Caydence

About one year later

I CAN’T BELIEVE WE’VE HAD our baby girl for almost a year already. Time seems to fly by and I love watching every new thing that she learns on a daily basis. Cassidy is so smart, and I can’t believe that for a while I let the thoughts in my head take away from being her mom. There are still days where things get to me, but I’m slowly learning to lean on the girls and let them in. The only thing I’m still having a real hard time with is getting out of the room and mingling with everyone else. I just keep thinking that the second I step foot out of the room, Vicky is going to reappear and take our daughter back. But, we haven’t heard from her since they put her on a bus to parts unknown and I know we’re not going to. My man made it very clear what will happen to her if she ever attempts to come back into Cassidy’s life.

Irish told me that we have somewhere to go today. I’m supposed to be ready when he gets back from church, but I don’t want to get out of bed. I’m not backsliding and letting my thoughts rule my life, I’m just tired from the workout he gave me last night into this morning. Cassidy is laying in bed next to me and we’re just relaxing. But, I guess we better get up and around so he’s not waiting when he gets back.

After bathing and dressing Cassidy, I get myself ready to go. It’s hard to dress when I have no clue where we’re going. So, I dress in jeans and a tank with a hoodie over it. That’s about as good as it’s going to get for now. If I’m not dressed appropriately, he can let me know and I’ll change once he tells me where he’s taking us. Finally.

“Babe, you ready?” Irish calls out, coming in our room.

“I guess. It would help to know where we’re going so I knew how to dress.”

“You look fine,” he tells me leaning in for a kiss before kissing the top of Cassidy’s head. “ready to go?”

“Yeah. I’ve already got her diaper bag packed and we’re just waiting on you.”

Irish takes Cassidy from my arms and leads us out of the room. He lets me lock the door so no one gets any bright ideas to go in there while we’re gone. Leading us through the clubhouse, he takes us out to the SUV we bought when we brought the baby home. While he’s strapping her in her car seat, I get in the passenger side and wait to see what he’s got up his sleeve this time.

“So, you know we’re gonna have to start thinkin’ about a birthday party for Cassidy. What do you want to do?” he asks me.

“Probably just a barbeque with the rest of the club. I’ll get the girls to help me decorate and get the clubhouse ready for it. Why, did you have something else in mind?”

“No, babe. That sounds good. I think it will be good for you and the girls to get this done together. They miss you.”

“I know. I’m trying. It’s still in my head though that Vicky’s going to come back and take our daughter. Karen said I feel like that because of my own inability to have children. When you hear about adoptions in the news and things, it’s always when the parents change their minds and take the child back. So, I’m focusing on that and nothing more when I go in public with her alone.”

“It makes sense, I guess.”

We sit in silence the rest of the trip. Each lost in our own thoughts. I’m thinking about what I want to do for our daughter’s party and I couldn’t even begin to guess what he’s thinking about. There’s so many things I can do for her party and the more I think about it the more excited I become. We could do a princess theme, which has me laughing inside imagining a bunch of bad ass bikers at a princess party. Or we could just decorate in pinks and purples until she gets a little older and would appreciate theme parties. The girls will help me make decisions though. Because at this point, the only thing I know is that I want Skylar to make her cake. I’ve missed her cooking and baking, and I need to get back into the swing of things and join them more.

After a little while, Irish pulls up in front of a cute little house. It’s a single level home painted a light blue. There’s white shutters on the windows and a wrap-around porch, perfect for sitting on warm nights and watching children play in the yard. I give him a questioning look and he says nothing as he walks around to get Cassidy out of her seat.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” I ask.

“We’re gonna look at this house and see if it’s somethin’ you would want to buy.”

“Are you serious right now?” I ask, astonishment lacing my excited voice.

“Absolutely. It’s time, way past time, to get our own home.”

I let Irish lead me inside and my jaw about hits the floor. There’s an open floor plan so we can look right through to the kitchen and dining room. Off the dining room, there’s a sun room that I can sit in with Cassidy on the cooler days to play. The rooms are huge and in the living room there’s a fireplace that I can see sitting in front of on cooler days and letting the heat radiate through the entire house. He leads us through the rooms and I fall more and more in love with this house as we go. The bedrooms are spacious and all on one side of the house. We can have one for us, one for Cassidy, an office, and a guest room. Off our room is a master bathroom that makes Skylar’s look tiny in comparison. This house is definitely deceiving from the outside. I had no clue it would be this big.

“I love it!” I tell him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

“You haven’t seen the best part yet baby.”

With that, he leads me out the back door to this amazing yard. There’s a garden off to the side and flowers planted along the edge of the house. The rest of the yard is empty and we can do anything we want to it. I can already see a grilling area with a playset for Cassidy. At the very back of the property, Irish points out a small stream and I can envision a bridge going over it with those little bears you see with fishing poles hanging over the edge. There’s so much we could do out here. It’s big enough to have the club over for small parties and everything. I don’t know how my man found this house, but I’m glad he did.

“Do you like this place baby?” he asks me.

“I love it! Are we really going to buy this?”

“If you want to. I know I like it, but I didn’t know if you were goin’ to like it or not.”

“Well, I love it!”

“I’ll call them now and tell them we want to make an offer.”

We head back to the SUV and make our way back to the clubhouse. I can’t believe that we’re looking at houses. Now, I’m going to try not to get my hopes up because I don’t want to be disappointed and end up not getting this place. It could end up setting me back if we don’t get it. So, I’ll keep it in the back of my mind until we hear something concrete about the house. For now, I’ll go back to the clubhouse and see if I can gather the girls up to start planning for Cassidy’s party.

Pulling back into the clubhouse, I see Bailey and Skylar outside sitting with the kids. If I can get the rest of the girls out here, we wouldn’t have to worry about getting in the way of anything the guys have to do. I pull out my phone and send a group message to Maddie and Melody to meet us outside. I haven’t included Ma because I know that she’s had a few headaches over the past few days and I don’t want to bother her. When they get there, I start talking to them.

“I’m really sorry that I haven’t been around you guys as much as I should be. I just have this irrational fear that Vicky is going to show back up and take Cassidy away from us. Away from me because she knows the problems I was having. And I know you don’t know what’s been going on, but I’ll explain it to you.”

“You don’t have to explain anything Caydence. We all know you’re going through some shit,” Bailey tells me. “If you want to share, we’re here to listen, but it’s up to you.”

“I had this fear that not only will Vicky be back to take her from us, but that she wasn’t really our child. For the longest time Irish had to do everything for her. I couldn’t even bring myself to get up with her in the middle of the night. He did everything. When I was alone, I had to make myself believe that I was babysitting just so I could get up with her. I’ve been seeing Karen more and she’s really helping me get past it.”

“Why didn’t you come to us before and tell us?” Skylar asks me. “We would’ve done whatever we could have to help you guys. Help you.”

“I couldn’t stand to let anyone know how far I had sunk into my own head. Would any of you have gone to the rest of us for help?”

They all take a second and shake their heads no. It’s one thing to go to your man and get help, even though I didn’t do that until he forced me to. They would’ve been the same way as me though. I know it because we’re all basically the same. No matter what we try to tell ourselves, we try to handle everything we can on our own and don’t bring anyone else in if we don’t have to.

“Anyway, the reason I wanted to talk to you guys is because Cassidy’s birthday is next month. I want to have a party and thought you guys could help me decorate and stuff.”

All of the girls get devious smiles on their faces and I know they’re all thinking about being able to decorate the clubhouse in pinks, purples, and every other girly color we can think of. It’s crazy and I love it. I’ve missed this so much and I can’t wait to see the guys faces when they see all of the little girl decorations.

“Are you planning on doing a theme or what?” Maddie asks me.

“I wasn’t going to, but then I thought I’d get your opinion on it.”

“I think we need to. Princess themes are so overrated that I don’t think we need to do that. What about some other little girl themes?” Melody adds in.

“There’s Minnie Mouse, Doc McStuffins, My Little Pony, and Barbie. I could go on and on.” Bailey says, rubbing her hands together because she knows what the guys are going to say. They’ll bitch and moan, but then again they’ll suffer through it because it’s for one of the kids.

“What does she like playing with the most?” Melody asks, getting into the party planning mode.

“Her ponies.”

We continue on into late afternoon. Planning, talking, laughing, and feeling like old times. Times before my head started to do me in. I wish I could get back the time I’ve lost, but I know I can’t. The only thing I can do now is try to get out of our room more and spend time with the women of the club that help me get through the day.

I start to get Cassidy around when I see Irish and Glock walk outside. They stand by the clubhouse talking for a few minutes before heading our way. I don’t know if he has anything planned so I’ll get ready to head back inside. For now, anyway.

“You ready to get in?” he asks me.

“Yeah. Everything okay?”

“Yeah. I just want to relax with my girls.”

I tell everyone goodbye and we head inside. Once we get in the room, we feed Cassidy her dinner before getting her ready for bed. It’s so nice to take care of her with my man by my side instead of trying to do everything by myself or him do everything by himself. We both bathe her and get her dressed in her pajamas. Instead of putting her right to bed, we settle her in between us on our bed. It won’t matter if she falls asleep because we can move her and she won’t wake up.

It doesn’t take long before I see her little eyes fluttering closed. Cassidy is trying her hardest to fight off sleep, but it’s a losing battle. Irish and I are laughing at her because she’s so cute trying to force her little eyes to stay open. They just won’t though. Soon, they close, and she loses her battle. We watch her sleep for a little bit and then take her in the little room off of ours that we turned into a nursery. Irish lays her down and I cover her up. Before leaving the room, we watch her to make sure she’s going to stay asleep.

“I think we’re good babe.” Irish tells me, leading me away from her and back towards our bed.

I can’t think or do anything before he leans in and kisses me to let me know that he wants us to spend some time together. He doesn’t have to say a word as I can already feel him getting hard and his hands start to roam my body. Pretty soon, he’s taking my tank top off and unhooking my bra so I can get rid of that too. At the same time, I’m taking his shirt off since he already removed his cut when we were bathing our daughter. I love looking at Irish’s body. He’s got muscles without being huge and I know that he works out with the guys to stay in shape. Irish is the hard to my soft.

Irish starts kissing along my neck and all thought leaves my head. I can’t process anything except what he’s doing to me. It’s always this way and I feel like every time we’re together it keeps getting better and better.

As he continues kissing his way to my chest, I start to undo his belt and jeans. The main time I do this is when I’m in a hurry and I can’t wait for him to be naked. Otherwise he does all this himself while I undress myself. Tonight, is not one of those nights though. I want Irish more than I want my next breath.

“You can slow down baby,” he tells me, while pushing me back towards the bed.

“No. I want you too much. Please, give it to me Connor.”

“You want it hard and fast then?”

“Yes!” I moan out.

Irish takes the hint and gives me just what I want. Turning me around, he bends me over the bed and runs his fingers through my folds to make sure that I’m wet enough for him to enter me without hurting me. Satisfied, I feel him line his cock up with my entrance before slamming into me. I let out a moan as he fills me. There’s a pain bordering on pleasure that I love. He knows how to push me to my limit and not beyond what I can take. Irish definitely knows how to work my body over until I can’t hold back anymore.

As he’s thrusting in and out, Irish reaches around with one hand and starts pulling on my nipples. With his other hand, he grabs onto my hip so I stay in one place as he thrusts impossibly harder into me. Irish’s fingers are digging into my hip and I know without a doubt there’s going to be bruises where they are. I love when I have his marks on me because he’s lost all control.

I can feel my release building and I know that it’s going to be hard. The kind that will take my breath away and make me see stars. From the movements Irish is making I know he’s close to finding his release too. His movements are erratic and getting harder by the second.

“Give. It. Up.” he growls out right next to my ear.

That’s all I need to push me over the edge. My release explodes through me and I can feel Irish finding his as he growls out my name. I collapse on the bed and I feel him roll me to the side as he rubs my back and arms. They feel numb from holding myself up and he knows that usually happens in that position.

“You good babe?” he asks when he’s finally caught his breath.

“Uh huh.”

I can’t muster much more than that right now. After another minute, I get up and grab clothes so I can jump in a shower and clean up. If I know Irish, it will only be a matter of minutes before he joins me. Just as I’m going to get in the shower, I hear the door open and I know he’s going to be in here in a second. So, I step under the spray of the shower. Irish wraps his arms around me and spins us so I can start washing and he can get wet.

“I heard back from the realty company.” he tells me, like it’s no big deal.

“What did they say?” I ask, trying not to get my hopes up.

“The owners accepted our offer. We go in on Monday and sign the papers.”

“Are you serious?”

“I am. Are you happy?”

“Yeah. I just have one question.”

“What’s that?”

“Why didn’t you talk to Rage about building a house here with the rest of the guys?”

“I just thought havin’ our own space away from the club would be better. We can get away from everyone and everythin’ club related.”

“This is our family though. I’ll be fine if we live here. That way we’re protected no matter what.”

“I get what your sayin’. Maybe we’ll still have him build one here. I don’t know. We’ll talk about it.”

After quickly washing up, we dry off and head in to bed. Cassidy doesn’t let us sleep in and I’m going to have a busy day tomorrow finalizing plans for her party. We’re going to have it in a few weeks and I want to finish getting everything planned out so I can shop and then just worry about decorating when it’s time. Skylar is already figuring out what kind of cake she’s going to make. The only thing she knows right now is that she’s going to make Cassidy her own so she can go to town and make as big of a mess as she wants while the rest of us have our own.

It’s been a few months and things are still not right with the club. We’re on a loose lockdown where the women can’t go anywhere alone and whenever possible we need to be at the clubhouse. Irish, Cassidy, and I have been spending time together in the room. It’s not a case of not wanting to take her out of the room these days, it’s more of she’s been sick, and we don’t want to get everyone else sick.

The house is ours now, but we haven’t moved in because of everything going on with the club. Irish wants to stay close and he knows that if we start to move in, I’m going to want to stay there and not here. We finally told the members closest to us that we’re going to be moving into our own home off of club grounds. They were obviously upset, but they understood our need for separation with everything going on.

Today we’re having a celebration for Blade and Keira’s wedding. They got married in a private ceremony and only told us all after the fact. Keira didn’t want a big deal made of it, but she should have known we were going to make a huge deal of it. The girls and I have planned a reception worthy of any biker wedding. So, now it’s time to get ready to have a good time and celebrate our friends love.

“Baby, can you watch Cassidy while I go help the girls put the finishing touches on everything please.”

“Yeah. You go do what you have to do, and we’ll be fine. We’ll have some daddy daughter time.”

I give him a kiss on my way out to help the girls get everything ready for Blade and Keira. She hasn’t really been around us and she knows Melody the best out of all of us. I want to get to know her though and this is one of the best ways we can help bring her in closer. We’re showing her that we care enough to throw her a party in celebration of her marriage. She’s going to be part of us and one of the old ladies. Not some random club girl and we need to make sure she feels the love. I probably won’t do much at the party part, but I will show my face and make sure she knows I’m there.

Walking into the main room of the clubhouse, I see the girls already getting everything in order. I walk over and see what they need me to do. Bailey tells me I can help Skylar in the kitchen for now. She’s going to need all hands on deck. They know I love to cook and bake, I’m just not very good at it. So, I’ll be all the help Skylar needs and maybe I’ll be able to learn a thing or two.

“Skylar, I’m all yours,” I tell her, walking in the kitchen and seeing everything she’s already gotten done. “You tell me what to do and I’ll do the best I can.”

“Great! You can start peeling the eggs and get the potatoes out of the refrigerator for the salads. We’re going to do a few of potato and macaroni. I want to make sure we have enough. I’ve already got the cake ready. It’s at the house for a little while longer. Joker and Cage are going to bring it over in about an hour.”

“Okay.”

Neither one of us talk that much as we work side by side. The silence is companionable and not awkward like I would’ve felt a few weeks ago. We’re just trying to get things done so that we can enjoy the rest of the afternoon with our family and friends. Bailey called in Gage and Slim’s clubs to celebrate with us. The three clubs do a lot together and I love being able to spend time with other clubs. Well, I did before everything started fucking with my head.

After a few hours, we’re finally done. I walk out to the back of the clubhouse and see the amazing work the rest of the girls did decorating. They’ve had the guys move the picnic tables around, set up an area for dancing, there’s a table designated for the bride and groom, and another table set up for food and one for gifts. The girls chose colors they thought Keira would like and decorated everything that is nailed down. I’m sure the guys are going to love cleaning up after this party. The shitty part of being a prospect.

Just as I go to get Cassidy and Irish, this overwhelming feeling of nausea comes over me and I have to run to the bathroom. There’s no way that I can be pregnant again already. What the fuck is going on with me?

The party hasn’t been going for very long and all of a sudden we hear an explosion. My first thought is Cassidy. I know she’s inside with Ma and Pops. So, as long as the clubhouse is left alone, she should be fine. Too bad that’s wishful thinking on my part. Of course, whoever is doing this is going to hit the clubhouse too. My baby girl is in there and I know they’ll protect the kids with everything in them.

All of a sudden, a thought comes to me. I don’t know if I can really go through another miscarriage. The last one about broke me and I can’t live with knowing again that I am losing another part of Irish and me. A little one that we created just the two of us. I’ve already lost two babies and a third one will literally break me. Mentally and emotionally I know I won’t be able to handle losing a baby. So, there’s only one way I can see to ensure that I won’t have to worry about it. While all the girls are taken to one area of the property, I stay where I’m at. If I get hit by an explosion I won’t have to worry about being pregnant. The doctor won’t do a hysterectomy for whatever reason and birth control doesn’t work for me. If I’m not around, everyone will be better off.

Before I can think about my decision too hard, I see some of the guys running inside after an explosion takes out part of the clubhouse. I’m so busy looking at them, trying to get one last glimpse of my man that I don’t notice when an explosion goes off right next to me. I only feel extreme pain before landing on the ground with a sickening thud. My body feels like it’s on fire and I know that it’s only a matter of time before I take my last breath. The last thought I have before my world goes black is that of Irish holding our baby girl.