Willow
I woke up with a slant of bright, spring sunshine over my face. I lay on the floor in my blanket as usual, though I’d slept straight through with no night terrors. I’d been sleeping better for the last few weeks. Not in my bed yet, but I was getting there. I had hope.
My phone chimed a text from “Dane.” I smiled as I bundled deeper into my blankets with the phone, shutting out the rest of the world.
Need to change up rehearsal today he wrote. Act 4, instead of 3.3
Translation: Running late, see you at 4 instead of 3:30.
My thumbs flew. Sounds good.
A2 he wrote.
A pleasant shiver rippled through me and I bit my lip over my smile.
S2 I typed back and tucked my phone away.
I showered, dressed in a pretty, pale pink sundress that came just above my knee, and jogged downstairs for breakfast. My mother sat at the kitchen counter, flipping through a magazine. It was only quarter after seven, but Dad had been at work for hours already. The Wilkinsons worked him hard, or maybe he didn’t want to hang around my mother. I couldn’t blame him.
“You’re up early,” I said.
“Spa appointment in Braxton at eight.” She let her magazine drop as I set my bicycle helmet on the counter and rummaged in the cupboard for a glass.
“Really, Willow, that helmet looks so silly. Especially riding a bicycle with a dress on. We can buy you a car. We can afford a car.”
“Don’t want a car.”
“You won’t be saying that next December,” she said. “You know how God-awful it is here in winter.”
I rolled my eyes. Right. Because New York in winter is super fun.
“We’ve been over this a hundred times, Mom. I love the bike. It’s a short trip downtown and to school, and you never have to worry about me needing a ride.”
Not that you ever did before.
For me, a bike was a necessity. My days of using Angie as my taxi service, or to cover for me, were over. I loved her too much to risk getting her in trouble again. And as my body continued its slow thaw of recovery, being outside in the sunshine and getting exercise brought me closer to my idea of normal.
I’ll worry about winter later.
My mother set aside the magazine and flipped through the mail on the counter. “I should’ve known,” she said, an envelope in her hand.
“What’s up?” I asked, pouring some juice.
“The party for Wexx that was set for next week in Indianapolis. It’s canceled. A new one is scheduled in Manhattan over this weekend.”
I froze, the glass at my lips. “Canceled?”
These past weeks, the only dark cloud over my happiness with Isaac was the Wexx party and Xavier Wilkinson being there.
My mother sighed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if half the attendees RSVP’d no and Wexx came to its senses.”
Usually my mother’s prejudice against the Midwest made my skin itch, but today I hardly heard her.
“So,” I carefully set the glass down. “The Wilkinsons aren’t coming here?”
“Willow, are you listening to me? Why would they come here if the party’s been relocated? It’s back in Manhattan. We’re all invited, of course—”
“I can’t go. I have too much schoolwork and the play is getting close to opening night. You guys go ahead. Have a great time.”
“Okay,” Mom said, drawing out the word. “You’re awfully agreeable. More like your old self.”
I shrugged.
“In fact… The last time I remember you like this was…last summer? Right around the time of your birthday.” She frowned, thinking. “Willow.”
“Yeah?”
Her delicate brows came together, her manicured fingers drummed on the counter in that way she did when an unpleasant thought occurred to her.
I held my breath. I could almost see her—finally—putting together the events of last summer. Meeting Xavier at the Wexx Fourth of July party. Me telling her how we’d hit it off. How she’d been so happy because he was “the right kind of young man” for me. She didn’t know about the birthday party I’d thrown for myself a few weeks later, of course, but she knew I didn’t talk about Xavier anymore after that. It was all right there.
“Willow,” she said, her voice trembling slightly. “You understand the Wilkinsons are very important to this family? Your father’s been a loyal employee to Wexx, and despite the move here, they’ve been good to us.”
My voice went dry, and I could only nod.
“With that in mind, is there anything that you want to tell me?”
It was painful to hear the words creak out of her mouth. What was I supposed to do with them? Tell her the truth and bring her entire lifestyle crashing down? For an accusation that had no evidence, not even my own clear memory?
There was nothing to be done about it, especially since Xavier wasn’t coming anywhere near my adopted state anytime soon. I had grabbed a little piece of happiness with Isaac. I wasn’t about to let it go.
“No, Mom,” I said and kissed her on the top of her head. “Got to run, I’ll be late for school.”
She patted her hair where I’d kissed her with an irritated sigh. But her fingernails had ceased to drum. “Have a nice day. Don’t be too late coming back from rehearsal. My God, it seems like you live at that theater.”
“The show is in two weeks,” I said. “We have tech rehearsals and full run-throughs coming up this week, and dress rehearsal next week…”
But she’d already gone back to her magazine.
After school, I killed time riding my bike around Harmony, waiting for Isaac to be done with work. I biked to The Cottages first. It formed one corner of my triangle of favorite places: The Cottages, the HCT, and the hedge maze.
Everything I could want in a two-mile radius.
I stopped in front of one of the cottages. A sweet little blue one with white trim. It had a For Sale sign in the front yard that looked as old and faded as the house. The real estate market around here wasn’t great, but I was glad this one hadn’t closed.
Someday, I thought.
I rode back to town and stopped in the bookstore to pick up a comic book for Benny. Isaac mentioned he’d been doing well in school. I’d yet to meet him, but Isaac spoke about him a lot and with warmth. I figured Benny deserved a reward, not just for his schoolwork, and for being important to my boyfriend.
Boyfriend?
The word had crept in, shooting a thrill across my heart. And though it was probably foolish, I kept it there.
A few minutes after four, I rode to the hedge maze, and set my bike against the informational placard out front. Isaac’s blue Dodge was parked at the far end of the lot already. The sun was bright and warm, thickening the air toward summer humidity. I held out my hand to shield my eyes from the glare. Beyond the hedge maze was a field of tall grass and trees. We’d had to sneak there a few times when other people came to wander the maze.
I navigated the hedges easily now, and found Isaac sitting in the windmill, a script on his lap and a pen in his hand. The end of the pen was mangled—he chewed it to keep from smoking when we were together.
I stopped and watched him for a moment, my eyes drinking him in, my body taking note of every detail. His long legs in denim, a black T-shirt that highlighted the broad planes of his chest. The bulge of his biceps and his tanned forearms, one bearing the tattoo, I burn. I pine. I perish.
He’d told me it was from The Taming of the Shrew, and that he’d chosen it because that had felt like the entirety of his life. Burning talent, endless want for a better life, and the fear he’d never reach it.
He’s going to reach it. But right now he’s mine.
Isaac’s face was hard-angled and unsmiling above his script. But I knew the man beneath the stony expression. He was brilliant and poetic and protective. He’d been hardened by his experiences but they hadn’t broken him. He showed all his soft to no one but me.
He looked up. A tilted smile came over his lips. “Hey.”
“Hi.” A longing stirred deep within me. It had been waking slowly over the last few weeks, my body thawing from its freeze under Isaac’s hands, though he’d never done more than touch me over my clothes as we kissed.
Or maybe because he’d done nothing more. Never pressured me, verbally or physically. He kissed me and the kissing was perfect. He touched me gently, until my body understood the difference between his hands and the shadowy phantom of X.
Now I wanted more.
Isaac got to his feet and crossed the short space between us. At six foot two, he towered over me and I loved how protected I felt standing beside him.
“I brought something for Benny,” I said, my heart pounding. “For acing his science test.” I showed him the comic book. “According to Angie, Luke Cage is a serious badass.”
“According to Benny too,” Isaac said. “I’ll take it to him tomorrow morning.”
“How’s your dad?” It was Monday, which meant Isaac went to the trailer yesterday to give his father money for the week.
Isaac’s eyes darkened. “Not good,” he said. “I think he’s drinking more. I tried to talk to him about a treatment facility, but he won’t go and I can’t afford to put him somewhere nice. Not yet.”
“You will,” I said.
He bent to kiss me softly, but I deepened the kiss immediately, pulling him to me and exploring his mouth with mine until we were both breathless.
“Okay, I’m ready to work,” I said abruptly, and moved to put my bag down. Isaac stared, his smile stunned, while I floated light above a heavy, warm stone of desire between my legs.
I want him.
The truth of it shocked me, crackled down every part of my body like electricity. I shook out my trembling hands.
“I’m really nervous about opening night. I’d like to work my last monologue in Act Three.”
“Okay,” Isaac said. “Whatever you want. Though after a kiss like that, you ruined my concentration.”
A high-pitched laugh burst out of me. “I’m going to walk the maze.”
“Go for it.”
I went to the beginning of the maze and sucked in a deep calming breath. I tried to ignore the strange feelings pulling beneath my skin, but they were a magnetic force that wanted only Isaac.
I needed to put myself in Ophelia’s place at that moment in the play: the beginning of her spiral into psychosis and sorrow. But at that moment, standing at the start of the maze, I was stepping into something good and real.
“Oh, what a noble mind is here o'erthrown!—
The courtier’s, soldier’s, scholar’s, eye, tongue, sword…”
I recited my lines as I walked through corridors of hedges, spring-green and buzzing with life. By now I knew the path perfectly. Likewise my lines came to me by rote; I didn’t have to think of them anymore. They came to me like song lyrics, and I added my own little tune to them.
I emerged from the maze. Isaac waited on the bench. My brooding Dane. Dark and dangerous to everyone in the world but me.
“Like sweet bells jangled, out of tune and harsh; that unmatch'd form…”
My eyes trailed over his unmatched form. Lean muscle under smooth skin. Power under softness. Strength underneath his gentle touch. The magnetic pull was inescapable now. I needed his hands on me.
He was silent as I move to stand between his knees. His hands slid over my hips. My breasts were level with his chin, my nipples hardening as his breath wafted over them. I grazed my fingers through the hair along his temples and fell into his eyes, dark and dilated, the gray-green stormy with want.
“And feature of blown youth.” I let my teeth and tongue taste the next words. “Blasted with ecstasy.”
“Willow,” he said, his hands sliding up my sides, his thumbs grazing my breasts and pulling a small sound from my throat.
“O, woe is me,” I whispered against his lips. “Woe is me…”
Our lips touched and then clashed together.
Something was different this time. He tasted differently in my mouth and felt differently under my hands as they ran through his hair and down the strong muscles of his back. Our breath rasped in our noses as we kissed and even the air smelled different as every inhale sank down into the warm heavy ache between my legs.
Through my eyelashes, I could see Isaac’s brow furrowed, his face drawn tight with restraint. His hand slipped up my stomach to cup one breast. I moaned and leaned into that touch, shocked at how good and right it felt. We kissed and clutched, the need mounting between us until his hand slipped between my legs. The tiniest brush of his palm and a jolt shot through me.
Isaac broke from the kiss. “I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay,” I said, breathing hard. “It’s just…new. I don’t want to stop. Not entirely.”
“There’s no rush. For anything, Willow.”
“I don’t want to take it easy,” I said, the words tangling in my mouth, suddenly awkward and embarrassed to tell him what I wanted. “I don’t want everything right now but I want… I mean, I need…”
“You need to come.”
A flush of heat swept through me, taken aback at hearing the bold words out loud.
“Yes,” I whispered. Then again, louder. “Yes. Touch me, Isaac.”
His mouth grabbed mine in a hard kiss, deep with a demanding tongue and biting teeth. His hands swept over my breasts, my waist, down around my ass to the backs of my thighs. I said yes to all of it and let out a little moan when he pulled me onto his lap, straddling his legs. I slipped my hand under his shirt, while he laid biting kisses across my neck.
My hands couldn’t get enough. Hard muscle and warm skin and a light smattering of hair over his chest. He let me explore him, all the while the need burned in me like the brightest flame.
My hips rolled and his hands slid up my thighs, his face drawn tight. He gripped my hips as I ground down on the coarse material of his jeans, the hard heat of him straining beneath the zipper.
A deep ache of pleasure was expanding down in my belly. All my senses narrowing to the place where we rubbed together. I sat up, riding him, glorying in the sheer desperation, shamelessly grinding myself against him and it was all perfectly okay. I was safe with Isaac. He wasn’t a shadowy monster. He was flesh and blood beneath me. His eyes locked on mine, his words coaxing me.
“That’s it…”
“Oh God,” I whispered, pleading.
“It’s okay,” he said between gritted teeth. “I want you to.”
“Isaac…”
“I got you… Come for me.”
“I need…more.”
I took his hand from my hip and moved it under my dress, between my legs. I cried out into his mouth when the touch of his fingers reached my panties. The pleasure increasing and expanding as he gently rubbed and stroked me in the exact right place.
“God, baby.” His breath was hot against my ear. “You’re so wet.”
The words sent me over. My body wanted this. I wanted this. The pressure building between my legs surrendered to him and a shockingly powerful wave of heated pleasure rocketed through me. My entire body tensed and tightened. My breath stopped dead in my lungs, then rushed out as the ecstasy flew through me freely, without shame or regret.
“Oh my God,” I breathed, collapsing against his shoulder. “Holy shit, Isaac…”
“Come here.” He pulled me close and I melted into him.
“I can’t believe I did that,” I said, and raised my head. “What about you? Shit, you must think I’m—”
“I don’t think anything,” he said. “I wanted that for you. You looked so beautiful, just now…”
“Oh God,” I said, burying my face against his shoulder. “I still can’t believe it.”
“Believe it, baby,” he said, laughing in my hair. “You are so fucking sexy.”
“Six months ago I couldn’t look at myself in a mirror. And now you…”
He took my face in his hands. “Six months ago I was fucking miserable. And then you showed up. When I’m with you, I don’t feel the need to be somewhere else or to be someone else. I can be in my own skin without it hurting so fucking badly. That’s a gift, Willow. One I can never repay you for.” He brushed his thumb over my lower lip. “So stop looking at me like you owe me something. You don’t.”
I clenched my jaw and sniffed. “Don’t make me cry over my first orgasm,” I said. “But don’t you want… How long will you be satisfied with just…?”
“I don’t want to sleep with you,” he said.
I crossed my arms.
“I mean, I do,” he said, laughing. “God, of course I do. But you’re seventeen.”
“So?” I asked, my tone huffy even as relief slipped into my chest, calming my electrified nerve endings.
“We should wait until you’re eighteen. Or whenever you’re ready, but at least eighteen.”
“Age doesn’t make a difference.”
“Yeah, tell that to an angry father.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me.” I traced my fingers along his chin. “You won’t get frustrated waiting?”
He shook his head. “I feel like I’ve waited my entire life for you, Willow. I can wait a little longer.”
Tears filled my eyes and I swatted his shoulder. “Now you’re doing that on purpose.”
He kissed me softly. “Never doubt.”
I shook my head. “Never.”