Chapter Three
Rory stood in Callie’s room, looking around at the space without moving. She’d been there a full twenty minutes and she’d yet to do a single thing. They had lain her sister to rest two weeks earlier. Every single one of those fourteen days had passed in a complete haze, as she and Kevin struggled to create some sort of new normal that would jive with Angel’s old normal.
As such, they’d both remained at Callie’s house. She had claimed the guest room her first night in town as Kevin insisted on taking the couch. Every night, the three of them ate dinner together, they played games, they took turns giving Angel baths, and then the three of them sprawled out on their sweet baby’s bed to read bedtime stories to her.
Angel became the center of their universe because, while everything else between her and Kevin was completely up in the air, there was no question their niece was the most important thing.
As the days passed, the tears grew less. Last night was the first time, Angel had slept through the entire night without waking up crying out for her mommy. Every time Rory heard her sad, broken little voice seeking out the person she wanted most, who was never coming back, it broke her heart. She and Kevin would crawl into Angel’s bed and Rory would sing her back to sleep. Then, more often than not, Kevin would tuck Rory into bed afterwards, wiping away her tears and offering her a comforting kiss on the forehead.
She couldn’t imagine how she would have survived a day of this unending pain without him. If left to her own devices, she feared she and Angel would have remained holed up in the dark for months without end. Kevin was the one who put them all on a schedule, who planned out their days and then kept them going through the motions. He promised her that after a while it wouldn’t feel like hard work. And so, to that end, last week, they’d taken Angel back to preschool and Kevin had returned to work.
Which left Rory alone every day in her sister’s house, eating too much ice cream and watching way too much reality TV, while trying to deal with overwhelming grief. There was no question in her mind that Angel and Kevin were bouncing back better than her, and she was ashamed of herself for that.
This morning, after dropping Angel off at preschool, Rory realized why they were mending quicker. Kevin and Angel had gotten back into their normal routines, while she’d been hiding out and wallowing in a heavy sadness that simply wouldn’t lift.
Nothing about Hope Falls fit into what had been her standard life for the past decade. She was starting from scratch. Or at least, she would be. Once she started something.
Baby steps, she decided.
She had returned to the house, determined that everything would change today. It was silly for Kevin to sleep on the couch every night when there was another bedroom in the house. If he was determined to stay here rather than return to his own place, then they needed to stop avoiding Callie’s room.
Armed with trash bags and boxes, Rory decided it was time to pack up her sister’s stuff, so the healing could begin. Anything she thought Angel might want would be stored in the attic, while Callie’s clothing would go to Goodwill.
It had been a solid plan. Until she took two steps inside Callie’s bedroom and froze. Her gaze traveled over the brightly patterned quilt their mother had made for Callie as a high school graduation present. Rory had gotten one as well, and she could only assume it was in the storage facility she had been renting for nearly a decade just outside Chicago. In truth, she hadn’t seen her own quilt in ages.
There was a rocking chair near the window that Rory recognized as another keepsake from their childhood home, as was their mother’s jewelry box and the small baby booty that had belonged to their dad, sitting side by side on Callie’s dresser.
Rory took it all in, trying to recall what items she had taken from their parents’ home after their deaths. While Rory kept her past stowed away in boxes, Callie kept their parents’ memories alive, displaying the things she obviously valued.
Suddenly, Rory was anxious to make a trip to Chicago, to move everything out of that storage unit here. To open the boxes and pull out all the things she’d foolishly locked away.
Yet another sacrifice she’d unwittingly made in her pursuit of fame. Her past, her relationship with her sister, her chance at a real romance with Kevin. She’d pushed it all aside to chase a dream that she didn’t even want once she’d gotten it.
So many wasted years.
It was strange how much more clearly she could see her life now. The worst part was she wanted to share her epiphany with Callie, but she couldn’t. Her sister’s death had left a huge gaping hole inside her. One she’d never be able to fill again.
The front door opened downstairs, the sound of Kevin’s keys being tossed onto a table in the foyer a familiar one now. She glanced at the clock and wondered if he’d forgotten something. It was only 9:30—too early for lunch or quitting time.
She heard him climbing the stairs, turning just as he reached the doorway to Callie’s room. He looked tired, with dark circles and deep lines under his eyes, betraying his inability to get a good night’s sleep on the couch. Not that his evident exhaustion marred his attractiveness. The man had only gotten hotter with each passing year. He cut his hair even shorter now and paired it with an extremely close-cut shave that was more five o’clock shadow than beard. She was embarrassed by how many times in the past few days she’d longed to reach out and stroke that sexy scruff. Apart from comforting hugs, Kevin hadn’t sought to touch her in any deeper, more meaningful way. Not that she blamed him.
For one thing, they were both still knee-deep in their mourning. And for another, she’d dropkicked his heart. If anything, she deserved his disdain, rather than this kind, friendly man who’d put his own hurt aside to help her cope with Callie’s death.
“You’re home early.”
He nodded. “Yeah. I…” He sighed. “I can’t do this anymore, Rory. We need to talk.”
She understood what was bothering him because she felt the same way. They’d been sleepwalking through the past two weeks, avoiding too many issues, not saying anything that really needed to be said.
“Okay.” She looked around Callie’s room, postponing her plans.
Then Kevin realized where they were. “What are you doing in here?”
“I was going to pack up Callie’s things. I think I’m going to start sleeping in here, so you can move off that couch.”
“Oh.” His brows creased, his eyes sad. “Do you want help?”
She shook her head. “No. It can wait until tomorrow. It wasn’t as easy as… I think I’d really like to get out of here. Get some fresh air.”
“Come on. I think I know just the thing.” He took her hand and led her to the garage. She wasn’t sure of his intent until he pulled a drop cloth off her beloved motorcycle.
Her eyes widened. “Oh my God. I forgot that was here.” She’d bought the bike as a gift to herself after recording her first record with the Road Rebels. Callie had called her insane, claiming it was ridiculous to spend so much money on something she would rarely have time to ride, but Rory had gone ahead with the purchase, and the motorcycle was one of her most beloved possessions.
“Thought you had. It’s a gorgeous day. What do you say we go for a ride?”
She walked to the bike and ran her hand over the seat. Then she tugged the keys from the ignition and handed them to him. “You want to drive it?”
Kevin grinned as he straddled the seat. “Hell yeah. Pop the garage door open and let’s do this.”
Once the bike was outside, Rory closed the garage door and climbed on behind Kevin, wrapping her arms loosely around his waist. For the first time in a long time, Rory had a sense of the world correcting itself. After weeks—no, months—of life feeling “off,” sitting on this motorcycle with her body pressed against Kevin’s felt right. Ever since learning of Callie’s death, it was like she was wearing ice cubes for clothing. She’d been frozen, numb. Now, as Kevin revved the engine and sped up when they hit the highway, she was warm again. Actually, she was pretty freaking hot.
They rode for several miles before he took the turnoff that would lead them to the Riverside Recreation area. Once they were there, he parked the bike and they climbed off, walking toward the path that ambled by the river.
Kevin clearly had something on his mind, but she needed to speak first. Actually, no. There was something she needed to do first.
She turned to face him, reaching up to pull his face toward hers. Before he could react, she’d placed her lips on his, kissing him.
Kevin stood stock-still for a full thirty seconds before burying his hands in her hair and deepening the kiss. He pressed her lips open with his, his tongue seeking. She welcomed him inside as she tugged the hem of his shirt from his pants. He was dressed for work—looking exactly like the accountant she had described the night of Keith and Callie’s wedding—wearing nice slacks, a button-down dress shirt and tie.
However, he had strayed from what she considered the norm, trading his sports jacket for a leather one. As always, she looked like his polar opposite with her torn jeans, faded black T-shirt, tats and piercings. The only thing they had in common was the leather jacket.
Once she’d pulled his shirt free, she tucked her hands beneath the cotton, desperate to touch skin.
Kevin must have felt the same need, as his hands started to roam as well. He cupped her breasts through her shirt, squeezing them firmly. Throughout the years, they’d expanded on their sexual games, turning up the heat with each return engagement. He’d introduced her to nipple clamps one Thanksgiving, and she’d bought him a pair of handcuffs for his birthday one year, securing him to the bed while tormenting him with the longest blow job in history. Her pussy clenched as she recalled the way Kevin had pulled her over his lap after she’d released him and spanked her into an orgasm.
Kevin’s hands drifted lower, cupping her ass as he pulled her against him, letting her feel his erection. They’d been idiots to leave the privacy of the house.
“I’m tired of being numb, Kevin.”
His kind eyes told her he understood, shared the sentiment. He grasped her hand, dragging her into a copse of trees. It was ten o’clock on a Monday morning. The majority of Hope Falls was at work, which meant the area near the river was deserted. Regardless, Kevin found a secluded spot in the woods, losing no time pressing her up against a tree.
Neither of them spoke. Instead, they greedily grabbed what they wanted. He unzipped her jeans, shoving his hand inside to stroke her clit. She gasped at his hasty, hot assault, then mimicked his actions. Releasing his belt and opening his pants, she stroked his hard cock with a tight grip, dragging her hand along the velvety flesh, enjoying his soft grunts when she hit just the right spot.
“I’m going to fuck you, Rory. Right here. Right now.”
“Do it.”
Her leather jacket protected her back from the bark of the tree as Kevin stripped one leg of her jeans off and pushed his own pants to his knees. He pulled her panties to the side and entered her with one hard, deep thrust.
“Fuck,” he muttered, drawing the word out in pure bliss.
She tugged his head down to hers, biting his lower lip before resuming their hungry kisses. Kevin shoved in and out, brutally, beautifully. She came hard within minutes, pushing him over with her. She’d never been taken with so much passion. So much need.
“Still on the Pill?” he asked, even though he made no move to withdraw from her body. Not that it mattered. He’d already come inside her.
It wasn’t the first time they’d forgotten the condom, even though—when they were in their right minds—they usually managed to remember.
“Yes.”
As his cock softened, he pulled away. Then he bent over to pull her jeans back up. She foolishly looked around for something to clean herself with. She wasn’t sure what she expected to find in the middle of the woods.
Once she was dressed again, he straightened his own clothes relatively quickly. It only required pulling his pants up and tucking his shirt back in. She grinned when she realized his tie was still securely in place.
“All buttoned up again?” she teased when she saw his quizzical look.
She expected him to laugh, so she was concerned when he frowned. “I didn’t bring you out here to…” He paused, then ran his hand over his hair. “You fuck me up, Rory.”
They’d come out here to talk.
They should have talked first.
Guilt suffused her, his words feeling like a punch to the stomach. She’d hurt him. And she hadn’t even told him how deeply sorry she was for that.
“Kevin—” she started.
“No,” he cut her off. “No. You know what. I can’t do this right now. I think we should head back to the house.”
“But I wanted to tell you—”
“Later, Rory,” he interrupted her again. “I just need a little bit of time to…” He paused and she could see his frustration. God, it was almost tangible.
She didn’t have the right to make any demands on him. Whatever they did now, it was going to be on his terms. He deserved that from her after the way she’d hurt him.
“Okay,” she said, not making him say the rest.
They walked back to the motorcycle and rode home in silence. Once they got there, Kevin quickly said his goodbyes, returning to work.
Rory resumed her usual spot on the couch, in front of the TV, but she didn’t bother to turn it on. Instead, she found herself falling into a memory. One she had pushed away for an entire year.
She had fallen into a funk after the band broke up and she started touring on her own. After a rather disappointing four-month run headlining for a flailing upstart band, she’d returned to Hope Falls to lick her wounds.
Kevin had taken her to JT’s Roadhouse for a drink, determined to cheer her up.
*
“Honest to God, Kevin, I’m just so frustrated. I mean, it took years to build up The Road Rebels’ rep, to get the band to a place where we were just starting to make a real name for ourselves. Now it feels like I’m back at square one.”
Kevin took a sip of beer. “You’ve gotta have a big enough fan base to make it on your own. I mean, you were the lead singer of the band, the face, the one everyone knew.”
She shook her head. “I have just enough fans to land me gigs like the one I just finished. I’ve taken at least ten giant steps back. I’m getting too old for this shit.”
“You’re not old, Rory.”
“Believe me, in the music business, I’m ancient. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just spinning my wheels, when in reality, I’ve reached my peak and this is it.”
Kevin frowned and took her hand in his. “Stop it. I never want to hear you say that again. You’re amazing, Rory. One of the best performers I’ve ever seen. You told me once that the music business was one percent talent and ninety-nine percent luck.”
She laughed. “I’m pretty sure I was wasted and feeling sorry for myself when I spouted that bullshit.”
“All I’m saying is, if anyone deserves that superstar status, it’s you. You just have to hang in there a little bit longer. I know it feels like you’re starting over, but you’re not. And it sounds like you’ve lined up some cool stuff. You’ve got that big music competition, February Stars, right?”
“That’s almost a year away. In the meantime…”
“In the meantime, what?”
She sighed and toyed with the label on her beer bottle. “I have no idea.”
“You could stay here. In Hope Falls. Take a real vacation, a break from the road.”
She crinkled her nose. “And do what? Hang out at Two Scoops all day? Ice skate on King’s Pond? Pray the Hope Falls Twin Cinemas gets an R-rated movie occasionally?”
He scowled. “You know, this place isn’t as backwoods as you think. If you’d stick around more than five minutes, I’m pretty sure you’d love it.”
She shrugged off his comment. “I’m a big-city girl through and through.”
“You could stay for some other reason,” he said after a few minutes.
Rory tilted her head. “What do you mean?”
He ran his thumb over the hand he was still holding. “Me. Stay here with me. Let’s give this thing between us a real chance.”
“A chance for what?”
He leaned closer and, for the first time since she’d met Kevin, she actually felt uneasy, scared. He’d never been a threat to her lifestyle. In fact, he’d always been her biggest supporter, traveling to see her whenever she was playing a show close enough to Hope Falls.
She’d destroyed her band, taking up with Eddie in hopes of finding a relationship that would fit into her life. Because Kevin didn’t.
“Do I really need to spell this out for you, Rory? I’m crazy about you. No, more than that. I’m in—”
“Wait,” she called out loudly, attempting to drown out the word love. It didn’t work. He still said it and she heard it.
He paused for just a moment before she caught a flash of anger in his eyes. “I’ve been waiting. For six years.”
It was the worst possible thing he could have said to her. “You’ve been waiting for me?”
He seemed to recognize his mistake, but she realized his concern wasn’t over saying the wrong thing. It was over saying what he truly felt aloud to her.
“Jesus, Kevin. When have I ever given you any reason to think that I’m just going to up and quit one day, then come here to live out some happily ever after with you in Hope Falls?”
“Never. You’ve never said that, and to be honest, I know I’m throwing this at you from left field, but the truth is, I didn’t like it when you were with Eddie. I hated every minute of it. And when I stopped to think about why, all I could come up with is you’re supposed to be with me, Rory. We’re perfect together. And if you’d try to rein in this freak-out moment you’re engaging in, you’d see that and admit it. If not to me, then at least to yourself.”
“I’m not freaking out.” Actually, she was. Big time. Because she’d already figured out that Kevin was the perfect guy for her. Just like she’d forced herself to admit, despite that fact, they were never going to work out. She spent at least forty-six weeks out of the year on the road and he was the epitome of a homebody. She was fast lane and he was dirt road.
And even as she thought all of that, she knew it was nothing more than excuses.
“I’ve built my whole life around my music, Kevin. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. All I know. What we have is perfect. Because we’re not trying to force it into something that can’t work. If we turned this into a long-distance relationship, you’d come to resent me and the time I’m away. God. I’m always away. And I’d wither up and die in this environment.”
“Seems to me you set your own schedule. You’re the one making it so grueling. Ease up. Take the vacation and give us a shot.”
“I can’t.” The words fell out too fast, too easy.
Kevin studied her face for a long time without speaking. He didn’t need to. She knew what she’d done. With just two words, she’d destroyed it all.
“Then I can’t do this anymore.”
She fought like the devil not to let him see how his words cut through her like razor blades. “Okay. You’re right. It’s not fair of me to,” she swallowed down the tears threatening, “ask you to wait.”
“You didn’t ask that, Rory. But as long as this continues, there’s always going to be a part of me sitting here waiting for you, hoping something will change. And that’s not fair to either of us.”
“I guess this is it then,” she said, forcing every single painful word out of her.
“I guess it is.”
*
Rory wiped the tears from her eyes, struggling to pull herself back together. She had to pick Angel up from preschool in less than an hour and the poor baby had seen—and shed—enough tears these past couple of weeks.
Even so, she sat there and acknowledged that she’d made the biggest mistake of her life that night. But how could she convince Kevin that she’d come to that realization mere minutes after he had driven her back to Callie’s house last year and dropped her off?
Even now, she got the sense he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, watching for her packed suitcase to appear in the hallway as she headed back out on the road. After six years of her constant goodbyes, how could he trust that this time would be different?