Chapter Eight
Lucas
Storm nudges me as we walk across the wet grass of the graveyard and I glance over at him, nodding in acknowledgement.
“Keep your eyes open today, yeah?”
“You think this bastard’s gonna show up here?” I ask, glancing out at the crowd of people dressed in black gathering around the casket.
“Not ruling anything out at this point.”
We move to the back of the crowd as I nod. “Yeah, you got it.”
Ever since I ran into Rodriguez at the station, we’ve had people checking in on him everyday. The reports remain the same - he’s grieving and determined to find whoever killed Laney and make them pay to the point that he’s obsessed. We’re all worried but putting myself in his shoes, I think he’s handling it all pretty well or at least, as well as any of the rest of us would. I can’t imagine how much Storm, Chance, or Kodiak would lose it if anything happened to the women they love.
My thoughts drift to Quinn and I fight back a smile that’s not at all appropriate for this funeral. After riding the rides for over an hour last night, we walked over to the booths and I threw down over a hundred dollars to win a little teddy bear for Brooklyn but damn was it worth it to see the smile on Quinn’s face when I handed it to her. I think I’d do just about anything for that smile. Fuck, this girl is doing me in. Not that I care. Being with her just feels right and after all the shit in my life, I’m not going to question it. Especially since I’ve never been able to hang onto anything good for very long.
The music dies down as the preacher steps forward and begins delivering the sermon but my focus is on the guests. I roam the crowd, looking for anything out of place but I don’t see anything. Laney’s parents are sitting by Rodriguez, sobbing over their daughter as Rodriguez struggles to keep it together. The club has formed somewhat of a barrier around the back to watch over everything and I glance over my shoulder to check behind me. A man that looks vaguely familiar is standing about seventy yards back and I scowl, trying to place him before turning to Storm.
“Five o’clock,” I whisper to him but when we both turn to look back again, he’s gone. Storm moves closer as he scans the crowd in front of us.
“Did you recognize him?”
I shake my head. “I’m not sure. Maybe, but I couldn’t tell you where from. It would be incredibly stupid to show up here though if he was the guy.”
“Yeah,” he agrees. “Unless he couldn’t enjoy his victory without seeing Diego’s pain.”
“This is so fucked up.”
The club has been dealing with some heavy shit for the past six years but this feels different.
“I’ll tell you one thing,” Storm whispers as the pastor goes on about God always being with us and I roll my eyes. “I’m getting damn tired of going to funerals.”
“I’m with you there.” This is the second funeral in the last year and I’ll be happy if we don’t lose anyone else anytime soon. Dana was someone the club helped escape her abusive ex and her death hit us all hard. No matter how many we save, the ones we don’t haunt us all.
“What did he look like?”
I shrug. “Like the most average white guy you’ve ever seen. Kinda tall, brown hair, slim.”
“Perfect,” he grumbles as his wife, Ali, walks up to him and grabs his hand, her pregnant belly poking out in front of her.
“Is everything okay?” she asks, glancing between the two of us.
“Yeah, kitten,” he assures her. “Everything is fine.”
Her gaze snaps to mine before drifting back to her husband. She flashes him a determined look and I lean back against the tree to watch the show, fighting back a smile.
“Logan James Chambers, don’t you dare lie to me.”
He growls and pulls her into his body. “We will discuss this later, woman.”
Laney’s parents stand with Rodriguez right on their heels as they approach the casket and each lay a single rose on top. Rodriguez lingers for a minute, his hand pressed against the closed lid of the casket and a single tear falls down his cheek. He quickly wipes it away and returns to his seat as the second row of chairs lays more roses on the top followed by the third and so on until there is a pile of flowers adorning her coffin.
The preacher finishes his sermon and steps back as two men in work uniforms step forward and start lowering the casket into the ground amid the sound of sniffles and tears. Kodiak and Moose make their way through the crowd and join our group.
“You guys see anything?” Kodiak asks.
“Maybe. He disappeared before I could get a good look, though.”
He sighs and nods. “Shit.”
“My thoughts exactly. Where’s your lady?”
“She wanted to come but said she couldn’t do another funeral.” Kodiak met Tate six months ago when her mom passed away and I don’t blame her for skipping this one. I nod.
“Y’all headed back to the clubhouse for the wake?” Moose asks and I shake my head.
“I gotta go try and find my brother.”
Kodiak sighs and I shake my head.
“Don’t fucking start with me.”
“You’re killing yourself with this and he doesn’t even care, Smith.”
“I said “don’t”,” I grumble even though he’s right. Clay doesn’t care that his addiction is eating away at me just as much as it is him but what else can I do? Abandon him?
“Just give it a break. At least for today,” he reasons and I shake my head.
“Can’t. Tell Rodriguez I’m sorry I couldn’t make it,” I say as I back away from them. No one tries to stop me as I walk to my truck and once I’m inside, I lay my head against the headrest and take a deep breath.
My phone buzzes with a text and I dig it out of my pocket.
Quinn:
Thank you for last night.
I smile, my stress melting away for a second as I type out my reply.
Me:
Pretty sure that’s my line.
When can I see you again?
Instead of waiting for her reply, I decide to get my search over with so I can hopefully stop by and see Quinn and Brooklyn tonight. On my list of to-dos, that is the only thing I really want to do.
I pull away from the cemetery as the rest of the guys climb on their bikes and I turn toward Clay’s favorite place to get high, hoping I don’t have to search too hard tonight. Kodiak’s statement keeps repeating in my head and the more I think about it, the angrier I get. I know that he’s absolutely right. Clay doesn't care about anything but the drugs. It is his sole focus and nothing else matters, not even me and each night I go out searching for him, I want to throw in the towel. Why am I killing myself when he doesn’t give a shit? But I know if I gave up and he died from an overdose, I would never forgive myself. Sometimes, though, that just makes me hate him more.
Pulling into the parking lot of a dingy old bar on the outskirts of town, one of Clay’s favorite hang-outs, I park my truck in the back of the lot and smash my fists against the steering wheel again and again until my hands drop weakly into my lap. As I look up at the door to the bar, I consider leaving and never looking back but something, maybe my guilt or the fear of being completely alone, keeps me moving forward. With a heavy sigh, I turn off the truck and climb out. There are a few people hanging out around the entrance but other than that, the lot is quiet. No one would come to a place like this unless they were looking for trouble. Which is exactly why Clay likes it.
As soon as I walk in, I want to turn right around and leave but I press on, working my way into the smoke-filled room as my eyes adjust to the dim lighting. A painfully thin woman glances up at me from behind the bar and I nod.
“Clay here?”
She points to the back room and I mutter a “thank you” as I pass her. As I step into the back room, I stop and take in the scene, my stomach turning at the bodies draped over every available surface - their eyes glassy and vacant.
Jesus Christ.
My gaze drifts to the corner of the room and I release a breath at the sight of Clay curled up in a chair. His hair is greasy and it looks like he hasn’t eaten anything since he walked away from me four days ago. Sighing, I run my hand through my hair before making my way across the room and crouching down in front of him.
“Clay?” I whisper, shaking him a little and his head slowly turns to look at me but his eyes are empty. There’s a pipe in his lap and I shake my head as I grab it and set it on the coffee table behind me as a deep, aching sadness takes hold of me. How did everything go so wrong? How did we end up here? Pushing down my pain, I put my hands around my brother and pull him out of the chair. I try to encourage him to support his own weight but it becomes clear fairly quickly that he can’t and tears burn my eyes as I lift him into my arms and turn toward the door.
“Luke,” he whispers, his eyes drifting closed and I jostle him to keep him conscious as I carry him back into the bar.
“Yeah, I’m here, bud. Stay with me.”
He opens his eyes and licks his dry, cracked lips. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I assure him and his eyes close again. It’s dark when I step outside and once I get him to the truck, I buckle him into the passenger seat and press my fingers to his neck to check his pulse. I release a breath when the steady beat of his heart pounds against my fingers and I drop my head, a mix of relief and anger flooding my body. I’ve gotten so used to this, so accustomed that I’d forgotten how fucked up it was to spend my night hunting the city for my drugged out brother. It wasn’t until I met Quinn that I was able to look at this all with new eyes and it makes me sick.
Glancing up again, I stare at his face as I try to decide where to take him tonight. Usually, we’d go back to the clubhouse but I don’t want to interrupt the wake and I’m in no mood to be around a bunch of people right now. That only leaves one option but it’s one I’ve been avoiding. With a sigh, I push off the truck and slam the door before rounding the front and slipping behind the wheel. He doesn’t even stir as I fire the truck up and pull out of the parking lot.
As I drive toward Iris’s house, I try to think of what I’m going to say to her, how I’m going to explain all this but I know no matter what I say or how I say it, she’s going to be disappointed in me and that kills me. I’ve failed at protecting my brother and I certainly don’t need her to tell me that but I also know that I can’t do this alone anymore.
Her house is dark as I pull into the driveway but as I turn the truck off, the front porch lights turn on and Iris steps out of the house, clutching her robe around her.
“Lucas? What are you doing here so late?” she asks, squinting into the darkness as her voice drifts in through the open window. I open the door and climb down.
“I need your help.”
Her gaze darts to the passenger seat. I don’t know how well she can see Clay through the windshield but after a moment, she nods and I walk around to the other door and yank it open. Clay opens his eyes for a second before they drift closed again and I lift him out of the truck.
“Oh my god,” Iris breathes as I step around the front of the truck with Clay’s body in my arms and she runs over to me, fear marring her pretty face. “What’s wrong with him?”
“He’s high,” I answer, my voice lifeless as I continue walking to the front door and her soft gasp drives a stake through my heart. She’s stunned but after a second, she catches up with me and holds the front door open for me as I carry Clay into the house.
“Take him to his old bedroom.”
I nod and turn toward the hallway, leaving her in the dining room. Clay’s room is just as he left it and I guess that makes sense since neither one of us technically moved out. I lay him in his bed and pull the covers over him before checking his pulse again. His heart is still beating steadily and I sigh as I step away from the bed and leave him to sleep.
Iris is in the kitchen, brewing tea when I find her and she casts a disapproving look over her shoulder when I walk in.
“I take it this is the thing you wanted to talk to me about?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“How long?” She pours tea into a mug for herself and holds up a second one to me. I nod again and she pours water in it before handing it to me.
“Six years.”
“What the fuck, Lucas?”
I stare down at the mug in my hand. “I know, Iris. I just… I thought I could handle it myself. Make him stop and then, at some point, it just became my life.”
“You should have known better. Addiction runs in your family, Lucas, and you’re better than this.”
“I just wanted to protect him. That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” I say, my voice cracking and she sighs, setting her cup down on the counter. Iris crosses the kitchen and pulls me into her arms.
“I know but this isn’t the way to do it. He needs real help - more than either you or I can give him and you deserve a life that’s made up of more than taking care of your baby brother.”
Nodding, I pull away. “You’re right.”
“Listen, I have to go to work in the morning but I’ll come home early and we can all sit down and have a talk, okay? We’ve got to convince him to get help because I never want to see him like this again.”
“Me either,” I agree.
“It’s getting late so I need to try and get some sleep. Do you need anything before I crash?”
I shake my head. “No, Riz. I’m good.”
She studies me for a minute before nodding and giving me another hug. Once she leaves the kitchen, I collapse into one of the dining chairs and set my cup of tea down on the table.
Fuck.
What a day.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out, hoping it’s a text from Quinn.
Quinn:
How fast can you get over here?
I decide to call her instead of texting her back.
“Hey,” she answers and at the sound of her voice, a sense of calm washes over me and I sigh.
“You have no idea how good it is to talk to you.”
“Yeah?” she asks. “Bad day?”
I nod. “The fucking worst.”
“Tell me about it.”
“It’s just my brother,” I answer like somehow she’ll accept that answer and she sighs.
“Tell me about it, Lucas.”
Before I know it, I’m spilling my guts and feeling better than I have since I dropped her off last night after our date but that’s what she does for me. Something about her makes all the shit just melt away. She’s the only thing that’s keeping me going lately and I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her.
* * * *
“Sleeping beauty awake yet?” Iris asks, walking into the kitchen and I shake my head as I take a sip of coffee.
“Nope. Still out like a light.”
She fills her travel mug with coffee before turning to me. “Have you checked on him?”
“Yeah, when I woke up.”
“You look tired,” she comments, sitting across from me at the table. “Did you sleep much last night?”
I shake my head. “No, I never do when I’m keeping an eye on him.”
“Lucas,” she whispers, picking at the corner of the table before her green eyes meet mine. “Was I too easy on you guys? I never wanted to drive you away but since you showed up last night, I can’t help thinking that I should have been more strict with the two of you when you were growing up.”
I reach across the table and grab her hand. “Don’t ever fucking think you didn’t do enough for us, Riz. We were homeless when you found us and I think we’d both probably be dead right now if it wasn’t for you.”
“But…”
“No,” I snap, cutting her off as I shake my head. “Clay and I were dealt a bad hand before you came into our lives. You’re the only reason we’re both still breathing.”
She nods, wiping away a tear and it shreds me. Iris may not be related to Clay or me biologically but she’s the only mother we’ve known for the longest time and I hate seeing her blame herself for this.
“I love you boys, you know.”
I nod. “I know and we love you, too.”
“Okay,” she breathes, releasing my hand and standing up before brushing her hands over her skirt. “I’d better get going to work. I’ll try to come home after lunchtime and we’ll all talk, okay?”
“Sounds good.”
Turning away from me, she grabs her purse off the counter before holding her coffee cup up in the air. “Thanks for the coffee, by the way.”
“You’re welcome,” I call as she walks into the living room. After she leaves, I relax back into my chair as open the paper, trying to do anything to distract myself from the impromptu intervention we’re having today.
“Motherfucker!” Clay’s voice bellows from down the hallway and I sigh as I set the paper down and wait for him to come into the kitchen. A few seconds later, he stomps in and slaps his hand against the wall. “You brought me to Iris’s?!”
“What else should I have done when I found you unconscious in the back room of a bar?”
His eyes narrow. “Take me to the club, just like every other fucking time, asshole.”
“That’s never worked before so I thought I’d try something different. Besides, the clubhouse was being used for something else.”
Sighing, he walks over to the coffee maker and pulls a mug out of the cabinet before slamming the door and I clench my teeth to avoid losing my shit over his hissy fit.
“I take it she left for work?” he asks after filling up his mug and I nod.
“Yeah, but she’ll be back after lunch.”
He shrugs. “Whatever. I won’t be here.”
“Actually, you fucking will.”
“Actually,” he sneers. “You don’t get to fucking tell me what to do anymore.”
Sucking in a breath, I mentally count to ten to get control of my anger before meeting his eyes. “Why are you doing this, Clay? We just want to help you.”
“I don’t want your goddamn help. Why don’t you just go back to your new family and forget I ever existed?”
“What are you talking about?” I ask.
“The club. As soon as you left home, you went and made yourself a new family so why don’t you just worry about them.”
“Is that what all of this is about? You feel alone?”
He laughs but it’s hollow. “Nothing in my life has anything to do with you.”
“The guys would welcome you with open arms.”
“No,” he mutters. “They wouldn’t.”
I nod. “They would if you were clean and I’d love nothing more than to have my brother back.”
I see the sharp retort right on the tip of his tongue but he pauses and I notice the longing in his eyes. It gives me a spark of hope.
“It’s your choice, Clay. You can choose something different. You can choose to have a family again and yeah, it’s not conventional but who cares? The family we were dealt kind of sucked so let’s make a new one.”
He eyes me warily as he drinks his coffee and my heart pounds as I wait for his answer. Hope wells up inside me despite the fact that I know better.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” he finally says and I nod.
“Okay. What’s up?”
He shifts back and forth on his feet, staring down at his coffee mug. “I drove up to the prison to see him.”
“What?” I breathe, blinking at him in shock as a chunk of ice imbeds itself in my stomach. “Why would you do that?”
“I… I just needed to talk to him.”
“And what could you possibly need to talk to him about?”
He clears his throat. “He wrote me a letter a couple weeks back. He says he’s innocent.”
“He’s fucking lying!” I roar, slamming my fist on the table as I jerk to my feet. Clay jumps before his eyes narrow and he takes a step toward me.
“You don’t fucking know that.”
“Have you lost your goddamn mind? Have you done so many drugs that it’s literally melted your brain cells? Of course, I fucking know that he’s lying because I watched it happen. I saw everything with my own two eyes.”
“So you say but I believe him.”
I sink into my chair with a huff, shaking my head. “You’ve got to be kidding me? He’s literally sitting in jail for what he did and you think he’s innocent?”
“You don’t have to believe me,” he grits out, tossing his coffee mug into the sink where I hear it shatter. “But I’m going to find proof.”
Before I can stop him, he runs out of the house and I bury my face in my hands, trying to wrap my mind around the last ten minutes but no matter how much I go over it, it still doesn’t make sense. My muscles tense and my knee shakes as I keep repeating what Clay said, over and over again, until I feel like I’m losing my mind. Standing up, I grab a piece of paper off the counter and leave a note for Iris before I run out to my truck and fire it up.
There’s only one person who has answers for me and it doesn’t matter how much I don’t want to ever speak to him again. For Clay, I will.
The hour long drive to the prison passes in a blur of memories and pain and as I pull into the lot, my stomach flips. I haven’t set eyes on the man in years and I never thought I’d be here. My hands shake as I walk across the lot and step into the lobby, where I sign in. After an officer pats me down and I leave my cell phone and keys at the front desk, they lead me back to a room with plexiglass dividing it in half and phones in each cubby.
I take one of the chairs on the end and wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans as I wait for the guards to bring him out. My heart races and memories start to overwhelm me. The door in the back of the room opens and he steps out, dressed in an orange jumpsuit and cuffs around his wrists and ankles. His gaze zeroes in on me and I feel like throwing up and running from the room but I stay seated, leveling him with a steely glare despite the chaos raging through my soul.
He sits across from me with a surprised expression and we both pick up the phones at the same time and press them to our ears.
“Lucas?” he asks, his voice just like I remember from all those years ago and I nod.
“Hi, Dad.”
Chapter Nine
Quinn
“Quinn, I have Nick, the lead singer from The Renegades, on line one again,” Willa says, poking her head in my office and I sigh as I look up from the paperwork on my desk. This is the third time he’s called today and each call starts out with a silly question about the event before he starts flirting with me and before I’m able to end the call, he asks me out.
“What does he want this time?”
She shakes her head. “I'm not sure.”
“Just uh… just tell him I’m in a meeting and answer any question he has,” I say with a tired sigh.
“You got it.”
“Oh, and, Willa? Please remove him from our vendor list so we don't have this problem again.”
She laughs. “It’s already done. You’re too nice, Quinn.”
“You might be right about that.”
“Do you want me to go grab you some lunch?” she asks but before I can answer, the front door opens and she turns away from me. “Can I help you?”
“Yeah,” a voice answers from the front office and I smile. “I’m looking for Quinn.”
“Your name?”
“Lucas Smith.”
Willa glances back at me and I try to hide the wide smile on my face as I nod but when she narrows her eyes, I know I failed. She studies me with a quirked brow for a second before she turns back to the front door.
“Go ahead.”
As soon as Lucas walks into my office, my heart flutters in my chest and I drop my attempts to hide my grin as my gaze drops down his body and back up again. How the hell does the man make a t-shirt and jeans look better than anyone else?
“Hey, gorgeous.”
I toss my pen down on the desk. “Hi. What are you doing here?”
“Should I be somewhere else?” he asks, a playful smile on his face and I shake my head.
“You know, now that you mention it, I think this is exactly where you should be.”
“Good to know. Are you hungry? I was hoping I could take you out to lunch.”
“I’m starving,” I answer and he crosses the office until he’s leaning over me as I sit in my chair.
“Can I steal you away for an hour?”
I purse my lips as I meet his eyes. “Only if you kiss me first.”
“Well, I don’t know, Miss Dawson… that’s a difficult request.”
“Difficult to kiss me?” I ask, arching a brow. “I’m offended.”
He shakes his head and leans in until his lips gently brush against mine. “No, difficult to stop kissing you once I start.”
I'm reminded of the other night when he dropped me off after our date and the ten minutes we spent making out on my front porch like a couple of teenagers before Alice interrupted us.
“Good answer.”
His lips stretch into a smile against mine before he leans down and steals a kiss. My entire body relaxes at his touch like my soul is letting out the most content sigh and I reach up to grip his shirt, hoping to hold onto the feeling forever.
A throat clearing interrupts us and I jerk back. Lucas licks his lips and slowly turns to look at the doorway as I follow his gaze. Willa flashes me a knowing, indulgent smile and a quirked brow.
“I was just going to go grab lunch if you don’t need anything else.”
I shake my head. “No, I’m good.”
“I bet you are,” she mutters under her breath and I shoot her a look as she winks and leaves the room. Lucas laughs and his breath brushes against my ear.
“She’s going to be impossible to rein in after she gets back.”
“Regretting your decision to kiss me at work?”
I turn and meet his gaze, smiling softly. “Never.”
“Good,” he answers, standing up and holding his hand out to me. “Ready for lunch?”
I nod and grab my purse from under the desk before grabbing his hand. He pulls me out of my chair and wraps his arm around my waist before slipping his hand into the back pocket of my jeans.
“So, is there anything good around here?” he asks as we step outside and I nod as I lock the office door.
“Yeah, there’s a deli on the next block over that has the best sandwiches,” I say, pointing to the right before turning left. “Or, there’s a burger place down there that I love.”
He takes my hand and laces our fingers together. “What are you in the mood for?”
“Let’s go to the deli.”
He pulls me into his side as we turn for the deli. “So, how’s your day?”
“Busy.”
“But good?” he asks and I nod.
“Yeah. What about you? I haven’t seen you in a couple days.”
He smiles and arches a brow. “Miss me?”
“Maybe. Is that crazy?” I know we haven’t known each other that long but I really do love spending time with him and he’s been too busy to stop by the last couple nights and texting only helps so much.
“If it is, then I’m right there with you. I wanted to come see you more than you know.”
A blush creeps up my cheeks and I look down at the sidewalk to hide my smile. After all I’ve been through, it means so much to me that he isn’t playing games with me. He’s honest and upfront with how he’s feeling and it’s exactly what I need.
“What kept you away?”
He sighs. “Clay.”
“How is he?”
“Last time I saw him, he was just fine but that was days ago.”
“I’m so sorry, Lucas,” I whisper as we stop in front of the deli. He pastes a smile on his face but I can see the stress wearing on him. As he opens the door, he brings our intertwined hands to his lips and kisses the back of mine.
“Don’t worry about it, babe. It is what it is.”
I nod. “Well, I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
“I know. Now,” he says as we step up to the front counter, “tell me what’s good here.”
“My favorite is the honey bear sandwich,” I reply, pointing to the menu board up on the wall. He nods as he reads the description with an adorable pucker to his lips.
“Sounds good.”
A young woman stops in front of us with an expectant expression. “What can I get for you two?”
“I’ll get the honey bear sandwich, a side of fries, and a water,” I say before glancing back at Lucas, who nods.
“Same, please.”
She rings it up and reads out the total. Lucas grabs his wallet out of his pocket and when I open my mouth to protest, he shoots me a look before handing over some cash. I stare at him for a second before pulling my wallet out of my purse and grabbing a ten-dollar bill. He glances back at me as I step up to the counter and slip the money in the tip jar. His jaw ticks as he watches me step back and then he smiles and shakes his head, pulling me into his arms as she hands him his change and receipt.
“Defiant, aren’t you?”
I arch a brow. “Only if you are.”
“Me? Defiant?”
“Well,” I mutter, wrapping my arms around his waist. “Maybe defiant isn’t the right word but you could let me pay for a meal every once in a while.”
He shakes his head. “No, I couldn’t. Iris would have my head… and my balls if I ever made a lady pay for her own food.”
“I see… so you’re going to pay for every woman’s lunch?” I ask, gesturing to the line forming at the counter and he laughs.
“If I have to, to prove a point.”
I flash him a skeptical look and he grins as he pulls some twenties out of his wallet and goes back up to the register where he whispers something to the cashier before handing her the money. The first woman in line watches him, wide-eyed, as he struts back over to me and I laugh.
“Feeling proud of yourself?”
He nods. “Yeah, I am.”
“Smith,” the cashier calls, holding up a bag with our food in it. He flashes me a wink before strolling back up to the counter to grab it. When he comes back, we head out to the patio and find an open table as he lays out our sandwiches, fries, and bottles of water.
“So,” he says as we sit down across from each other. “I have a question for you.”
“Shoot.”
“Tomorrow night… I was hoping to take you and Brooklyn to dinner at Iris’s house.”
“Oh,” I whisper, surprised by his question.
“If this is moving too fast for you, just say the word, Quinn, but I’d really like to introduce her to the two of you.”
Our eyes meet across the table and the hopeful expression on his face pulls at my heart. Maybe it is moving too fast but I can’t deny how I feel about him, even after such a short time, and I can tell that this is important to him. I nod.
“I’d really like that.”
He flashes me a satisfied smile. “I’ll let Iris know.”
As I peel back the wrapper around my sandwich, I suck in a breath, suddenly feeling nervous about meeting Iris tomorrow night. It’s clear from how Lucas speaks about her that she means a lot to him and I want to impress her.
“You okay?” he asks and I nod.
“Yeah, just a little nervous, I guess. I want her to like me.”
He reaches across the table and grabs my hand. “Of course, she’s going to like you. How could she not?”
“I… I just don’t want her to think badly of me. I know how people see me - a single woman raising my child on my own.”
“First off, Iris isn’t like that and second, anyone who is doesn’t deserve to know you. I may not know what happened with Brooklyn’s father but I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t be raising her by yourself if you had any other choice.”
“Thank you,” I whisper as my heart pounds in my chest. I glance down at the table for a second as a blush creeps up my cheeks before meeting his eyes again. “Tell me about her.”
“Iris?”
I nod and he laughs as he pulls his hand back and pops a French fry into his mouth. “Let’s see… she’s worked as a manager at this little grocery store as long as I’ve known her and she’s super laid back, which is exactly what I needed as a kid. She likes to drink tea and watch movies - that’s something we used to do together when I couldn’t sleep…”
“I can’t see you drinking tea,” I interrupt and he laughs.
“To be honest, it wasn’t for me so she’d make me hot cocoa and we’d watch her chick flicks.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “I can’t see that either.”
“I know. No one can but I have a plethora of movie references up here,” he says, tapping the side of his forehead.
“Plethora, huh? I’m impressed.”
He nods with a wink as he grabs another French fry. “You should be.”
“How did you meet Iris? Was she fostering other kids?”
“Uh,” he mutters before clearing his throat. “No. Her house backs up to the woods and there’s this old railway that used to run through there but they don’t use it anymore. Clay and I found an old boxcar sitting on the abandoned track and we were living there when she found us.”
“Oh my god, Lucas,” I whisper, imagining my own baby out in the woods, living in a boxcar and tears sting my eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
As he glances down at the table, he shakes his head. “It’s okay. I mean, it all worked out, right?”
“Still, no kid should have to go through something like that. How did you end up there?”
“I think that’s enough sadness for one day, don’t you?” he replies, lifting his head and the pain in his eyes breaks my heart. There’s so much depth to this man as well as pain and tragedy that I haven’t discovered yet and what I already know makes me want to pull him into my arms and fix it for him. “There’s something that I wanted to ask you, though.”
“What?”
“Your ex fiancé… what happened with him?”
I sigh and pick at my sandwich. “Nothing really, which I guess was the problem. I met Danny just before the start of my sophomore year of college and he was the kind of guy that everyone expected me to end up with. Like if you saw us, you would just assume we were together because we looked like we fit but in every other area of our relationship, it was just… boring, expected.”
“So you ended it?”
I nod. “Yeah. I just wanted something… more. Besides, if I had to listen to one more golf story, I would have blown my brains out.”
“No golf stories, got it,” he murmurs with a grin and I laugh, playfully scowling at him.
“I’ll believe the movie thing but there’s no way you have golf stories.”
“Okay, you’ve got me on that one. So, if you don’t want golf stories and the expected, what is it that you do want?”
“I want to be someone’s whole world. I want to be loved so fiercely that it takes my breath away sometimes and I want to build a beautiful family on the basis of that love.”
His brows shoot up. “Wow.”
“Yeah,” I answer with a smile as I drop my gaze for a second before peeking back up at him. “What about you? What do you want?”
“I want to get my brother clean.”
I shake my head. “No, what do you want? When you reach the end of your life, what is going to be the thing that you look back on and say “I did good”?”
He opens his mouth to respond before snapping it shut again as a scowl takes over his features.
“What?” I ask and he shakes his head.
“Honestly, I don’t know. My whole life for the last six years has been Clay and I think I’ve completely forgotten about me.”
“You need to figure out what is going to make you happy.”
He nods. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
Watching him, my heart breaks. It’s clear to me that Lucas has one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever encountered but he hides it behind jokes and charm while he silently suffers through so much pain that I’m not even sure how he’s standing. In some ways, he and I are so alike and but it feels like he’s given up hope at ever having a normal life, which is something I still desperately cling to.
“I hope this doesn’t upset you but your brother is his own person and he’s going to do whatever he wants to do. It’s clear to me that you carry around an immense amount of pain from your past but you can’t carry his, too. The reason he turns to drugs is because he doesn’t know how else to deal with that pain in a healthy way but that’s what he has to learn if he’s ever going to get clean.”
“Are you saying I shouldn’t help him?” he asks, his jaw ticking and I shake my head as I reach across the table and grab his hand.
“No, not at all, but just like your brother uses drugs to bury his pain, you use him to avoid yours and you’ll never be happy or free until you let him go enough to become your own person and have your own life.”
He clears his throat and stands abruptly, knocking the chair back a little. It scrapes against the floor and I feel like every eye on the street turns to look at us. “I’ve… uh, I’ve got to go.”
I watch him as he walks back into the deli and stomps out the front door without ever looking back at me. Once he’s out of sight, I lean back in my chair and release a heavy breath. “Shit.”
* * * *
“You got any plans tonight?” Alice asks as she plops down next to me on the couch. I glance down at the jeans and nice shirt I changed into after work on the off chance that Lucas shows up to take Brooklyn and me to dinner tonight.
“Not sure.”
She arches a brow as her gaze dips to my outfit. “How are you not sure?”
“Well… Lucas invited Brooklyn and me over for dinner but then I’m pretty sure I put my foot in my mouth.”
“Did you text him?”
I nod. “Yeah, and I tried calling him today.”
“I’ll get the wine,” she replies, patting my leg as she jumps off the couch and I sigh. The doorbell rings before she makes it into the kitchen and she stops in the hallway before slowly turning to me.
“You want me to get that?”
I peek over the back of the couch to the front door. “Maybe just go see who it is first.”
“Okay, ‘cause that won’t make you look like a crazy person. You know we don’t have a peephole.”
“I told you we should have bought that video doorbell thing,” I grumble as I get off the couch and meet her in the hallway.
“You gonna go answer it?” she asks as the bell rings again.
“I don’t know. What if he’s just here to break up with me?”
She shakes her head, giving me a little shove toward the door. “Guys don’t break up in person anymore. If that’s what he was doing, he would have texted you or just ghosted you.”
“Good to know.”
He knocks on the door and I sigh before dragging myself across the foyer, my heart racing as I silently plead to the heavens to not let him dump me. I know we’ve only gone on one real date, but boy do I like him. As I wrap my hand around the doorknob, I suck in a breath and count to three before yanking it open. Lucas glances up at me and surprises me as he flashes me a smile that makes my knees a little weak.
“Hey, you ready?”
I narrow my eyes. “Uh, maybe?”
“Maybe?”
“Um,” I mutter, glancing over my shoulder to where Alice is standing, listening to our every word. “Do you think we could talk outside?”
“Sure.”
We step outside and I shut the door behind me as butterflies flap around in my belly.
“What’s up?” he asks.
“I, uh… I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I didn’t mean to upset you…”
He presses his finger to my lips, silencing me as he takes a step forward, closing the space between us. “Please don’t apologize for what you said. It was essentially what my brothers in the club have been saying to me for years but the way you said it, it stuck with me. I was up all night thinking about it and meeting you has made me realize that I do want a life. Not that I know what I want in that life yet but I do want it.”
“So…” I say, studying him. “We’re good?”
“Yeah, we’re good,” he answers with a nod and I release a breath. “Now, are you and Brooklyn ready to go?”
I glance down at my outfit as I nod absentmindedly. “Just give me like two minutes.”
He nods and follows me as I turn back to the house and step inside. Alice is waiting right where I left her and she shoots me an “I told you so” look as she crosses her arms over her chest.
“Shut up,” I whisper as I race past her into the living room where Brooklyn is quietly playing with blocks. “Hey, baby girl. You ready to go?”
She looks up before dropping her block on the floor and reaching for me. Before I can grab her, Lucas laughs at something Alice says and her head whips in the direction of the foyer. She’s off like a bolt of lightning, quickly crawling out of the living room and into the foyer. A squeal greets me as Lucas laughs again and when I step into the hallway, my heart almost seizes at the sight of him holding her in his arms.
God, what is it about a sexy man holding a baby that sends ovaries into overdrive?
“Ready?” he asks and I nod, grabbing my purse off the table.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
“Y’all have fun now, ya hear?” Alice calls in a smug voice as we walk out of the house and I flip her off behind my back. Her laughter reaches me just before the door closes and I shake my head, fighting back a smile. I hate when Alice is right because that girl can gloat like no one else so I know I’ll be hearing about this for the next month, at least.
“I feel like I need to clear something up,” Lucas says as he climbs behind the wheel of my car after buckling Brooklyn into her car seat.
“What’s that?”
“Earlier, when you thought I was here to break up with you… Well, I just can’t see that happening anytime soon. Or maybe even ever if I’m being honest. We’re taking this slow because that’s what you need not because of the way I’m feeling about you.”
I blink, surprised but not unhappy with his declaration. The fear that I expected isn’t there either. “Oh.”
“Shit. Now I scared you by saying that.”
I shake my head and reach out to grab his hand. “You don’t scare me, Lucas. And if we’re being honest, I don’t even know what I meant when I asked you to take this slow. It’s just been so long since I’ve dated and I’m a different person now than I was then but I’m comfortable with the pace we’re at now and in case you haven’t noticed, I really, really like you.”
“Yeah?” he asks with a shy smile that pulls at my heart strings. I nod.
“Yeah.”
His smile grows as he reaches across the car and brushes my hair from my face. “What are the rules on kissing you?”
“Oh, the rule on kissing is simple.”
“Is it?” he asks, arching a brow. “Why don’t you enlighten me?”
“The rule is that you should kiss me as frequently and passionately as you want.”
He nods slowly, like he’s thinking over what I said before he meets my eyes again. The spark of playfulness in his gaze makes my heart skip a beat. “So, what you’re really saying, is that I’ve been dropping the ball?”
“Yes… I think you have.”
Warmth rushes through me and my body hums in anticipation as he leans in and just when his lips brush against mine, Brooklyn lets out a squeal from the back seat. Lucas drops his head and chuckles before turning to my daughter.
“No one forgot you were here, baby girl.”
“Guess you’ll have to save that kiss for later,” I whisper, tracing my finger over his bottom lip after he glances back up at me. His blue eyes darken and the hunger in his gaze feels like a bolt of electricity running through my veins but he doesn’t move. “Lucas?”
“We’re going to be late for dinner,” he growls before opening his door and climbing out of the car. I watch him, open-mouthed, as he rounds the front of the car and opens my door. Reaching into the car, he pulls me to my feet and closes the door before pressing my back to the car. There’s a flash of fear that lances through me and he picks up on it immediately, brushing his fingers across my face. “Tell me what happened to you, baby.”
“Now really isn’t the time or place, Lucas,” I whisper and he nods, studying me for a moment.
“Listen, I’ve worked with enough women who have been hurt by men to know that something bad happened to you and the last thing I would ever want to do is push you past your limits so I want you to always remember that, no matter what, you’re the one in control here. Say you understand that.”
I nod without even a moment’s hesitation. “Yes.”
“I’m gonna kiss you now,” he replies, holding my face as he leans in and my eyes flutter closed as our lips connect. I sigh. His arms slip around my waist and he pulls me close. I trail my fingers across his chest, reveling in the feeling of his firm muscles and the low hum that vibrates in the back of his throat from my touch.
“Get a room!” a voice yells and we both jerk back. I glare up at the front porch where Alice flashes me a grin.
“Go away!” I yell back and she laughs as she turns away from us. We watch her disappear into the house before Lucas turns back to me and steals another quick kiss.
“Come on. Iris will have my ass if we’re late.”
I arch a brow as I fight back a smile. “You risked your ass just for a kiss?”
“Naw, Darlin’. Not just any kiss.”
A wide smile stretches across my face and my cheeks heat as he opens my car door and after I slip inside, he closes it and rounds the front of the car again. Brooklyn squeals from the back seat as we pull out of the driveway and I laugh, turning my head to glance back at her.
“Why is it whenever you come around, I’m chopped liver to that girl?”
He laughs, peeking at her in the rearview mirror. “She’s got good taste.”
“So humble,” I tease and he flashes me a grin before turning back to the road. Butterflies start to flap around in my belly and I press my hand against it as I suck in a breath. “I can’t believe how nervous I am.”
“Don’t be nervous, sweetheart. Like I told you before, Iris is very chill.”
I nod, reaching across the center console to hold his hand. “But she’s important to you, which means that I want to make a good first impression.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, you made a fantastic first impression on me.”
“Did I?” I laugh. “Tell me, was it the internal bleeding or panic attack that really won you over?”
“All of the above.”
With a giggle, I shake my head. “I don’t think those are going to work on Iris.”
“That’s true,” he agrees with a nod. “But we’ve been hanging out for like two weeks now and I can confidently say that you are an easy person to love.”
“Am I now?” I ask breathlessly. Does that mean that he…
“Definitely.”
Turning to him, I study his face as he focuses on the road ahead of us, trying to discern what exactly he meant by that statement. Like he just said, we’ve only been hanging out for two weeks so surely he can’t mean that he loves me. Right? Then again, I’m not all that sure how I feel about him. Saying I like him feels so inadequate for the thumping of my heart and the butterflies in my belly any time he comes around but do I love him? I don’t know.
“We’re here,” he says and I turn as the cute little cottage comes into view.
“This is where you grew up?”
He nods as he pulls the car to a stop and puts it in park. “Yep. You ready?”
“As I’ll ever be,” I answer with a nod and he shakes his head as he climbs out of the car. I suck in a breath before slipping out of the car and he’s already at the back door, unbuckling Brooklyn. Once he has her out, he carries her over to me and grabs my hand. She lays her head down on his shoulder as she plops her thumb into her mouth and my heart aches at the sight of them. He’s so damn good with her and she absolutely adores him - something that surprised me since she’s usually so reserved around strangers but from the moment they met, she’s been head over heels for the man.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything cuter,” someone says and I turn toward the cottage, smiling at the dark haired woman in the doorway. Her gaze moves to me and she smiles. “You must be Quinn.”
“I am. It’s so nice to meet you,” I tell her, holding my hand out but she bypasses it and wraps me up in a hug as the warm scent of apples and cinnamon surrounds me.
“Come on in,” she urges as she pulls away and turns to Lucas. Brooklyn pops her head up, with her thumb still in her mouth, and stares at Iris, who smiles at her. “Hello, gorgeous girl.”
Brooklyn smiles around her thumb and Iris lets out a chuckle before glancing back at Lucas.
“You look good with a baby on your hip, kid.”
He peeks over at me with a grin. “You hear that, babe? I look good with a baby on my hip.”
“She’s not wrong,” I answer, fighting back a smile. My stomach growls, drawing the attention of everyone on the porch and Iris backs up toward the door, ushering us to follow her.
“Come on, y’all. Pizza got here just before you did.”
Lucas wraps his free arm around my waist as we step into the cottage. “Iris isn’t much of a cook,” he whispers and she turns to glare at him.
“I heard that.”
“Tell me I’m wrong.”
She sneers before turning back toward the kitchen and he laughs, pulling me into his side.
“Maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll even get to hear the Christmas ham story.”
“Oh, Christ,” she calls from the kitchen as a cupboard slams. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”
“Riz, we could have demoed a house with the thing after you got your hands on it.” He laughs and she steps out of the kitchen with plates in her hands as she glares at him.
“So you say. Personally, I think it wasn’t that bad.”
“It broke a knife!” he exclaims, pulling me closer and I laugh as Iris rolls her eyes.
“You keep heckling me, boy, and I’m gonna kick you out on the front porch with no pizza.”
He nods. “Okay, you win.”
“Finally. Y’all sit down and I’ll be right back with the pizza. Quinn, I hope you like pepperoni.”
“Sounds good,” I tell her and she flashes me a smile before disappearing into the kitchen as Lucas and I sit down at the table. I turn to him and hold my hands out. “Here. You want me to take her?”
“Naw, baby. You relax; I’ve got her.” He places her in his lap, facing the table and wraps his arm around her belly to keep her secure and my heart warms at how good he is with her. I reach into my bag and pull out the little container of fruit, crackers, and cheese I brought with me for Brooklyn’s dinner and set it out in front of her. As soon as the food hits the table, she leans forward and snatches up a quartered grape before popping the piece into her mouth.
“Mmm,” she hums and I smile as Lucas laughs.
“Is that good, pretty girl?” he asks her as she shoves another piece of grape into her mouth. I glance up and notice Iris watching us from the opening to the kitchen with a soft smile on her face and tears in her eyes. She dashes them away before motioning for me to be quiet as she steps into the room.
“Here we go,” she calls and sets a box of pizza down in the middle of the table. I grab a slice of pizza and slip it onto a plate before setting it in front of Lucas.
He smiles and leans over to kiss my cheek. “Thanks, sweetheart.”
“You’re welcome.” A blush creeps up my cheeks and when I glance across the table again, Iris is watching us with a wide smile on her face.
“You know, when Lucas told me he was bringing a girl home, I knew you must be special but seeing the two of you together is something else. You’re so good for him,” Iris says.
I peek over at Lucas as I fight back a smile. “You didn’t like his other girlfriends?”
“Honey, he’s never brought another girl home. You’re the first and that alone earns you some major brownie points.”
“Told you, Quinn,” he whispers in my ear. “I’m all in.”
I pull back enough for our eyes to meet as I try to discern what that means. Does he mean that he’s all in for the long haul with not only me but my daughter, too? Or is he just trying to say that he’s ready to kick things up a notch? Am I ready for that? He offers me a reassuring smile as my head swirls with questions.
“Mamamamama,” Brooklyn babbles, drawing my attention down to her.
“How old is she?” Iris asks and I push back all my questions as I look up at her and smile.
“Thirteen months.”
Iris smiles at Brooklyn, who watches her carefully. “She is just adorable and so sweet.”
“Thank you.”
“Excuse me if this is too bold, but I wanted to tell you how brave I think you are for raising her on your own. I know how hard it can be,” she says, glancing over at Lucas with a fond smile. I nod, darker memories threatening to resurface.
“Thank you. She makes it all worth it.”
She nods. “I hear you there. I never thought I’d end up with two young boys but I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
“All right, y’all. Enough mushy stuff. I’m starving,” Lucas says, grabbing his slice of pizza and biting it in half as Iris laughs at him and grabs her own slice of pizza. The conversation flows easily as we eat and we sit around talking and laughing until Brooklyn falls asleep in Lucas’s arms. As I watch her snoring on his broad chest, I know that he’s stolen another little piece of my heart.