Gone Again

(Mason)

I didn’t go back home for an entire day. I took my motorcycle and went north. I blew through half a tank of gas and stopped at a bar that was within walking distance of a dive looking motel. I paid cash for a room, cash for beer and whiskey, and I sat in the corner of the bar and hid from the world.

Every now and again life seemed to completely shift. It had happened twice in my life. The first time was when my parents died. I had gone from a normal goofy looking kid with a family to losing everything. I remembered when I had to clean out my room because the house was being sold. Packing up cars and toys, not knowing where I’d end up and for how long. The house that was supposed to be my home. I was too young to really grasp everything, but I still felt it.

The second time life flipped over was when Kate left. There one second, gone the next. That’s how it felt. I had been there for her through thick and thin. Watching her get sick, going to the doctor’s, hearing the horrible news of her diagnosis. She did everything from that moment on to keep distance between us, not wanting me to get hurt. Yet by keeping that distance it killed me little by little. And then one day she was gone.

And now there I was, sitting at a bar I didn’t know, surrounded by a bunch of noisy fucking people I didn’t know, in a town I didn’t know. The only thing I did know was that my life had completely flipped once again. The shop was no longer mine and Violet would soon follow. Not that she’d end up in the arms of Hunter, like RN Custom Rides, but she would find something else. I’d make that happen if I had to.

I gave up the shop because Hunter deserved it. My heart wasn’t into the gig anymore. I appreciated the people, their needs, the beauty and art behind it, but it was all dollars and cents. I had made enough to last a lifetime. It was time to pass it on. Then I could face that fucking asshole Leo in person and show him that I had nothing else to give. If he wanted to pursue me personally then we could let a judge decide how much a deserved punch to the jaw was worth. Teddy was pissed because he didn’t get what I wanted. His suggestion was to build a case, to defend me, and worst case, offer a settlement. Just enough to make a degenerate gambler like Leo come in his pants, but not too much to hurt the business. All the while, Teddy would be cashing the retainer fee checks and enjoying his life.

Fuck that.

It was time for change.

Violet had gotten the best of me and I wanted the best of her. Yet, I fought it. I fought it through the beer. The mindless flirting with beautiful women. I came too damn close to taking one of those women back to my motel.

Lucky for me I woke the next morning with a dry mouth, a mild headache, and an empty bed. I downed a glass of water and got on my ride to head home. I had to talk to Hunter about everything going down. Then I needed to talk to Violet. The games had to end. She’d fallen for me. I had fallen for her. I wrote it in that letter to see what she would do. She was wild enough to come chasing me down at the shop, busting right into my office, wanting to put it all on the line.

She wouldn’t understand the Kate situation even if I told her.

At the shop, Hunter worked the garage like a storm. Taking care of everything. Commanding respect at the same time he earned it. The boys all looked at me as their owner. I cut the checks. I fired people. I was big, bold, and they probably hated me. But with Hunter, it was about functioning. That’s why he deserved what he got.

I climbed off my ride and Hunter came out of the garage, wiping his hands. He threw a dirty rag over his shoulder, shaking his head.

“Tell me it’s all a joke.”

“Nope,” I said. “You can even change the name if you want. Your name would look good in neon letters, huh?”

“Fuck that. I’m not doing it.”

“It’s already done, brother.”

“Don’t give me that shit.” Hunter grabbed my shirt. “What the fuck is this?”

“It’s change,” I said. “Long time coming around here. You’ve been carrying the place, man. I don’t want this thing with Leo to hurt anyone. And I’m looking for something new.”

“This is because of Violet. What happened with her?”

“I fell in love with her.”

Hunter raised an eyebrow. “Damn. That’s… so what are you going to do now?”

“Fuck around here,” I said. “Help with the transition. Then I don’t know. I don’t really care either. I’m not doing this for pity or anything like that, Hunter. I love this place. It was a promise I made to Kate. But I don’t think I can keep making promises to someone who isn’t here anymore. I don’t think that’s fair to her. To me. I’m putting pressure on someone that isn’t here. I keep searching for more pain. Digging for another piece of tragedy. Maybe it’s time to step to the side and let it all fucking fall where it wants.”

Hunter put a hand to my shoulder. “Christ, Mason. For all the years I’ve known you that might be the most sense you’ve ever made. That, and when you walked into my old job and punched my manager in the mouth and told me to pack up and that we were opening a garage together.”

I grinned. “That little weasel earned it. You’re going to do amazing here. You and Dicky… and the boys… I’ll be your first customer.”

“Nah,” Hunter said. “You’ve got an office here for the rest of your life. Anything you want, it’s yours, Mason.”

“Right now I need to get home and figure out the other half of this mess.”

“Go do that.”

“Hunter, do you think someone could be gone again?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not exactly sure. Just gone again. Like if I turn my head and Kate is gone… again. Or Violet. Or myself.”

“Every time I have to see my old man, it’s like a punch to my heart,” Hunter said. “I hate that old son of a bitch. Yet, I love him. I get through it by keeping my eyes forward. Don’t look to the side. Don’t look back. Just forward. We just keep moving forward, Mason.”

I made a fist and put it to Hunter’s jaw. I nudged him a few times. My version of saying I love you as a guy to a guy.

“Hey, Hunter!” someone called from the garage.

I stood there and watched him walk away.

I had a sense of freedom inside me for a moment.

I thought about what Hunter had said.

Don’t look to the side. Don’t look back. Just forward.

“Just forward,” I whispered.

I curled my lip, feeling that defiant fire of anger that made me who I was. That fire would burn forever, until my last breath. Now the only thing that mattered was what that fire touched and started to burn.

Right then, I wanted that fire to burn Violet’s heart… melting it against mine…

* * *

I walked the hallway slowly. I skipped my door and went right to Violet’s. I knocked, waited, and the door never opened for me. I hung my head and grabbed the doorknob. I twisted and jerked at the door, but it was locked. I passed and knocked one more time before retreating.

She was probably working. Avoiding me. Or maybe looking at other apartments again. I knew my signals were mixed. One second I told her to stay away and the next second I couldn’t picture not having her in my life. Just like with those roses. Something had cracked inside my mind and heart. Knowing that she was with another guy, triggering a jealously in me I didn’t know I could have.

When I opened my apartment door, I stepped on a piece of paper. I left a boot print on the paper. My name was on it and when I unfolded it, I quickly recognized it was Violet’s handwriting. Just another subtle reminder of how much she meant to me. I had her fucking handwriting memorized.

It was a quick note.

Mason,

Just wanted to let you know I had to shoot back to my old hometown again. Nothing is wrong with Mom or Dad. It’s something else. Someone close to me is dying and I need to say goodbye to her. She was like a grandmother to me when I was growing up. I would have called, but you seemed like you really wanted to be alone.

I want you to know that I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying in my apartment. And you’re staying in yours. And we’ll figure out whatever we have to figure out. Slow. Fast. Secrets. Whatever. Even if it’s just ‘playtime’, that’s fine.

I’m sorry, Mason, but I can’t imagine not having you in my life. And I know you feel the same about me.

I should only be here for a day or two. Just so you know, it’s Davis’ grandmother. I’m going to his parents to visit, but I’ll be staying at my parent’s house.

Really think about everything. I know I will be, even though I don’t have to.

• Violet

I crumbled the note up in my hand.

My balled up fist started to shake. I looked at the time. It was already in the afternoon. I thought about the last time I talked to Violet. Between then and now she had gotten word about her ex’s grandmother. And she took off to visit, say goodbye, whatever. She left me a note. She probably was expecting me to call or text. But I didn’t come home. I tried to get away.

If that hurt her… if that made her vulnerable… she was in the worst possible place ever.

“No,” I said.

I grabbed a shower, changed my clothes, and was out the door again.

I decided right then that I couldn’t stand to lose Violet. And maybe she couldn’t stand to lose me.

But she was going to find out that I was willing to fucking fight for her.