Chapter 25

Greer

I can’t believe my baby turns one today. It’s been fifteen months since I arrived here pregnant and looking to hide. In those months, I’ve learned a lot about myself.

For one, I’m not as broken as I originally thought I was. With the help of the Devils along with the personal assistance of Spook, I’ve been able to manage my feelings without the excess need for the smarting of a belt. I’ve become a better person, mother and friend thanks to their persistence that I was important enough to wait on.

I decided the best place to throw Ryland a party is where it all started, the Rioting Devils’ clubhouse. Mitz has already started the preparations and is just waiting on Queenie and me to arrive with the birthday girl.

We’re halfway through the hour and a half drive when Queenie shocks me with her confession.

“You know I’m a pain whore too.” She says as if she’s asking me about the weather.

“No, I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, when I met your dad, the only way I felt adequate is if someone hit me. See, I grew up with an alcoholic mother and father who’d rather me be seen and not heard. When I had nothing to offer them in the way of buying their next case or fifth of gin, they hit me, sometimes to unconsciousness.” She looks at me waiting for me to respond, but what do you say, ‘sorry your family was fucked up,’ so I remain quiet and wait for her to continue.

“When I got older and people were nice to me, it scared me. I felt as though if they weren’t hurting me, they didn’t love me. I meet your dad and Brute at a club party. I’d come with a few of my girlfriends expecting to have a good time and possibly have a biker or two rough me up.”

“What happen?” I whisper.

“I got tanked and ended up in a room with your dad and Brute. I taunted them at first trying to piss them off enough that they would raise a hand, but they didn’t. After twenty minutes of calling them names and spewing a bunch of shit, Brute finally broke. He grabbed me around the neck and shoved me hard against a wall.”

“Fuck.” I mumble.

“Yeah, it was a high I’ll never forget. When he stopped and just held me there, I was lost. I couldn’t understand why. Your dad and Brute were to me what Poison and Banshee were to you, they figured it out and they found ways to settle me. My need may be different than your need, but it’s the pain we thrive on.”

I turn my head to look out the window and confess. “From time to time, the need is overwhelming, but I’m afraid to ask Spook. Our relationship has been nothing but turmoil since the day we met and I’m scared to rock the boat. When I was with Mad Dog, he introduced me to a punching bag. It worked while I was there to ease my mind, but when I came home to everyone always hovering, the want and need clouded each other and it was overpowering.”

“Spook knows you have that desire. He, also, knows that it’s different than mine. I needed it to feel wanted or loved. You need it to escape.”

“I just don’t want him to feel like I don’t appreciate what he’s already done to calm my demons. He tries so hard making sure that I’m in the right frame of mind that I worry he’s going to get tired of having to watch over me like a child.”

She shakes her head. “That man loves you. When he came home and you were gone, he was beside himself. He attached himself to Ryland and rarely let us look after her. The day he talked to you after not hearing your voice in months was the happiest I’d see him in a long time. He was on cloud nine.”

“I love him too and it scares me to death. I have this perfect man who’s accepted me and my daughter. I know if I called him right now, he’d drop everything for me. But I feel like our relationship is one-sided. What do I bring to this relationship except mayhem?”

Queenie laughs. “You don’t see it at all. He was lost and you and Ryland gave him purpose. Yeah, he had the club, but that’s it. The woman he thought was going to be is everything betrayed him in the worst way for a biker and then instead of letting him be, she tried to take the one thing that made him feel whole, you. He’s watched his brothers fall in love and start families. He locked his heart up years ago and finally handed you the key. You bring love, understanding and loyalty to your relationship with him and most can’t say the same.”

As we pull into the Devils compound, I see Spook waiting. Lifting his head and realizing it’s us, a genuinely happy smile emerges. He jogs to the backdoor and opens it to a giggling Ryland. He takes her out of her seat, grabs her diaper bag and places her on his hip.

Closing the door, he pulls me into his side and kisses my forehead. “Princess, it took you forever to get here. Mitz is driving us nuts. The guys have been hanging fucking streamers and balloons for hours and when we think we’re done, she has pink linens for the tables.”

I laugh at the haunted expression on his face. “She only turns one once, Spookie, so nut up and get over it.”

We walk into the main room to six hardcore bikers hanging a princess ‘happy birthday’ sign and pink and purple balloons. I watch as Spook places Ryland steadily on her feet and she begins to wobble her way to Trigger.

As Ryland grunts and groans, because it’s so hard to walk when you’re used to being carried everywhere, Trigger turns to her and snatches her up. “It’s the birthday girl.” He says melodically as he swings her around. “You want some cake?” Ryland grunts. “You want a sucker?” Ryland grunts but this time she grabs a hold of his thick brown beard. “Little lady, we had this discussion. You pet a man’s beard, you don’t pull it.” She pulls it harder.

My dad comes up behind Trigger and clucks his tongue at her. Pulling her attention from Trigger, she reaches her arms for my dad. “That’s right, baby girl. You don’t need to be hanging around the likes of him. He’ll get you in trouble like he does all the other kids.” He lifts her in his arms and blows raspberries on her stomach causing her to erupt in a fit of giggles.

Realizing how much everything has changed in a little over a year is priceless. As much as I would’ve loved to have my father and brother for all these years, I know I wouldn’t have the one part of my life that I’m proud of the most, Ryland.

***

Spook

Standing back and watching the little girl and woman that have stolen my heart reiterates how much I need them in my life. My life is almost complete; I just have a few more items to put the last touches on. One of which I’m taking care of in a few minutes.

Shaking out of my thoughts with the sound of Greer laughing, I see that Ryland is covered in pink and purple icing. Her little hands are reaching for Greer as she tries to clean her face as Ryland gets a hold of Greer’s hair and adds colorful highlights to it.

I stride over to them and Ryland turns her attention from Greer to me. I have no issues picking up my messy little girl.

She puts her hand close to my mouth and I pretend to bit it with my teeth. She snatches her hand back and giggles. She puts both her icing caked hands on my cheeks and pushes them together. Smacking her lips to mine, I give my little girl a quick peck.

I catch movement to my right and glance at Greer. She’s wiping tears from her own cheeks.

“What’s wrong, Princess?” I ask softly.

“Nothing, I’m just delirious with happiness.”

I pull her into my unoccupied side. I bring her lips to mine. A slow innocent kiss turns heated in seconds. Ryland takes that moment to slap our faces with her hands.

“Someone’s jealous.” I chuckle into Greer’s mouth.

“Just a bit.” Greer states as she steps back.

I survey the room looking for Mitz. She just didn’t help organize this party, but she helped me with Greer’s surprise or at least I hope it’s a surprise she accepts.

Making eye contact, Mitz nods and heads towards the kitchen. She comes back momentarily carrying a nice-sized box. Brute steps forward and takes Ryland from my arms and Mitz hands me the box. Greer looks on with confusion.

“Princess, since the day you made me the OBGYN of the Devils, you have held a piece of my heart. The weeks and months following just solidified your hold on me. When you left and I didn’t know where you were, a part of me crumbled. The day I heard your voice after so many months without it, the spark reunited.” A small smile forms on her lips and tears glisten her cheeks. “You’ve become a non-replaceable part of me that I could never imagine being without. Ryland is precious to me in more ways than words can explain. I would walk through a tornado for both of you and pray for survival just to be next to you two for another day. In this box is something that means everything to a biker and if you accept it, you are vowing to be mine for eternity.”

I hand her the box. She slowly pulls the lid off setting it on the highchair. Pushing aside the tissue paper, she pulls her black leather kutte with ‘Property of Spook’ plastered on the back.

She brings it to her chest and holds it tightly. Bowing her head, she lifts it to her face. She nods frantically, but I need the words.

I step towards her and lift her chin with my finger. “Words, Princess.”

“Yes.” She whispers and that’s all I need. I pick her up and hold her tight as I bury my face into her neck.

Greer just made me the luckiest fucker in the world by agreeing to be my ol’ lady and in turn allowing me to be in Ryland’s life as well.