THREE
ESSIE
Usually I enjoy working at Blossom, enjoy chatting with our regulars, with my co-workers, but today, I can’t help clock-watching and count down the minutes until my shift is over at four. Because when this shift is over, I have eight whole days off to hang out, enjoy the holidays, and spend some time with my brother (who doesn’t have as many days off, but still). It’s December 23rd, only two more days till Christmas, which means only two more days until I can give Vaughn the present that I’ve been saving months for—an iPad. He’s never had something like that of his own before, and I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he opens it.
When four o’clock finally rolls around, it’s started to snow. A thick white mantle of the stuff quickly coats every available surface. I zip up my jacket as I step outside, and I pull my phone out. Vaughn called once while I was working, but it was busy so I let it go to voicemail. I see that he’s called several more times, which is a little strange, though he never left any messages. I give him a call back, but it goes to voicemail.
“Hey,” I say. “Sorry I wasn’t able to pick up the phone earlier. It was really busy today. But I’m heading home now. You already there? I’ll see you soon!”
The streets are packed with cars and the sidewalks are crowded with people, but nothing can bring my good mood down. Vaughn was only working a half day at the bike shop, so he should be home when I get there, and our “staycation” can commence. We’re going to watch movies, eat junk food, and just hang out. I know to some people that probably sounds pretty low key, maybe even boring, but I can’t wait.
No one’s home when I get there, though, so I plug the tree in, put the kettle on for tea. Vaughn might’ve had some last minute Christmas shopping to do, or maybe he went to pick up some takeout for us to have for dinner tonight.
I go into my room, into my tiny closet and get the iPad. It’s wrapped in red paper with silver ribbon. I look at it, trying to picture the look on his face when he opens it, then I decide to bring it out and put it under the tree. We won’t open presents until Christmas Day, of course, but it’ll be fun for him to try to guess what it is. There’s no way he’s going to know.
I make myself a cup of tea and then putter around a little, wondering where the hell my tardy ass brother is. I check my phone, but he hasn’t called or texted. I try calling him but again, it goes to voicemail.
An anxious feeling begins to gnaw at me, but I ignore it, telling myself that I’m getting worked up for no reason, that Vee will be home at any moment, that it’s silly to worry. I have plenty of things to do while I’m waiting for his ass anyway. I take a shower, and telling myself that by the time I get out he’ll be home. When that turns out to be false, I start ferociously tidying the living room. I actually say out loud before starting, “Vaughn will walk through the door by the time I’m done.”
Except we still don’t have a ton of stuff, so cleaning doesn’t take that long.
I do this for the next several hours, finding meaningless tasks to engage in, trying to convince myself at the end of each one, my brother will be home, or will have called, or texted. Or something. Anything. Where the hell is he? Where the hell is he, the inconsiderate bastard? He should have at least phoned.
Finally, the phone rings.
I snatch it up, but it’s not Vaughn, it’s Max.
“Hi,” I say, trying to keep the worry out of my voice.
“Essie.” Max’s voice sounds off, like he’s choking on something. The voice on the other end of the line almost doesn’t sound like him. God, straight away I know something’s wrong. I grip the phone tightly.
“Max, what is it? Is Vee with you?”
“Oh, Jesus.” He exhales harshly, the sound rattling through the receiver. My stomach clenches, twisting painfully. “Essie? Essie, I don’t…Fuck, I’m no good at this shit.”
“What, Max? C’mon, you’re freaking me out. You’re scaring me.”
The line is silent for a painful second. In that second, I know my entire life is over. I know, with a sinking sense of fatality, that if I hear what Max is about to say, nothing will be the same again. My brother’s best friend pulls in a deep, ragged breath and says the words I’m terrified to hear. “He was in an accident, Essie. His truck was totaled.”
The room pitches sideways. “Oh god. Is he…is he badly hurt?” Somehow, some part of my brain is still clinging to the hope that Vaughn’s alive. That he has multiple bone fractures. That maybe he’s paralyzed. That would be terrible, but we could deal with it. He could stay home. I would work. I would take care of us, the same way he took care of me. Max’s next words crush every last remaining scrap of hope I might have, though.
“He…he suffered major internal injuries, Essie. He died on the scene. I’m so, so sorry.”
The whole world seems to stop, like it gets sucked inward, and all that’s left is me, nothing else, no one else, just myself and this horrible pain that has started, that is raging through my entire body. Except I can’t quite feel it, it’s muted somehow, but it will come on full force if I move. So I won’t move. I will just stand here forever, the phone pressed against my ear, Max saying my name.
“Essie? Essie? Are you still there, Essie?”
I am, Max, but I can’t move. Can’t speak. If I do, that will make everything you’ve just said true. And that can’t happen.
“I’m coming over, Essie. I’ll be right over.” He hangs up. I’m still standing there, phone against my ear, when he gets there, half an hour later.