MATTERS OF THE HEART
“Sister?”
“Yes?”
Amabel looked up at Alina, feeling weary and miserable. She was sitting on her bed in the great bedchamber, still dressed in her long nightshift. She had not left her bed all day, feeling fevered and too drained to move. It was evening now, the day cooling to nightfall. The autumn was progressing outside the window, the broad-leafed forest more red and gold now than the yellow and green of when she married.
“He will come back, you know,” Alina said reassuringly. She was serene as ever, black hair plaited back from her face with silver cord. She wore a black dress banded with silver and her long oval face was calm and serene.
“Oh, sister, I know he will,” Amabel said miserably. “I know he will return to the castle. I just do not think he will come back... come back to me, I mean.”
Alina laid a cool hand on her hair, stroking her fevered head. “My dear, the only reason he cannot return to your heart is because he never left.”
Amabel sighed shakily. “I wish I could believe you. But I cannot. You have not seen him. Even when we are alone together, side by side at night, he will not look at me.” She looked at her hands, feeling the tears beginning.
Alina sat for a while, thinking. “You are certain that he does not feel unsure of his welcome?”
Amabel stared at her. “No, sister! I cannot believe that.”
She paused. Alina was so wise, so composed. If she said it, Amabel knew she should consider it. But what her wise, clever sister was saying sounded ridiculous!
“Why would he be unsure if he can trust me?” she asked hesitantly. “I have given him no cause for that.”
“No,” Alina agreed. “I think that if the man had enough sense to smear on bread he might have guessed you were upset. But, since he seems to have a head as empty as a jug, I think we can rule that out.”
Amabel laughed. “A jug! Oh, dear. I do love you, Alina.” She put an arm around her slender frame and drew her close. “Promise me you'll always visit me?”
Alina smiled. “I promise, dear, that I will make a nuisance of myself. I rather like the sound of Dunkeld, as it is.”
Amabel saw the tight little smile as her sister looked quickly away. She grinned. “Sister...”
“What?”
“You and Duncan. You are... Oh, sister!” She gave her a sudden enveloping hug. “You like him very much, don't you?”
“You don't need to crush me... I can't breathe!” Alina chuckled lightly, and when her sister released her, she turned to face her. Her eyes kindled with warmth. “I like Duncan, yes. And I have some intimation he likes me, too. But I do not know what will happen now.”
“You mean?” Amabel paused.
“Uncle Brien,” they both said one after the other.
Amabel leaned back on the pillows. “That old curmudgeon! I wish I could do aught about him. Maybe when Broderick has won him a fortress or two and destroyed his enemies for him, his ambition will be satisfied enough. Then you will be free to marry anyone.”
Alina smiled. “Oh, sister, thank you. You give me a precious hope.”
Amabel jostled her shoulder gently. “You do the same for me, dear. Now, instead of feeling so sorry for myself, I should be taking some interest in the news from the castle. How is Chrissie?”
“Sulking,” Alina said fondly. “She said you were so short with her at sewing that she didn't want to see anyone. And she's sad anyway. Now that Blaine is gone and Heath is out practicing, she has no one to talk to.”
Amabel felt a knife-twist in her heart. “I am sorry. The poor girl. I had clean forgotten Blaine and Heath were both off. She must be very upset.”
“Oh, she'll mend easily.” Alina smiled. “If you promise to do her hair in that special French style you showed her, I am sure she'll cheer up immediately. The girl loves you, whatever you may believe.”
Amabel breathed out. She felt as if she had been awfully selfish. She could not blame herself for the neglect, though: it was as if her heart had turned to ice with each day of Broderick's presence – each tiny, painful rejection damming her heart up behind a wall. Today, with Alina, was the first time she had felt as if there was life under the ice.
“I should go and find Chrissie directly,” she said with a smile. “But first I should eat something. I feel so weak!”
Alina nodded. She went to the door to find a maidservant. She returned a few minutes later, smiling.
“I sent Blaire downstairs to fetch you some broth. You're so pale! You need a hearty meal to fix you up,” she said, sitting down again beside her sister.
Amabel leaned on her shoulder, thinking. She wanted to come back to her daily life at the castle, to live as she had before ever she met her new husband. But the hurt and pain were still there, the mistrust she felt whenever she was with others, the nagging doubt that she was worthy of love.
“Sister?”
“Mm?”
“Why does Broderick turn away from me like he does? He seems to care, and yet he does not want to come near me! He acts as if my presence were dangerous, some awful poison that he might die of if he touched me. Am I so awful?”
Alina sighed. “I do not feel I know enough to say, my sister. All I know is that cannot be true. You are so lovely. No one would think you loathsome.”
Amabel sniffed. “Really?”
“Truly and really.”
She sighed. “What must I do?”
Alina stroked her hand. “I do not feel I know enough to say. But maybe you could ask Aunt Aili? She is wise. She is older than us both. She would be sure to know what to do.”
Amabel drew in a shuddering breath. She had not thought of that. She was not alone in her pain. She had so many people to ask. Someone would know.
“That is a good idea, sister.” She leaned back on the pillows, feeling tired out. “Tomorrow I will find Aili. I feel sure the men will return soon, and I want to know before they do.”
Alina laughed and jostled her arm. “That's good.”
The two sat in silent contemplation for a while, watching the sun slowly sink into a glowing ember, the sky above painted with mauve dusk. The swifts flew through the sky, calling shrilly.
I know something can be done to put this right. Amabel felt more certain than she had in weeks.
She and Alina sat together and watched the day slowly settle into dusk and then to inky night.
Tomorrow, Amabel decided, she would seek out her aunt and find out what was truly happening here.