“Actually, I’m planning to visit Claudia—”
“You mean Quin.” He narrowed his eyes. “Well, it’s like I said, your precious Quin was ready to offer for you. Especially after I told him I’d plucked your virtue the night of the masquerade.”
She gasped. “You told him that?”Oh, God, how humiliating. “You utter bastard! You’re making this so easy for me. But thank you for reminding me of Quin as an option. I’ll be sure to inquire if he’s still interested.”
Ethan gritted his teeth, staring back at her. “You would,” he said, his tone seething. “You’d take him today.”
“I’d be a fool not to. He’s kind and honorable—and I know that if he promised me marriage, he’d do it!”
So Madeleine was truly leaving him? The idea made his head swim.
When had she gotten under his skin this badly? When had the thought of life without her begun to make him crazed? He felt physically ill picturing her and Quin together. They’d be a perfect bloody match.Unlike her paired with me.
This had to end.
She’d won. Whether he married her or not, she’d defeated him.
“If you’re going to be too selfish or too impatient to wait for me,” Ethan told her, “then what can I do?” He let her see all the fury he was feeling. She blanched.
Bugger this. He knew a fine way to shake his attachment to her, like a fish throwing a lure that pains it.
He’d promised himself that he’d get Madeleine tucked away somewhere, then glut himself on other women, enjoying the return of his appetites. If he could get hard with Madeleine at the drop of a hat at his age, five times a day if he chose, then he was obviously cured.
Why hadn’t he thought of this earlier? He’d take his predilections and spend them on a woman of experience, reverting to his old cruel self. Then he could make the break with Madeleine that he’d planned from the beginning. He could go back to work—to the solitary job he was truly suited for.
Decided, he said, “You’re so ready to throw me over, I’ll respond in kind.” He stormed out, leaving her with her chin jutting up, then rode for the village.
When he reached a quayside inn, he strode inside the downstairs tavern, shoulders back, with all the confidence of a man who’d been slaking himself with a woman like Madeleine—a beauty who was longing to marry him. Or she had been. Now she was leaving. Didn’t matter. He was done with her anyway. Hehad to be.
He sank down into a booth, noticing that the establishment was filled today. All these poor bastards must be trying to escape their wives.No’ the life for me.
Let her go.He couldn’t keep on like this. The last three nights he’d tried to distance himself, but only ended up pacing his room and drinking because he couldn’t bloody sleep without her.
The guilt for her pain was razor sharp inside him.
Take another and forget her. Just common sense…
He spotted an attractive, dark-haired barmaid giving him a measuring smile—and she’d seen both sides of his face. She wore a choker like the one Madeleine had that night in Paris, though it didn’t look a fraction as good.
But this woman had big breasts, which he’d always liked. He’d rub his face on them. On the ship, he’d done that with Madeleine’s little ones, and she’d gone wild. He had run his shadow-bearded chin over her nipples, abrading her, then suckling her. She’d melted, coming for him before he’d even glanced at her sex.
His ballocks began to ache, and blood pooled in his groin. The woman glanced at his erection and wrongly assumed it was for her. She got breathless, those breasts heaving. No, his cockstand wasn’t for her—but did it matter? If he had to fantasize about Maddy to tup this trollop, then so be it.
Break free. The alternative was unimaginable.
Two whiskies later, another wench with pouty lips caught his eye. For some reason, her expression said she liked what she saw.
Three whiskies after that and before he knew what had happened, he was entering a room upstairs with the raven-haired barmaid. He stumbled to close the door behind them, and, surprise—her pouty-lipped friend had decided to join them.
Just like old times. Ethan knew his grin was wicked. A mancouldn’t change his nature.
Maddy sat on her widow’s walk, hours ticking by as she waited for the coach. Silently crying, she watched the ferries bandying between the coasts for the last time.
MacCarrick hadn’t returned.
What had she expected? Ethan on his knees begging for another chance? Or even politely seeing her on her journey? She angrily swiped at a tear.
She already missed him. Yes, he’d been horrid to her in the days, but those nights with him, filled with passion and pleasure and tenderness…she’d never felt closer to another person in her entire life.
Should I have fought for us more, given him more time?
She shook her head sadly. Maddy well knew that affection couldn’t be forced. She couldn’t make him miss her. She’d done everything she could think of to make him want her.
And yet still the regret came.Would I rather stay with him as we’ve been or live a life without him?
She swallowed. Maddy had drawn a line with the Scot, and perhaps she oughtn’t to have.
Another tear streaked down her face. Especially since she’d gone and fallen completely in love with him.
Thirty-four
The barmaid tried to kiss his lips but Ethan turned away, instead kissing her neck. He brushed against that ribbon choker, just as he’d done with Maddy that first night in Paris—before he’d had any idea what she would grow to mean to him.
The woman didn’t taste bad, but she tastedwrong . She smelled good, but it wasn’tright .
Imagine Madeleine’s scent. Imagine the taste of her soft skin.
As the barmaid unbuttoned his shirt, her pouty-lipped friend kissed his chest. When the two had his shirt off, they took turns leisurely kissing down to his navel, and he knew what would follow. Madeleine had enjoyed taking him with her mouth, somehow making the act wanton and adoring at the same time.
One of the women began unfastening his belt.
“…taken so little to make me fall in love with you,”Madeleine had said. All she wanted was a faithful husband who treated her well—and she would fall in love with him.
In love. Withhim ?
If she loved him, then she would have to forgive him what he’d done to her in the past.
She wouldhave to. Because he hadn’t known her then and had never intended to hurt her. But now…if he did this…
Shouldn’t he at least attempt to make her love him before he gave up on everything? Hadn’t he learned from her that you fought for something you wanted?
“Stop,” he grated. But they didn’t, instead attending to his trousers.
Let them…Here he could take a woman, two of them, and hewouldn’t? What the bloody hell was wrong with him? He’d dreamed of this day, when he would finally be a man again. He’d vowed that he would glut himself. Madeleine should have given him what he’d wanted. And she sure as hell shouldn’t have selfishly pressured him, harping on marriage. Ethan didn’t respond well to pressure—
Madeleine would fall in love withhim .
Clarity hit him like a lightning strike.
Ah, God, it’s Maddy. It’s her.It wasonly her for him. It would always be.
“Stop!”Ethan roared, plucking their fingers away and shoving himself back. He stumbled, rocked to the core. Maddy was his future embodied, yet he was behaving like before, ten years ago when he’d thought he could have no future.Weak, drinking, accepting… when, at the same age, she’d been fighting tooth and nail for a better life. He could fight for her; hecould change, as profoundly as his brother had said.
But Ethan was about to do something so idiotic—so irrevocable—that he would still lose his lass forever. He shuddered.
“What’s the matter with you?” the barmaid asked, her tone baffled.
Remembering that night all those years ago, how cruel he’d been to Sylvie—and to those barmaids—and how he’d been punished for it, he said, “Sorry, ladies, but I’m married, and I’m acting the fool.” An utter fool. He refastened his belt and buttoned his shirt, wadding up his jacket under his arm.
The second one said, “It’s not like married men stop enjoying other women.”
“This one will.”
They sighed, and the first said, “Your wife’s very lucky to have you.”
“Other way around,” he assured them before striding from the room to stomp down the stairs.
Ethan was a man accustomed to feeling strongly, yet he had never feltanything like the growing frenzy that seized him at the thought of Maddy leaving him. Ah, God, he was in a bad way. He wanted the love of one woman, craved it, coveted it. Likely about to lose it.
Tumbling a pair of tavern trollops. Bloody brilliant, Ethan. What the hell were you thinking?
What time was it?Three thirty . The coach arrived at five. If he rode hard, he’d make it back to Carillon in time. But if he went back to her empty-handed, with only tired promises, she still might go. He could ride for the village’s registrar office to try for a special license, but he would risk missing her.
Unfortunately, he could never predict her behavior. If she left before he could reach her, she might make up her mind never to take him back. Hell, it might be too late anyway, after his own behavior over the last few days—but he had to try.
Deciding quickly, he rode straight for the registrar’s. Doubts about the secrets of his past continued to resurface, but he pushed them away.Get her , his mind kept commanding.Make her yours.
Ethan would figure out the restafter he made sure she didn’t leave him today.
He stormed into the registrar’s office more frantic than he’d ever been. The village official was understandably terrified of the unshaven, scarred Highlander smelling of whisky and pounding his fist on the counter. Ethan dimly heard the man relating that it would take days for a special license, and himself replying that this was sodding Scotland, the land of marital loopholes—oh, and that he would build the village a grand new church in exchange.
A church—what a fitting penance. Forty-five minutes later, marriage license in hand, he ran from the building, mounting up and riding hell-bent for Carillon….
Ethan’s father had once told him that a man would know the woman he was meant to be with because she made him weak. Till he claimed her and she made him strong.
Maddy had only been waiting for him.
His gut tightened when he spotted the posting coach up the hill, nearing Carillon, and he raced even faster. Barely beating it to the drive, he dropped from his horse, his wound aching.
He caught sight of her standing at the end of the drive, her bags at her feet. She looked like a perfect lady, wearing her black kid gloves and her hat with the sheerest black veil falling to her cheeks. But at the same time, she appeared cold as ice. He knew without a doubt that if he’d missed her, she would have left him and never looked back.
He wanted her so much, wanted her for the rest of his life. And the remarkable thing was that, as of yesterday, she would’ve accepted a bastard like him. Would she now?
Brows drawn, struggling to catch his breath, he held up the license. “Marry me, lass?”
She tilted her head.
Wee sionnach, wary as ever. And why wouldn’t she be? He’d never made the smallest effort to make her feel comfortable or secure. She hadn’t been selfish to insist on the marriage—she’d been savvy. “Ten o’clock tomorrow morning. If you’ll have me, Maddy, I’ll be good tae you,” he said with conviction, withfeeling . Because he meant it. “I’ve been a bloody fool tae treat you this way.”
“Why have you been so cruel?” she asked in an inscrutable tone. “Youcame to Paris forme, remember?”
He strode toward her. “And that was the best damned decision I’ve made in my entire life.” He swallowed to see the coach was nearing. “Maddy, I ken I’ve been acting like a bastard. I said that you could no’ do better than me, but that’s no’ true in any way. I know it more than anybody.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “I never lived my life thinking another would share my name. My name and I are a bit…tarnished. You’d probably do well to leave me right now—no matter how badly I want you to stay.”
She glanced past him to the coach. She didn’t seem even to be listening to him.No, she has to stay.
When he stood just before her, he said, “Maddy, I doona know if I’ll be any good at this, at being a husband, but Iwant tae be. I want tae assume my title again and watch over our lands. But only if you agree tae be my lady. If you can just see your way tae forgive me—”
“You’re saying you will give up whatever your dangerous profession is?” she asked, still not facing him.
“If it means I get to keep you, then, aye, gladly.”
“Is the marriage license why you were away for so long?”
He flushed uncomfortably. “I had to promise the village a new church to get it,” he said, hedging.
“What’s changed between this morning and now?”
“I finally saw what was right before me.” At last, she met his eyes. “Say you’ll marry me.”
She was silent for what felt like an eternity before she murmured, “Very well.”
He stared down in shock, knees about to buckle with relief. “You mean…you will…tae me…in the morning?”
She nodded. “But don’t make me regret it, Ethan.”
“You will no’.” He clasped her to his chest with shaking hands and buried his face in her hair.That’s the scent I like. “I was behaving like an imbecile before.”
How in the hell had he thought to jeopardize this? He felt as if he’d just dodged a bullet—and having caught several, he didn’t feel this lightly.
If she knew where he’d been, it would devastate her. She would gaze up at him, her big blue eyes spilling tears, and he’d tear at his chest, clawing out his bloodied heart in offer to get her to stop.
He squeezed her harder. When the coach pulled to a stop, he waved it away, calling out, “She’s stayin’.” Once the coach rolled on, Ethan turned back to her with a grin, but she laid her head against his chest as if just savoring the closeness.
“I’ve missed you, Ethan.” Her voice was so sultry that he shuddered with instant lust for her. He hadn’t touched or tasted her body for three days, but it felt like a lifetime.
He leaned down to steal a kiss from her, intending only a brief contact. But as ever with her, the kiss turned explosive. Holding her as he took her mouth again and again, he leaned her back over his arm, his free hand gripping her bottom.
When she moaned into his mouth, he somehow drew back, righting them. Shaking his head hard, he yanked his hand from her backside. “Someone will see,” he grated. And for once, he cared. He’d not have his wife thought badly of.
“It’s market day. Everybody’s in town.”
So that was why the tavern had been packed. Christ, had anyone seen him? Would it get back to her?
“Have you not missed me?” she asked softly, shyly, her meaning clear.
“You canna imagine, but I can wait until after the wedding. It’s what you wanted.”
“Can’t we…be as we were before? During those nights?”
The idea of her yearning as he did was too powerful. “Anythin’,” he rasped, swooping her up in his arms. “Whatever you like.” He kissed her, even as he hastened inside, then up the stairs. He nearly stumbled on the landing when she cupped his face and lapped her little tongue at his mouth.
As soon as he’d kicked the bedroom door closed behind him, they were grasping at each other’s clothes between frantic kisses. Once he’d gotten her down to her shift, he shrugged out of his shirt.
She worked on his belt with both hands. “God, I want to…” She trailed off, gazing at him with her brows drawn. “Ethan, why do you have lip rouge below your navel?”
Oh, bloody hell.
“In two different shades?”
Bloody, bloody hell.
“I…It’s no’…”And he was so close to telling her some fantastic lie, but for the first time in his life—when he needed to the most—he couldn’t.
Not even when her eyes watered and her bottom lip trembled and she whispered, “Ethan?”
The look she gave him before running to her room made him realize his bloodied heart was too black to be offered.
Thirty-five
“Idinnado anything!” he bellowed yet again outside Maddy’s door.
Maddy had gone from the lowest low to the highest high and back down again. When she’d caught sight of Ethan riding for Carillon, racing the coach, her heart had leapt. Then seeing him in the drive, clutching that license with his brows drawn—she’d been overcome.
But now…“Just go away!”
After all the heartaches and tragedies she’d endured, she thought this one hurt the worst. Why did she keep believing in him when he’d never given her any reason to?
“Damn it, I did go to the tavern and get a room. I admit that, but I could no’ do it. I told them to stop!”
“So therewere two?” she cried, suddenly needing to vomit. She’d seen the evidence but had fought against believing he’d just been with not one but two women.
“Wait, wait, now, that sounds worse than it was—”
“You took two women upstairs to a private bedroom—or perhaps it was more than two?”
“But I dinnado anything with them.”
“Of course not! You stopped their kisses at just below your navel. Most men see reason and make excellent judgments when a woman’s mouth is just above their groin. Especially when they’re drunk!”
“I could no’ do it. For Christ’s sake, I’ll take you to the tavern and you can ask them.” His tone turned bewildered when he said, “You’ve bloody ruined me for other women.”
Though she fought it, for some reason she did believe that hehad stopped before he’d had sex withthem . But it didn’t matter. “You are not even two weeks into our relationship, and you sound proud of yourself that you weren’t unfaithful? What would happen if we were married for years?”
“Do you no’ think you’re getting ahead of yourself?”
“Oooh, you’re amazing! I wish I’d never met you. I’m an idiot! How many times will it take for me to learn that you’re a hateful man?”
And now she had to wait another two days for the posting coach.
“Fine. Have it your way.”
She lay down, knees to her chest, having no idea how many hours passed, and still she cried. She heard him inside his room, pacing again and again before getting in bed.
How can he sleep through this…?
She heard bitter grumbling in Gaelic, then more pacing.
“Bugger this,” he muttered, then directly outside the door, he said, “I canna sleep without you.”
“Learn to.”
“Even had I done something—which Idinna —we’re no’ even bloody married yet.”
Hateful.“And you just ensured we never will be.”
On the second night, Ethan could scarcely believe that he was pacing outside a woman’s locked dooragain , asking to come in.
She’d bewitched him. Ach, he missed sleeping with her. And she had cried for hours last night, solely to agonize him, he was sure of it. To torture him for his unthinking words and actions.
She hadn’t been able to see, but if one of his comments in their argument had been harsh, he’d cringed behind the door. When he fought, he fought to draw blood, and it was a hard habit to break—even though hurting her now hurthim .
He’d wanted to go to her so badly, but the way she’d looked at him before slamming the door in his face had kept him from pushing her.
Yet now…
“Enough of this, Maddy. You’ve punished me enough. I have a right to sleep with you.”
“You forfeited any rights when you lusted for another woman. Excuse me,two women.”
“I dinna lust for them.”
“Of course not,” she said, her tone dripping sarcasm.
“I was thinking of you, of touching you, the entire time.”
“Do you have no shame?” she cried. “Youcretin !”
“Open the goddamned door.”
“Never.”
“Open it, or it’s comin’ down! You’ve seen me do it before.”
“You wouldn’t—”
He kicked at the door, almost bowing it in. He reared back to kick again, his leg shooting out…little witch…she’d opened the door—
He went hurtling into the room, skidding on the floor.
Chin up, she brushed her hands off, then stepped around him to saunter out of the room.
“Ah, damn it, lass,” he called after her. “I’ve busted my stitches wide open.”
“What?” she cried, hurrying back to him. “Let me see!”
“Ah-ha!” He snared her around the waist, dragging her down with him to his lap. “You still care for me!”
Her jaw dropped. “Unbelievable! You’re cruel and twisted—”
“Then you’re going to be the wife of a cruel and twisted man.”
“The—hell—I—will.” She balled her fists, about to pummel his chest.
“It’ll hurt like the devil if you do that, but if it will get you to listen to me, then I give you free leave to it.”
Lowering her fists, she scrambled to get away, gritting out a sound of frustration when he held her fast. “I’ll let you go if you’ll just listen to me for five minutes.”
“Not a chance,” she said, but he ignored her, rising with a hissed inhalation. Taking her elbow, he propelled her to the bed.
“Will it do any good to tell you again that I dinna do anythin’?”
Maddy crossed her arms over her chest as she sat on the edge of the bed. “Even if I believed that, it doesn’t erase your intent. You set out with every intention to sleep with another woman—women!”
“Aye, I had every intention of sleeping with as many as I could,” he admitted, making her gasp. “I’m no’ a good man, Maddy.” He began pacing. “Everyone who knows me thinks I’m a bastard of the worst sort. Even my brothers do,” he said as he passed.
They do? How dare—She shook herself. She agreed with them!
“When I was younger, I went through a new woman each night. If they were married, even better. And if you took all the pleasure over those years and combined it, it would no’ be the minutest fraction of what I feel like with you.” He glanced over at her to gauge her reaction. “Because I need…morefrom you. And a realization like that scared me witless.”
“Why?”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “Because what happens if you find out somethin’ from my past that you canna abide and you leave me? Where does that leave me? I’ll tell you—as good as dead.”
Her lips parted.
“You’re so beautiful.Too beautiful and brilliant. And when you’re finally no’ afraid and your memories of being hungry and anxious fade, you’ll look at me and wonder what in the hell you’ve done to wed me.”
Ethan appeared so…tormented that she couldn’t speak.
“This is like a sickness I feel for you. Woman, you’ve got me tied up in knots. I doona know up from down anymore and can think of nothing but you.”
He pulled a chair in front of her, then sank down, leaning his elbows on his knees. “If I see something interesting, my first thought is if you would find it so as well. Foods I like, I want you to taste. And all the while I’m wondering what the bloody hell is wrong with me to be like this. It’s just…no’right . I havenever in my life wanted to put someone else’s needs before my own like this.”
She shook her head. “But this doesn’t explain what you did—or why.”
“Maddy, I dinna take a woman for a long time before you. For three years, I was…celibate. I was no’ myself. And I’d vowed that if I got back to normal, I would glut myself. Then, with you, everything returned, and I thought…I thought thatnow having another would…Christ, I doona know,dilute this thing I feel for you. Make it ebb, but all my actions did was prove to me that I canna ever imagine myself with anyone other than you.”
He looked so genuinely confused, sopanicked even, that she felt her anger easing. The man was falling in love with her.
Finally.
And she was embarrassed to admit it, but she was impressed that he’d stopped in the tavern. Of all the weird, bizarre, licentious scenes she’d witnessed in La Marais—she’dnever seen a man willfully break away before he’d reached completion.Still… “How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Two men kissing my body?”
He blanched and his fists clenched. “Murderous.”
“What made you stop? With the women?”
“You said you would…you would fall in love with me if I was faithful.” He looked away and muttered, “I want…I think I want you tae.”
She raised her fingers to her temples to massage her aching head. “And Quin?”
He scowled. “What about Quin?”
“What could possibly have driven you to tell him we’d been intimate?”
“Oh, that,” he said, then explained, “Dinna want him coming for you. I told him you weremine and he kept talkin’ like there was something tae discuss.”
She couldn’t even imagine that conversation. “Are you sorry, Ethan?”
“You ken I doona believe in apologies. And in the end, Iwas faithful.” He met her gaze as he said, “But, aye, Maddy, I am so sorry tae have hurt you.”
He wanted absolution. He wanted…her. Badly.
Yet, was that enough? She couldn’t keep doing this—being tricked into reaching for happiness, then having it snatched from her grasp. “I need to think about all this.”
“Aye, of course.” He rose, then frowned when she remained seated. “But can you no’ think about it back in bed with me?”
She shot him a glare.
“I will no’ do anythin’.”
“You had two women kissing you just yesterday. Give me a bit of room to breathe, Ethan.”
In the early hours of the morning, Ethan heard Maddy cry out, having a nightmare for the first time in several nights.
He ran for her, scooping her up into his arms. “Shh…shh, love. It’s over.” He rubbed his hand over her back, as he knew she liked. “There, lass. It’s over.” No more awkward pats—he’d gotten good at comforting her
By the time her tears had waned, she was in his lap, in the circle of his arms, her body boneless. Against her hair, he said, “Let me be here whenever you need me. Marry me in the morning.”
After a long hesitation, she asked, “But how can I trust you?”
“Just give me one more chance. You will no’ regret it.”
At last, she gave a shaky nod. “If you vow to me that you’ll be faithful, I will.”
He cradled her face in his hands to meet her glinting eyes. “Maddy, I swear it. I’ll be true to you.”
“But, Ethan, I can’t have my hopes crushed anymore. I promise you this is it, the last time I’ll go through something like this. So please, don’t hurt me again.”
“I will no’, love. I vow it.” When he said the vow, he finallydid mean it—he would do everything in his power to spare her pain.
But he feared no matter what his intentions were now, his past wrongs would prove him a liar. The truth was destructive and would only hurt her more.
Which meant he had to ensure she could never find out.
Thirty-six
Oh, Lord, what am I doing?Maddy thought in the middle of her wedding ceremony. Was she really going to go through with this? If not, she had approximately two minutes to flee before she and Ethan were to repeat their vows.
As much as you’ve pushed for this, Maddy?Yes, but that had been before the last two days! Now she wasn’t as sure about him….
The ceremony was being presided over by the village’s registrar—Mr. Barnaby, a kindly older Scot, with a brogue not quite as thick as Ethan’s—and everything so far felt dreamlike to her. She dimly heard the man say, “I have been appointed by the Registrar General to solemnize civil marriages in accordance with the law of Scotland. We are now assembled here in order that I may bind in marriage Ethan Ross MacCarrick and Madeleine Isobel Van Rowen….”
Thoughts warred in her mind, but she strove to make her expression placid. Ethan stood tensed beside her, watching her like a hawk, probably sensing she was tempted to run.
When she’d awakened this morning, the sorrow that had taken hold of her for the previous two days had been swept away, and the only thing left was pure, unadulterated…panic.
But why? Ethan was genuinely sorry for his actions, disaster had been averted, and he’d been so wonderful last night, stroking her hair until she’d fallen asleep. At last, she was going to be like one of those young wives in the boulangerie.
Am I doing something to leave myself vulnerable…?
She wanted to fan herself, to step outside of the close room and catch her breath. Her palms were wet around the small bouquet she clutched, and her corset chafed her. She irritably piped her lips to blow her short, cream-colored veil away from her face. Not only was she panicked, she must be paranoid as well, because she could have sworn that Ethan winced earlier when Barnaby had said her name.
Just before Ethan was to repeat his vows, she sneaked a glance up at him. His shoulders were back, and he appeared both proud to be with her and relieved. Then she saw him swallow hard. He was nervous, too, but here he was standing by her side, ready to pledge his life to her.
Naturally, people became anxious during their wedding ceremony. Everything was as it should be.
As he began to speak his vows, he gazed down at her, and the yearning in his eyes staggered her. His voice was deep and rough, but compelling when he said, “I, Ethan MacCarrick, vow tae love, honor, and respect you, Madeleine Van Rowen. I pledge tae be a faithful, honest, and devoted husband in good times and bad. This is my promise tae you today and for the rest of my life.”
Oh, Ethan.And that was when she caught her breath for the first time that morning. A calm suffused her, and she stilled. Maddy had the sudden sense that everything in her life had been leading her to this moment, to this man—a proud, powerful Highlander who gazed at her with fierce, dark eyes and who gentled his touch, just for her.
Look at her….Ethan thought as she repeated her vows. How could he not do whatever was in his power to call her his own?
Intelligence shone in her bright blue eyes; she raised her chin proudly. Her nervousness this morning had been palpable, but she was still going through with this wedding.Brave lass, to take a chance on me .
What man wouldn’t lie, steal, or kill to have her?
After their vows had been exchanged, Ethan made a silent promise to himself. He would begin tying up loose ends and covering his tracks immediately—
“Following the binding declaration which you have made before me,” the registrar began, “I hereby pronounce that you, Ethan Ross MacCarrick, and you, Madeleine Isobel MacCarrick, are now husband and wife.”
Relief.Ethan’s hand found hers.
“Scot, we are both unclothed and in bed,” Maddy said shortly after they’d arrived back at Carillon. “Is there any particular reason why you’re stalling at this juncture?” He’d been kissing her senseless as they’d undressed each other, but then he’d stopped.
He gazed down at her. “I’m not stalling—I’m savoring. It’s no’ every day a man gets married, and this has been a long time coming.”
“Do you think I’ll be worth the wait?”
“Youwere the wait. If I dinna have you, I would no’ marry. Besides, maybe you should be stalling. After this, there’s no getting away from me.”
She pressed her palm to his chest. His heart was thundering. “Are you nervous again?”
“Aye,” he said with a solemn nod. “Apparently the last time I tried this, I dinna acquit myself so well.”
She grinned. “But I’m confident you will now.”
He smiled wickedly, leaning down to nip her breast. “Then, Maddy MacCarrick, let’s get to consummatin’ this marriage.”
When she held her arms up to him, coaxing him to her body, he glanced the backs of his fingers down her belly. “So lovely,” he said. “Are you nervous as well?”
“Truth?”
“Truth.”
“I’m a bit terrified, Ethan.”
“I’ll go slow. You will no’ hurt again.”
She rolled her hips. “I hurt now.”
“God knows I do, too.” He gently cupped her between her legs, groaning when he slipped a finger inside her. “Aingeal, you have tae relax.”
“I can’t,” she whispered miserably. “Maybe weshould wait longer? I think I’ve changed my mind.”
He rested his forehead against hers. “Maddy, you will no’ be more ready than you are now. The longer we wait, the worse your misgivings will be. I see that now.”
“But you were so awful after the first time. I have this nightmare that once I give in, you’ll get that cruel smirk and say hateful things. And then…”
“And then?”
“Then you’ll leave me.”
“Maddy lass, you’re stuck with me. You will no’ ever get away,” he said, then no doubt trying to lighten her mood, he added, “But you best make it good, so there’s no doubt.”
She gasped, and he pulled her to her side to give her a light rap on her bottom, making her peal with laughter.
“You’re shameless!” she said breathlessly, her eyes excited.
“Aye. But that’s what you love about me.”Ach, she dinna deny it. “Trust me, and I will no’ let you down.”
After what seemed like an eternity, she nodded and he comprehended that they were truly about to do this—he was about to take hiswife , for the first time in their married life. By God, he was going to make this so good for her.
She nibbled her lip. “Tell me what you want me to do.”
Though he knew the agony he was inviting, he said, “I want you tae be on top.” When she frowned, he added, “You can go as slow as you like. Take what you can of me inside you—at your own pace.”
He rolled over so she lay atop him, making her nervously murmur, “Ethan?”
Running his hand down her back, he entered one, then two fingers into her sex from behind, groaning when she arched her back down. As he delved again and again, she spread her legs wider over his hips. “That’s it.”
As he tried to fit a third inside her, she moaned, leaning down to lick his lips.
“I’m going to take my fingers out,” he grated. “And you’re going tae be needin’ something inside you.” She whimpered as he removed them. “Just take my shaft”—he grasped her hand and wrapped it around him—“and put it inside you when you’re ready.”
With his hand on hers, he aimed the head at her entrance, hissing at the wetness he met, gritting his teeth against the pleasure. He ran it up and down her folds, then released her.
Panting, with her eyes heavy-lidded, she continued bringing the swollen tip up and back along her sex. Each time she lowered his cockhead directly to her entrance and they briefly had that tight connection—when he would just barely enter her—he had to fight not to flex his hips up.
When she rubbed him against her clitoris in languid circles, he nearly ejaculated against her there. With a will exceeding anything he’d ever called on before, he didn’t thrust. He’d begun sweating from the battle, and her breasts rubbed against his slick chest as she writhed on him.
Torture. Pure and utter. She couldn’t know what she was doing to him. “Put it inside, Maddy,” he rasped. “I’ll make you come hard with it.” How much longer could he last till he tossed her to her back and slammed into her, bucking till he came?
Then he realized he could last as long as it took for her to do this, as long as she needed—
She eased the head in.
“That’s it, lass,” he growled low in his throat, knees falling open as she worked her lithe body on him. So he wouldn’t be tempted to press her down, he gripped the headboard behind him. “That’s my good wife.” He shuddered with pleasure. “Ah, God…as deep as you can…”
Thirty-seven
Maddy was certain she couldn’t take any more of him. But when she saw him visibly struggling to control himself—the lines around his eyes were tight and his jaw was clenched—she wanted to try for him.
“Ethan, I don’t know what to do.” It was one thing to see others in this position, but another to try it. She felt awkward and unsure.
“Pull up and go down, deeper,” he said, his voice husky and breaking.
“Show me how.”
“If I touch you, I’m goin’ tae lose control.” His hands clutched the headboard behind him, the muscles in his arms bulging with strain. His breaths were ragged, his chest rippling with power. “I’m burnin’ tae wrench you down my length….” His dark eyes met hers. “Bury it in you so deep…”
“You won’t. I trust you. Just please show me.” Even to herself, she sounded panicked.
“Ah, lass. This is supposed tae be enjoyable,” he said in a tone incongruous to his straining body.
She reached for his hands, shocked at how badly they shook when she placed them on her bottom. He groaned and gave a seemingly involuntary buck of his hips. His fingers splayed out, clutching her as he drew her up…then back farther down.
Pleasure rocked through her. “Oh! That feels…nice.”
Once more up and down farther still. She kept expecting pain, but there was none. The stretching sensation was rapturous, a fullness that felt so necessary. He was right—she did need this.
“I’m going tae make you come first if it kills me,” he said, his words hoarse. “Work your knees wider open.”
When she did, he pressed deeper, but there was no pain—just the opposite. “Ethan…it feels so good inside me,” she whispered in a wondering tone.
He could only grunt in answer, shuddering beneath her.
Maddy rose up and leaned forward, her hands clutching his shoulders, taking as much of his length as she could.
Her shining hair curled about her face and her brilliant eyes were free of fear—and full of trust. She was so lovely that she awed him.
Catching her gaze, he rasped a vow to her in Gaelic, a promise of self in the old language, binding them together forever. Though she couldn’t understand the words, she seemed to grasp the meaning—she cupped his face with her wee hands, leaning down to kiss him tenderly.
When she rose up once more, she said in a throaty voice, “I want more of you, Ethan.” She reached behind her, making him hiss a breath as she drew her nails up his inner thighs before cupping his sack. She slid him a satisfied grin, and he knew she’d felt his cock pulsing inside her.
“I want tae give it tae you.” He put his knees up behind her, reaching his hands to her exquisite breasts, covering them as he pinned her against his bent legs. Holding her sides, he thumbed her jutting nipples over and over. Once she was helplessly wriggling on his shaft, he dug his heels into the bed and gently bounced her body. She cried out and threw back her head, her hair cascading over his legs.
Forcing himself to slow their explosive joining, he eased her down. As he caressed her clitoris with the pads of two of his fingers, she rocked her hips on him gingerly, as if testing the sensations. When his fingers slid back and forth with her wetness, she began to undulate atop him, her movements growing faster and faster. Moaning, wanting to come, working for it, she rode him with quick snaps of her hips, shocking him until he could barely grate in amazement, “Ah, you clever lass.”
Only half his shaft was inside her, and he knew she could take more—but…have to be good…better than before…
Yet he didn’t know how much longer he could last against this kind of pleasure. “Come for me,” he commanded, rubbing her fast.
When she did, the force of her contractions gripped him, instantly robbing him of his seed. He exploded inside her, bathing her womb in heat. Over and over, he pumped into her.
She went boneless on top of him, her heart pounding against his. Even as after-shudders wracked him, he continued to thrust up into her, still hard.
Unwilling to give this up, he turned her to her back, still driving into her body. “Can I take you again?” Somehow the need was building, growing worse than it’d been before.
She gazed up at him not with disgust, not even with mere desire. Somehow he’d gotten a woman like her to fall in love with him. “I’m yours, Ethan…anything you want is yours.”
The need to take her furiously, to brand her forever, lashed him like a whip. The urges were about to rule him. “Doona want tae hurt you. But…I need it…I need tae do it hard.”
She rolled her hips up to him. “Whatever you need.”
Maddy almost took the words back when she saw his eyes darken, burning with lust.
He cupped his hand around her nape and drew her up. “I’ll never let you go,” he grated, leaning down to take her lips. “Never…”He was losing control—she could sense it, could feel it. His massive body loomed over her, his muscles tight and slick, from his corded neck all the way to the sharp indentations leading from his waist to his groin.
He pressed one of her knees to her chest, leaning his torso against the back of that leg, wrapping his arm around it, clutching it as he thrust. He placed his other hand low on her belly to thumb her clitoris, making her writhe in bliss.
Whenever he rocked into her, he pushed against her leg, spreading her wide. He seemed to crave the feeling of his chest rubbing against it.
But soon, his rhythm turned furious. Every time she thought he couldn’t go deeper, he’d plunge more powerfully, making her cry out in surprise and pleasure.
This was even more than what she’d dreamed it would be like with him. She was captivated by the wild look in his eyes and the feel of his body working against her clutching nails or rippling under her sweeping palms. When he didn’t have his firm lips on her neck or breasts or mouth, they were parted with ragged breaths.
This was worth the wait a thousand times over….
Hands clamped to the backs of her knees, he bucked hard between her parted thighs, again and again until her head thrashed on the pillow. She fought the pleasure, wanting this to last forever. But under the steady onslaught of his body, she waged a losing battle.
Just as she realized she was going to climax once more, he bit out, “Want tae feel you comin’ again.”
When she did, crying his name, a desperate, guttural sound broke from his chest. His eyes met hers as he poured himself hotly inside her. His voice a rasp, he declared, “Mine.” And then he collapsed atop her.
Breaths harsh against her neck, arms wrapped around her, he held her too tightly, but he was shaken by what had occurred between them.
I never knew.
As she ran her nails up and down his damp back, she whispered in an awed tone, “Oh, Scot, you’ve redeemed yourself completely.” He clutched her tighter, wondering if he was ever going to be able to release her.
This is what it’s all about.
He’d been so ignorant before, scorning what he could never comprehend without giving himself up to it.
Ethan understood that what he’d experienced in the past had been so lacking compared to what Maddy gave him—it was as if he’d been eating all his life without ever having been hungry or ever having tasted a morsel.
Now he starved. And feasted.
And he never wanted to go back.
Thirty-eight
When men like us change, it’s profoundly….
Hugh had been right, Ethan thought as he lay in bed, holding Maddy as she slept. Rain poured outside in a black winter’s night, but they were warm in their bed in front of a fire.
The peculiar thing was that Ethan didn’t feel like he was changing so much as reverting to normal—even though he’d never been considerate or amiable. He just found it easy with her.
When Ethan was with her, hefelt like a husband. Maybe even…maybe even agood one.
After their wedding, Maddy had asked him if they could postpone journeying to the Highlands until the spring. She’d told him she liked it at Carillon and wanted to stay for the winter. Easy enough.
For the last two months here, she’d filled his life with excitement, zest. He still didn’t understand how those traits hadn’t been trampled from her, beaten down by years of hardship, but he was thankful they hadn’t. She truly seemed to have shucked off the mantle of La Marais, and rarely had nightmares any longer.
Each night, she slept in his arms, and oftentimes she would stretch out her little body over him and fall asleepon him. Which he especially liked because he could hold her in place and enter her so easily.
Whenever he had to leave for an afternoon to work on the estate, she always ran out to greet him when he returned, flying into his arms, hitting his chest hard, her face beaming. “I missed you,” she would breathe against his neck as he caught her to him, even if he’d only been gone a few hours.
Last week, he’d said, “Maddy, do you know what it’s like, seeing you run to me?”
She’d drawn back and given him a wry half grin. “Do you know what it’s like not being able to wait for you to finish the short walk to the door…?”
Ethan was always thought to be bitter and cold—so why did he find himself chasing his wee wife around the house at least once a day as she squealed with laughter?
In fact, their home was filled with laughter. She’d made it inviting. She’d even made friends with all the neighbors. It seemed as if invitations arrived every day.
She was like a bridge for him to others. He figured people assumed he was like her—affable and fun-loving. He had no doubt that when he brought her to his clan, she’d affect how he was viewed there as well.
Maddy especially liked a widow named Agnes Hallee, who lived down the coast with a brood of six mischievous bairns. Maddy enjoyed playing with the children—flying kites, taming and collecting stray pets, outrunning the most ornery peacock—reminding Ethan of how her own childhood had been cut short….
Sometimes he doubted his decision to hide the past from her and was plagued with the need to confess. But she was so damned happy, telling him daily how much. Why ruin this?
Sometimes, he fooled himself, forgetting that all this could end.
When he forgot, he was happier than he’d ever been in his entire life. There’d been another time he’d done this. The week before his father died, his da had promised Ethan he’d take him hunting in the Hebrides for his fourteenth birthday, just two weeks away.
Even after he’d seen his father’s body, Ethan had kept forgetting. For days, he’d awakened each morning, bounding out of bed with a grin on his face, because it was one day closer to their trip. Then everything would return in a rush, and he’d be shamed to have forgotten it, to have felt happiness in the wake of such a tragic loss.
Now Ethan stared at the ceiling, squeezing Maddy closer to him. Those were the last times he’d ever been content before now.
But he couldn’t imagine any way that she might find out. All the people involved that night were either long gone from England or dead. As an extra precaution, Ethan had fired the land agent at Iveley—who, predictably, wasn’t enterprising or particularly hardworking. Then Ethan had instructed his attorney to deed Iveley to Maddy and do whatever he could to obscure the chain of ownership. Only after the new deed was in place had Ethan hired another steward—a young man with limited experience, but who was by all accounts exceptionally dedicated and hardworking.
In any case, no one with any connection to his past knew where he and Maddy were. Few knew at all. Corrine did, but only because Maddy had sent her and Bea money. He’d insisted on that. If Maddy hadn’t had Corrine to look out for her in the beginning, she could have…died. The two were her family, and he was ready to support them as he would a wife’s blood kin.
Now that Madeleine was his, he was determined that he would spoil her so terribly he might begin to make up for all he’d done to her in the past. He bought her delicacies, constantly plying her with food, and every day here she grew even more stunning, gaining flesh in all the right places. She’d beamed with pride once her ring finally fit.
When he allowed himself to think that his wife had been starving in a slum because of him, he took the rage that clawed at him—rage at himself—and suffered it as his penance. Then he would redouble his efforts to make her content.
“You know what I miss?” she’d told him a few weeks ago. “My horse at Iveley. She was so striking with her sorrel coat and expressive eyes. I swear she loved me as much as I did her.”
So, naturally, he’d bought Maddy a sorrel mare, because he was like all those other besotted bastards out there, ready to slay dragons for their wives for even a hint of a smile. He took her riding every day.
His new horse, bought from the same stable as hers, was yet another stalwart gelding—which had taken a strong and unwavering dislike to Ethan. As ever, animals either loved him or hated him. Though Maddy had avowed, “I think all animals hate you—except cats.” At his expression, she’d hastily added, “but feline approval is important.”
At every opportunity, that sodding gelding strove to throw him, buck him, or scrape him from the saddle by slicing against a tree. Which made Maddy howl with laughter so hard, she had to hang onto her horse’s mane to keep from falling out of her saddle. She laughed until even he would crack a grin.
Though he feared he was buying Maddytoo much, he couldn’t seem to stop. He could easily afford it, and there were so many things that she’d needed and had been forced to go without. She should own such a collection of clothing and jewels that he would have to wait for her to get ready as she chose among them. If there was one thing Ethan knew husbands did, it was to wait on wives to get ready.
When he’d bought her a pearl choker a couple of weeks earlier, she’d said, “Ethan, this is all a tad…overwhelming.” Her smile had been wan.
“I thought you wanted a rich husband,” he’d said. “This is what rich husbands do.”
“I didn’t particularly want a man with money to get jewelry and trappings of wealth. I only wanted security and stability. For myself, and, well, for the children I want to have….”
Bairns.What if I canna give them to her? he thought yet again, tensing beside her.
Ethan had had that bloody curse hanging over him for so long that he’d begun to worry that he hadn’t gotten Madeleine pregnant yet. And Ethan was somewhat annoyed by the fact that Court had been able to accomplish something in three weeks that Ethan hadn’t managed in months.
Not that Ethan had ever expected to have bairns before. He hadn’t—but for some reason, he’d begun tofeel that he would with her. Some thought would flash in his mind as though this were a foregone conclusion.
While Maddy still slept, he eased her to her back. Tugging the cover from her, he studied her naked body. He rubbed her flat belly and pictured her big with his child, lush and full, andlooked forward to it.
Ethan grew hard as rock at that image of her his mind conjured up. It was so primal—so stirring—that he felt possessive to a killing degree and aroused to an undeniable one.
The idea of planting his seed in her, then protecting her, keeping her happy and nurturing her as she grew it…
She woke to him pinning her wrists above her, entering her as she gasped. She moaned as he took her harder and harder, until he was plunging into her in a frenzy,trying .
Thirty-nine
During her walk down to the beach on a fine spring morning, Maddy was stalked by a black tom kitten.
Ethan had brought him from the village for her. She called him Petit Chat Noir.
After she rolled out her blanket and sat, she ruffled her fingers in the sand until he charged. But he soon grew less interested inla guerre and more inl’amitié. As Maddy petted his ears, she gazed out at the waves, musing over the last few months as Ethan’s wife.
Ethan’s transition from rough, secretive, aggressive Highlander to gentle, caring husband had been seamless and effortless.
In Maddy’s imaginings. The reality had proved far different.
He was ridiculously overprotective. “You canna walk down to the beach by yourself,” he’d decreed. “And absolutely no’ into the village.”
“Have you forgotten where I grew up?” she’d asked. “I daresay I can handle all that the treacherous seaside village can offer. What do you think I’ll have to defend against? Scallops? Seaweed? Shells! Always the damned shells.”
“Have your fun, young lass. But I will no’ be moved from this. You must bring Sorcha.”
He could be moody, sometimes staring off over the sea for what seemed like hours. She would give anything to know what he was thinking about. He was possessive, preferring to have her all to himself. “What do you mean, visitors?” he’d demanded just this morning. “We had some just two weeks ago. Do you no’ like spendin’ time withme ?”
And he could be intensely jealous…Once, when she and Ethan had spent a weekend in Ireland, an unwitting American tycoon had flirted with her on the ferry trip. She’d consoled herself by musing that the man’s bruises would eventually fade. Plus, the Yank would probably never even glance at a Highlander’s wife ever again, saving himself another beating.
She’d discovered that Ethan’s superstitious nature ran deeper than she’d thought. He believed, for instance, that a clan seer had predicted Ethan and Maddy’s unionfive hundred years ago ….
And if Maddy didn’t know how much income Ethan made, she’d pronounce him a spendthrift. Packages were continually arriving. He’d bought her a horse, diamonds, sapphires, emeralds, and more clothing than she could wear in a lifetime. There was nothing left in the village for him to purchase for her. When she’d casually mentioned that she wanted to restore the orangery, within a week new parts for the furnace and a crop of citrus trees had arrived.
She had to wonder if he was buying her these gifts to make up for how poor she’d been. He couldn’t know that every gift reminded her of how much she’d lacked.
Maddy had learned from him that his youngest brother’s wife was also rich and even had royal Spanish blood. Maddy had become acutely aware that Ethan’s brothers had both married accomplished heiresses, while Ethan had gotten the plucky chit from the slum. Maddy dreaded meeting Ethan’s family, and for some reason, she sensed he equally dreaded it.
She’d begun wanting Ethan to see Iveley Hall, her childhood home, so he would recognize that she’d been brought up with great wealth and that her childhood had been idyllic up to a point—he needn’t try to give her everything and the moon.
He had an estate he wanted to check on over the summer. Iveley wasn’t directly on the way, but it wasn’t more than an hour away by rail. She’d decided to write the owners and inquire if they might let her and Ethan have a short tour. Just to see it once more.
Surely Ethan would agree to take her. Yet even as she thought it, she wondered. She’d noticed that for some reason, whenever she mentioned Iveley, he tensed. She didn’t think he even realized it, but there continued to be a barely perceptible change in him whenever she spoke of her former home. In fact, the same occurred whenever she mentioned her parents as well.
He claimed that he’d never met her parents or been to Iveley, but sometimes she wondered if he…lied.
He’d called her mother by her first name on more than one occasion, startling Maddy each time. And once, when Maddy had confided her fear that she would be a bad mother like her own, he’d disagreed so vehemently, she’d been taken aback. “How can you feel so strongly?” she’d asked. “Are you certain you never met her?”
“Aye. It’s just clear that she was cruel to you, and since you doona have a cruel bone in your body, you can be nothing like her,” he’d answered so smoothly….
But if there were shadows in their marriage, there was a great deal of sunshine as well.
Ethan had told her he considered Corrine and Bea her kin, and he encouraged Maddy to send for them. He’d even offered to hire Corrine as a steward, since he’d seen her work ethic firsthand and still couldn’t find anyone here that he trusted. And Bea’s job? “A companion?” he’d suggested. “Or, at the rate you’re accumulating stray animals from the countryside, maybe a pet caretaker.”
Though Maddy had beseeched them to come to England, they were reluctant, citingde mal en pire . But she thought she was wearing them down with each letter describing Carillon. In the meantime, he’d suggested that she send an eyebrow-raising amount of money to them, delighting her.
And Ethan laughed more and more each day, regularly demonstrating a droll sense of humor. One morning when she’d been potting in the orangery, he’d strolled in. “What is this?” he’d demanded, his expression perfectly deadpan. “I doona understand the purpose of this exercise.” She’d frowned, then glanced down at her kitten, who’d been wide-eyed, affixed by tooth and claw to Ethan’s trouser leg. She’d laughed till tears had come. “It’s like a burr I canna lose,” he’d muttered, walking out with the kitten once more.
Also good…his lovemaking was breathtaking and wicked. Yet even his desire for her seemed tinged with the same urgency with which he gave her gifts.
Just this week when they’d gone riding, rain had begun to sprinkle down. He’d led her beneath an oak, beside a gurgling stream, and as the spring mist had lightly fallen, he’d pressed her against the tree, kissing her damp neck.
She’d gasped. “Here, Ethan?”
In answer, he’d slowly lifted her skirts, then ripped the slit of her pantalettes wide, making her tremble with anticipation. When he’d suckled her through her wet blouse, she’d been overwhelmed by sensation. She’d grown lost in the feel of his hot mouth against her nipples and his muscles flexing beneath her palms. The crisp, tantalizing scent of his body had mingled with that of lichen-covered rocks and fragrant heath.
He’d lifted her, his big hand pressing her head firmly to his chest. With his other arm looped around her bottom, he’d held her in place as he’d slid inside her. When she’d moaned, swiftly on the verge, his thrusts had turned hard and furious. As she’d climaxed, he’d pumped inside her, hissing, “Let this take….”
She knew he hadn’t realized he’d spoken out loud. The desperate need in his words and in his continued actions disquieted her….
It was times like those—when he behaved in inexplicable ways, when she could feel that secrets and barriers and even lies remained between them—that she began to have a growing sense of foreboding.
She told herself that her apprehension arose only because the last time she’d been this content had been directly before her life had been devastated. She’d been so unprepared for the world of La Marais. So afraid. So…useless.
Maddy had picked herself up, again and again, learning to survive. Reflecting on the past, she didn’t know how she’d done it.
De mal en pire.She couldn’t help it—she’d begun saving her pin money.
Forty
Ethan located Maddy in one of her favorite places—the orangery, with the black kitten lazing against the warm glass. That little beastie actually liked him, which only further proved Maddy’s theory on Ethan and cats.
After leisurely kissing Maddy’s neck in greeting, he said, “I’ve received a missive from my brother.”
“Is anything wrong?”
“Doona know.” The cryptic message was from Hugh, so it could be about either Network business or family concerns. “Just know it’s important. He needs me in London immediately. How much time do you need to get ready?”
“How long would the trip be?”
“No’ long. Three or four days, I suspect.”
“Then maybe I could just stay here?” she asked. “I know you probably need to hurry.”
“Why? Is something wrong?”
“No, no, I’m just a little under the weather,” she answered.
He grasped her chin, turning her face side to side. “No doubt from being in this chilly room.” Though the glass was sun-warmed, the inside space was cool and damp in the mornings. Yet he couldn’t seem to get the furnace to work. He’d wanted to hire a machinist, but Ethan’s lass seemed to think he could do anything. So damn if he wasn’t crawling under that sputtering boiler at every spare moment.
“Ethan, it’s perfectly fine in here—”
“You doona actually expect me to leave you when you’re sick?”
“I’m notsick ,” she said. “You have been very demanding lately, keeping me up at all hours of the night. And if you stayed, I’d want you to continue your demanding.” She grinned, but she did look tired. “Agnes and her children can come stay with me for a few days. It’ll be fun. We’ll eat candy and play charades and wreck your house like barbarians sacking a city.”
“Ourhouse,” Ethan corrected. “Best remember you own half of everything you’re breaking.”
Though he loathed the idea of being separated from her, he knew she wasn’t hankering to meet his family. And he couldn’t allow her to meet them yet anyway. Hugh might have revealed everything to Jane. Ethan doubted it, but he couldn’t risk Maddy’s hearing the truth from anyone but him. To ruin what they were enjoying because he couldn’t leave her for three days…?
Besides, he needed to meet with Edward Weyland face-to-face—and officially retire.
“Aye, verra well,” Ethan agreed. “But only if Agnes and the children stay with you. I’ll either return for you or send someone to escort you down within four days.”
As soon as Maddy saw Ethan off that morning—with lingering kisses that almost made him miss the train—she and Sorcha began a baking frenzy. Six children meant lots of scones.
Agnes and her brood weren’t supposed to arrive before midafternoon, so when Maddy grew overheated, she went upstairs to rest.
Though Maddy already missed Ethan terribly, she was glad she hadn’t gone this morning. First of all, the very idea of meeting Ethan’s family nauseated her. Second of all, Maddy had questions for Agnes. The widow had six children.
If there was anyone who could help Maddy figure out if she was expecting, it’d be her.
In any case, Maddy was excited about the children coming over. She wanted to make forts for them out of curtains and pillows, forts like they’d never seen.
Sitting at her new escritoire, she collected her pile of recent mail. Yesterday, she’d been too busy to sort through the weekly bunch. She grinned to herself—Ethan had been insatiable.
Flipping through the envelopes, she found invitations, a letter from Corrine, and one from Owena Dekindeeren of theBlue Riband coterie. Maddy frowned when she came across a thick missive she didn’t recognize. She opened the seal and read the return address. It was from Iveley! She quickly skimmed the lines.
Just two weeks ago, she’d written to inquire about visiting, explaining who she was and her connection to the property. The land agent had responded promptly. He prefaced his note by admitting to being newly hired. He was experiencing some confusion and asked to be pardoned for it, but…“You, Lady Kavanagh, are the owner of Iveley Hall.”
Yet how…? Maddy’s eyes widened. Ethan had bought Iveley for her? “That man!” she said in an exasperated tone, but she was smiling. When was he going to tell her about this?
She could scarcely believe she owned Iveley. And apparently Ethan had at last found a hardworking steward for one of their estates—included in the envelope was a detailed report of improvement after improvement to the property.
Trembling with excitement, she turned to the second page of the note, skimming the lines with growing incomprehension.Your mysterious inquiry so puzzled me…after considerable hours of diligent research…discovered your husband had gifted Iveley to you four months ago…after having owned the property for nearly ten years…assumed directly upon your father’s forfeit of the same.
“This can’t be,” she whispered, her hand fluttering to her forehead.
How could Ethan not have told her he’d owned her childhood home? And for so long? He had to have made the connection.
Surely it couldn’t have beenEthan who’d foreclosed on them. Maddy had known Iveley had been seized—how could she ever forget being denied entry into her own home?—but Ethan couldn’t have been the one who’d forced them into the streets on the very day of her father’s burial.
The idea was too incredible—she could hardly conceive it. She reread the letter, but the content didn’t change, no matter how badly she willed it to.
There was no coincidence. Her husband had willfully deceived her about this. Maddy remembered those times when she’d talked about Iveley or her parents and Ethan had grown distant.Think, Maddy . Even as she resisted, a nebulous picture began to form from the facts she knew about Ethan.
He’d traveled to Paris for Maddy—though she could have sworn he hadn’t even liked her. He’d offered for her, a girl from a slum, instead of someone worthy of his title. And then he’d steadfastly refused to marry her—until she’d threatened to leave. She recalled his unsettling anger toward her earlier and the frenzied way he bought her gifts now.
What if there were deeds in my past?he’d asked. Hehad been trying to make up for something, but not for what she’d thought.
He’d foreclosed on them viciously, leaving them destitute.
But why? He had to have some grudge. Why her family?
She recalled him asking,How did Sylviedie? Maddy’s eyes narrowed. She’d known he’d met her mother! So why would he repeatedly lie about the connection?
Whatexactly was the connection?
Maddy began to have a sinking feeling in her stomach. Her mother had been ravishing—and faithless. Ethan had been a libertine who’d cuckolded a new husband every night. She remembered him admitting,“If they were married, then even better.” The two of them had been near in age.
Had Ethan had an affair with her mother? Why else would he lie so persistently?
Maddy had always wanted the key to unlock that night when her life had fallen apart. The questions had driven her mad. Now she felt the answers were there, just within her grasp.
Had her father unexpectedly returned home and caught his much younger wife in bed…with Ethan?
Maddy put her hand to her mouth to stifle a shocked cry. At twenty-three and without that scar, Ethan would have been gorgeous. Her aging father, who’d been dearer to Maddy than all the world, would have been devastated to see the wife he adored in bed with a strapping young Highlander.
Granted, Maddy couldn’t know for fact that Sylvie and Ethan had…that they’d…
She shook her head hard. That part could be merely the imaginings of a frantic woman. But Maddy knew without doubt that Ethan had lied to her repeatedly and had sought revenge against her family. She couldn’t state with certainty exactly why he’d punished her parents, leaving her as a casualty, but no matter if they’d deserved it or not, Maddydefinitely hadn’t.
It was one thing to be a victim of circumstance and quite another to have a man show up on your doorstep to destroy you. She hadn’t deserved to be dragged into this tragedy again.
Considering all that he’d done and deceived her about, she had to wonder if anything was true. Recalling the hasty marriage license—which Ethan had somehow had time to acquireafter drunkenly plotting the seduction of two barmaids—and the very simple ceremony with the registrar, Maddy realized she might not even be truly married.
Not one of the ladies in the boulangerie after all…
Ethan had looked her in the eyes and vowed that if she could just see her way to giving him one more chance, he wouldn’t hurt her again.
Lies.He’d broken that vow, among others.The studied deception.
She’d been used. She was stunned, feeling so deadened that she was surprised she perceived her heart beating, could actually hear it in the silence of the room.
Maddy remembered Ethan once telling her to leave La Marais behind, not to look back. What had his plan been at the time? And if her friends had come to live with them and depend on them? Onhim ? Maybe that was why he’d been so insistent about them coming.