Cole

 

I was restless. I had been all day. Nothing held my attention. I picked up the remote for the tenth time and looked around for something to watch. There was nothing.

 

I could have gone to the clubhouse or the bar. But I’d just gotten back from the clubhouse with a splitting headache and didn’t feel like dealing with the noise at the bar.

 

I wondered what Nails would say if he heard my thoughts. He was from the old school, a really tough son of a bitch. He would have been out right now if one of his legs was hanging half off, just to show his guys he was strong enough to handle it. I didn’t feel like playing that game tonight.

 

What was it with me lately? All the drama around my taking over the presidency had gotten to me. I was always on edge, with a feeling like something bad was going to happen. I never used to be that way. I’d ride and fuck all day long, then get in a fight with some guy just because he looked at me funny. I never gave a shit. It was all a game for me back then.

 

Now? It was all real. It wasn’t fun. Especially since I still felt shitty about the way it went down. It would be one thing if Nails retired and handed his role to me because he knew I could handle it. I used to dream about that day, and I knew it would come. Nails made sure everybody knew he was planning to put me in charge when the time came. Then he was killed, and all of a sudden it was up to me. I wasn’t ready. He hadn’t gotten the chance to tell me it wasn’t as easy to be the president as he always made it look.

 

And he did make it look easy. He was a people person. I was always losing my temper, getting into fights over stupid things like a girl or a bike. He would see me getting into these situations and tell me I had to grow up before I could take his place. I thought I had more time before I needed to do that.

 

When I first got word he was dead, after the shock wore off, all I felt was fear. This was it. I had to step up. Everybody was expecting me to take Nails’s seat. And I knew they were, from the minute I walked into that waiting area in the hospital and all the heads turned to face me. It went silent. That’s when I knew.

 

I put Skull in as my VP because he was the only person I trusted enough to do the job. He was always so good at getting me to calm down. He helped me see things from another angle. I thought of him as my conscience.

 

And now there was trouble with him. I wished he would tell me what it was, so maybe I could help him. He had helped me a million times.

 

I had to get to the bar so I could see if he was there. Maybe he would loosen up and talk to me, or maybe I could convince him to go somewhere more private where we could have it out. We sure couldn’t keep going on like this.

 

When I got to the bar, everyone seemed happy to see me. I smiled, waved, shook some hands. I was offered a drink at least three times, but I waved them off. I only wanted to talk to Skull right then.

 

And there he was, sitting alone at the end of the bar. He looked like total shit, even worse than he had the day before. The circles under his eyes seemed to be darker, and he looked thinner than he’d looked in a long time.

 

He was jumpy, too. I touched his shoulder, just a friendly sort of thing, and he almost fell off the stool.

 

“Hey! I’m sorry!” I tried to laugh it off, like it was no big deal my best friend looked like he was falling apart in front of me.

 

“Oh, it’s okay. My brain’s a million miles away.” He didn’t need to tell me that. He’d been miles away for weeks. I was starting to dread finding out what happened to Sara.

 

I pointed to an empty table, away from most of the crowd. “Let’s sit over there.” I needed to find out what his problem was. He was starting to worry me.

 

“What’s going on?” He was jittery, lighting one cigarette with the end of another when we sat.

 

“You look like hell, dude.” We were usually blunt with each other.

 

“Fuck off,” he said. “If I wanted to be insulted I wouldn’t have come to sit with you. What’s your problem?”

 

“What’s your problem? Why won’t you come clean with me, man? You know I won’t judge you. You’re like a brother to me. Why not tell me what happened?” I watched him, paying attention to every move he made. He was a terrible liar. And I knew all his tells. Like right now, when he wouldn’t look me in the eye. That was a dead giveaway.

 

“You won’t tell anybody else?”

 

“No, I swear.”

 

Skull shifted like he was uncomfortable. He was looking at the table. “That last day, the last time I saw her…we had a fight. We’d been fighting a lot, now that I think about it. Always over stupid shit. She would get mad at me when I talked to another girl or whatever. I told her that’s what she could expect if she wanted to be with me. You know?”

 

I nodded. Infidelity came with the territory for most of the club members. Even if sex wasn’t happening, there were always girls around who were looking for attention from a member. Not every woman could handle it, which was why a lot of women didn’t fit into our world.

 

“Anyway, we were fighting, and she got pushy with me. Just shoving me, you know, nothing big. She was so small I almost didn’t feel it.”

 

That made me think of the way I dragged her sister to the back room when she came in here. She was so little.

 

“Okay. So what happened? She left?”

 

He shook his head. “Well, she did leave. But before she did…I hit her.” He looked ashamed. I didn’t blame him. I wanted to hit him for it. Maybe he’d think twice next time.

 

I noticed he’d stopped talking. “That’s it? That’s all that happened?”

 

He nodded, but he still wouldn’t look me in the eye. I knew he was lying to me. Shit, even if he did look me in the eye I’d still think he was lying. That story was a ridiculous crock of bullshit. He hit her once, and it was enough for her to run away without talking to her sister again? I remembered the way Alena talked about their relationship, and it didn’t add up. They loved each other. Alena was like her mother. She wouldn’t have gone completely MIA over a slap, or even a punch.

 

“You believe me, don’t you?” he asked.

 

I didn’t know what to say. He was right on the edge. I was afraid one wrong move would push him over.

 

“Yeah, man. I know you wouldn’t lie to me about something this important.” He looked miserable, like he was going to throw up. What wasn’t he telling me? Jesus, did he kill her? He wasn’t as built as I was—he’d always been on the thin side—but he was strong. And much bigger than that little girl he’d been hooking up with. One strong hit, in just the right spot, could have done it. Holy hell.

 

What could I do? Going to the police was out. That was all they would need, a hint of club involvement. They’d be all over us. If anything, I had to protect Skull and make sure nobody knew anything more than I did.

 

What would happen if Skull got arrested? Even if the rest of the club was left out of it, which would never happen, he’d lose his place as my VP. Then what? It would be chaos. Guys would be crawling over each other to get to my spot. I wouldn’t have Skull to back me up anymore. Most of the older members were gone, dead a long time ago. The guys who were at the head of the club when Skull and I first got started wouldn’t have been that way. They had honor, as stupid as it sounded. They wouldn’t stab each other in the back like that. It was a different time. They would have stood behind Skull in private, even if they had to act like they didn’t know him so the police would leave them alone.

 

These new guys? I looked around the room. I wouldn’t put it past them to try to take over. I was looking over my shoulder all the time. I was exhausted.

 

“When did the two of us become the senior club members?” I asked Skull.

 

He smiled bitterly. “When everybody else got themselves killed off.”

 

He was right. They were men in their prime. They should have been ruling the club for twenty more years. But bad blood a few years back took them out. It was an old feud, one I didn’t have anything to do with. Most of the senior members of the club had been murdered by two rivals joining up to take our club out. They hadn’t wiped us out completely. Everybody knew I was being groomed to take over eventually. When Nails died in an explosion and the seat was empty, what was left of the club pushed me into it. At the time, I didn’t mind. I had thought it was an honor. I wished I still felt that way.

 

“Too much, too soon,” I said, thinking out loud. It wasn’t the first time I had that thought.

 

“You can handle it. You were meant to handle it.” For a minute, all the trouble with Sara went away and it was just the two of us. Me and my best friend.

 

“I wish I were as sure as you,” I said, keeping my voice quiet. Skull was the only person in my life I’d tell a secret like this to. He knew how I felt about being in power. I didn’t want to give it up—the club was all I knew, and the only way for a president to step down was to retire completely. I couldn’t do that. I had to hold on.

 

“You always think too much,” he said.

 

Just then, my favorite redhead came bouncing over with a beer for both of us. She sat down on my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck.

 

“How are you tonight?” She seemed needier than she usually was. I got the feeling it was because I left in a hurry after Alena was at the bar. She felt like I ditched her.

 

“Lonely without you.” She was murmuring in my ear, tracing my other earlobe with her finger. This was why I didn’t like screwing around with the same woman too many times. They started to get ideas that we were in some kind of a relationship. Mona was acting like we were dating or something, or like she was my special squeeze, which wasn’t how I felt at all.

 

She was great in bed, and she gave amazing head. But it was just fun. She didn’t get it. A lot of women didn’t. Just because I fucked them didn’t mean I cared about them. And when I got bored, or I felt them trying to get too close to me, I backed away. If they couldn’t handle it, well, they were grownups. That’s how life went.

 

“I’m sorry, darlin’,” I said, “but I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.” I patted her on the ass. I hated having to let a girl down easy like this. I was tired of her acting like she owned me because we fucked a few times and she sucked me off a few times more.

 

“You don’t like me anymore?” The way she sounded, no, I didn’t like her. I couldn’t stand whining.

 

“It’s not that, honey. Listen, why don’t you go and talk to one of the other guys for a while. I know Francisco and Gunner haven’t had the company of a lovely lady like you in a long time.” I hoped she would get the message.

 

But she didn’t, the dumb bitch. She pouted. “I don’t want Francisco or Gunner or any of the other guys.”

 

I took her by the back of the head and pulled it back, so we were face-to-face. “You’ll want who I tell you to want. That’s why you’re here, right? To make us all happy. You’re not making me happy right now. Get it?” I let her go.

 

She stood up, mad and scared. “Okay, I get it.”

 

“Good.” She turned, and I thought she was going to walk away. Then she turned back with a smirk on her face. “Oh, did Skull tell you your friend came in earlier?”

 

I looked at her, then at Skull. “My friend?”

 

“Yeah,” Mona said. “The one who was here last night. She came back in.” She walked away, pissed off.

 

I was staring at Skull. “Tell me that little skank is lying.”

 

He shook his head. “No, she was here. Asking questions about her sister.”

 

I couldn’t believe it. How could she be so stupid? How many different ways could I tell her to stay away? I thought I’d finally found one woman smart enough to listen when I told her what to do. But no. She had to be stubborn and have her way, even if it would get her killed.

 

“Was she talking to you?” I asked.

 

He shrugged without looking at me, which I knew meant she had, at least, tried to talk to him. Damn it.

 

“Be honest with me. I need you just to be honest now, all right? Don’t be trying to get out of it. Did she ask you?”

 

“Yeah, so what?” Now he was getting irritated. I knew I shouldn’t push him, but what choice did I have? This could mean the future of the club. He looked scared, too. Like a trapped animal.

 

“Fuck.” I looked at the table, taking a deep breath. I couldn’t let anyone else see how pissed I was. And I was very, very pissed off at Alena right now. In my head I slammed a chair against the wall until it shattered, then I swept a row of bottles off the shelves behind the bar. Nothing would have felt better than that right now. I was livid.

 

“I gotta go.” I went straight to the door and to my bike. I had to get to her.

 

Once I got on, I realized I had no idea where she lived. I pulled out my phone and looked up her name. Alena DeGrom. One of the first results was for a violin teacher. What the hell was this about? I clicked the link.

 

There she was, on her own little website. Talking about the way she offered kids lessons so they could learn to love music as much as she did. Blah, blah, blah. A bunch of kids holding violins. Oh, she also performed publicly. I thought I should follow her to one of her performances and see how she liked when I tailed her around town

 

There was a number listed under contact info. I took a chance, entering the phone number into the search engine. And there it was. Her home address.

 

If a person was going to be as determined to get themselves into trouble as she was, the least she could do would be to leave her address unlisted. It was like she was asking for it.

 

And she was about to get it from me. I took off as fast as I could for her house.