Chapter Nine
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Knowing he’d drunk too much to drive home, but not feeling like calling a taxi, either, Connor had decided a good long walk would help clear his head and help him make sense of what Steel Cooper had told him. Besides, he needed time to sort out what to tell Sadie about Tracy—and what not to mention.
If Steel hadn’t accused him of trying to sleep with Tracy, he wouldn’t have thought twice about his encounter with the bartender, but now he was worried that word would get back to Sadie about him… flirting.
Which he hadn’t been.
Except he had, in order to get information out of the woman.
He never really thought about the tricks he’d used to gain intelligence in the past. Or the way he flirted with women constantly, if he was truthful. It came easily, and he liked the extra perks he got when women were attracted to him. A free drink at a bar, an upgrade to first class on a plane…
A fun weekend when he was on leave somewhere halfway around the world from his home.
Now his life had changed. He didn’t want fun weekends; he wanted the whole deal. He hadn’t gone to the Dancing Boot looking for anything more than information. Still, when Tracy started flirting it had felt…
Comfortable.
And he wasn’t sure what to make of that. Nor could he stop trying to puzzle it out. He didn’t like the answers he came up with. Tracy couldn’t hold a candle to Sadie—not just in looks, but in personality, intelligence—the whole package. Neither did Lila, or Bridget—or any of the other women he’d dated. So why had he been with them?
Because he didn’t think he deserved the real deal?
After all, his mother had sent him packing at ten—
Connor stopped in his tracks, an ancient sorrow pressing hard on his chest. His hands clenched and flexed. His breath came fast.
She’d let him go.
Kept Dalton, but let him go.
Why?
Alone, on the side of an empty road, the darkness pierced only by the glint of starts, Connor asked the question.
But received no answer.
When he patted his pocket, he realized he didn’t even have his phone. If he did, would he call and ask her outright?
He didn’t know.
But for the first time, he didn’t push the painful question away. He let it expand until it filled him—swallowed him whole. Still, under the vast canopy of the star-studded sky, his pain was just a tiny spark. There was room for him to feel it—and let it go.
He could feel compassion for the child he’d been when he’d left Ireland, feel compassion for the father who’d wanted to go home, and the mother who’d done her best to be fair.
None of them had meant to hurt each other, but they’d all done so anyway.
The same crystal clarity made him realize he’d prolonged his suffering—surrounding himself with women, but allowing none of them near him. Not really.
That had to stop. If he wanted to move forward—to marry Sadie—
He had to open his heart.
Nodding in the dark, Connor started walking again, picking up his pace.
He wanted to get home to Two Willows. To see Sadie. To tell her—
A sheriff’s cruiser came around a bend toward him. Its blue and red lights swirled, and a siren tapped on and off. Connor stopped and waited for Cab to pull over, get out, cross the road and confront him.
“I should give you a ticket for asshole-ism,” Cab said, giving him a baleful look. “I could do it, too. No one would deny you deserve it.”
“What’s got your knickers in a twist, Sheriff?” His expansive mood faded fast.
“You think to check in back at the ranch after you decided to go have yourself a good time? Or do you get off acting as self-absorbed as a seventeen-year-old?”
Connor bristled. Here he’d been fielding epiphanies. He didn’t need this kind of abuse. “Just needed to clear my head, Sheriff.” If Cab had an accusation to make, he could make it. He hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Well, while you were clearing your head, someone snuck onto Two Willows property. And those women you left behind took it on themselves to chase him off. He got Jo pretty good.”
Connor sobered in an instant. “Someone hurt Jo?”
“Slammed her up against the carriage house. She’s a little bruised. A little freaked out, too. Watch yourself going home; Lena’s armed and waiting to shoot someone. I’ve got a unit out there, too.”
“What did he want?” He didn’t like the sound of this at all. If those drug dealers were back—
“Looked like he was going for Jo’s dogs.”
Dogs? “Grant Kimball?”
“Nope. Some other guy. No one got a good look at him, but Jo was pretty sure it wasn’t Grant.” Cab looked him over. “What the fuck were you thinking? The General gave you a mission. A pretty damn simple one. Did you think you deserved a night off?”
“Fuck.” He’d really screwed up. Left his post. Left the women vulnerable. What if the man had come in, guns blazing—?
What if he’d hurt Sadie?
Killed her?
Connor swallowed hard. He couldn’t lose her—not when he’d just found her—not when he’d just figured out—
“Yeah, now you get it.” Cab shook his head. “You’re supposed to be with Sadie. So why aren’t you? She said you didn’t have a fight—she couldn’t figure out why you hadn’t come home.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “She was worried?” Why had he left at all? He could have hung out in the barn and gotten some work done. Gone to town another time—
“Of course she was worried. She cares about you. God knows why.”
Connor braced himself. He knew what the sheriff would ask next.
“Where were you?”
“At the Boot.”
“With another woman?”
“No.” He’d answered too quickly, and felt even worse. “Yes. Kind of. Look, the bartender is a flirt. She gave me a couple of free drinks, that’s all—I was trying—”
“That’s all—?”
The sheriff looked ready to haul off and knock him into next week. Worst thing was, Connor was beginning to think he deserved it. His intentions had been good, but he’d gotten too caught up in the game. A misunderstanding between him and Sadie could undo everything.
Cab got his temper under control with a visible effort. “You make up your mind. You’re either with Sadie, or you call the General and tell him you’re not the man for the job. Let him find someone else. Shit or get off the pot. Got it?”
“Got it.” He did. Cab was right; he had to get his head together. He couldn’t flirt with anyone anymore. No matter what the cause—for information, or for perks. Not because he’d gotten caught, or because Cab had told him so.
Because that wasn’t the kind of man he wanted to be.
He wasn’t his father. He didn’t want to turn tail and run when things got hard. He didn’t want to settle for halfway good enough when everything he wanted was possible. Even if he’d been hurt in the past, even if his own mother had let him go too soon, he was making his own choices now and he was choosing to be with Sadie.
“I’ve got it,” he said again.
Cab backed down. “Good.”
“Give me a ride?” Connor asked, suddenly eager to see Sadie—to tell her how he felt. To make sure she understood he wanted a lifetime with her.
“Fuck no.” Cab strode off, climbed in his cruiser and took off without a second look.
It took Connor another hour to make it home, nod to the sheriff’s deputies as he passed them on his way up the driveway to the house, and announce his presence to Lena before she shot him. Inside, he found the house quiet and he snuck up to bed, hesitating at Sadie’s door a moment before he acknowledged to himself it was too late for heart to heart conversations now, and entered his own room. He only slept a few hours before he woke with the certain knowledge he needed to head back to town, get his truck—
And buy Sadie a ring.
He needed to propose today. He needed to settle this now.
And he was going to do this right.
He slipped out past a snoozing Lena, made sure the duo in the sheriff’s department cruiser near the end of the lane spotted him and waved hello as he approached and passed them.
The long walk back into town cleared the cobwebs from his brain, and he was gratified to find his resolve remained perfectly firm. He wanted to marry Sadie. Wanted to be her husband. Wanted to make Two Willows his home.
He would break the pattern of unhappiness that his parents had begun. He’d use his wedding to bring them together again, too. He’d do everything he could to throw them together as much as possible while they were here.
He couldn’t ask for a better future. He and Sadie would help run Two Willows. He’d have Brian for a brother-in-law. Together with Lena they’d get the cattle operation tip top and he’d do whatever it took to help Sadie tend her gardens and run her farm stand. During the weeks after the disaster in Syria, Connor had thought his life was over. He’d known getting kicked out of the Air Force would put a blot on his future it would be hard to remove.
Now he saw it as a gift. He hadn’t known what he wanted until it was handed to him on a silver platter.
He’d make sure to treat Sadie as she deserved and ignore every other woman in the world. No more flirting. No more charming the ladies to get what he wanted. Straight dealing from now on.
When he finally stood in front of Thayer’s Jewelers, however, a twinge of doubt insinuated itself into his mind.
If and when Sadie heard the rumors about him and Tracy, would she be angry with him? Would she believe him when he told his side?
If not, he’d do what it took to make her love him again, he promised himself, but he felt another twinge at the word love. He’d never told Sadie how he felt about her.
And she’d never said the word to him, either.
They barely knew each other. He hadn’t even been here for two weeks.
Connor’s heart sank. Was he jumping the gun?
He thought about all the time he’d spent with Sadie. The way he couldn’t take his eyes off her when she was near. The way he thought of her all the time when she wasn’t.
The way it felt to make love to her.
Sometimes you just knew. That’s what his father had said about meeting his mother, right? That he knew she was the one the moment he laid eyes on her.
But his parents’ love hadn’t been enough to hold them together.
Was he fooling himself if he thought the connection that he had with Sadie could go the distance?
A few days spent in the garden, a few kisses.
An encounter or two—or three. He smiled, thinking of their shared shower yesterday.
A pretty, petite woman with dark hair greeted him. “Feel free to look around. I’m just setting up for the day. We only opened a few minutes ago.”
“No hurry.” Connor wandered among the glass cases, his worry growing again. How was he supposed to choose a ring for a woman he’d known for less than two weeks?
What if he was just like his father—unable to commit to a lifetime with a woman? What if he had inherited some defect that made commitment impossible? It was strange Sean hadn’t married again. In fact, he’d barely dated as far as Connor knew. It was like he’d tried love once, found it too difficult and never tried it again. Like he’d chosen loneliness as the easier alternative.
Connor didn’t want to make that choice, but choosing love—choosing forever—
Laid all his worried bare.
He looked at the glass cases around him. Even this first step seemed almost impossible. What if Sadie hated the ring he chose? Would she turn him down? Maybe—
“Looking for something special?”
“An engagement ring,” Connor said slowly.
“Right over here. Take your time. I’ll pull out anything that catches your eye.”
Stunned by the array of choices, Connor tried to focus on one that Sadie might like.
“Who’s the lucky lady?” the woman asked.
“Sadie Reed,” he said reluctantly. Now it was out there. This woman knew. Which meant he had to go through with it—
Which he wanted to, of course. But—
“Oh, congratulations! What about this one?” She pointed toward a ring Connor hadn’t noticed yet. It wasn’t nearly as flashy as some of them, but he knew instantly why the woman had chosen it.
“You know Sadie?” he asked as she brought it out and showed it to him. Some of his anxiety drained away as he took it in his hand. Several thin bands wove together around a large diamond. It reminded him of a vine winding around a flower. The woman was right; it seemed made for Sadie.
“Of course. I’m Rose Johnson—Cab Johnson’s wife. He’s the local sheriff.”
Connor choked on the words he’d been about to say, coughed to cover his surprise and got control of his tongue. “I’ve met him.”
Rose smiled. “Sadie loves her garden.”
“That she does.” He lifted the ring and examined it up close. It would suit her perfectly. “Okay—I’ll take it.”
“Great.” She held out her hand and Connor placed the ring in it. As she folded her fingers over it, her eyes took on a distant look and she hesitated. Then frowned.
“Something wrong?” Connor asked. He looked over his shoulder to see if someone had come in behind him. When he looked back, Rose was staring at him, her brows furrowed.
“Um… I… Do you want me to tell you—you know?” She stumbled over her words and Connor’s confusion grew.
“Want you to tell me what?”
Rose bit her lip. “Right, you’re new here. You don’t know that I… I mean—nothing,” she said quickly. “I mean—do you want a case for the ring? Most men do.”
“Sure.” But Connor was sure that wasn’t what Rose meant to say at all. Trouble was, he couldn’t guess what she had been getting at. “Is there something I’m forgetting?”
“Do you plan to propose soon?” Rose busied herself pulling out a black velvet box and nestled the ring inside.
“Yes. Today.”
Rose kept fussing with the ring, not meeting his eye. “Well… that’s wonderful. It’s just… I always suggest… that people make sure they’ve cleared the air first. If they’ve had any issues in the past. You don’t want to carry trouble into an engagement. That’s the advice I always give.” She spoke quickly—obviously flustered, her words tripping over each other. Something was going on here Connor didn’t understand. Rose put the rest of the rings away and motioned him over to the cash register.
Connor followed more slowly. “Did you talk to Cab about me?”
She stopped ringing him up. “No. Why would I do that? I’ve never met you before.”
Connor felt silly. “No reason. How much?”
He finished the transaction as quickly as possible, thoroughly unsettled by the whole situation. Cab must have told Rose all about what had happened last night, even if she wasn’t going to admit it. How else to explain the way she was acting?
Which sucked.
Really sucked.
Instead of climbing into his truck and going home when he’d left the jewelry store, he walked three blocks down Main Street to the Sheriff’s Department. Inside, he opened the door to the man’s office without knocking, “Hey—I need to talk to you!”
Cab looked up with a long-suffering expression. “Get in here and pipe down. People are working.” The two men faced off in the small room after Connor shut the door behind him. “What’s this about?” the sheriff asked.
“You told your wife what I did last night?”
For the first time since he’d met the man, Cab looked confused. “Come again?”
“Your wife. Rose. Sells rings?” He held up the small black box. “Knows all about my personal life?”
When a shit-eating grin spread across the sheriff’s face, Connor wanted to deck him.
“Naw, you got it wrong,” Cab said. “I didn’t tell her anything. I don’t make it a habit to spread around the exploits of Chance Creek’s riffraff.”
“Then how did she know Sadie and I have had problems?”
To Connor’s surprise, the sheriff chuckled. “Let me guess. You bought a ring and she held it for a second? Gave you a set of orders for what to do next?”
“That’s right.”
“Just a parlor trick,” Cab said lightly. “She gets… hunches. When she touches an engagement ring. Whether or not the couple will make it for the long haul.”
Connor remembered her frown. Her furrowed brow. He shook his head. “She doesn’t know anything about me and Sadie—”
“Like I said, she gets hunches. Whether or not you pay attention to them is your business.”
Connor sagged. He jammed his hands in his pockets. “She said to clear up any misunderstandings before I propose.”
“Sounds smart to me.” Cab took a seat behind his desk and waved Connor to one of the chairs.
Connor shook his head. “I’ve got to go.”
“Hey,” Cab called after him as he headed for the door. “Good luck. With your proposal.”
“Thanks.”
It was nearly noon by the time Connor returned to the ranch, and Sadie was so furious she thought her blood was boiling in her veins. By the time Connor had come home last night it was long past midnight. She’d heard his heavy steps in the hall, heard him pause in front of her door. He hadn’t bothered to knock or come inside. Hadn’t bothered to excuse his absence, and this morning he was gone before she even woke up. Avoiding her, obviously.
What had he done to make him feel so guilty he had to leave the house so early? And who had he done it with? That’s what she wanted to know.
She made herself stay in the kitchen even as his truck pulled in and parked. She was in the middle of setting the table for lunch, putting out the fixings for sandwiches and a large bowl of salad. Despite her fury at the way Connor had treated her in the last twenty-four hours, it was still her job to run the house, stock the farm stand, make herbal remedies and make sure her sisters were fed. Everyone was busy, and she was determined to do her part.
Even if she was being cheated on.
Again.
Connor entered the back door and let it shut behind him. “Sadie, got a minute?”
“No. I don’t.”
She bustled to the refrigerator, opened it, but wasn’t sure what to take out. She was shaking so hard that when she finally spotted a jar of mayonnaise, she had a hard time grabbing it. She turned to place it on the table, and found Connor directly behind her.
“Listen, I know I fucked up—”
“That’s right. You fucked up. It’s common courtesy to let someone know when you plan to stay out all hours.”
“I didn’t mean to stay out so late—”
“I was up until nearly one-thirty in the morning.”
Connor looked sheepish. “It was closer to three by the time I got home,” he admitted. “I got delayed a couple of times, and—”
“I can only imagine.”
“That’s just it,” he said. “I don’t want you imagining, because it was nothing like that. Not really.”
“Not really? That makes me feel a whole hell of a lot better,” she snapped. Ducking around him, she placed the mayonnaise on the table, and realized she didn’t have an appetite anymore.
Jo came into the room. “Is it almost lunch? I’m hungry.” She stopped when she caught sight of Connor. “Am I interrupting something?”
“No—”
“Yes—”
“Sadie, step outside,” Connor said. “I’ve got something I need to say to you.”
Sadie’s heart plunged into her stomach. Something he had to say to her? There was only one thing it could be. He’d thought about it, and realized they had nothing in common. Realized he didn’t want to stay here on this ranch in the middle of nowhere. Realized she wasn’t all that interesting, after all.
He’d probably realized that last bit in between the legs of another woman.
“This’ll just take a few minutes.” He held out his hand, but she didn’t take it. Instead, she skirted around him, stalked to the back door and headed outside. Best to get this whole thing over with and out of the way. Then she could get back to being single—the way she planned to spend the rest of her life.
When would she learn that if you cared for someone they could crush you? The minute you trusted them, they’d walk out of your life and wouldn’t come back—
Or stay in your life and flaunt their other conquests—
Connor followed her, but he didn’t stop on the porch. He led the way down the steps, across her gardens, around the greenhouse into the staked-out perimeter and partially built walls of the enclosed garden out behind it. It was far from finished, but it did provide a bit of privacy. Sadie gritted her teeth and followed along.
“Say what you need to say,” she told him. She didn’t want to spend a minute more with him than was necessary. He’d already showed he couldn’t be trusted. And she had a feeling she’d hear a lot worse in the next few minutes.
“I went out last night to find information about Grant. I tried a couple of places but it wasn’t until I got to the Dancing Boot that it seemed like I could get someone to really talk to me. The bartender—well, she began flirting with me. Giving me drinks—that kind of thing.”
Sadie felt her cheeks burn. Bartender? “You mean Tracy?” Her voice didn’t sound like her own. It was flat and hard—betraying the feelings she wanted to hide.
“That’s right. I guess you know her?”
“Of course I know her.” Tracy had flaunted her relationship with Mark at every opportunity, rubbing Sadie’s nose in it.
“I didn’t mean anything by talking to her. Like I said, I wanted to see what she knew about Grant.”
“If it didn’t mean anything, why do you look so guilty?” She couldn’t keep her anger out of her voice. He did look guilty, and that sent her fears into overdrive. If he’d cheated on her, she didn’t know what she’d do.
“Because—” He shrugged helplessly. “I let her think I was flirting back to her. I wanted information and I thought I could get it that way. But then I realized how that might affect you. I don’t want to do anything that hurts you, Sadie. I want to be the kind of man you trust.”
“Are you? Trustworthy?” She could hardly force the words out. What exactly had he done with Tracy? And had Tracy known what he meant to her? Sadie still couldn’t forgive her for sleeping with Mark when she’d known Sadie was dating him—even if he’d turned out to be a killer. It meant she wasn’t enough to keep a man’s attention. If Mark could stray, then Connor could stray.
“Yes. I swear, Sadie.”
How could she believe him? “You were out nearly all night—”
“Not with her. I walked home. It took a while.”
“Yeah, that would.” But she wasn’t convinced.
“Look. Nothing happened. I didn’t want anything to happen. I just… got…”
She waited for him to finish his sentence. “You got what? Horny? Lazy? Selfish?” If he was going to break her heart, she wanted him to get it over and done with.
“Not any of that.” He took a deep breath. “Thoughtless, I guess the word is. I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about long-term commitments. You have to understand, I’ve seen what a failed marriage can do. I’ve seen the worst of it. When my parents split up, they didn’t just move across town from each other. My dad took me to Texas, and my mother and brother stayed in Ireland. They told us it wouldn’t be so bad; that we’d talk all the time. That nobody was really losing anybody else. They lied.” He lifted up his hands. Dropped them again. “I can’t tell you how that felt; losing my country, my home, my family—my brother—all at once.”
Sadie softened, understanding that pain all too well. Hadn’t she lived through something similar? Hadn’t her father disappeared into the Army? Hadn’t her mother died when Sadie was eleven? Hadn’t she spent the last few weeks imagining every hour of every day what it would feel like to leave Two Willows—and her sisters? She knew exactly how heartbreaking those kinds of separations could be.
“I don’t let women get close. Ever. But I want to be close to you.” He shrugged. “I walked home because I needed to get my head on straight. To understand myself—damn it.” He jammed his hand in his pocket and pulled out his phone. Glanced at the screen. “I’ve got to take this. It’s from USSOCOM. It could be your dad.”
Sadie wanted to grab the phone away. She wanted him to keep going, because she was beginning to understand he was struggling with commitment as much as she was. They’d both been burned and they were both trying to heal. Trying to move forward with hearts that had seen too much damage. They needed to talk about this.
But she knew Connor hadn’t separated from the Air Force yet. If USSOCOM was calling, he had to answer.
“O’Riley here,” Connor said into the phone. “Yeah.” There was a long pause. “No shit.” He raked a hand through his short hair. “Really?” His voice rose with excitement. “Yeah, patch him through.” He turned to her. “You won’t believe this—” He turned his attention back to the phone. “Halil? Is that you? Where are you?”
Halil? Wasn’t that the name of the man Connor had met on his rescue mission? The one who’d sheltered the pilot? The reason Connor been reassigned to USSOCOM?
“Canada? No kidding! That’s terrific!” Connor listened intently, and as he did so a wide grin spread across his face. All traces of his frustration dropped away, reminding Sadie what a handsome man he was. “Your family is there, too? That’s amazing. No, don’t thank me. I didn’t do anything. You’re the ones who saved Wesley’s life. I’m in your debt.” He listened again, and Sadie couldn’t help soften a little more. Connor was smiling like a madman. His happiness tugged at her heart. He looked younger when he smiled. Hopeful. She wanted to feel hopeful, too.
Maybe she should let herself feel that way. After all, Connor had freely admitted he’d flirted with Tracy without meaning to. He could have simply covered it up with a lie. He had come home last night; she’d heard him in the hall. He’d said he wanted to commit to her.
Was she creating a situation out of nothing but her own fears?
When he finally hung up, Connor turned to her, grinning. “You won’t believe this! That was Halil—the man I told you about. The man who saved Wesley Shaw’s life. The one I took to Iraq in the helicopter.”
“He’s all right?”
“More than all right. Somehow he tracked me down, which is a miracle; no one’s supposed to tell anyone where I am. One of the guys back at USSOCOM patched him through. He wanted to tell me they made it to Canada. His whole family, grandkids and all.” Connor’s voice cracked, and he cleared his throat.
She’d never seen him so close to losing control of his emotions, and she had a feeling Connor didn’t often let them get the better of him. “Connor—”
“That phone call just made everything worth it,” he went on when he could speak again. “Getting kicked off my team, getting sent to USSOCOM. Getting booted from the Air Force, whether my record gets cleared or not. I want to stay here—with you. But even if you decide you’re done with me, it will have all been worth it. Halil is safe. So is his wife—his children. Grandchildren.”
This was the man she’d fallen in love with. The man who valued other people more than himself. He’d taken such a risk to save Halil and his wife. He could have simply left them, but he’d done what he thought was right.
Sadie ran over his words in her mind. Last night he’d gone out looking for information about Grant—to protect Jo, a woman he’d only known for a short time. That’s the kind of man he was. He took responsibility for the well-being of the people around him, even if he didn’t have to. Maybe he’d flirted with Tracy along the way.
But he’d come home to her, confessed his transgression and was looking for her forgiveness.
What kind of woman would she be if she didn’t give him another chance?
“I’m not—I’m not done with you,” Sadie heard herself saying. “Not if you can look me in the eye and tell me nothing happened with Tracy.”
Connor took her hands, looked her straight in the eye and said, “Nothing happened, lass. Nothing ever will. I’m yours.”
Sadie shivered, and not just because that shimmer of awareness rushed through her as it always did when they touched. She felt as if the ranch itself was telling her to believe Connor. That he belonged here as much as she did.
She wanted to lean closer to him. To kiss him.
She wanted to believe him.
But she was afraid.
Connor must have read her fears in her eyes. His jaw tightened. “Lass, I promise. I’m your man. Yours; not anyone else’s.”
Sadie swallowed. Gave in. As much as she’d been hurt before, she had to try again or risk losing the one man she’d ever met who stirred so much want inside her. If she didn’t, she might be safe, but she wouldn’t be whole. Not if she turned her back on love.
She went up on tiptoe and kissed him. “I’m glad Halil is safe.”
“Me, too.” His voice was rough. “But even gladder to be with you.”
Connor’s hands shook as he pulled the small, black velvet box from his pocket. It was time. He couldn’t wait any more to find out Sadie’s answer, and with the news of Halil and Fatima’s safety, he felt there would never be a more auspicious occasion.
He took Sadie’s hand. “When I came here, I didn’t know I’d find the woman I’d always been looking for. In fact, I didn’t know I was looking for one. My past didn’t set me up to believe in marriage, but all that’s changed now. I want to share my life with you.
Sadie shifted, as if she would say something, but Connor didn’t wait for her to speak. He felt that he needed to get all of it out, before he lost his nerve. Or before he lost the words to best explain how he felt.
“I think some men underestimate what it will take to make a good husband. But I’m on the other side; I’ve always overestimated it. I’ve made it into something so big and so difficult I never felt myself worthy. What Halil and Fatima taught me was that the only thing you need to make love work is the willingness to keep trying. The willingness to keep loving—despite the difficulties that life throws at you, even if those difficulties seem insurmountable. I asked Halil how his marriage had lasted for sixty-two years—just making small talk, you know? Trying to keep everyone calm on the chopper ride. He laughed at me. He said, ‘Every morning I wake up and look at my beautiful wife, and I thank God that she’s there beside me. If it wasn’t for her, I would be alone. I don’t want to be alone.’”
Connor squeezed Sadie’s hand. “What if it’s really that simple? I look at you now, and I thank God that you’re here. If you weren’t, I would be lonely. And I don’t want to be alone, either.” He lifted her hand, and showed her the velvet box. As he sank down to one knee, her eyes grew large. She opened her mouth to speak, but again he interrupted. “So, Sadie Reed, would you do me the great honor of becoming my wife? Would you go through life by my side? Would you allow me to be your best friend, your protector, your partner and the man who wants to dedicate his life to making you happy? Because that’s what I’m going to do. Because I want you to wake up every morning, and look at me, and be grateful that I’m there with you. I want you to feel that with me you’re not alone. Sadie, will you be my wife?”
The seconds that followed his proposal were some of the longest of his life. Sadie kept searching his gaze. She hesitated for a long moment, and Connor’s heart began to sink. Had he jumped the gun? Should he have taken more time to clear things up before he proposed? Rose’s words kept ringing in his mind.
But just when he began to lose all hope, Sadie squeezed his hand back. “Yes,” she said. “Yes, I will.”
It felt so natural to let Connor slide the beautiful ring he’d chosen onto her finger and to melt into his arms as he stood up and embraced her. As their mouths met, Sadie felt as if the world was singing a Hallelujah chorus. Joy ran through her veins as their kiss deepened, and when Connor pulled her down to lie beside him on the grass, she was all too happy to let him.
A bright blue sky above them was studded with puffy clouds like sailing ships, and for a brief moment, Sadie thought about what she would be giving up—the chance to travel the world, to be fancy free—
But really she wasn’t giving up anything she wanted. She and Connor could travel together someday—and the best part was Two Willows would always be waiting for them when they were ready to come home.
Meanwhile they’d finish this walled garden, and for the first time Sadie pictured it in all its glory as it would be one day. Graceful trees, masses of flowers, stone walkways—maybe a fountain.
But always, always this patch of grass where they lay right now. Because this is where they’d seal their promise to each other to spend their lives together.
Sadie tugged Connor on top of her, enjoying the press of his body on hers, as if he was tethering her to the land she loved so much. The metaphor pleased her, and she was glad Connor was a man who wanted to keep her at Two Willows rather than take her away from her home.
When she felt his hand tug at the hem of her shirt, she helped him pull it up and over her head. Connor glanced toward the house, but she told him, “I don’t think anyone can see us behind the wall.” She arched her back and he slid his hands underneath to undo the clasp of her bra. When he tugged it off her, set it aside and palmed one of her breasts, Sadie closed her eyes and gave herself up to the sensation. She sighed blissfully when he replaced his hand with his mouth, teasing her, circling her breast with kisses, nipping tenderly at her sensitive skin.
When he eased lower, trailing kisses down her belly, Sadie wrapped her fingers into his hair, remembering what he’d said. He wanted to wake up grateful for her. Wanted her to wake up grateful for him.
If he planned to treat her like this she’d be grateful all her life.
He undid the button of her jeans, and she lifted her hips so he could shimmy them down, kicking off her shoes and helping him untangle her legs from the thick fabric.
“You’re wearing too many clothes,” she told him.
“We’ll get to that. In time.” He tugged down her lacy panties, tossed them aside with the rest of her clothes, parted her thighs and bent to taste her.
The sound that traveled from her lips was part hunger, part joy. Sadie was hungry for him—wanted him inside her right now. But Connor seemed to think he should take his time.
And maybe waiting wasn’t so bad.
As his mouth brushed over her, his breath warming her, Sadie moaned again. He began a teasing kind of sensual torment that made Sadie twist the fabric of his shirt in her fingers. With every touch he heightened her desire, until she couldn’t take it anymore.
“I want you inside me,” she insisted. “Now.”
“Plenty of time for—”
“Now!”
Connor chuckled. “All right.” In a flash he’d shucked off boots, jeans, boxer briefs and even tugged his shirt up over his head in a one-handed maneuver that Sadie barely had time to marvel over before he’d kneed her legs apart and set himself in just the right place to cause her to sigh all over again.
He pulled a condom out of a pocket in his jeans, got it on before Sadie could even offer to help.
“I’m glad you’re always prepared,” she said with a wry grin. “Do you restock every morning?”
“I’m an optimistic man.”
The laugh that bubbled from her throat dissipated all her remaining tension. She relaxed, fully accepting Connor’s love—and enthusiasm. Maybe she’d been making this more difficult than necessary all along. Maybe love was easy if you let it be.
“This more like it?” he asked as he settled between her legs.
“Hell, yeah.” Maybe she was taking a chance. A chance she hadn’t anticipated she’d take with her heart ever again. It was terrifying—
When Connor pushed inside her, Sadie gasped.
It was heavenly—
She surrendered to him fully, loving the feeling of him between her legs—the way his arms boxed her in. The way he took control and the whole world came alive as they touched. She knew Connor could coax pleasure from her body like a virtuoso playing a fine violin. As he began to move inside her, she relaxed and let him press in deep, loving the connection between them and wanting to give him as much pleasure as he was giving her.
She caressed her hands over his hips, glorying in the muscles that bunched and released as he moved. Connor was a thing of beauty—with a body hardened by war and experience. She believed him when he said Halil and Fatima’s safety made it all worth it. She was beginning to see that Connor was a man who’d closed his heart for many years—but was ready to open it again—to her.
This was a man she could spend a life with. A man whose very touch put her in harmony with all creation. They created magic together.
The way he moved inside her felt like magic.
Connor sped up and Sadie pressed her fingers into his skin, urging him deeper—harder. As Connor pumped into her, she opened to him, lifting her hips to meet him halfway with each stroke.
He slid a hand underneath her bottom and lifted it higher. Sadie sighed as he pressed in, pulled out and pressed in again.
He felt so good. Felt so right. She arched her back and he bent to take one of her nipples in his mouth. Sadie had no idea how anything could feel this good. As she crashed over the top into a series of shuddering waves of ecstasy, she clung to Connor, needing to feel him, needing to know he was here with her, in this most intimate of moments, when she was truly open.
“I’m here,” he whispered, kissing her neck. “Right here. Right—” Connor came, grunting with his release, working himself in and out of her with a slow, deep rhythm that took her right over the edge a second time.
“Connor—” She clung to him more tightly, her mouth pressed against his shoulder, thinking the waves of her orgasm would never stop.
When they did, she collapsed back, Connor following her—allowing his weight to rest fully on top of her until she wriggled beneath him and he disengaged, then slid to the side. Both of them were breathing deeply. “How was that?” Connor asked her.
“Fabulous. Can we do it again?”
“Give me a minute to rest up. You’ll be the death of me, lass.”
Sadie smiled. “Will you take me to Ireland someday to meet your mother?”
“You’ll be seeing her soon enough,” he reminded her. “In about a week. My dad, too. Don’t forget they’re expecting a wedding.” He smiled roguishly. “In about… four weeks. Think we can make that work?”
She held up her hand and touched the ring that graced her finger. “I think so.”