Ten

“Good morning, Caitlin. You slept late.”

Caitlin jumped as Edina appeared from behind her, and she almost tumbled down the stairs she’d been quietly descending to the second floor.

Her words came out quickly, sounding guilty even to her own ears. “Aye, I waited up to tell Darach that Fergus had moved into the keep. I didn’t want him to worry lest he went to the kitchen and found the lad gone.”

“That was thoughtful of you.”

Edina passed her with a basketful of laundry and Caitlin fell into step behind her. They crossed the great hall and exited into the bailey.

It was well past midmorning, yet the yard was unusually quiet, with only a few people milling about. She blinked in the bright sunlight. “Where is everyone?”

“Darach and Oslow took a number of men on patrol and many of the rest have been deployed in preparation for the conflict. We still have a strong guard at the castle and in the village, of course. Laird MacKenzie would ne’er let any harm come to you or any of the others.”

Caitlin stopped, her jaw dropping as Edina hurried down the outside stairs.

“They’ve gone?”

“Aye, early this morning.”

When she reached the grass, Edina entered another door at the base of the stairs that led to the keep’s supply room and disappeared inside.

Feeling a good cry coming on, Caitlin flopped down on the top step and put her head on her knees. How could Darach be gone? She needed to see him, speak to him…to touch him. She needed reassurance about last night.

Uncaring man.

But the tears wouldn’t come. How long would he be gone? Would he even miss her? She jumped up and raced down the stairs, following Edina into the supply room. The housekeeper was in the corner, counting bags of oats. A lit candle burned in a sconce on the wall.

Caitlin hurried over. “When will they be back?”

“Oslow thought maybe a week.”

“Are they in danger?”

“I doona think so. The Frasers are a tricky bunch but not as well prepared as our laird. He’s been planning this conflict for years.”

“But it isna the big one, right? He would have said goodbye to me before he went to war.”

“Aye, Caitlin. Doona fash.”

As Edina moved through the storeroom making notes, Caitlin hovered behind her, feeling lost and scared, having a hard time catching a full breath. Even if the clan weren’t going to battle, Darach could still fall from his horse or tumble off a cliff. What if he banged his head and didn’t remember her? She was proof it could happen.

Well, not really, but Oslow had said it sometimes happened.

And it was harder to contain the fear that rose over Fraser and her uncle finding her knowing that Darach was gone. What if they somehow got past the castle walls and spirited her away before he returned?

What if she never saw him again?

The pain that ripped through her at that thought pushed any fear for herself away. She leaned back against a bag of grain before she fell down and tried to calm her racing heart, to take deep breaths and loosen the stricture in her throat, the twisting in her guts.

The idea of going to France to find her mother’s family now seemed like torture. She wouldn’t get any farther than the village before she turned Cloud around and raced back to Darach.

“Did you see them off this morning?” she asked, her voice sounding weak.

“Aye. ’Twas not long after sunup.”

“So they’d planned it ahead of time.” He could have told her yesterday. He’d had plenty of time.

“I knew Oslow was going, but I didn’t know Darach intended to go as well. Maybe ’twas something he and Laird MacKay decided at the last minute.”

He’d taken Lachlan too, and most likely Gare and Brody.

Edina placed a bag of oats in her hands. “Quit pouting and make yourself useful.”

“I’m not pouting.”

“Aye, you are. He’ll be back before you know it.”

“’Tis just…well…” She shifted fretfully on her feet. “Did he say anything about me before he left?”

“Caitlin, ’twas verra busy. I did not stop to chat with the laird. I barely had time to say goodbye to my husband.” She headed for the door carrying a second bag of oats.

Caitlin followed. “You’re right, of course. ’Tis selfish of me. I’m sorry.”

When they reached the stairs, Edina placed the bag down and took a seat. She patted the step next to her. “Come sit down and tell me what’s bothering you.”

Caitlin plopped down on the stair. She sniffed. “He didn’t say goodbye.”

“You’ll see him soon enough. You can spend your time riding Cloud and teaching the dogs new tricks.”

She shook her head. “I need to see him now. I have…questions.”

“What kind of questions?”

Heat rushed up Caitlin’s cheeks. Edina would surely think she was wicked if she knew about last night. “Oh, ’tis naught. Just…questions.”

Edina harrumphed and took her hands. “You will tell me everything, Caitlin. Especially if this has aught to do with Darach MacKenzie kissing you.”

Her heart sped up. How had Edina known? Caitlin was certain no one had seen them. “We did no such thing, I swear. Well, maybe a wee bit. But not what you think.”

“And just what am I thinking?”

“That he, you know, put his broomstick in my bucket.”

Edina raised a brow but said naught.

The pressure on Caitlin to say more increased. “We just kissed…a lot…and, um, rubbed. Then he put his hand under my chemise and touched…you know.”

“Nay, I doona know. Where exactly did he touch you?”

Caitlin could barely get the words out she was so mortified. “My breast.”

“And that’s all? Not between your legs?”

The idea horrified her. “Nay! I swear. I would ne’er let that happen.”

“Aye, you will, but you must promise me not till you’re married. ’Tis verra important you stay a maid, do you understand?”

Caitlin nodded. She could scarce meet Edina’s eyes. Her stomach twisted so tightly she thought it would never loosen. “Were you a maid when you married Oslow?”

Edina hesitated. “I was a maid when I met Oslow, aye. I ran away from the Fraser keep to ensure I remained a maid. Your virginity is a wonderful gift to be given only to your husband on your wedding night.” She lifted Caitlin’s chin. “Can you make me that promise?”

Caitlin repressed a shudder lest she give too much away. She would never give her husband her virginity. If it was impossible to marry Darach, she would remain a maid forever.

Her heart clenched at the thought. She would never know what it was like to “finish the act” or sleep in his arms. She would never have a child or a proper home.

The futility of her situation sank deep. Why must she remain a maid? Surely Darach wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. Or put her in danger. It was most unfair that men could take a lover but women could not.

“I doona like the look in your eye,” Edina said. “You must promise me you willna let Darach bed you until you’re married. The first time you make love should be special. It signifies the joining of two people and seals the wedding vows.”

“What do you mean, seals the wedding vows?”

“Intimate congress validates the legal and spiritual union a man and woman make when they marry.”

Caitlin stilled. The words echoed in her head. “So if a wedding takes place, but the husband and wife doona make love?”

“It can be annulled.”

Her heart beat so fast she couldn’t catch her breath.

Edina’s brow puckered with worry, and she placed a hand on Caitlin’s neck. “Put your head down, lass, and take deep breaths. That wouldnae be a problem, believe me. If our laird married you, he wouldnae forsake his wedding night.”

She could still have the life she wanted—married to Darach, sleeping in his bed, nursing his children. She’d never worry him again or cause trouble. And they could “finish the act” again and again.

He’d asked her to stand beside him and fight the Frasers, and she would—despite her fear of capture, of being locked up and controlled again. Or worse.

He said he would keep her safe.

“Do you think Laird MacKenzie would be happy with me?” she asked.

“Happier than he’s e’er been.”

“Even though he says he ne’er wants to marry?”

“Aye, lass. Men doona always know what’s best for them.”

Well, maybe she just had to show Darach that she was best for him. Caitlin smiled as the sun moved from behind a cloud and filled the bailey with light. She could marry Darach. She would marry Darach. As soon as she’d fixed her wee problem.

“We’ll need a priest,” she said.

Edina gave her an assessing look, then nodded. “He’s on his way. Oslow told me Father Lundie is at some of the outlying farms and should arrive in a day or two. He gives mass in the village when he’s here.”

“That’s good, but I doona understand why there isna a chapel at the castle.”

“It hasn’t been a priority. Our laird’s been busy preparing for battle. ’Twould be nice to have a holy man living here. Too many MacKenzies have missed last rites because the priest didn’t arrive in time, and Father Lundie is getting old. ’Tis hard for him to travel from place to place.”

Surely Darach would like a chapel in his yard. Maybe between the barracks and the keep. Or farther down, by the stable.

“Is the father a good man?” she asked.

“Aye, and a good priest—always concerned for the people, and he doesn’t judge harshly.”

It sounded like he would be an asset to the clan. Poor Darach just had too much to do and no one to help him. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone else took on the responsibility? Shouldered some of the weight?

Caitlin jumped to her feet, her earlier despair forgotten. She had a new purpose, a new plan. “I look forward to meeting Father Lundie. I have so many questions for him and innumerable sins to confess.”

“Innumerable?”

“Aye. Do you think he’ll approve of the union?”

“I think he’ll be more than happy to marry you to our laird.”

She spun in a happy circle. It was wonderful to be able to hope again. To dream. “I pray ’tis so, for I would like naught better than to be Darach’s lady.”

* * *

Darach refused to marry the lass, no matter how badly he wanted to tup her. Which meant he couldn’t tup her. Which meant he couldn’t eat or sleep or think of anything else but tupping her.

This was exactly why he’d decided not to marry or have bairns in the first place. Women were a distraction. Nay, not all women. Caitlin was a distraction. When he should be concentrated on protecting his clan and defeating their enemies, she tugged him around by the heart and the cock in the same manner as Moire. He was the biggest kind of fool.

A low-hanging branch clipped his head, and he cursed his own stupidity. He wasn’t fit to lead. This was the MacKenzies’ greatest hour of need and their laird couldn’t even walk through the forest without banging into a tree.

With a disgusted sigh, he lowered himself onto a boulder and rubbed his brow. The ache in his head didn’t even begin to drown out the ache in his groin. If he’d thought his need was bad before he’d touched Caitlin, now it consumed him. And it didn’t matter how many times he swam in the icy loch—the need came back.

He dropped his head to his hands only to be assailed with images of her as they’d kissed last night: bright eyes, swollen lips, flushed cheeks. And the way she’d felt… God almighty, he’d never touched anything so soft. The worst of it was she’d wanted him too. She’d moved against him as he had her. Both of them seeking the other.

“You look like hell,” Lachlan said.

He didn’t glance up. “Go away.”

“Why put yourself through this anguish? Marry the lass and be done with it. You can go back right now, handfast her, and take her to bed. Tonight. Tup her till you canna move, then focus on the job at hand—defeating the Frasers. Kill the man who betrayed your clan, killed your father, and abused your wife. You know you want to. You’re just too stubborn to change your mind.”

Darach tried to ignore Lachlan, but his heart had picked up and his ears were straining to catch every word. Everything within him wanted to grab on to the idea and run with it. Straight back to Caitlin.

“She’s going to leave. She doesn’t think I can keep her safe. What kind of wife doesn’t trust her husband?”

“The frightened kind. She’s running around like a headless chicken with her so-called plan. Take her in hand, Darach. She needs you.”

He snorted derisively and rubbed his head. “She needs a man who doesn’t run into branches.”

“You’ll ne’er be the man you were before you met her. ’Tis impossible. She’s wormed her way under your skin and will ne’er get out. Even if she left, you’d be thinking of her, worrying about her. At least if she’s in your home, your bed, you’ll know she’s safe and happy. And you willna have to walk around half-cocked every moment of the day.”

“I wish,” Darach growled.

Lachlan laughed. “Full-cocked then, day and night.” He settled on the rock beside Darach, jostling him. “Handfast her and plant your seed, for Christ’s sake. Then put her to the back of your mind. ’Tis the smartest thing to do.”

Darach sighed and looked at his foster brother. “What if this…feeling…ne’er goes away? What if it keeps growing and…and…”

“Makes you happy? She’s a fine lass to love, Darach. You should be thankful.”

He stared unseeing into the forest, trying not to picture the life that his brother’s words had conjured. A life with Caitlin, their children, laughing together, growing old together. It unsettled him. It was the life he thought he’d once have with Moire. But that was a life based on treachery and deceit.

“I have to do what’s best for my clan,” he said, almost desperately.

“Then marry her. They doona want to lose her, either.”

Darach pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. It was true. The clan had taken to Caitlin like a bear to honey. They wouldn’t begrudge him marrying her, having bairns. Well, maybe some of the besotted young men, but they’d get over it. And the women seemed to want his happiness, as Caitlin did. What had she said? She never wanted him to be alone or unhappy.

She’d been holding him tight when she’d said it, smelling sweet, like honeysuckle.

The desire surged again and he shuddered. His eyes popped open to focus fiercely on anything but the images in his head. He saw a torn leaf beside a snapped twig. Two paces farther on, a rock was scuffed.

It took him a moment to realize what he was looking at. He stiffened, instantly on alert. Lachlan followed his gaze.

“One of yours?” he asked, as Darach crouched beside the trampled foliage.

“Not bloody likely. Call Oslow. The tracks are only a few hours old. We might be able to catch whoever made them.”

“And then?”

Darach’s heart stilled. It felt like the threads of his life had just tightened into place. “I’ll go back and marry Caitlin.”

* * *

They’d been riding hard the last three hours to beat the approaching storm. Twilight was darkened by heavy, thick clouds, while an angry wind tore at the men’s plaids and twisted their hair into knots.

Relief poured through Darach when the castle came into view. After five days of being away from Caitlin, his emotions were as turbulent as the coming storm, leaving him battered both inside and out. He wanted to marry her, bind her to him, wanted to give her a home and family, so she didn’t feel the need to find her mother’s family, yet at the same time, he was furious with himself for needing to do so. As much as he wanted her safe in his keep, in his bed, he also wanted to rage at her for driving him crazy, for making him weak. He was laird; he couldn’t afford to be vulnerable.

He urged Loki faster. He would marry her and bed her tonight. He needed to be sharp to defeat Fraser, not muddled by worry and desire. She would be his for the taking, wherever and whenever he wanted, till he could bloody well think again.

But he realized it wasn’t just sexual need that crippled him. He also needed to know she was happy, that she willingly gave him not only her body, but also her loyalty and love.

Even though it shocked him to realize how much he wanted that, he could see it made sense. It was right for a wife to love her husband and look to him to satisfy her needs. Emotionally as well as physically.

Women were sensitive creatures. They needed to love someone, and Darach was determined Caitlin would love him—for no other reason than it would make for a stronger marriage, which would make for a stronger clan. An undefeated clan.

As he raced up the hill toward the castle, he couldn’t help but think of all the things he was going to do to her. How he would touch her and kiss her. Enter her body gently, so as not to cause her pain when he breached her maidenhead. Bring her to the brink of climax repeatedly before tipping her over the edge.

He had never bedded a virgin before. The idea of it hardened him beneath his plaid at the same time it churned his gut with worry. What if he lost control and pushed too hard? Hurt her despite his good intentions?

She was such a wee thing.

He tried to banish his thoughts as he led the riders under the portcullis. The first few drops of rain had started to fall, and he was almost at the keep when something caught his attention. In the fading light he saw a hole in the ground between the keep and the barracks. Several holes. Dirt was piled up beside them, and with this rain, it would make a terrible mess of his yard. Who the hell would do such a thing? And why?

Lachlan pulled up beside him. “I doona think you’ll want to wait that long to marry her.”

Darach couldn’t wrench his gaze from the scarred earth. “What do you mean?”

“’Tis a foundation, is it not? For a chapel?”

All the anger, frustration, and uncertainty he’d felt since meeting Caitlin finally exploded.

“Bloody hell. Caitlin!”

The increasing wind and rain swallowed his bellow, but Darach knew where she was, and this time he would make her understand he was not to be trifled with. He swung off Loki and marched toward the keep, leaving his mount for one of the men to stable. His feet pounded up the stairs and he pushed open the heavy door with a bang. Lachlan and Oslow followed behind.

The dogs ran toward him, barking ferociously at first, then jumping for joy upon seeing their master. Darach ignored them and headed for the tables that were grouped intimately for the evening meal. Ten of his warriors supped there, as well as Edina, Fergus, two serving girls, Father Lundie, and Caitlin.

His angry glare found her immediately. Her eyes lit up when she saw him, then grew worried.

“Darach, you’re back. It gladdens my heart to—”

“There are holes in my bailey.” His voice crackled with barely repressed fury.

Silence reigned, then the sound of benches pushing back and people scrambling out of the way echoed through the hall. Soon, only Caitlin, Darach, and a few others remained. Fergus clung to Caitlin’s skirts.

“Hold off,” Lachlan said softly. “You’re scaring the lad.”

Darach forced a stiff smile onto his face and crouched down to Fergus’s level. His voice trembled with the effort to keep it light. “Doona worry, lad. I’m just going to talk to Caitlin for a moment. She will tell me why she has torn up my bailey without my permission, and I will tell her why she’s ne’er to do it again. Same as I did with you last week when you knocked the stool into the fire.”

“But, Darach, this wasn’t an accident. ’Twas to be…”

He seared Caitlin with a glance and she stopped talking, eyes round in her pale face. He could see the pulse beating frantically in her throat. Good, he wanted her scared, to know she could not run roughshod over his wishes, no matter what she desired. He’d put up with it for too long.

“Oslow, take Edina and Fergus to see the kittens.”

“But—” Edina said, as Oslow hustled her and Fergus toward the stairs. She glanced back at Caitlin worriedly. Fergus gave her a commiserating look.

Father Lundie, white-haired and stooped, came forward. “Now, Laird, the lass was only trying to help. ’Twas my fault. Me old bones are tired, and I was pleased at the idea of residing permanently with the MacKenzies. I’m afraid I encouraged her in her plans to build you a chapel.”

“I’m verra familiar with Caitlin’s kind of helping, Father, and believe me, she didn’t need any encouragement. Allow Lachlan to find you a place to sleep in the barracks, please.” His words were clipped, his tone heavy.

Lachlan put his hand on the priest’s arm, but the man pulled free and moved toward Darach. “She’s such a kind lass. Truly, she meant no harm. Your lady was only thinking of you.”

“My lady?” Darach glanced at the priest, then back to Caitlin. Her pale cheeks flushed a bright pink. It made her look even lovelier. His anger surged for noticing such a thing, and his brows pulled together. “I didn’t know we were betrothed.”

He was vaguely aware of Lachlan harrumphing in the background, but he ignored him. It mattered not that he intended to marry the lass; Caitlin didn’t know that.

“Please, Laird. I beseech you, doona hurt her.”

The priest’s notion that he would abuse the lass added insult to injury, and he turned on Father Lundie, who looked ready to go down on his knees and beg. “I am not in the habit of harming women, Father. Lachlan will see you out!”

Lachlan took a firm grip on the priest and dragged him toward the door. “Doona worry, Father. Darach would ne’er harm her. Come tomorrow this will all be set right.”

They exited and Darach slowly turned back to Caitlin. She looked like a young doe caught in a snare. So vulnerable and lovely it made his heart ache. He hardened the traitorous organ and glowered at her.

She edged toward the end of the table. He moved with her on the opposite side. About halfway, she appeared to realize she was trapped and stopped.

He could see her mind working, trying to come up with an excuse. Finally, she pointed a finger at him. “You left without saying goodbye.”

His eyebrows shot up. “That’s why you dug up my bailey?”

“Nay…but you should have said goodbye. Maybe if you had, you would have told me not to do so.”

“Why on earth would I tell you such a thing when no sane person would e’er consider doing it?”

“Lots of people would consider it. Your clan wants a chapel, Darach, and a priest here permanently to see to their needs. You have been derelict in your duty.”

His anger boiled hotter. “Doona speak to me of duty. I know my duty. And who are these people that think such things? The same ones who believe we are to marry?”

She flushed again, this time looking guilty. “I ne’er told anyone we were betrothed. Maybe someone saw you kissing me and assumed you’d ne’er do such a thing without marriage in mind. Do you kiss all the women you doona intend to marry?”

“Some of them, aye, and much more. Except they aren’t aggravating, troublemaking lasses who take it upon themselves to ruin my bailey!”

Caitlin’s chin wobbled, and she tightened her lips. “I did it for you. I thought you would be pleased to have one less thing to worry about.”

“I wasn’t worrying about it. But now, ’tis all I’ll be able to think about when the mud streaks o’er the grass and the holes fill with water.” He slammed his palm onto the table between them and she jumped. “I didn’t build a chapel because I didn’t want one. I doona want the priest here, sticking his nose in clan business. ’Twas preferable the way it was.”

“But I thought—”

“Nay, you didn’t. You ne’er think, Caitlin. That’s the problem. You just do whate’er you like with nary a thought to the consequences! What I doona understand is how you got the others to go along with it.”

Caitlin twisted her hands in her arisaid. “Edina thought ’twas a good idea, and the other wives agreed. And Father Lundie said he would be grateful to stay.” She hiccupped and tears spilled down her cheeks. “I’m sorry. ’Twas supposed to be a happy surprise for you.”

He could see she meant it. Some of his anger eased, replaced by resignation. In all likelihood, she would create trouble like this their entire lives. He’d have to watch her like a hawk. Their children too, if they took after her. Did he really want to saddle himself with a lifetime of surprises?

Aye. But tomorrow would be soon enough. He’d let her dwell on her folly tonight.

“Well, I certainly was surprised.” He stepped back, still on the brink. “Go to bed, Caitlin. We’ll fix it tomorrow.”

She hovered in front of him like she wanted to say something. Her hand lifted, her wet lips trembled. Lust rose sharply at the sight, and he turned away. She cried out; then he heard her run from the hall and up the stairs.

Sighing in frustration, he stalked toward the small hearth at the other end of the hall. Caitlin’s image danced sinuously in the flames, fanning his desire, and he considered calling her and the priest back to get the wedding over with.

No. He’d lasted this long. He could survive one more night.