Nineteen
“Don’t.” I pulled away from Colin’s outreached hand. “I don’t deserve you to try and console me.” Silent tears relentlessly raced down my face.
“Are you kidding me, Arbor?” He was crying as he yanked me into his arms. “You—we lost a child, and while I was oblivious to it all, you had to live through that. You had to live through the heartache of having her in your life before she was ripped out of it. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve gone through.”
I gripped his shirtless back and hysterically poured my heart out against him. Sobs wracked my body as he held me while sobbing himself. We were two messy souls standing in that empty room.
Two souls that needed mending.
“I regret so badly not finding you. I knew your name, that you were a travelling musician; I even searched you out online a couple times. But I couldn’t bring myself to contact you with the news that I was pregnant.”
“I wish you had,” he whispered against my hair.
“So I could’ve ruined your chance at your dream career? I was afraid you wouldn’t want me…that you wouldn’t want us.”
“You didn’t give me a chance to make that decision, Arbor. But I wouldn’t have allowed you to be a single mother. The two of you would’ve been mine from that day forward. From the night we spent upstairs in this place forward.”
Colin’s hands moved from my hair to the sides of my face as his lips found mine. At first the kisses were gentle, sweet even, but after a few seconds we both let go of everything and roughly poured our pain and sorrow into the meshing of our lips. Labored breaths echoed off the walls as I bit his bottom one and he groaned. He lifted me with one sweep of his arm around my waist, and my legs wrapped around him as he blindly walked us to a long antique couch against the staircase. Our lips disconnected as he jerked the cover from it and dust went flying in the air on the other side as he tossed the cover that way, keeping it from getting in our eyes or lungs.
His hands cupped my face and his mouth was back on mine as he lowered me against the couch. He broke apart for a silent moment as our eyes searched one another’s. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking about, I was hoping he would forgive me for the heartache that revolved around Faith, around our past, and allow me to be his future. I wanted to be his future.
Without words being passed between us, Colin’s hand slipped beneath my shirt and slowly moved up my side. My mouth went slack as my chest rose from my deep inhale. I hooked a leg over his waist and pulled his body against mine.
“I need you…” My admittance made me blush.
“As much as I need you.”
“You can have me.”
“Believe me, I will.”
He pushed my tank top up my body and I lifted enough for him to remove it. I unhooked my bra and tossed it in the same direction as he had my shirt. The chill of the house sent goose bumps across my bare skin, but only for a mere second before his mouth and hand covered each of my breasts. My nails dug into the flesh of his back before running down the curve of his spine. I gripped his jean-clad backside with both hands and ground myself against him, his erection pushing in just the right spot. A throaty moan left me as I began to undo his jeans, but I couldn’t quite get to the zipper from the angle I was laying.
“Colin, please.”
“I love the sound of my name coming from your lips,” he breathlessly spoke against my breast.
Colin sat back on his heels and took me in.
I groaned and covered my face.
“Put your hands above your head. And lock your fingers together.”
Almost instantly, I did as he asked. He grinned with approval and removed each of my sandals, kissing the soles of my feet before slipping the remainder of my clothes from my body. He removed his jeans and boxers in one swift motion, fisting his erection in his hand while the other pushed deep into the couch beside my head to hold him above me.
A sharp intake of air left me as he pushed inside with one quick roll of his hips. Our bodies moved in sync as he held my hands above my head, kissing me deeply with each thrust of his hips. Heat burned deep in my core as we poured our emotions into that moment together. Every little bit of love, heartache, betrayal, and happiness flowed through our movements. Life had dealt us a strange hand, but being with Colin again made me happier than I’d been in far too long.
The vibration of a phone on the floor sprung to life. I knew it wasn’t mine because I’d left it in the car. Colin didn’t seem to notice as he gripped my hips and kissed down the column of my throat. I pushed the sound from my head and closed my eyes.
“Look at me, Arbor.”
I opened my eyes and found him watching me through heavy lashes. His whiskey-colored orbs reminded me so much of our daughter’s. A lump formed in my throat from the thought and tears flooded my eyes. There was no stopping them or hiding it from him. He slowed his paced and kissed my cheek where a tear gently rolled. The pain I was feeling from losing her was undeniably the worst I’d felt in my entire life, even after losing my parents. A child was different. You weren’t supposed to bury them; they were supposed to bury you after you lived a long life together.
We flipped positions on the couch so that I was seated on him, one leg pushed in the cushions while my other foot was flat on the floor. My hands held against his chest with my head thrown back and my eyes shut, silently crying with each rock of my hips. Colin’s warm hands smoothed up my stomach, around my back, cupping my breasts, before resting on my hips.
I dropped my head to look at him as my tears continued to silently fall.
“I’m sorry you never had the chance to know Faith.”
His eyed filled with tears and he gripped my hips a little harder.
“She had a wonderful mother to take care of her and love her dearly, don’t be sorry.”
My bottom lip quivered and he pulled me to his chest, rolling his hips a few more times before groaning out his release which pushed me to my own. We laid there just like that for who knew how long before his phone sprung to life once again.
“You might want to get that, it’s the second time now.”
“Really? I didn’t even notice it was ringing.”
“I heard it.”
He chuckled and rolled me onto my back. “I was a little preoccupied with someone.” Colin pressed his lips to mine before slipping off the couch and retrieving his phone.
I could tell by the change in his demeanor that it was someone he’d rather not talk to but before I could ask, it started vibrating in his hand. This time he answered.
“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me again?”
The mumbling of a female’s voice was all I could hear. I hated to eavesdrop, but there was only so much I could do being in the same silent room as him. So, I diverted my attention to getting dressed and walked into the foyer area to give him a little privacy. It looked just as I remembered; beautiful stone and rustic wood, with a high counter where the guests would check in. I could only imagine all the memories Marlee’s housed, in addition to my own.
“Will you fucking stop, Samantha?”
Samantha…
Hearing her name was like a knife to the gut. Somehow, with everything that had transpired, I’d forgotten about her, about what I’d walked in on in the pool house, about whether or not Colin was a single man. That question was never answered, only swept under the rug. I hurried back into the room where I’d left him and stood in the doorway. He’d gotten dressed, even put a shirt on since I’d left, but his back was to me while he stood in the doorway leading out to where my car was parked. He opened the door and stepped outside, giving him even more privacy, but I wasn’t going to allow it. If he’d slept with me while dating her, he was going to answer for that as soon as he hung up the damn phone. I followed him out the door, leaving it slightly opened behind me, but he hadn’t noticed.
“I can’t do this with you. So please, leave me alone. A friendship is all we can have, especially now.”
Especially now.
Those two words echoed in my thoughts as the rest of what he was saying sounded like muffled noise.
“I didn’t realize you were there.”
I shook my head and focused on him. He was standing a few feet away with sadness in his eyes. I wasn’t sure if that sadness was from everything I had unloaded on him or the conversation he’d just had with Samantha.
“That was Samantha, wasn’t it?”
Colin exhaled heavily and lifted a hand to stop me. “Let me explain.”
“I’m such a fool!” I shouted.
“Arbor, don’t do this, not now. Let me explain.”
“Why wouldn’t you just explain it to me before, so maybe this,” I waved a hand between the two of us, “could’ve been avoided!”
Colin closed the distance between us and reached for me but I stepped back.
“Don’t you dare run from me now, Arbor.”
“Then explain.” I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to look strong when I was actually crumbling to a million pieces on the inside.
“Come back inside with me.”
“Colin…”
“Okay.” He briefly held his hands up before running them through his hair.
My body was trembling from the thoughts of what the reasoning behind him and Samantha was. Anxiety was rearing its ugly head as I stood there tapping my foot and nibbling my lip, awaiting him to drop that bomb on me.
“We met about a year ago. I’m sure you know her father runs a small record label that’s helped get some pretty big musicians on the map. I knew who she was the moment I saw her. She’d accompanied him to an album release party in Nashville that I also attended. I introduced myself, and one thing led to another.”
One thing led to another…
Bile rose up my throat as I wondered if he’d said those exact words to someone about us.
“I’m gonna be sick.” I hurried into the grass and bent at the waist, placing my hands on my knees for support. Colin was at my side rubbing my back and I took deep breaths. “Get your hands off of me, please.”
“I was just trying to help you.”
“I need to know if you’re with her, Colin.”
They seemed like the longest seconds of my life as they ticked away. I lifted my head and stared straight at him, begging to hear the answer I knew wasn’t coming.
“We were until I saw you again.”
I wanted to crumble into a ball on the grass and cry until I melted away into the ground below. If only life was that simple to get away from. Calming my nerves and refraining from losing the contents of my stomach, I stood.
“I’ve done nothing wrong.”
“You’ve done everything wrong, Colin. Everything.” My voice grew with each word I spat at him. “You dated a girl because of who her father was, and you broke up with her because the girl you had a one-night stand with came back into the picture. Then, you slept with me the following day! How is any of that right?”
“I didn’t date her because of who her father is. I dated her because I was looking for someone who was the opposite of you! Is that what you wanted to hear?”
Like a punch in the gut, a rush of air left my lungs. Tears welled so heavy behind my eyelids I couldn’t see clearly. I didn’t want to blink because I knew they’d escape down my face, and yet again I’d be a hysterical fool, standing before the one man who could turn my entire life upside down with the snap of his fingers. Colin was the one man who, unbeknownst to him, shattered my world and could put it back together again.
“I have to go,” I choked out. My eyes betrayed me as the ocean that had gathered slammed over the ledge and washed down my face. I hurried to my car and locked the doors.
Colin frantically beat on the window as the car roared to life and I put it in drive.
“Don’t do this!” His muffled cries chipped at my heart as I backed up, hit the gas, and quickly whipped the steering wheel toward the main road.
Gravel dust filled the air, but it wasn’t thick enough to not see Colin standing in my wake with his hands on his head and heartbreak in his eyes as he called out for me once more.