Bex was halfway down the block, trailing through a crowd of drunken club-goers when she heard Gabe’s voice through the night.

“Bex, wait!”

She sighed and waited for him, her shoulders pinching in and her body stiffening.

Gabe’s footsteps pounded on the pavement as he jogged toward her, and he arrived beside her all in a rush. “Where are you going?”

She shrugged, her chest tight. “Home.”

A sorority girl in six-inch stilettos tripped on the sidewalk next to Bex, digging a sharp elbow into her ribs as she fell. Her laughter made the hair on Bex’s arms stand on end.

Dammit. She couldn’t even escape tonight without physical injury. The emotional injury was already done, and all she wanted was a smooth exit. Not that Gabe was letting her go.

Gabe laced his fingers through hers and tugged her to the side of the street. Pedestrians streamed around them, everyone else oozing with excitement and energy and sex. But Bex was the gray lump of coal on Christmas morning, the puddle you stepped around so it wouldn’t ruin your day.

“We’ve gotta stop doing this outdoors.” She pulled her arms around herself. She was too private for this, and out here in the dry night air, everything felt too exposed. Even her dress felt too small, so stupidly hopeful. She couldn’t outrun her past. Why had she even tried?

“Why’d you leave me?” A glimmer of light reflected in Gabe’s eyes. When she realized it was tears, her heart squeezed.

“I was trying to make it easier for you.” Her voice was almost swallowed by the crowd.

“What are you talking about?” Gabe asked, leaning closer to hear her.

Bex sighed. “I was trying to spare you pain. That scene in there with Spencer…” She ran a hand through her hair, and her heart dropped. “I wouldn’t be who I am today if I didn’t make certain choices in my past.” She’d chosen to live a life where it didn’t matter who she slept with, and she’d been straightforward so no one’s feelings would get hurt. But that same life was catching up to her now. To Gabe. She could cut him without trying, just for being who she was. And that wasn’t fair to either of them.

Gabe reached for her hands and rubbed heat back into her fingertips. She hadn’t realized she was cold until his warmth rolled over her. “I wasn’t a virgin when you met me, either, Bex. I don’t want you to regret your choices. Where would that leave us?”

She frowned. “It’s hard not to feel bad when those choices hurt you.” She’d seen the look on his face when he realized what must have happened between her and Spencer.

Gabe gripped her fingers like he was afraid of letting go. “Bex, pain was when you left me. Pain was when you didn’t even give me a chance to talk this through.”

He was right.

Dammit.

She was so bad at this relationship thing. She hadn’t wanted to be involved with anyone for so long that now she didn’t even know how to do this. “But, god, I forgot the guy’s name.” Her cheeks burned with embarrassment. “You must think I’m such a bitch.”

“I don’t think you’re a bitch.” He squeezed her hands again and smiled, those dimples dipping in. “Anyway, the guy was pretty forgettable.”

Bex gave him a skeptical look. “Are you giving me a free pass?”

“That depends.”

Oh. Her heart dropped.

Gabe’s voice lowered, husky. “Why did you call me your friend?”

Was that what this was really about? She wanted him to be more than just her friend, but maybe she’d screwed that up, too. Her throat was dry as she whispered, “I panicked.”

His face was a mask of marble, his jaw tight and his dark eyes flinty. “Is that all I am to you?”

Her voice broke, and her hands trembled. “God, no. I just don’t know what we are.”

“I thought I was pretty clear before, Bex. I know I’m not perfect…” Gabe’s voice broke off. “I know my health history is far from spotless, and sometimes that terrifies me.”

“You can’t control that,” she whispered. She hated the reminder of his past just as much as she hated to see him hurting over it.

“I know. The only thing anyone has control over is the minute right in front of them. And I want you to be my girlfriend. You and me, we’re exclusive.”

She nodded up at him. “Yeah, I guess we are.” But it was overwhelming, too. For him to be so sure.

He pulled her into his arms and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Do you have any idea how much you mean to me?”

Bex lifted her chin to meet his eyes. “Maybe you should take me home and show me.”

“Bex, honey, wake up.” Gabe’s voice swam to her through the fog, and she blinked her eyes. Layers of sleep fell off like leaves, and the air filled with the scraping sound of her unsteady breath. Her eyelashes brushed against the hard muscle of one of his forearms, and she could feel his other arm wrapped around her in protection.

“Bex, you were crying.” He pressed his face against her cheek, and his stubble scratched against her ear.

Bex swiped at her face, and her fingertips skidded across her cheeks. She hadn’t just been crying. She’d been bawling. Her throat felt raw, and when she drew in a breath of air, it had a sharp bite like she’d been sucking on wintergreen lifesavers. Everything felt cold, but her skin was so fucking hot.

“Bad dream,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

Gabe stroked a hand through her hair and brushed a stray strand off her forehead. “It’s okay, honey. You’re safe now.”

“Thank you.”

He trailed his hand down her side and pulled him back against his chest. “What were you dreaming about?”

Bex peered into the darkness of his bedroom. How could the night have so many edges, so many secret spaces? “I was with my parents in the hospital,” she whispered, and the dream clutched at her with desperate hands. She was there again with the metallic smell of the hospital in her nose, and with the air so clinical and sterile and cold. She leaned into Gabe’s touch and shivered. “With my dad, at the end. He was trying to be brave, but we were all so scared for him.”

They’d spent weeks there—her mom and Sam and Bex—all crowded around her dad’s hospital bed. He had kept fighting, staying strong for his family until the end, and slowly their lives reshaped into a new reality. They had all gotten used to the hospital being a fixture in their lives, and they made new routines around visiting hours and mealtimes and chemo sessions. Bex had sat by his bed and sung to him whenever he felt nauseous because he’d claimed it made him feel better.

When the oncologists told her dad he could return to their home, she had wanted to scream. Everyone, including her dad, had known the doctors were sending him away to die.

Gabe kissed Bex’s ear. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

She frowned, and a tear trailed into her mouth. “Me too.” And then she remembered, with a chill, that she wasn’t the only one who had suffered. She turned in Gabe’s arms, so they were snuggled together, shin to shin, stomach to stomach, chest to chest. “I’m sorry you went through that, too.”

Gabe kissed her, long and slow. “Do you ever think that maybe all the suffering we went through was for a reason? That it got us to today?”

She blinked at him. In the weak glow of his alarm clock, she could make out his features—his strong, sharp cheekbones, his straight nose and thick hair. “Do I believe in fate?” she whispered. “Is that what you mean?”

He shrugged. “I guess.”

“I don’t know. The idea of it makes me so angry. Because believing in fate presupposes that the things you go through are okay because they’re part of some plan. And I don’t know how I could ever label the loss of my parents or the fact that Sam got sick as anything other than tragedies.”

Gabe unfolded one of her hands and brought her fingertips to his mouth. He kissed them, making heat surge through her body. “You know I’m here for you, right? That I’m not going to bow out just because it gets hard?”

Bex tucked her head under his chin and nodded, feeling the pulse at the base of his throat. Just under his scar. “I know. I’m just afraid that I’m going to hurt you somehow. Bad things have happened to the people I cared about the most.”

“It’s not your fault, Bex. That’s part of life.”

“Everyone keeps saying that.”

Gabe nodded. “That’s because it’s true.”

His heart beat under her cheek, and she whispered the words that scared her the most. “What if I can’t be the person you want?”

Gabe pulled her closer. “Oh, honey. You’re already everything I want. You’re you.”

She snorted out a laugh. “Sure am.” But his reassurance eased the knot in her chest. Little by little, she was going to keep letting down her walls for him. She was going to reach for a future with him. It wasn’t fair to either of them if she held back.

Tonight Gabe held her and soothed her, whispering again and again that she was his. And she was. She didn’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else.

“I’ve got you,” Gabe promised, stroking a hand down her back. His heart pounded against hers, so strong and sure and alive. “I’m not going to let go.”

“Okay,” she said. Maybe her curse could be lifted after all. “Because I’m all in.”