II.
I clutched Harlow’s shoulder. “Is that who I think it is?”
She reached out and squeezed my other hand. “That’s a loaded question.”
I thought of the famous photograph spread shot by Annie Leibovitz where Julian Oliver was holding a gun in his right hand and the neck of his guitar in his left. “Harlow.”
“Taliah.”
“Well, I think it is him. Pretty sure he’s Julian Oliver. But I’m still unwilling to fully agree that he is who you think he is.” She squeezed my hand again. “In that regard.”
“In that regard,” I repeated absently, and snuck another glance at the willowy figure standing on my doorstep. I’d imagined this moment so many times, and now that it was finally here, I found it very difficult to be present in it. It almost felt as if I were watching a videotape of my life.
My mind repeated the same refrain over and over again: Julian Oliver is standing on your doorstep.
Julian Oliver of rock star fame.
Julian Oliver, my long-lost father.
You see, three years ago when I’d discovered The Shoebox in my mother’s home studio/office—I obviously immediately shared this life-altering revelation with Harlow because she was and is my first-choice person. But analytical-to-a-fault Harlow hadn’t been as convinced as me. Her arguments, presented below in no particular order, were valid:
Lots of people have glacier-like blue eyes and dimples in their right cheeks.
Mom could have been a huge hardcore fan of Staring Into the Abyss. A secret fan, but a die-hard one nonetheless. Lots of people were.
It was just very unfathomable and unlikely.
See point 3 and repeat it over and over and over again.
My counterpoints were as follows:
Yes, but there was still a startling resemblance. We even smiled in the same way. Didn’t she see that? (She eventually admitted that she did, indeed, see it. Especially the way both of our bottom lips curved slightly to the left, which served to further highlight the dimple in our right cheek.)
Mom hated rock music. This had been a point of contention between Mom and me for basically my whole life. I’d had to beg—I mean capital-B Beg—her to let me take piano lessons. And to this day, she only wanted me to listen to classical music and musical soundtracks. Any modern music I listened to was a secret affair. Her disdain for rock music had always seemed odd, and I remember one time when she had a very strong reaction to a Staring Into the Abyss song that came over the speakers when we were in a store. All this is to say, Mom’s reactions to rock music, particularly Staring Into the Abyss, seemed suspiciously out of proportion.
Mom had completed her undergraduate studies at Hampton University, a private college nestled in the sleepy town of Oak Falls, Indiana. Guess where Julian Oliver was born and raised? Yup. You guessed it.
Sure, it was very unfathomable and unlikely, but so were many things that existed in this world, such as air travel, the smallpox vaccine, and the absolute perfection of Beyoncé.
Harlow dropped my hand. “You’re going to answer the door, right?”
I nodded dumbly. “But what do I say?”
“Why don’t you wait and see what he says?”
I stood frozen and she let out a loud sigh. “Taliah. You have to open the door. This is getting weird.”
“Isn’t it already crazy weird?”
“Yes,” she said emphatically. “So there’s no need to make it any more weird.” And with that, Harlow pulled open the door.
Staring Into the Abyss
Staring Into the Abyss (S.I.T.A.) is an American indie rock band that was formed in Oak Falls, Indiana, in 1999. The band’s lyrics, which have been described as “poetic, esoteric, and melancholy,” are written and sung by Julian Oliver, the band’s lead singer. Oliver also reportedly composes the vast majority of the band’s music, though according to an interview with Pitchfork in 2011, Oliver is occasionally lent a hand, which most people took to be a nod to band member Marty St. Clair. The band has recorded four studio albums, the most popular of which is Blind Windows, which was released in July 2002, and includes the hit single “That Night.” The band hasn’t put out a new album since 2011 and there is much speculation about when or if a new record will be released.
BAND MEMBERS
Julian Oliver—lead vocals, guitar
Marty St. Clair—keyboard, bass, backup vocals
Chris Stevens—bass, backup vocals
Brett Bannister—drums, percussion
MUSICAL STYLE
The band has been compared to several other indie and alternative rock bands and musical acts, such as the National, the White Stripes, Neutral Milk Hotel, the Cure, and Wolf Parade. Oliver has cited Leonard Cohen and Elliott Smith as major influences on his lyrical writing, as well as Isaac Brock. He has also mentioned drawing inspiration from William Blake, Anne Sexton, and William Faulkner. Given that the band’s name is a direct reference to Friedrich Nietzsche, it is likely Oliver is also inspired by Nietzsche and other nineteenth-century philosophers. Because of Oliver’s poetic, wistful, and obscure lyrics, he has developed an almost cult-like following of worship among his fans.
Due to some of the band’s more hard-edged songs, they have also drawn comparisons to the Clash; one music review outlet once even went as far as to call Staring Into the Abyss a “doe-eyed version of a British punk grunge band. Sure, they have prettier, more esoteric lyrics, but at the end of the day, fans turn out for the same reason—to jump around to the jagged bass lines and thundering percussion.”
DISCOGRAPHY
Winter in Indiana (2000)
Blind Windows (2002)
Fireproof (2007)
You’ll Never See Me Again (2011)