Jaya was avoiding me. After the amazing night we’d spent together, making slow sweet love, fucking hard and fast, I thought we’d reached a new understanding. I thought we had moved past her doubts and anger from the past. After the emotional, gut-wrenching day and excavating the past, I really thought this would be our time to move forward. Towards the future.

That was three weeks ago. Now I caught glimpses of her at the office while she tried to dodge me around corners, ducking into dark rooms and taking nonexistent phone calls.

Now I wondered if the night had been as transformative for her as it had been for me. For us, I’d thought. I wanted to think the worst, that she’d used my body to forget her pain, to distract her from the child we lost. But I’ve done my fair share of fucking to forget and that wasn’t it. Jaya had been in, all the way in. Body and soul and heart, she gave it all to me. Time and time again. All night until the sun came up.

But now I felt we were back to square one.

Since she invited me, along with the rest of Sharpe Focus, to her housewarming and thank you barbecue, I would use the time to figure out exactly where I stood with her. Where we stood.

I got up early Saturday morning to pick up the keg and tap I’d reserved, ice and a few bottles of tequila as she asked. Well not me particularly but she’d emailed a list of things she needed and asked everyone to bring what they could. So my plan was to arrive early so we would have a few hours talk before the party started at four.

I sat in my car for a few minutes, calming down my racing heart and gathering my thoughts. Jaya drove me crazy in the best and worst possible way. I loved her and I wanted her back, but I needed to tread carefully.

“Let’s go.” It was time for answers. I knocked and waited, the keg and a few bags at my feet.

The door opened and Jaya appeared looking like a goddamn angel in a sexy little yellow sundress that hit just above the knees. The two puckered scars in her shoulder were visible under the thin straps. So were her freckles. But all I could see was her. Long blonde hair she’d let air dry held a hint of curl for a sexy beach look that made my fingers itch to dig deep while I kissed her breathless.

“Colt,” she said with a breathy whisper. “You’re early.”

“We need to talk,” I bit out, too harsh if the change in her posture and demeanor were any indication.

Jaya stepped back wordlessly and let me carry the keg inside. I heard her pick up the bags and follow me to the kitchen. She set the bags on the counter and dumped the ice into a big red bucket filled with beer bottles and pop cans.

“So, talk.”

I frowned at her arm. “You shouldn’t be carrying anything.”

She shrugged. “I’m cleared to carry thirty-five pounds,” she said, crossing her arms defensively.

I guess we were back to that. Months of progress undone by what, the truth of our past? The hurt she couldn’t, or wouldn’t let go? “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“No. I haven’t.”

I felt the scowl form on my face and leaned forward, palms on the island counter that separated us. “What do you call it then?”

She turned to the big pot on the stove, lifting the lid and stirring. “I call it getting my shit together.”

The scent hit me, so familiar it was like a jolt into the past. Long summers, the sweet and spicy scent of her tangy sauce. “Your barbecue sauce?”

The smile she sent over her shoulder was bittersweet. Wary. “Yeah. There are a few jars for you in the fridge.”

What the fuck? Now she was just sending mixed signals. “What’s going on Jaya?”

She let out a long, exasperated sigh, her shoulders drooped like she was giving up. On everything. On us. Finally, she turned and leaned against the fridge, putting as much distance between us as possible in the enclosed space.

“I love you Colt. I do and I never stopped. But none of it matters if I can’t forgive you or get past how I feel about…things.”

“But-,”

She pointed a finger at me and I snapped my mouth shut. “So I decided to see someone. A grief counselor.” My expression must have given away my shock because one side of her mouth twitched with a smile she could barely hide. “Yes, a grief counselor. I should have done it right after everything in Miami but I wasn’t ready. Hell I didn’t want to. But I lost my job, my partner and my career. Combined with you and the baby, I apparently had a lot of grief I hadn’t dealt with, at least according to the counselor.”

Shit I didn’t know what to say to that. She was getting help and I could only hope it was for the sake of us. “That’s good but what does that have to do with you avoiding me?”

“I couldn’t let you influence me Colt. I had to do this for me, not just for us.” Her green eyes sparkled like jewels and I didn’t know if those were tears of sadness or joy. “I needed to do this no matter what happens with us.”

No matter what. “What does that mean? You love me but…?”

She sighed. “No buts Colt. I love you and I want to be with you which is why I had to step back for a minute to figure some stuff out.” She turned down the heat on the stove and walked around the counter, a sexy smile playing on her lips. “I don’t blame you Colt. It was difficult being pregnant without you and knowing you had no problem leaving me behind. It was worse losing our baby after I had already grown to love him. But, I don’t blame you for that. You had to do what’s right for you and I get that now.”

Well damn. “You don’t resent it, my success?”

She shook her head. “No. I wish we could have had it all just like we’d always dreamed, but you thought the Navy was your path and it seems like it was.”

I didn’t know whether to take it at face value or not. “You mean that?” Jaya’s hand went to my face, caressing my jaw and I couldn’t help it, I leaned into it.

“I mean it Colt. I love you. I’ve always loved you. Only you.”

My shoulders sagged in relief at her words. “Oh good. I needed hear that Jaya. So damn much.” Cupping her face in my hands I tilted it back and brushed my lips against hers gently. “I love you too. With all of my heart.”

She smiled against my lips and her tongue swept inside my mouth. We just kissed. Long and intense and sensual, the same way we had when we first discovered just how amazing kissing could be. It felt just like that now, we couldn’t stop kissing, touching. Caressing. I lifted her onto the counter and stepped between her legs, letting my hands graze up her thighs and underneath her dress. Slipping a finger inside her panties and deep inside her damp heat, I swallowed her groan and deepened the kiss.

We were on fire, a twisted inferno made up of just the two of us, limbs tangled and mouths so hungry for each other nothing else in the world existed. Finally Jaya broke the kiss.

“As much as I would love nothing more than to let you plunge deep into me and make me come, we have a lot to do before our guests arrive.”

Our guests? “Actually, we have two and a half hours before anyone shows up, and who the hell shows up to a party early?”

She gave me a look that said it all. “I can think of one person who showed up hours early.” She laughed and gave me one last kiss before jumping off the counter. “But I’m glad I didn’t have to wait until later to clear all that up. It is all clear, isn’t it?”

I laughed and wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tight. Just enjoying the feel of her in my arms and knowing she would be there for the rest of our lives. “Crystal clear.”

“Good.”

“So am I moving in here or are you moving into my place?” It was fast but I knew I needed to lock this woman down before she realized just how incredible she was.

Jaya laughed and pressed a kiss to my chest. “Let’s spend some more time together before you move your black and white furniture in here, okay?” On her tiptoes, she reached for me and kissed me hard. “But you can stay here any night you want.”

“Every night, then.”

“Fine by me. I guess that means you won’t be taking those jars of barbecue sauce home?”

“The office,” I said quickly. “Whenever we get barbecue the sauce never tastes as good as yours.”

Her face flamed pink and I really wanted to lay her down and kiss her all over because it reminded me so much of nineteen-year-old Jaya who couldn’t get through dirty talk without blushing. She got herself under control and rolled her eyes. “I already said I love you Colt, no need for flattery.”

I had to laugh at that. “If you’d like, I’ll put a jar up in the bedroom and prove to you just how much I love it.”

Jaya froze and pulled out of my arms, and I started to freak out. She put the counter between us again, her back to me and I wondered what the hell had just happened. Then she turned and shoved something in my arms but I was too focused on her face. On the mischievous smile on her face. “Better make it two jars. Just to be sure.”

Fuck me, I would never get enough of this woman!