Kissing Kevin was more than I could ask for. His lips, his tongue, his hands all over me-I couldn’t comprehend it. Yet, when I pushed him away, I needed him to understand I wasn’t here for that.

I couldn’t fall for him. The money, I needed to focus on the money. I needed to focus on the train wreck which was my life. I was turning thirty. I had nothing to show for it. Where did I go wrong?

Kevin appeared nice and I was sure after this whole holiday fake romance we would be friends, but that’s it.

He wasn’t boyfriend material.

As thoughts swirled through my head, Kevin leaned over and turned the radio up as my favorite Christmas song came on. Carol Of The Bells. “I know you love the Christmas tunes.”

“Thanks.” Why was he being so nice? Ugh! Why couldn’t we go back to hating each other? It was easier.

I closed my eyes as the music entered my soul. I didn’t know what it was about Christmas music I loved so much, but it made me happy. An emotion I hadn’t felt in a long time. When my ex-boyfriend Ricky left me taking all my money with him, I’d dropped into a major depression.

It was hard to get up in the morning and focus on any one thing. I stopped making my handbags, and was so sad I ended up losing my job. My job, what a joke that had been. I worked as a barista at a local coffee shop, and I couldn’t even keep that job.

I was a loser in every sense of the word, yet once I came here. Once I could pretend to be anyone, I felt better. I had smiled more in the past two days than I had in a really long time, and I couldn’t let this false sense of happiness lead me into bed with Kevin.

I wanted him, and on the dance floor I’d almost given in to him. His kiss was everything a kiss should be. It was pure, and full of hope. It made me believe I could do anything, be anyone.

When he held me close, I felt secure. I felt that he really did care about me. But, I knew it was all a façade.

Why couldn’t it be real?

I shook my head as he pulled up to the house. The lights were off. Brandon and Abigail got out of the car and Kevin and I didn’t budge.

The car was still running, and as we both sat silently watching Brandon and Abigail enter the house our breathing was the only sound.

Kevin shut the engine and turned to me. “Ready?”

Ready? Was I ready? Ready to go and sleep in the same bed as him, ready to pretend, I didn’t know how much longer I could pretend.

Then I remembered the money, I had to do this.

“Yep,” I answered as I hopped out of the car.

When we entered the house, Kevin turned to me . “Go on upstairs, I’ll be up later.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just go to bed. I’ll be up shortly.”

“Goodnight.”

He nodded to me as he walked toward the kitchen. After I finished dressing in my night clothes, I crawled into bed.

It felt weird not having him in bed with me, and my curiosity started to eat away at me. After tossing and turning I finally fell asleep.

The next morning, I glanced over to Kevin’s side of the bed but it was untouched and empty. He hadn’t slept here last night.

I dressed in jeans and a dark blue sweater the same color as my eyes and threw my hair in a ponytail. I traveled downstairs and saw Kevin in the kitchen, making breakfast and feeding Skye.

I stopped at the bottom of the stairs as I watched him with her. He was smiling and being so adorable with her. She started to cry and he lifted her from the highchair and cuddled her into his strong arms. He rocked her around the kitchen, singing her a lullaby.

My chest warmed at the sight as I walked into the kitchen. “Hi,” I said.

I walked closer and held my hand out to touch Skye’s arm. Kevin jumped a little when he realized I was there, standing beside him.

“I didn’t see you come in. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes. Where did you sleep?” I dropped Skye’s hand and walked to the fridge.

“I slept down here, so I would hear her when she woke up.”

“Oh.” I didn’t want to admit how much I had missed him last night.

The next two days were filled with holiday cheer and lying around the house playing games. Kevin and I slept in the same bed every night, but we didn’t talk much. We tried to avoid each other as much as possible, while still keeping up the pretend relationship.

I loved talking to Amy and Abigail the most. They made me feel like a part of the family and even included me whenever they would rush off to gossip about the guys.

I’d learned a great deal about Kevin and him growing up here. How he went to law school and his job in the city. He was a respectable lawyer and appeared happy with the career he’d chosen.

Everyone would gather around the table for dinner, and every moment I felt myself falling for Kevin. Which I tried to hide and keep under control. Life was going to suck once we returned back home, but this was turning into one of the best holidays I could ever remember.

As I sat in the living room watching a movie with Abigail and Amy, the men went to the store to do some last minute holiday shopping. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and they still had a few things to get.

I felt weird for not getting anyone a gift, but Kevin assured me he would buy a few gifts and add my name to them.

Everything about being here felt right. Which is why I knew I couldn’t fall into the feelings that I was feeling.

It sucked, but every night when I would lie my head on the pillow I would dream this was real. I would dream about Kevin’s lips on me, and oh how I wanted so much more. I wanted him to touch me, but he had kept his promise and hadn’t touched me since the night at the club.

When they returned, Kevin walked into the house, smiling. His smile was wide, and I found myself staring.

His eyes met mine, and I tried to turn away. I tried so hard.

While we ate dinner, the men had bought a few bottles of wine, and I drank a few glasses. My mind was feeling the effects, and I couldn’t stop giggling next to Kevin.

“Okay, I think this little lady has had enough to drink. I’m taking her to bed,” Kevin said.

He grabbed my hand and helped me from the table. I said goodnight to everyone and stumbled up the staircase as Kevin held me tight. His hands on my side, guiding me up the stairs felt right.

When we entered the room, I bombarded him against the door.

I kissed him, hard across his lips. I wanted him, and maybe I was feeling brave from the alcohol, but it didn’t stop me from trying to feel him.

I pressed him against the door, and plunged my fingers into his short, dark hair.