Chapter 22
Mia
After reading the minutes from the Board meeting, I was inconsolable. Depression descended on me like thick gray clouds and wouldn’t let me go. Three days went by and I hardly got out of bed, only to use the bathroom and drink sips of water.
Jill sat on the edge of my bed, pleading for me to eat. None of the food she had snuck out of the cafeteria looked enticing enough. Sweet Jill even picked out all the marshmallows in a Lucky Charms box into a bowl hoping I’d nibble on the crunchy morsels. When that didn’t work, she piled Danish pastries on my desk.
But I just couldn’t eat. My appetite had dried up just like the love between Theo and me. There was just nothing left.
She told me that Theo had come by a few times begging to see me, but I never wanted to see him again. Jill was a good friend like that, blocking him from getting to me and supporting my decision.
Most of my time in bed, I let myself tumble into the bliss of sleep. Asleep, I couldn’t feel the ache in my chest and the uselessness of my grief. Asleep, my mind didn’t wander to the video of Theo with Penny. It was burned into my memory.
After the third day of seclusion, Jill pressed me to go back home. She even bought me the ticket and drove me to airport. By then, I was too weak to refuse, too mired in my sadness to object to my best friend’s requests.
Back home in Carpinteria, my mood slowly improved. Simply being out of Berkeley helped. There was nothing in my hometown to remind me of Theo. The ache in my body still throbbed with sadness, but the acute pain had waned. My mother saw how sallow and pale I looked upon my arrival. It was easy to stay in bed and tell her that I was just sick with a cold.
Brandon had written me an email asking if everything was okay. My response was vague and noncommittal saying that I was still not well. I’d considered working remotely to help my team out, but my mother forbade it demanding I take a full rest: mind and body.
A full week went by before bringing out the envelope that contained information on my father’s whereabouts. After running out of Pictogram the day Penny sent me the video, I ran back to Theo’s to grab a few things, one of which was the private investigator’s findings of my father.
My mother sat in the kitchen sipping coffee when I emerged from my room, holding the envelope. “Good morning, sunshine!” she said greeting me with a warm hug. The sun was streaming in through the windows and lit up her auburn hair beautifully. She looked so happy. It saddened me that what I was going to tell her might change that.
“Good morning, Mom,” I said sitting down at the kitchen table to a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast. “Thanks for breakfast.” It looked delicious, but my appetite hadn’t yet completely returned.
My mom smiled and patted my hand. “Of course! I missed having you home.”
I placed the envelope on the table. My mom looked at it and said, “What’s that? Something from school?”
“I have something to tell you.” My voice trembled when I spoke.
My mom, noticing the change in my voice, put down her mug of coffee. “What is it, Mia?”
“Mom, I want you to know that I am truly grateful for everything you have done for me, for raising me on your own. I never felt like I was ever missing out on anything because I had you.”
My mom’s eyes looked bleary as I talked. “Of course, honey. I love you.”
It was difficult to get out what I wanted to say, worried she would be angry or worse, hurt. “Theo hired a private investigator to find out about my dad. That envelope has all his information.”
My mom was silent, staring at the envelope as if it were alive but dormant, and at any moment, it would jump to life. She was barely audible when she said, “I’m sorry I never told you about him.” A teardrop spattered the kitchen table.
“No, Mom! No. That’s not what this is about. I understand.” My chest ached not wanting to hurt my mother’s feelings.
She just nodded quietly in a trance, looking at the envelope. I wondered what memories of my dad flooded back to her as she stared.
Drumming my hands on the manila envelope with my name written on it in bold black letters, I said, “I didn’t want to open it without talking to you first. I don’t want to hurt you or make you think that you weren’t enough for me, because you were.” Now my own tears choked me up.
Mom wiped the tears off my cheeks with both her thumbs looking into my eyes. “You have the right to know.” Her eyes were full of sadness and regret. “Once your father left during my third month of pregnancy, I never heard from him again, but, I didn’t look.” She paused looking away into the past. “I never looked back because I had you, a baby on the way, and I had to get strong for that.”
My arms wrapped around my mother’s shoulders. “You are strong. The strongest woman I know.”
“If you want to know about your father, even meet him, I’m okay with that.” My mom squeezed me tightly. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Mia. I love you.”
The yearning to know my father dissipated as I held onto my mother. Whoever my dad was, he didn't have the same love for me that my mother did or else he would have come for me. He wouldn't have let all the years pass without ever once trying to contact me or get to know me.
As I took the envelope in my hands, my mother looked at me with understanding eyes. The shredder was in the adjoining room. I headed straight for it. I had made my decision. Mom was enough for me. “I don't need to know, Mom. He has had plenty of time to find me, and he hasn't.”
My mom followed close behind me. “Are you sure? You don't have to do that.”
I turned on the shredder without any doubt in my mind. “I want to.” Watching the envelope going through the slot and turn into shreds of paper, I felt renewed, proud of myself, even.
I put my arm around my mother. “All I need is you, Mom.”
We smiled at each other and walked back to the kitchen. It felt good to get that out of the way and off my chest.
The latest issue of Vogue was on the kitchen counter. Mom wiped the last of my tears with the back of her hand, kissing me on the forehead. Then she nodded at my breakfast, “Eat,” she said and began flipping through the issue. She stopped on a Marc Janow ad of me – the one where I was standing in front of Theo's painting.
She held it up to me as I ate my eggs. “You look so beautiful!”
Tucking my hair behind my ear, I smiled, “Thanks. I get it from my mom.”
My mother walked over to me with concern on her face and took my hand in hers. “I noticed you haven't been wearing your engagement ring. Is it getting resized? Or...”
It was time to tell the truth about everything. My mom listened while I talked. When I was done, she asked, “Could this Penny girl be lying?”
“The Board minutes confirmed it. Theo only proposed to me in order to improve his image for the company.” The minutes had solidified everything for me. Penny hadn't been lying.
“I'm sorry, Mia,” Mom said, brushing hair out of my eyes with her hand.
“I was so stupid to fall for a playboy. Penny has known Theo for years, but I've only known him for a few months. I should have known there was something more to their relationship.”
My mom shook her head sympathetically. “You couldn't have! You trusted him. That doesn't make you stupid.”
I felt stupid. Theo had never cared about me, only his company. When I uncovered those orgy photos, that should have been a sign to me that Theo Wainwright was a womanizing asshole.
But, no. I fell for it. I walked right into his trap. To think, I almost married him. To think, I could have been in a sham of a marriage. Even though Penny wasn't my favorite person in the world, I had her to thank from saving me from years and years of grief.