hands in circles and lowered my voice to call up the only adjective I could muster. “Delicious.”
She raised a perfectly-manicured eyebrow. My cheeks tingled.
“What are you going to do tonight?” she asked.
“I have no idea. He didn’t say.”
“But what do you say?”
“I say we’re going to do fun things. Alone together kinds of fun things.”
She looked at her watch. “We’re in the wrong store.”
She took my hand and pulled me out of the sale section, through the expensive stuff, past the designer cosmetics and shoes, and out to the fake courtyard of the Grotto. The tree was still up next to Santa’s village, but the sparkle had left both in favor of CAUTION tape as they were dismantled. SALE signs were plastered over every store window.
“Where are we going?”
“Do you trust me?” she called back.
“I do. Mostly.”
She didn’t answer as she wove through the crowd, over the stone pavement, past the fountain, the movie theater, the high-end storefronts, and down a small pathway between the mall and the street. A candy store. A custom shoe store. And…
“No way…” I said.
“Yes way.”
“I can’t,” I said when we were outside her destination. “He’ll expect it. I don’t want him to expect it. I can’t wear this.”
“Oh, you can, and you will. Not for him and not for what he thinks. But for you.” She poked me in the chest. “Because there’s nothing wrong with feeling sexy, and this stuff does it.”
She took me by the elbow and pulled me into La Perla. The bustle and rush of the mall was shut out the moment we entered, and we were engulfed in undulating music, dark corners, spotlights, and perfectly formed mannequins in garters and stockings.
I clutched my bag. “I can’t.”
“Can I help you find something?” the salesgirl asked. She wore a man’s shirt opened to the navel, revealing a lace bra with a crystal heart where the cups met.
“No,” I said.
“Yes,” Francine said. “My friend here has a date tonight with a rich, handsome, and smart man she has a ton in common with. She wants it to go well.”
The girl smiled, eyes lighting up like the Vegas strip. “We specialize in that.”
“I don’t want him to think I do this for everyone,” I said.
“He won’t think that. We’ll make sure. Do you have a budget in mind?”
“A hundred?”
The sales girl seemed undaunted, but Francine held up her hands. “More.”
“Francine!”
She pulled me aside, next to a Swarovski crystal-covered bra. “You have credit cards?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Do you have a balance on any of them?”
“Well, no.”
“When was the last time you spent anything on yourself?”
“I’m not a stylist. I’m a teacher. We’re notoriously broke.”
“Once, Vivian. Once, you can carry a balance on the card for one thing for one guy. I’m not saying to get in over your head. I’m not saying to go into bankruptcy. I’m saying maybe you should trust yourself. Trust you’re spending too much just once and it’s not some downhill ride. Treat yourself as well as you treat everyone else.”
I looked around the store. If I was going to treat myself, it was going to be for more books and more things for the kids. But that little bra made the salesgirl’s chest look so nice, and the mannequin next to me with the black stockings and garter, the way the stockings stopped at the upper thigh, highlighting the tiny string of a bikini and the place he wanted to put his tongue… I shuddered.
“I want stockings like this,” I said. “And if I get this stuff, I’m pulling a dress out of my mom’s closet, even if it’s boring.”
“Perfect. The more boring, the better. He’ll die when he sees this underneath.”
I filled my lungs with confidence. “He may or may not, but I’m pretty sure I will.”
Francine put her fists in front of her mouth to hide her smile, but she couldn’t stop herself from stamping a foot in glee. “Let’s go!”
She pulled me back to the salesgirl, and I gulped down all my shame and followed her. I was giving myself a ton of mixed messages about what I expected from this evening. Poor guy. If he thought he was confused, he should have tried living in my brain for a few hours.