I’m an asshole.

Dad always told me not to be an asshole. But here I am. A day late. And an asshole.

“I’m sorry, but she’s not taking any visitors.” The nurse, sitting behind the counter in a stark white uniform, looks like something out of a retro comic book. Unlike the other nurses wearing colorful scrub tops and matching pants, her top is buttoned-up to a frilly collar and she carries a huge gray bun pinned to the top of her head that looks like a bird’s nest big enough to hold a pair of pigeons.

I wave the flowers I’ve brought—a bouquet of island blooms: red Birds of Paradise mixed with mild, but sweetly scented, purple orchids.  “Ma’am, is it possible to call her and let her know I’m here.”

“She’s not taking any phone calls either,” rattles the old woman and turns away to fumble with some papers as she keeps talking. “You see that wall of flowers over there?”

I turn around and behind me is a long table loaded with vases and bouquets of flowers of all kinds backed by Get Well posters taped crookedly to the wall.

“Yeah,” I swallow.

“You can leave your flowers for Captain Matsuura over there.”

I sigh. “Ma’am, please. Keiko and I have been seeing one another and I’m pretty confident I was about to hit ‘boyfriend’ status before her accident yesterday, so if you could just call and let her know that—”

“Young man.” The nurse marches with a slight waddle straight towards me and leans over the counter. “The patient does not even want to see her parents. She’s requested peace and quiet between exams and tests. She went through something very traumatic and if you’re her booooyfriend,” the nurse slurs, “then you should’ve been here yesterday with the rest of the huge crowd of caring friends and kin.”

I don’t know why I didn’t come yesterday. I couldn’t sleep a wink last night knowing Keiko was here at Tripler Army Medical Center.

Vollmer was nice enough to call me in the middle of the night to let me know her unit reported she was okay. It was obvious Vollmer and Bleau were just as confused with my behavior as I was—not coming sooner to see Keiko. They didn’t look at or talk to me at work all day today and kept their distance.

After Keiko was loaded into the ambulance, Foskett didn’t just yell at me, he dropped tears. The motherfucker was crying. I wasn’t even crying. Maybe I was in shock. Maybe I was still caught up in my jealousy. I don’t think so, but I had this overwhelming feeling that I should just stay out of the way. I also didn’t want to face Keiko knowing I was thinking about breaking off our relationship for the sake of her own good right before her plane crashed.

I wish I could tell this nurse I stayed away to be helpful, so Keiko could get the immediate support of friends and family who deserved her. I’m just an envious asshole, covetous of a woman who is perfect in every way. Too perfect for me.

But I finally decided to visit because I know my mama would be upset if she was in her right mind and found out I didn’t at least check on the girl I tried to talk to her about.

“Don’t look at me like that,” scolds the nurse.

I’m startled. “Like what?”

“You’re all red-in-the-face. Honestly, I can’t tell if you’re about to kiss me or attack me. In either case, I don’t care how cute those dimples are. I’m not letting you in to see her, soldier,” she chides and eyeballs me.

I’m not in uniform.

“Are you a soldier?” she asks and I nod. “Well,” she huffs, “your job is to protect this country, but my job is to protect these patients, including their privacy. So, unless your name is...” the nurse chuckles, “Badass, you’re not going to see the captain.”

I drop my head. It hangs heavy as I reach into my back jeans pocket and pull out my wallet, then my ID, and show it to the nurse.

She lets out a long exhale. “You know, I thought she was kidding. My apologies Mr. Badass, but I have to warn you. Captain Matsuura is a special kind of person.”

I nod. “Yes, ma’am. I know.”

“I’ll take you in there, but you’d better not upset her.”

“No, ma’am. I won’t.”

“And you’d better be nice. I can already tell you’re trouble. I saw it instantly in those deceptive rosy cheeks of yours, which I’m sure is why that nice girl likes you so much. Nice girls are all too often attracted to the troublemakers. Lord knows, I was. But I don’t want any trouble from you. You need to make her feel better, not worse. Do you understand?”

I swallow. I know I’m trouble. I can feel it in my cheeks. “Yes, ma’am. I will.”

The nurse hobbles around the counter and grabs the flowers I brought in my hand and tosses them onto the counter. She picks up a bouquet from the mass assortment on display—about a dozen red roses and hands it to me. I realize another mistake I’ve made. My father often brought my mother roses, but then again, I wasn’t planning on professing my love. I just planned to make sure she was okay. That. Was. It.

I follow the nurse down the hall and the second I step one foot into Keiko’s room and notice her in a hospital gown, I feel faint.

“Whoa!” yells the old nurse helping me to remain upright and leads me to a chair, taking the bouquet from me.

“Jet?” calls Keiko from the bed. “Are you okay?”

“Soldier, you are as white as a ghost,” attests the nurse.

I look up to Keiko. I caught a glimpse of her as I walked in and I don’t know what happened.

“I’m okay,” I say trying to collect myself. “I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

“Well, don’t get up. Stay seated before you fall over,” says the nurse. “If you do fall over, I’m going to have to admit you.”

“I won’t get up,” I assure.

The nurse turns towards Keiko to tuck her in the bed, mumbles a few things, winks, and walks out.

Keiko flashes me a fake smile—I don’t like it. I don’t like seeing Keiko looking forlorn, the same way she did when she fell to the ground in the parking lot at the ball after she pushed me and I turned around, nearly punching her. She looks defeated, disappointed, and beaten—far from the perfect woman she should be.

I want to stand up and leave, but I still feel woozy, like I can’t breathe so I squeeze my eyes shut and try to breathe.

“Jet,” Keiko calls from the bed right in front me and I cover my hot face.

“Jet, it’s okay. Don’t cry.”

Cry? I’m a Badass, I don’t fucking cry.

“I’m okay,” she assures and I don’t get what’s happening. I feel wetness spreading between the tight space of my palms over my cheeks.

“Jet,” she repeats.

Oh God. “Stop saying my fucking name!” I curse as I remove my palms from my wet eyes to look at her. My whole face is fucking wet, my vision is blurry, and my whole head is steaming.

“Don’t curse at me,” she scolds.

“Then stop saying my name like that,” I sniffle.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re more in love with my name then you are with me.”

“My mother says it’s the first word I ever spoke.”

I can’t help but laugh out of frustration.

“Don’t laugh, Jet,” Keiko scolds with conviction. This is another side of her I don’t really know. I don’t recognize the tone and I get up believing I should leave her be. I’m not supposed to be in here causing trouble anyway, but she pulls at me.

“Jet, listen to me. You and I are meant to be together. It’s destiny. You know it. I know it. I know you feel it. I’m sure it sounds naïve. I’m sure I sound out of character—everyone expects me to be so damn scientific and statistically accurate all the time, but after what happened yesterday, I know we’re not some fling. And I know why you didn’t come sooner. You don’t want to see me like this because this is not just love-at-first-sight. Just as I was sure that I would fly jets when I was a kid, I’m confident you and I are destined to be together.” She pauses to squeeze my arm tighter like she’s offering me reassurance and I can’t believe how strong she is. I’m the one supposed to be giving her support. “It’s okay to be afraid, Jet. Sit down. Sit with me. I just know we will be good together.”

My face flushes with heat, but I sit. “You don’t know that. I’m not a nice boy. You don’t know my history because we never talked about it. We never made time to talk about it. You don’t know the pain I endured as a small child and how that’s shaped my mind. You can’t trust me. You shouldn’t love me because you have no idea who I am, what I’m capable of, or whether I love you.”

“Well, of course, you love me. I know you do,” she says assuredly.

I wipe my teary face with my shirt and squint at her. “No, you don’t.”

“Look at you,” she continues. “You’re all red-in-the-face.”

“What the fuck does that have to do with anything?” I don’t mean to cuss again, but I can’t help it. My fucking red face has been an issue my whole life and I’m sick of it.

She smiles, despite my obvious irritation. “My friend and your sister-in-law, Gemma, called to inquire how I was doing when they heard about the accident. Your older brother was nice enough to come to the phone and also wish me well. They asked if you and I had by chance been in touch since we were both stationed here in Hawaii. They all knew we hooked up after the wedding and I told them we were lucky to have connected again, but I did admit we were having difficulty making any kind of commitment to one another. Despite my confession, I believe it’s something we both want. Your brother seemed concerned and, I hate to say, I couldn’t help but mention your temper. Your cheeks flush when you seem to be at odds with me. Your brother laughed about it. He said there were only two times in your whole life where you turned red-in-the-face—the day you came home to live with your adoptive family and the first time you laid your eyes on your neighbor, Peyton Lock, when you were a kid. Don’t you see, Jet?”

No, I don’t see. I squint.

She sits up and leans towards me. “You get red when you’re in love.”

That’s bullshit.

I flick Keiko’s hand off me.

I’m not in love. I’m on fire and I need to blast out of this place before I hurt her without meaning.

There’s a knock on the open door. “Hello, Captain?” inquires a tall and lanky black man wearing black scrubs.

“Come in, Doc,” replies Keiko.

The doctor walks in, his face peering into an open file folder. “I have good news and some bad news.”

Bad news? Fuck this burning in my head. I feel woozy again.

The doc looks up to Keiko then turns to take a long hard look at me; he can see my discomfort and my red face, I’m sure. “Is this the father?”

What the fuck? I honestly have no idea how old Keiko is—the details of our lives left out by our Instalove, but I’m overly sure Keiko is at least a few years older than me.

“I’m not her father,” I scoff and look at Keiko, expecting her to join me in a laugh, but she’s not laughing.

She is staring blankly at the doctor. “He’s the father.”

I suddenly feel cold, like the blood in my head has promptly been drained and flushed out into the universe. I’m trying to process what Keiko just said.

The doctor flashes me the most peculiar look, clears his throat, then fixes his eyes back on Keiko. “So, good news first—your baby looks like she or he is doing well. We can’t detect any problems with the pregnancy at this point, but I’d recommend continuing with some regular ultrasounds.” The doc inhales deeply. “Here’s the bad news—no flying. I’ve consulted with other members of my staff, as well your superiors, and we are in agreement that G-forces you experience during jet flight might not be good for you or the pregnancy.”

Keiko pouts.

The doctor appears stoic as he addresses Keiko again. “Are you interested in other options? You have choices, Captain. You still have time to termina—”

“FUCK NO!” I stand up. My hands can’t help but fly into the air. My cheeks feel like they’re scalding!

“Sssss...sir,” slurs the doctor raising his hands and the file.

I stare the doc down. “She’s not fucking terminating.”

Keiko interrupts. “Jet, baby. Sit down.” Keiko sounds like my mother, like the first time my mother sat me down to discuss what happened with Peyton and why I shouldn’t hurt girls, but protect them, especially the ones I liked.

“You’re not terminating!” I bawl and I have no idea what’s come over me.

Keiko has something I want. I want to see it. I want to hold it. “I want it,” I blurt and get up to lean over the bed, squeezing my arms under Keiko and tucking my red face into her neck. It’s like Peyton and the stupid squirrel—I’m that dumb kid all over again but this time I don’t want anyone to get hurt. “Please tell the doctor you’re not interested in other options.” I feel a little less heated as Keiko squeezes me back.

“I think I might stay grounded for a few months, doctor, thank you,” she tells the doc.

“Should I leave you two alone? Captain, are you okay being by yourself with this young man?”

She replies back, “I’m fine.”

“She’s fine,” I assure as well. “Just shut the door behind you.”

“Okay then,” the doctor huffs as he walks out.

I start crying, making Keiko’s neck wet with my tears and snot. I feel like an ass, but I don’t care. “I’m so sorry,” I weep. “I don’t know why I didn’t come sooner. I don’t know why I do stupid shit.”

“At least you didn’t throw a rock at me,” she sasses with a laugh that gyrates through my flesh and into my bones.

Oh God, I’ve missed her laugh. I guess I should be thankful my brother told on me—again.

I smile, “So, my brother told you the whole story about that, huh?” She nods as she strokes my cool wet face with her fingertips. “I would think you’d choose to opt out of having anything to do with me after a story like that, especially since you know who I really am now. I’m unpredictable and a hothead, but you?” Keiko cocks her head in anticipation of what I’m about to say. “You’re perfect.”

“I’m far from perfect,” she laughs. “You were a kid, Jet. But none of that matters anymore because that’s not who you are now. You’re a good man. You’re a nice guy who’s about to be a great dad.”

I stick out my tongue in disgust and smile. “C’mon, we both know you don’t want the nice guy.”

Keiko locks eyes with me. She runs her thumb across my lip and strokes at my dimple. I close my eyes and move in for a kiss but she slaps me!

“Ow! Baby, what the fuck?!” I grab her wrist.

“You’re not red anymore. I want you all red,” she says and yanks her arm free then winds it back like she’s about to slap me again.

I’m befuddled. “Keiko, don’t slap me. It’s going to get me hot.”

Keiko bites her lip and the most devious smile spreads across her face as she winds her hand back a bit further.

“Oh,” I nod, “You want me to get hot?”

She nods and I know I’m red now.

I move in for a kiss before she can wind her hand back at me and I kiss her hard.

I pull down her covers and pull away to check on the door. It’s shut and I allow my gaze to wander back to Keiko as she pulls at her gown. She’s naked underneath so I help her to pull the gown up, way up above her breasts and I look at her nipples.

They do look darker and her breasts do seem more swollen than when we first met. Damn, I should’ve been here yesterday, but never again. Never again am I going to let a day go by without her knowing I’m here for her.

Fingers stroke softly up from my neck through my short hair and they nudge my head down.

A tingle at my core warms my chest and I lower my head to take Keiko’s nipple into my mouth and I nip at it—biting it between my teeth. She yelps and smacks me at the back of the head so I chuckle and open my mouth to plant my lips over the whole areola and swish my tongue a few times over the tip of her nipple with my tongue then I suck.

Keiko’s back arches. She claws her fingernails into the back of my head and I recognize my dick is hard.

I look up to her face as I continue to suck. She’s gasping for air and I reach up to stick two fingers in her open, gaping mouth.

She clenches her lips around my fingers, suctioning them as I slide them in and out. The feel of her warm wet tongue sliding against my digits makes my dick throb.

I pull my fingers out and grab her knee to open her up. My wet fingers make contact with her clit and she trembles. I pull my fingers away and circle around the swollen nub being careful not to touch it. I keep circling and circling, making her hips rock and her body writhe as I tease her.

She smacks me once more. “Don’t tease! Be nice.”

I look up to smile at her and, as our eyes meet, I push my fingers through her entrance. I push them in and out. Real nice. Real slow.

She closes her eyes and I whisper, “Do you really want me to be nice?”

“Yeah,” she mutters but instead, I fuck her with my fingers, driving them fast, hard, and deep until I hook them inside her to get leverage to rub my thumb flat and firm on her clit.

She starts whining.

“Are you sure you want me to be nice or do you me to fuck you like a Badass?”

“Fuck me,” she moans, “but be nice. I want both.”

Both?

I take off my shirt and climb up on the hospital bed to kneel between her long legs.

Keiko licks her lips as I unbutton my pants and zip open my fly to pull out my long hard cock above my boxers. She reaches for me and I help her, pulling her up so she can reach behind me and pull my boxers and jeans down to rub my hard ass.

I lift her chin and push my thumb between her hot lips to open her mouth.

I decide to help myself and wedge my mushroom tip between her lips. I stroke her hair softly—nicely, with one hand as I insert myself all the way into the back of her throat. I keep the other hand propped under her chin to keep it lifted so I can look at her beautiful face as she engulfs me.

I take my time moving in and out of her warm wet mouth. I have no idea how I’m supposed to give her what she wants—the nice guy and the Badass at the same time. She wants both.

I push her back but not before wiping the sloppy drool from her chin with my thumb. I fall on top of her, hugging her between my biceps, which she grabs a hold of as I thrust into her.

I work her. I work my ass and abs until I’m penetrating her so deep and hard with each and every thrust she starts moaning—a little too loud. I have to cover her mouth with my palm.

“Is that good for you, baby?” I ask.

“Mmhm,” she moans under my hand.

“Are you going to have my baby?”

“Mmhm,” she nods.

“Do you like having us both inside you?”

Keiko’s brows crinkle at the center. She startled I’d ask such a question but her pussy gets tight so I fist her hair.

“That’s what you want, isn’t it?” I ask, rocking my hips to pound her harder and making the hospital bed move and our foreheads start to sweat. “You want us both—me and my baby all at once. Isn’t that what you want? Is that enough for you or do you want more?”

“Mo—,” she mumbles but before she can finish, I get up to straddle one of her legs and pull the other over my shoulder to pound her deeper. Fuck! She’s so tight.

Her pussy feels like its swollen and I fucking love it. I make sure to get all the way in. I’m pounding her pussy down to the root of my cock, but I know it’s still not enough.

“You want more?” I ask and dip down to suck on a nipple and rub her clit.

Her hips buck and she covers her own mouth with her hands to keep from making a peep. She’s going to come soon. I look at her other tit bouncing as I suck on the one. Her tits will be full, full of milk in just a few months, and the idea that she’ll be nurturing my baby like she’s nurturing me right now makes me so Goddamn hot!

...and I know what she wants.

“Me and my baby—we’re not enough for you, are we Keiko? My big dreamer—you want all of me. More of me. More of my hot cum. You want me to fill you up with everything I have. Don’t you?”

“Nnhnn,” she whines.

I knead her breasts and pinch her nipples before I lean up and lick my own finger to get it wet. I lift Keiko’s ass cheek to see her ass wink. I put some pressure on her tight little asshole with just one finger and Keiko tucks her head under the pillow to hide a yelp. I use my other hand to rub circles on her clit as I glide two fingers all the way in and out to penetrate her from behind while I fuck her pussy with my cock.

I look down to watch my full length getting slick and soaked as I pound my fingers and my dick hard into the Captain when I notice her small gyrating belly.

I pucker my lips and blow a kiss to my baby. I’m pounding Keiko so hard, but my baby is a Badass and once I propose, Keiko will be a Badass, too. They can both handle this.

Keiko yelps as the walls of her pussy repeatedly pulse and tighten around my shaft. Ah, fuck! She’s come on my cock and I can’t contain myself. I explode!

“Hooah,” I grunt, grabbing her ass to pull her tight over my dick as I spill into her. She claws at the pillow then at me with each deep thrust of my climax but I keep fucking her. I completely unload, giving her my all.

“Well!” cries a loud voice from the door and Keiko pulls her head out from under the pillow, to see the ol’ nurse with her hand on the doorknob. “That’s certainly one way to make her feel better,” the nurse jeers then checks out my ass and walks out shutting the door behind her.

We both laugh as I fall heavily on Keiko. I get a tight wrap of legs and arms around me and I feel like my universe is complete.

I was instantly attracted to Keiko—God, I wanted to sleep with her the second I laid eyes on her. But after just a few days—hell, maybe one day, I fell in love with her and I didn’t want to fuck her anymore. I wanted to protect her, take care of her, love her.

That was not what Keiko needed. She can protect herself and take care of herself. Plus, she knows how to love herself. She’s not the person I thought she was or became instantly attracted to, but I’m happy about it. I love this person even more and I can’t wait to learn more about her.

Not to mention, in a few months, I will have someone to protect and take care of. I don’t even know this person, let alone met this person, growing inside of Keiko but I’m already in love—Instalove.

Keiko kisses my hot cheek. I’m still a little sad. I’m not jealous anymore; I want her to be who she is—smart and successful, but it’s possible I’ll never be good enough for her because she’s meant to do so many great things.

“You’re going to go into outer space one day, aren’t you?” I ask.

“There’s never been another option for me,” she sighs, “until you.” I swallow hard and she turns to face me. “It’s why I didn’t want to stay in contact with you after our first few days together. When I’m with you, I feel like I don’t want to do anything but be with you. I don’t want to even look at other options. Do you think I’m making a good choice? I want us to be together, but having a baby might be bad for our careers. Are you sure this is what you want? Do you think keeping this baby is our best option?”

I press my heated lips to Keiko’s forehead made cold by the airconditioned hospital air and her cheeks blush. “You don’t have to choose. I love you and you’re right. We never should’ve fought it. We never should’ve lied about our feelings. I loved you the moment we met. We were meant to be together—from day one. From this day forward, no matter how far apart we are, we will still be together.” I wrap my arm around her. “We don’t have any other option.”