When the three of them got back to her place, Erika was waiting. Of course, she was the first call they made. Erika was invited to all the appointments, but Willow wasn’t feeling well the last few days, so Erika avoided Augusta until she was sure she hadn’t caught something from her daughter.
Once inside, the pampering began. Marco waited on her hand and foot, while Erika rubbed any exposed part she could get her hand on. It was rather annoying for some reason. Maybe because she wanted it to be John. She understood his situation, she really did, but that did nothing to soothe her heart.
Andy pulled out his planner and turned all business, like he wasn’t about to be a first-time father.
“Augusta, is there anything you’d like to change in Operation Harvest?” Gus giggled at the name. They had come up with it because of Butterbean.
“Just one detail. I’d prefer it if we didn’t include John.”
At Marco’s gasp, Gus felt the need to clarify. She wasn’t doing it to punish him. Not at all. If she could choose one person to be by her side, it would be John. She was trying to be considerate. He had just reopened that wound. She wouldn’t force him to speed deal with his issues.
“It’s not like that, and I think you know it. He has a lot to deal with where this pregnancy is concerned, and like you suspected, Andy, it has nothing to do with any of us really. Just a bad flashback to something he needs to cope with. In his own time. So, I think for his sake, we shouldn’t call him. You know how he is.”
“I know exactly what you mean. He would force himself to be here, even if it killed his stubborn ass.” Andy always seemed to understand.
“Yes, exactly, and besides, he needs this time for himself. He should be landing in Tennessee any minute now. Which means within an hour, he will be an emotional train wreck.” Gus broke down before she uttered the last word. Some of the tears were for herself, but most were for John. He was facing this all alone. Stacy wouldn’t be there, and he was dealing with a lot more than just losing Troy, thanks to her.
John promised to call when he landed, and she decided to tell him all the things she held back from earlier. She would keep the pending birth to herself, but emotionally, she wouldn’t hold back. If he was going to face Troy’s death alone again and again, she couldn’t stop that, but she could give him some promise or hope to carry with him.
Maybe it would help him. Maybe it would just help her. But either way, she was saying those three words when he called.
Hours passed, and her home filled with family, most of them, anyway. She didn’t let Andy call Stacy yet, her friend didn’t need to be here this early while she had her own stuff to deal with.
But John’s call never came, and her labor began to progress.
“Is it too soon for drugs?” That question earned her a laugh. “What? It’s a valid question.”
Erika looked up from her watch. “I’m going to say, yes. I can’t even time them yet without falling asleep waiting. You are still hours and hours from the hospital and even longer than that from the drugs. How about a warm bath? Your water hasn’t broken yet, so it’s still safe.” Gus thought that was a wonderful idea. Not only would it help with the mild discomfort, it would get her away from all the mother hens and take her mind off why John had yet to call like he promised.
As she was trying to leverage herself off the couch, Gus heard her phone ring but couldn’t get to it, so Andy grabbed it for her.
“Hey, Stacy. Yes, she’s here, and guess what?” Gus watched as Andy’s demeanor went from excited to worried. Hearing one side of a conversation always made things sound worse. Except in this case, watching Andy gave her a sinking feeling that it was even worse than the one side she could hear suggested. Andy was so good at hiding his facial cues, so when they could be read, it meant things were bad.
When Andy ended the call, he sat beside where she had failed to get up from on the couch and took her hand in both of his. Yep, very bad.
“Augusta, I don’t want to stress you out at a time like this, so know if I could avoid it, I would. But, since I also believe in honesty, I have no choice.”
“O…o…kay.” Andy looked ill, and Gus felt bad for him being in an obviously difficult position. “I am not a wilting flower, and the baby is fine, so go ahead. I assume since that was Stacy, it has to do with John?”
At Andy’s nod, Gus took a deep breath and readied herself to hear the news that John wasn’t ready for her, or a them. Maybe he wouldn’t even return from Tennessee until she had the baby and he thought she was over him. She was already feeling the agony of her heart ceasing its function.
“Yes. He’s over an hour past due from his flight plan, and they can’t get in touch with him through com or cell.”
In that moment, Gus would have preferred it to be John staying in Tennessee to avoid her, because at least then she would know where he was and he would be safe, and alive.
Panic set in, and Gus felt herself panting and not just with labor pains.
“Don’t pay interest in worry by borrowing trouble.” Erika sounded like Francis. “We don’t know anything, so until we do, let’s not panic. Stacy will be here any minute, and she’ll tell you the same thing.”
“She’s right,” Andy agreed, “we don’t have enough information to go on to make any assumptions about what happened. Don’t dwell on the unknown or you’ll drive yourself crazy. Let’s focus on getting you in the bath before it’s ice water.”
Erika helped Gus stand as knocks on the door marked yet more arrivals. Two steps from the couch, and she momentarily forgot about John. “Um, I don’t think a bath is a good idea.”
“Sure it is, honey, you’ll feel better after a nice soak. Sprinkle in some lavender and let your worries drift away,” Francis spoke as she came up beside her to guide her by her other arm.
Just as Gus was about to speak, Francis’ gaze was drawn to where Gus herself was looking. “You’re right, a bath is out of the question, now.”
The first contraction after her water broke was no joke.
“Let’s get you changed and ready to go, shall we?” Francis asked. Turning to Andy and Marco, she gave them specific instructions since they still seemed lost as to what was going on.
“Y’all can take her in my car since I have everyone blocked in, then we’ll be along after we grab her bags and lock up here.”
“Fuck,” John swore to the cockpit in general. He was losing oil pressure…fast. It would be a matter of seconds before he was on the ground, and not in the best of ways. At the rate he was hemorrhaging oil, his engine would go before he— There it went.
The headset went flying in frustration. He needed to focus on putting her down as gently as possible. At this point, he was piloting little more than a glider.
Being only twenty miles west of the landing strip meant he had already dropped to five thousand feet to enjoy the green farmland that surrounded the airfield. Thank God for small favors.
John would never again complain about these microscopic airfields in the middle of nowhere. That was to his advantage right now. He angled toward the farmland which surrounded it in all directions.
Spotting a decently maintained and partially paved service road among the endless green, he guided the hunk of metal toward it. While he lined up with the road, he tried to keep his head in the game, but his mind drifted to the things he would regret most if this landing was his last.
John thought of Stacy. She had Dax now, and he didn’t have to worry about her happiness anymore. John would miss his future nieces and nephews he’d never get to spoil.
The Reids came to mind then. They were a strong family, one he had just started to appreciate. He may never get the chance to tell them that, but he could let Troy go, or rather the guilt he held on to tighter than his brother’s memory.
And he did.
He spoke out loud to his brother, just as he did when he sat on the hill looking at the cold gray reminder of his life, and death.
“I love you, Troy, but I can’t cling to you the way I have been. It’s unfair to everyone I care about, even the memory of you. Your life, as short as it was, should be celebrated not mourned. Somewhere along the way, I got that confused. Instead of mourning your death, I mourned your life. And unfairly laid all my issues at your feet. You will be remembered with love, not pain, as long as I live.” No matter how many seconds that may be.
Augusta. Why did I not tell her, one moment with her is worth a lifetime of pasts?
John wished he had time to scribble a note or something. Some way to let her know that she was loved…by him, even if he was too damn stupid to just man up and tell her. But the ground was coming up fast, and he didn’t have time to—
The jolt of the initial impact whipped his head hard to the side. The moment it contacted the plexiglass, he saw a blinding light and a cold sensation spider-webbed out from his temple. Then it turned hot, then cold, then hot again.
Groaning metal followed by a sharp snap told him the landing gear sheared off and he was sliding sideways on the belly of the plane. His white-knuckle grip on the yoke was just to hold himself in place as his pucker factor hit ten and he rode it out.
When the plane’s wing dug into the pavement, John kissed his ass goodbye. If it flipped, he was done. He would die, and his torture would end, but Augusta would live with his mistakes. That was his last thought as the plane levitated off the ground before slamming back into the pavement.
And his world went black.