Derek

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I SPENT THE ENTIRE night shoving work to the side and planning this vacation for Sam and me. Once I could peel myself away from work, I saw the opportunity in front of me. This was a chance for me to impress Sam and show her what she could have when the two of us weren’t trying to save my company from ruin. I had a real chance to impress her, and I wasn’t skimping on anything. Everything for this weeklong vacation was going to be perfect.

Because that was the type of thing she deserved.

I placed urgent phone calls and shelled out all the money I needed to. I booked us a private bungalow on a small private island reserved for only the wealthiest in the world. It was right off the coast of Hawaii where the beaches were beautiful, and the sun would feel so good against our skins. I could have dozens of dresses and bikinis waiting for Sam when we arrived. She could indulge in satin sheets on the bed and the private hot tub that sat over the ocean.

It was going to be the vacation of a lifetime. A chance to really show her what I could bring to the table if she would only let me in.

I wanted a safe place, sure. But I also wanted Sam to have a good time. I knew I was wound up, and I knew I was diving into some unhealthy habits, but I wasn’t the only one. Ever since the sling had come off Sam’s arm, she had been taking way too many chances, moving it too much and starting back with her ridiculous workout schedule a little too early. I could see her wince in pain whenever she did some things, even though she tried to brush it off.

She thought I didn’t notice, but I did. This vacation would be good for both of us. It would take a load off our shoulders since we no longer had to look over them. Without the threat of someone chasing after us constantly, we could be ourselves.

I could show her the man I could be for her when I wasn’t floundering for my life.

A limousine arrived the following morning to whisk us away to the airport. I told Sam to pack light, nothing but her toiletries and what she would need to keep in contact with John. She tried to fight me on where we were going, stating she didn’t have any tropical clothes. I noticed the beads of sweat already forming on her brow. The woman lived in jeans and leather even though it was eighty degrees outside. But I had outfits for her that would fit her perfectly hanging in a closet, just waiting for her to pluck them out and try them on.

It took a lot of convincing to get her into the limousine, but I finally did it.

I watched Sam relax with every second we were in the air. When we started cruising over the water, I heard her sigh with contentment. She sank back into the plush seats of my private jet and even took the glass of wine I offered her. She never drank while she was on the job. I hadn’t been able to share anything like this with her up until this point.

But as we clinked glasses and cheered the vacation we were heading toward, I could sense her guard dropping.

The real Sam started emerging from behind that wall.

Five hours later, we were descending to the only tarmac that serviced the small, private island. Sam’s head was on a swivel as a private car whisked us away to the bungalow I’d rented for us for the week. Her eyes were gazing out the window, taking everything in as it passed by her.

For a woman who boasted of how well-traveled she was, she was acting like she’d never been here before.

“It’s funny,” Sam said. “I’ve traveled all over the world and experienced so many things, but I’ve never seen any of the places I’ve been.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Yeah. Last year I was on the mainland of Hawaii, and I don’t even remember the beaches. My work takes me there, but I don’t indulge. I do what needs to get done, I stick to the shadows, and then I leave.”

“You don’t experience the beauty of the place you’re in? You know, to offset the darkness you see?”

“No,” she said plainly. “I’ve never stayed. I guess I always thought if I did, someone else would want to hire me for a job, and it would just spoil everything.”

It was the first time Sam had ever opened up to me because she wanted to and not to match a conversation or get me back on track. Simply because she wanted me to know something about her.

The private car wound us around the island until we came to the bungalow. I grabbed our things and then opened Sam’s door so she could get out. She was gawking at the scenery, at the white sand beneath her feet and the clear waters brushing against the shoreline. Her jaw dropped as we walked down the private dock all the way to the air-conditioned bungalow that sat there, waiting for us to enjoy.

But her mood turned when she opened her closet and found it full of dresses.

“What’s all this?” she asked.

“Those are for you,” I said.

“Are they my size?”

“Take a look and see.”

I watched her pluck one of my favorites from the batch, a simple black dress that fluttered easily in the wind. It hit her right above her knees and hung loosely around her body. I watched her turn to look in a mirror, her eyes dancing over her reflection as I stood in the doorway.

“Derek, where did all of these come from?”

“I had them placed here so you wouldn’t have to bother with packing.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” she said.

I heard her voice shake with nerves. There was an emerging side of her I didn’t think would exist in a woman like Sam, a tentative, hesitant side that was visibly uncomfortable.

“If you don’t like them, I can—”

“It’s not that,” she said. “It’s just ...”

She turned to look at me, and I knew what she was thinking. I was pulling her along into territory she wanted to ignore. She wanted to cast aside the connection she knew was brewing between us. She dropped the dress to her side before she turned and hung it up, her fingertips dancing along the silken and flowing fabrics I’d purchased only for her.

“The closet floor is full of shoes. Dinner’s in an hour. I’ve got us booked at a wonderful place I think you’ll love,” I said.

“Dinner?” Sam asked. “What? I mean, now? Already?”

“Mhm. Take your time. Wear whatever you want. The car outside will be ready to go in half an hour.”

Sam was very nervous. She came out of her room in this beautiful floral dress that sank off her shoulders and fluttered below her knees. She was wearing the matching sandals with straps that wound up her beautiful calves, accenting their strength as well as the dark color of her skin. Only a few minutes in the sun had done her wonders, which attracted me to her even more. Her skin glistened with beauty and strength. She was breathtaking, even though I knew she felt out of place.

But I was determined to show her how much she fit in here, at my side and in my life.

“You look dazzling,” I said to her across the table after we’d arrived at the restaurant for our reservations.

“You’re not so bad yourself. Didn’t take you for a linen pants-type guy,” Sam said.

“In this type of heat, a full-on suit isn’t very comfortable. Plus, if sand gets anywhere near my crotch, it’s impossible to shake it out.”

“And here I thought you liked it a little rough.”

“Is there anything I’ve done to give you the impression I can be rough?” I asked.

“Who said you had to be the one to do it?” she asked.

The two of us enjoyed a glass of wine as Sam gazed out over the ocean. But I couldn’t take my eyes off her, off the reflection of the ocean in her dark brown eyes and the way her strong fingers curled delicately around her wine glass. She was tough and rugged, but she slipped effortlessly into this role of a proud, silent woman with a grace and fluidity that matched the queen herself.

She was breathtaking, and I didn’t even try to hide it from her.

“Enjoying the view?” she asked, taking a sip of her wine.

“Always,” I said.

“If you’re not careful, your retinas might burn. Staring directly at something as bright as the sun has been known to cause blindness.”

“That might be a warning for my eyes, but it isn’t for my lips.”

Sam turned her heads toward me, a mysterious little grin ticking against her cheeks. Being around her was effortless. Without the threat of Jacob sneaking up on us, she was no longer my protector. My savior. My provider. Simply a woman whose company I was enjoying.

Our food arrived at the table, pulling Sam from her thoughts as her body turned back toward mine.

“Is it bad that I can see where Jacob is coming from?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” Sam asked.

“After all he’s put us through, is it bad that I can see this from his point of view?”

“Talk me through it.”

“I worked hard to get where I was, but I was also born into privilege. I want to tell myself I accomplished it all on my own, but I’m sure my last name and my father’s reputation had a bit to do with some of the deals I first closed. Not everyone is born into the kind of family I was. Jacob worked very hard to get to where he sat. Not everyone who’s born into his set of circumstances ever becomes anything great.”

“How does that make you feel?” she asked.

“I don’t know. A little wary. I wonder if I’m sympathizing with a man I wanted him to be instead of the man he really was. What do you think?”

“I think I don’t care.”

“Why don’t you care?” I asked.

“Jealousy of success is pathetic. It’s a weak-minded approach to whining about how the world isn’t fair.”

“But he did bring up some good points about how I was born into privilege and the skewed point of view that instilled in me.”

“Life isn’t fair, Derek. And it’s not always kind. I’ve seen that inside as well as outside of my career. Crying about fairness is simply a way of complaining about having to work.”

“How so?”

“Success requires personal sacrifice. It always does. You turned down an easy life your father handed you so you could pursue your own dreams. He didn’t give you any loans to do anything you did. He didn’t hold your hand and walk you through what the hell you were supposed to be doing. Sure, maybe he paid for your education. Great. Woo-hoo. You said so yourself that you sacrificed your personal life with women you cared about so you could climb the ranks. Spent countless sleepless nights probably hunched over a desk much cheaper than the one I found you at just to close a deal a little quicker and build your reputation. What you did took hard work, focus, and personal sacrifice. Where you came from didn’t matter.”

“But does coming from an underprivileged family make someone more deserving of success?” I asked.

“No. Because it’s not the child’s fault the parents did well for themselves.”

“What about you?” I asked.

“What about me?”

“What did you sacrifice to get to where you are now?”

I watched her face grow dark as she kept picking at her food.

“If you don’t want to answer—”

“It’s fine,” she said curtly. “I’ll try to sum it up. When I entered the military, I chose to sacrifice my femininity. Being more masculine kept me from getting underestimated so often, but it also made it difficult to form romantic relationships. Sacrificing my femininity and, therefore, my personal life allowed me to climb to a rank very few women see in the military. But when women weren’t allowed to test for the position I wanted, I left to find my own way.”

I leaned back in my chair as Sam drew a deep breath through her nose.

“Then, I sacrificed my personal health for the first private contractor that hired me. Sleepless nights, very few showers. Throwing myself onto bombers and taking knife stabs for innocent people. I sacrificed the way I viewed the world. I sacrificed the little bit of beauty I was able to hang onto in order to do that job. Then, when my personal sacrifice wasn’t good enough, I hopped to where I am now.”

I studied Sam, taking in how vulnerable she was becoming with me as I took a bite of my food.

“Sacrifice is different for everyone. I sacrificed everything that makes me a woman to do what I do best, which is protect people. There’s darkness in this world, Derek, a darkness that looms over it that you would never be able to digest. And people like me stand at the edge of it, keeping their backs to the light so they can ward it off. So they can protect those who dwell in the light from the agony that darkness brings. I’m good at that. I always have been.”

“Why have you always been good at it?” I asked.

Sam turned her face toward me, her saddened eyes connecting with mine as they took my breath away. There was no going back. I had asked the question I knew I was going to regret. I had no idea if Sam was going to answer it, but the pain that shot through her eyes convinced me that if she didn’t, it wouldn’t matter.

The pain and the desolation this woman had endured was great. And I wanted to shine a light on her face so she could feel the warmth of the sun against her skin again.

“Because I had to be,” Sam said. “It was a requirement of my childhood.”