Choosing Bryce’s favorite steakhouse had been a purposeful move. No doubt, Bryce saw right through every play Richie made. Not that it mattered. Richie was in fight mode. From the instant Bryce’s lips touched his in that elevator, Richie had been set on a new path. Bryce had given him purpose. Richie fully intended to win him. Nothing mattered since losing this man. He needed Bryce in his life and in his bed. Richie wouldn’t stop until he had him.

“You’re gorgeous.”

Bryce kept his gaze locked on his menu like it contained the answers to life. “Thanks.”

“Seriously,” Richie said while trying not to laugh at Bryce’s obvious discomfort. “Is that a new suit? I’m barely stopping myself from licking you.”

Annoyance flashed in Bryce’s eyes when he finally focused on Richie. “What are you doing?”

“Complimenting you,” Richie said, sounding ridiculously chipper even to his ears.

“Please stop.” Bryce went back to staring at the menu.

Richie’s smile grew. He was having the time of his life. “No. Did you know, I stare at you every day. I didn’t realize how much I was missing, back when I used to drive us to work. Just think, I could’ve spent those two years staring at you.”

“Can I get you guys something to drink?”

“Thank fuck,” Bryce muttered under his breath at the appearance of their waiter. “Could I get a sparkling water?”

“Beer,” Richie said, placing his order without waiting to be asked. His gaze never wavered from Bryce.

Bryce shook his head. “You’re driving. He’ll have a sparkling water too.”

“Got it,” the waiter said, obviously uncaring of Richie’s wishes. “Are you ready to order or do you need a few more minutes?”

“I’m ready,” Bryce said, ensuring there could be no doubt he wanted this date over with.

Richie bit his lip, trying hard not to laugh. “I need a few more minutes.”

Bryce rolled his eyes.

A soft chuckle escaped Richie.

The young waiter moved on, leaving them alone.

Richie let the silence grow, waiting. Finally, Bryce met his stare. A wave of longing overcame him. “Beau misses you.”

A flash of hurt passed over Bryce’s features. “I miss him too.”

They’d adopted their husky mix, Beau, from a shelter not long after they moved in together. In truth, the dog preferred Bryce to anyone else in the world, but Bryce hadn’t wanted Richie to be alone when he’d left. Sometimes, at the oddest moments, it would hit Richie—he’d truly stolen everything from Bryce. It was no wonder the man wanted this dinner to end.

“You should come by and see him sometime.”

“Have you had time to decide?” the waiter asked, reappearing at the edge of the table.

“Yes,” Bryce answered for them both before Richie could send him away again. “He’ll have the sirloin with a loaded baked potato. I’ll have the grilled chicken and rice. Thanks.” He handed the man both the menus and sent him on his way.

Bryce’s expression kept shifting from sad to angry. The man’s eyes softened then hardened. Richie wished he could read minds. “You ordered chicken. At a steakhouse. Your favorite steakhouse,” Richie added, because he couldn’t stop.

“I stopped eating red meat last month after a kidney stone.”

Richie winced. “Ouch. You should’ve called. I would’ve taken care of you.”

Bryce’s face went blank. He stared at Richie emotionlessly. Richie could practically hear the man mentally telling him to go fuck himself. As usual, Bryce stayed calm. “I took care of myself.”

He couldn’t explain why the words punched him in the chest, but they did. Maybe it was the realization of how deeply he’d failed Bryce. Richie would like to think he’d spoiled the hell out of Bryce when they’d been together. He’d let that tiny closet in Mexico beat him. Every day, when Richie woke up and didn’t give Bryce the world, that space no bigger than a grave won. Richie may as well have died there.

Their food arrived and disappeared. Richie ate without tasting a bite. When he’d asked Bryce to dinner, there hadn’t been time to plan. All he knew was he wanted the man back. Richie didn’t have the first fucking clue how to do that. Their feet brushed under the table. Even though he was certain it had been an accident, Richie’s gaze still shot to Bryce. Bryce watched him as if trying to figure out Richie’s next move. Without any real plan in mind, Richie slid from the booth and shoved Bryce over. He intentionally took up more space than necessary, ensuring their thighs touched. Bryce didn’t argue, but he also wouldn’t look at Richie.

“Is there something wrong with your side of the table?”

Richie slung his arm across the back of the seat, moving even closer. “Yep. You’re not over there. How about we stop by my place when we leave here so you can see Beau?”

“That seems unnecessarily cruel, since I’ll probably never see him again.” Bryce braced his hand against Richie’s thigh when Richie tried shifting even closer. “Damn, how much space do you need?”

“I’ll move back to the other side if you say you’ll come see Beau.”

Bryce didn’t move his hand. His fingers stroked Richie’s leg, making Richie wonder if Bryce even realized he’d done it. “I’ll go see Beau if you let me pay.”

Oh, that was sneaky. Bryce pulled out the big guns with that one. Richie hated it when Bryce paid for anything. The man had timed his attack like a pro. He was willing to let Richie have two things for one—he got to stay put and Bryce would go home with him. Bryce’s smile said he knew exactly what he’d done. He stroked Richie’s leg again. This time, his hand moved higher. Fuck it. He wanted Bryce to come home with him more than he cared to hang on to his pride.

“Deal.”

Bryce’s low, sexy laugh had Richie going hard. Richie fought the urge to slump in the seat, forcing Bryce’s hand closer to his cock. “How bad did that sting?”

Richie took a slow breath through his nose, trying to temper his body’s reaction. “You have no idea.” Taking another chance, Richie moved his arm just enough he could brush his fingers down Bryce’s arm. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Bryce. Even the way the man’s hair caught the light fascinated Richie. “I—”

“I’ll just leave this here,” the waiter said, setting the check on the table and appearing at just the right moment, saving Richie from saying something stupid.

Bryce quickly snagged it as if he didn’t trust Richie to keep his end of the bargain. He eyed the ticket and dug his wallet out. Richie never stopped trailing his fingers along Bryce’s skin and Bryce didn’t try stopping him. It felt like progress. After cramming some bills in the book the waiter left, Bryce shoved his wallet back inside his jacket pocket. “Are you ready?”

As much as Richie hated giving up his spot next to Bryce, he nodded and slid from the booth. He waited for Bryce and waved him ahead. Richie might have to give up his spot, sitting close to Bryce, but no way was he missing his chance to watch Bryce’s ass as they walked to the car. Damn, it was perfect—round and firm. Bryce’s ass had been the first thing Richie had noticed about the man when they’d met three years ago. He’d followed the man onto the elevator, hypnotized by the man’s perfect globes. When Bryce had turned, catching him staring, Richie had brazened the moment out. He’d been in Bryce’s bed that night, was living under the man’s roof two months later, and they were engaged by Christmas. Richie hadn’t wanted anyone else since the day they’d met. He was scared shitless that even if Bryce never took him back, Richie would never want anyone else again.

Thankfully, the drive to Richie’s house wasn’t a long one. Every second Richie wasn’t touching Bryce felt like a step in the wrong direction. As he pulled into the driveway of his tiny two-bedroom rental, Richie wondered what Bryce thought of the place. It was nowhere near as big as the house they’d shared together. Not only did Richie not make anywhere near the money Bryce did, he hadn’t been looking for anything permanent when he’d left Bryce. He’d intentionally found a house he could walk away from. Richie had never meant to live here as long as he had. In fact, he hadn’t intended a lot of things.

“This is a quiet neighborhood,” Bryce said, doing a damned good job of keeping his thoughts on the place hidden.

Richie nodded. “It is.” He didn’t know why he couldn’t find something to talk about. It wasn’t like he didn’t have questions. Richie worried about Bryce’s mother and wondered if Bryce ever found the jacket he lost. Fuck. He just wanted to hear about Bryce’s day. Still, none of those questions left his lips.

At the first sight of Bryce, Beau lost his mind, nearly knocking Bryce to the floor in his excitement. Bryce transformed before Richie’s eyes. His bright smile kicked Richie in the chest. He wished Bryce was half as excited when he looked at Richie. Bryce hugged Beau and swiped his hands through the dog’s fur while praising him. He sat on the couch and let the dog go nuts.

“I can’t remember the last time you looked this happy about anything. Maybe that’s why I left.” Richie wanted to take the words back as soon as they left his lips, but he didn’t. It wasn’t fair. Bryce deserved better from him, but that was their problem. They’d stopped being real with each other a long time ago.

Shock crossed Bryce’s features, turning to rage, before settling on unnatural calm. “I’m sorry you feel like I failed you. This was a bad idea.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Richie snapped, incapable of standing another second where they weren’t working toward fixing whatever was broken. He needed Bryce, but he also needed Bryce to stop feeling like he couldn’t be himself anymore. “Speak your mind for once in your life.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bryce said, keeping his tone bland.

“You’re the company shrink, Bry. People have to go through you when everything goes to shit, and you don’t stop being that guy when you get home. Like right now, you want to rip me to pieces, but you won’t,” he said, never surer of anything. “I can name fifty. No. I can name a hundred times you should’ve torn me to shreds for being a piece of shit to you, but you won’t. Yell at me, Bry. Tell me you hate me for coming home a fucked-up mess. Stop being the shrink who’s scared you’ll damage my fragile mind,” he begged, because they’d never be whole unless Bryce stopped being a doctor for five minutes.

“I hate you,” Bryce said, sounding calm, and giving Richie exactly what he’d asked for. It hurt more than he expected. “I hate you for not leaning on me,” he added, catching Richie off guard. Unfortunately, Bryce didn’t stop there. “When you came home, I would’ve taken you fucked up, missing limbs, and half alive if you would’ve really come home to me. You didn’t, not really. I can understand you wanting me to rage. Then you can feel better about leaving me, but I won’t. I won’t let you make breaking me all about you. If you would’ve come home and let me love you, I would’ve loved you forever—zero psychoanalysis or judgment. But first you didn’t come home in mind, and then you didn’t come home at all, and you don’t get to feel better about doing that shit to me. That’s on you.” Bryce stood, obviously through with pretending he could stomach Richie’s presence. He rubbed Beau’s head one last time before heading for the door. “Thanks for dinner,” Bryce said without looking back. “I can find my way home.”

Richie couldn’t move. He watched Bryce walk away from him, and there was nothing he could do. Bryce’s claims left him paralyzed. All the times he’d thought Bryce hated him for being weak, he’d never really believed Bryce hated him. Hearing those three words from Bryce’s lips; it was devastating. Richie didn’t know where to go from there.

* * *

By the time Bryce made it to the curb, the wind had gone from his sails. He’d told Richie he hated him. It had been his hurt and anger talking. He should turn around and take it back. Bryce couldn’t. His anger might have fled, but his hurt was permanent. Tomorrow, he’d take a personal day and find a space to lease for his practice. Being too close to Richie and seeing him all the time was bad for Bryce’s soul. He couldn’t keep this up.

Bryce dug his phone out and pulled up the app to find a cab. As pissed off as he was, he couldn’t walk to where he’d left his car at the Park and Ride. Fuck. He should’ve known better than to accept a date with Richie.

“Come on,” Richie said, appearing behind him. “What kind of person would I be if I left you with no way back to your car?”

Bryce didn’t look away from his phone. “The same type of person who left me to begin with.”

Richie put his hand over Bryce’s phone, leaving him no other choice but to look at him. He looked hurt. Goddamn it. Life wasn’t fair. “Let me take you back to your car.”

A growl that sounded aggravated, even to Bryce, rose in his throat. “Fine.” He stomped to the passenger side of Richie’s car and waited for him to unlock the door.

Richie reached past him and opened it. “I’m sorry.”

“Shut up,” Bryce said as he climbed in and stared straight ahead. Fuck him and his apologies. They came too late. As Richie drove, Bryce stared out the window. Horrible memories overcame him.

Their friends were there, carrying furniture from their house. Bryce stared at the sight in confusion. He didn’t bother stopping them. If Bryce was being honest, he’d seen this coming. Richie didn’t look at him the same way since coming home. No matter how hard Bryce tried to be the man Richie needed, Richie pulled further away.

Gathering his jacket, Bryce climbed from the car. No amount of stalling would make this easier. Wyatt and Darrel averted their eyes as he passed. He found Richie in the living room.

“I’d ask what’s going on, but I’m not stupid.”

Richie turned. His expression gave nothing away. “It’s time.”

Bryce focused on tossing his jacket on the couch to hide the way his eyes filled with tears. He cleared his throat. “Have you met someone else?”

Richie’s voice was cold. “No.”

Bryce nodded, still incapable of looking at him. “So you’ve just decided you don’t love me anymore.”

“No. I imagine I’ll always love you.”

Bryce blew out a sigh. He was so fucking tired. “Okay. You should take Beau. He’s gotten used to you being home with him.” Without another word or a backward glance, Bryce headed for the bedroom. Richie could leave. Bryce couldn’t stop him. That didn’t mean Bryce had to help him or watch it happen.

Richie was hot on his heels. “Beau is your dog.”

“Not anymore,” Bryce said without slowing.

Before he could close the door, Richie grabbed his hand, forcing Bryce to meet his gaze. Bryce wondered if this would kill him. Surely no one could hurt this much and live. The saddest part was, Richie was the one choosing to leave, and even he didn’t look happy. “I’ve never left this house without kissing you goodbye.”

Richie’s claim was fire in Bryce’s gut. He pulled his hand away. “Guess you’ll have to start today,” Bryce said as he closed the door in Richie’s face. With the wooden surface between them, Bryce slid to the floor with his back against the door. The first tear fell. Bryce didn’t bother wiping it away. He knew a million more would follow. Between Richie’s disappearance and the man coming home a mess, Bryce hadn’t thought of himself in ages. Now all he had was himself—what Richie left behind of him, that is.

“You broke my heart,” Bryce said, incapable of staying silent a second longer as they pulled into the Park and Ride. “You broke my heart,” he said a little stronger this time because it was worth repeating and needed to be said. “I don’t know what tonight was all about, but if you came looking for more pieces of my heart to smash, you wasted your time. You crushed all of me a long time ago.” He grabbed the door handle and met Richie’s gaze. “Please stay away from me. I’ve got nothing left for you to take.” Bryce leapt from the car before Richie could stop him. There was nothing left to say.

After climbing into his car, Bryce slammed the door with more force than necessary. He was furious. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been angry in the past. He had. This was something more—like the dam had finally burst inside him. He loved Richie. Probably he always would. Before tonight, he’d never considered the man cruel. Now Bryce wasn’t so sure. There’d been no point to Richie’s dinner offer. He’d obviously only wanted to hurt Bryce again—like taking everything hadn’t been enough. When Richie’s headlights disappeared, Bryce dropped his head to the steering wheel. Fuck all. He didn’t know where to go with all his fury. Everyone expected him to be the strong one. Only one person had ever recognized he’d suffered too after Richie’s disappearance. There was only one of their friends who didn’t make Bryce feel guilty for needing help too.

Bryce dug out his phone.

Bryce: Richie asked me to dinner. I went. It was bad.

Thankfully, he got a response right away.

Jayden: The food or the company?

Bryce swiped at his cheeks and responded.

Bryce: The company. The food was all right. Of course, I ended up paying, so I guess that part sucked too.

Jayden: LOL! Sucker. Need some company?

Bryce: Yes! Thank you. I’m still fifteen minutes from home. Meet me there?

Jayden: Sounds good. Don’t text and drive.

Bryce: I’m not. We took Richie’s car from the Park and Ride. I’m sitting in my car here.

Jayden: Okay. Be careful. Love you.

Bryce: Love you too. See you in a few.

With a plan in place that didn’t include Bryce being alone, Bryce finally started his car. He swiped at his face again, wiping away more tears he didn’t realize had fallen. One of these days, he’d stop letting Richie fuck him up. He’d grow some balls or build a wall, something that would help him let the man go. Some days, it seemed impossible. Every night, he still thought about Richie as he climbed into the bed they’d shared. Every morning, he reached for the man, only to find his spot empty. Six months, and it never got easier. His house came into view, making Bryce realize Jayden had been right to worry over his safety. He didn’t recall a second of the drive.

Bryce parked in the garage and didn’t move. He already knew what he’d find inside—five bedrooms and four bathrooms. All of them empty of life. When he’d been a child, he’d lived three streets over in a house twice this size. No happiness had lived in that house either. His parents had gotten divorced back when Bryce was too little to remember. That separation didn’t stop their fights. They fought over money, visitation, and his father’s mistresses. His mother’s younger lover. He loved them for the opportunities they’d given him in life, but he wasn’t entirely sure they’d ever really loved him. They loved fighting. He’d given them purpose. Now, they barely spoke. Bryce had met and dated several men before Richie, but Richie was the first person who made him feel loved. He’d tried burying himself in work since Richie left, but all he felt was empty.

After climbing from the car, Bryce made his way inside. He barely turned on the light inside the kitchen before he found a bottle of wine. Jayden probably wouldn’t drink. He rarely did. Even though—like Bryce—the guy had plenty of reason. Unlike Jayden, Bryce had parents, such as they were. Jayden had no one. Like Bryce, Jayden loved someone who didn’t love him back. It was a hell of a place to be. A knock landed on the front door as Bryce turned up the bottle, forgoing the glass. He took another swig as he moved to let Jayden in.

Jayden wore baggy jeans, a white t-shirt, and an open flannel. Too bad. Jayden was an EMT and Bryce kind of liked staring at a man in uniform. They were only friends, but hot was hot and sexiness made Bryce happy. He waved Jayden inside while turning the bottle up again.

“You want some?”

“Only if I can stay the night.”

Bryce passed the bottle Jayden’s way. “Of course. Drink up. God knows I have plenty.”

Jayden downed some of the bottle while closing the door behind him. “Damn. This date must’ve been bad.”

“It wasn’t a date,” Bryce said, heading back to the kitchen. He grabbed another bottle, allowing Jayden to keep the other. “I’m not sure what it was. We had dinner and went back to his place, so I could see Beau,” Bryce clarified before Jayden jumped to any conclusions. “The conversation went downhill right away, and I told him I hate him.” Bryce eyed the wine glasses hanging from the rack. Fuck it. He turned up the bottle.

“How did you end up on a date to begin with?” Jayden set his empty bottle on the counter.

Bryce blinked at it, and then handed Jayden another. It looked like they’d be getting fucked up tonight. “We got stuck in the elevator together this morning, and he sort of flipped out over being trapped. I kissed him. Don’t ask why. It just seemed the thing to do at the time. Anyhow.” Bryce polished off his bottle before speaking again. “He asked me to dinner and I had a moment of weakness.” He eyed the two empty bottles on the counter. “We need something stronger. You up for something stronger?”

Jayden shrugged while still sipping on his second bottle. “You already said I could stay. I say, let’s do it right. Plus, I don’t have to be at work until one tomorrow.”

“I’m taking a personal day tomorrow,” Bryce said absently as he dug through the freezer for the two bottles of Jack he had inside. They’d never been opened. “Which reminds me, since you’re staying, do you want to go with me to look at office spaces in the morning?”

Jayden set his wine aside. His gorgeous green gaze moved over Bryce’s face. “Damn. Things did go bad. Are you really going through with quitting your job?”

Bryce passed one of the whiskey bottles Jayden’s way, grabbed two glasses, and headed for the living room. “Yeah. I can’t do this anymore. Knowing he’s in the same building, it’s stopping me from starting over.” Bryce plopped down on the couch. The soft leather cradled him in his time of need. “Fuck. I hate everything. How are you?” Bryce asked, feeling like shit for dumping on Jayden the instant the man walked through the door.

Jayden shrugged and took up the spot next to Bryce, sitting so close their thighs touched. They had so much in common. The two of them needed affection. They wilted without it, so they got it from each other. Jayden took the glasses and poured them each a hefty drink. “I ran into Wyatt yesterday. He tells me Darrel had surgery on his shoulder. That’s how I find out everything these days—secondhand.” Jayden was ten years younger than Bryce. He was fourteen years younger than Darrel. That hadn’t stopped Jayden from falling in love with the jackass. Darrel was one of those guys—too much confidence, too sexy for his own good, and never wanted what he could have. The man had pined for and chased after Jayden until he landed him. The moment he’d known he owned Jayden, he’d broken Jayden’s heart. Unfortunately, that seemed to be Jayden’s calling in life. He was young and sexy. Men wanted him, but they never wanted to keep him. They liked to have him and then move on, leaving him brokenhearted. Bryce liked him better than most people. It helped they were a lot alike. Bryce cared too much about people’s mental health to the point he neglected his own. Jayden cared about people’s physical health, even when that person didn’t care if he lived or died.

“I wish there was something I could say,” Bryce said, taking a huge gulp of his whiskey. It burned. He relished the pain.

Jayden chugged his drink like he was at a frat party, proving his mood was every bit as shitty as Bryce’s. He sucked in a gasp when the glass was empty. “Me too. You know what, I miss kissing. Like, I know that sounds stupid, but I can’t help it. I miss days of lounging in bed, doing nothing except stealing kisses and being lazy. You’d think I expect the moon, considering how perpetually single I always am.”

“That’s not stupid at all,” Bryce argued. “I had a similar thought earlier. Yeah, Richie was freaking out and everything, but I’m sure I could’ve talked him around. Kissing him was selfish. I miss affection, I guess.”

“I’ll kiss you,” Jayden said, pulling a chuckle from Bryce. Jayden waved a dismissive hand. “No, I’m serious. Let’s go to bed. I’ll kiss you, and we can be lazy. We don’t need anyone else.”

Bryce flashed Jayden a grateful smile. “You’re amazing. But I don’t love you like that.”

Jayden shrugged. “No one does, so what’s the harm?”

Outrage hit Bryce in the chest. He wasn’t mad at Jayden. Bryce was pissed at the universe on the man’s behalf. He was amazing. “You deserve someone who loves you. I’ve known you for a long time, and you’ve never gotten even half the awesomeness you should. Fuck Darrel. I hope his arm falls off.”

A slow smile spread across Jayden’s face before a bark of laughter escaped him. “You don’t hope that.”

“Maybe I do,” Bryce said with an offended-sounding snort. He was tired of being perfect all the time. He always did his best, gave his all, and wanted the most for everyone else. Nice guys finished last. He was tired of being one of the good guys. Probably it was liquid courage driving him, but Bryce was ready to break some shit. He dipped his chin in a sharp nod, coming to a decision. “Okay, you can kiss me.”

Jayden laughed, obviously thinking Bryce was joking. “You’re too good for me.” As the final word left Jayden’s lips, the happiness bled from the man’s eyes. Bryce realized he meant it. Jayden honest to god believed he wasn’t good enough to be loved.

Bryce needed Jayden to know that wasn’t true. “If there was anything left of my heart, I’d love you. I’m smart enough to recognize a good thing.” Bryce swallowed past the lump growing in his throat. “It’s just that, first Richie went missing, and I’d thought I’d die. Then, he came home and he wasn’t him any longer. The past year has broken me in ways I didn’t know were possible. But, if I could, I would love you so hard you’d never want anyone else. You’re worth it.”

Jayden blinked and looked away. He visibly swallowed. “It should’ve been us. We should’ve met a long time ago.”

“Agreed,” Bryce said, holding out his arm. “Now come here.”

Jayden dutifully settled against Bryce’s side, allowing Bryce to cuddle him. Jayden turned his chin up. Bryce touched his lips to Jayden’s. It wasn’t unusual for them to kiss. Quick pecks between friends. That was all they’d ever be. This time, Bryce didn’t pull away. Neither did Jayden. Bryce had meant what he said. If things were different, he’d give Jayden a real shot. He honestly didn’t believe they’d ever hurt each other. They might not ever be a grand love affair, but they’d be comfortable and they did love each other. Jayden’s mouth opened over Bryce’s bottom lip. Bryce opened for him. Their tongues met, and Bryce let everything go. For once, it was nice to be kissed, even if it meant nothing. Maybe especially since it meant nothing. There were no hard feelings or scars between them. Jayden was his best friend, and no matter what else, the man would still be his friend tomorrow. Tonight, Bryce accepted Jayden’s harmless affection. Maybe he wasn’t Richie, but maybe that was a good thing.