“Coop!” Killian and Jax were both standing in my bedroom before I fully woke up. “Are you okay?”

I cracked an eyelid and winced at the bright light coming in from the window. “I was sleeping, if you couldn’t tell.”

“Dude, did something die in here?” Killian went straight to the window and yanked the glass all the way open. “It smells like ass and death.”

Just the death of my dreams. “I haven’t been feeling well for a few days.”

Jax sat at the foot of my bed, making me shift my position so he wasn’t on my legs. “Is your phone dead? I’ve been calling since you flaked last night?”

“Last night?” I reached for my phone to check the time then remembered I turned it off after I got the first text from Ash. He didn’t strike me as the cheating type, so his messages were probably meant to be friendly, but I couldn’t be friends with him. Not when I knew what his mouth and his body felt like on mine. We needed a clean and permanent break if I was going to survive. “Sorry, I forgot about game night.”

Killian leaned against the window sill and looked down at me. “What happened? This isn’t the flu, so spill.”

I sat up in bed and stared at my fingers, avoiding eye contact with the two people who knew most of my secrets. “I was into someone who isn’t into me. And I’m bummed. It’s no big deal. I just needed a few days to feel sorry for myself, but I’m fine now. I’ll keep my phone turned on, I promise.”

Killian took a few steps forward, so he was standing beside me with his hands on his hips. “You’re not talking about Professor Crawford, are you?”

I wanted to deny it and pretend I didn’t know what he was talking about. But I couldn’t. Something felt so wrong about denying the brief but very real connection I felt with Professor Ash Crawford. So I said nothing. Which said everything.

“Professor Crawford?” Jax chimed in. “That’s the professor you were talking to yesterday, right? The hot, older guy?”

“Hot and mated older guy,” I clarified with a groan. “I saw him and his pregnant female mate the other night.”

My brother just shook his head, knowing first hand that if Ash was mated, I had zero chance with him. “I’m sorry, man.”

“I’m fine.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up, regretting my decision to lift my arms over my head to stretch as soon as I did it. “But, damn, I do need a shower.”

* * *

I tried to ignore my phone every time it beeped. I cleaned the apartment, did random projects I’d been putting off, and finally patched up the holes in the drywall Killian promised to help with months ago. When Marcus moved out of the apartment I was subleasing and took his giant snake with him, they also took the impressive wall-mounted habitat with them. I was more than happy to see it gone, but I couldn’t finish decorating the room until the walls were fixed. So my brother and Jax helped keep me distracted from my omega woes over the weekend with project after project.

It was a valiant effort. Herculean even. But no matter how badly I tried to keep those blue eyes and shy smile out of my mind, it just wasn’t possible. I kept imagining how Ash’s lips felt on mine when I pressed against them. How warm and wet his tongue was as it tangled with mine. The way his scent called to me, with just a subtle trace of my own scent mingling with his. It was as if I was a part of him somehow. If we’d been together more recently, I’d wonder if he was pregnant. But that wasn’t possible. It’d been over a year since I held him in my arms while my knot locked him to my body.

But the image of Ash swollen with my baby growing inside him just reminded me of the harsh reality that was my life. Ash did have a baby on the way, but it wasn’t in him and it wasn’t mine. My stomach felt like it needed to purge its contents, but I managed to keep my shit together until Jax and Killian finally left for the night. Jax made me promise not to crawl into a hole and cry like a little girl anymore. It was an easy lie to tell. He’s never been in a serious relationship with someone he truly cared about. I hadn’t either, but I felt like I knew what it was like. Killian was smarter than to ask me to make any such promises. His knowing eyes and firm hug conveyed more than words between us could. He was there for me when I needed him, but he’d give me time to mourn the loss of what would never be.

After I tossed and turned in bed for an hour, I finally reached for my phone. Ready to face the truth and try to move on. Besides, I couldn’t ignore Ash’s texts forever. His messages went from sweet to concerned when I didn’t show up...to hurt. And I fucking hated hurting him.

I might have kissed him first, but he didn’t stop me immediately. He kissed me back. With enthusiasm. Why did he do that? If he was happily mated, he shouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere near me. Fuck!

He should have just told me when we were standing there. I would have backed off immediately. I wouldn’t have been happy about it, but at least I wouldn’t have gotten my hopes up that something was building between us. I wouldn’t have the fantasy that the change in his scent was from more than just a quick brush against me my chest. That I had burrowed as deeply inside of him as he had in me. After just one night.

I was being stupid. It was only one night. It was a wonderful, magical, perfect night. But that’s it. He moved on, and I needed to too. Maybe he thought he could be my friend, but I couldn’t be his. Not when I had such a vivid fantasy built up in my mind of what our lives could be like if we were together. Of the family we would raise some day.

I stared at his last text for a long time. Too long. Long enough that I almost lost my resolve. But not quite.

Coop, I hope you’re okay. And I hope I didn’t do anything to upset you.

Why did he have to seem so sad about not seeing me? He had his own life to live, and I wasn’t looking for occasional hookups with a mated omega. I wanted him to be mine. One hundred percent. And if I couldn’t have that, I didn’t want anything. It would be too hard.

I needed to make a clean break. I needed to cut all ties from the only omega who has ever touched my soul with an unwavering grip. I needed to never see Ash again. I would send one final message and then block his number from my phone. It was my only option for surviving this pain.

Hey Ash. I saw you with her. She’s beautiful and you seem very happy...but I can’t do this. Take care of your family...but please don’t call me again.