Chapter Twenty-one

They stopped for dinner, but no one was all that talkative. When they got to the house, everyone went their separate ways. Thrice stopped to tell her the next time they played war games she was on his team.

That made the experience real. Up until that moment, she was pretending it was a dream. Now she had to admit that Jabari had been kneeling at her grave. The gold cuffs on his wrist were to keep him from shifting. She didn’t know how she knew. The knowledge was there easily accessible.

“What did you see?” She changed into shorts and a tank. He always kept the room warm, so she didn’t get cold. Now they were sitting on the bed.

“My brothers. They like you. They’re both happy and sad for me.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be their happy wherever they are.” He laid back and closed his eyes. “They promised to find you and take care of you when the time comes.” The hollowness of his voice hurt.

“What did you see?”

“Scenes from my past. I played war games with Slade and Thrice. They owe me two weeks of kitchen duty.”

“I’m not surprised you won. You’re a defender.”

“On my planet, I’m just a black girl with braids.”

He gave a sound of disgust. “Humans always underestimate each other.”

“We do. I also saw my funeral.”

“I saw that too.”

They didn’t say anything for a long time.

“You have to promise me that you will still be open to finding someone else.”

“You’re not the first woman in my life. I’ve had a lot. Some want to be protected, some want the thrill of having a created on her arm. Some want what I can give them in bed, but none of them wanted me. Not until you showed up. Don’t ask me to promise something I can’t.”

She crawled over to him. He picked her up and laid her on his chest. He pulled the covers.

“Sleep Brandi, you need the rest.”

*~*~*~*

The beating of Jabari’s heart brought her peace. She was on his chest in his warm embrace, and still; she wanted to touch him. Her fingers ached to trace the scars she was lying against. Her fingers hovered over him so close the warmth of skin touched her hand.

His hand stroked down her back. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine, I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“Betrayal, shame, confidence, love, and the word whore.”

“That sounds intense. Tell me?”

“It’s not a pretty story. When I was younger, I used to dream about being married. On my wedding night, I would prove to my husband, I was a virgin. I could see the proud look on his face. He would never doubt my faithfulness to him. I could imagine how proud he would be when he told his friends about me. I thought that bit of skin would tell the world, I wasn’t a whore.”

She waited until the tension bled out of his fingers.

“When I went to college, I guarded my virtue zealously. I don’t regret that. I was in my last year when Trey bumped into me.” Her books and paper fell to the ground. She remembered being angry thinking it was a joke.

“He was so apologetic picking up my books and giving me that sexy secret look. The one that guys do and women notice. When he stood back up, he was smiling so big I thought my heart would explode. We exchanged numbers. I remember telling Piper about him.

“How he dressed like a thug with his loose pants and wife beater that showed off all his muscles.” He had on a pair of expensive tennis shoes and a haircut that said he came from a family that could afford to give him proper care.

“I gush about his large light brown eyes. And underneath all his outer appearances was an intelligent man. He was on his way to law school. He took me out. Tailgating, nice dinners, football games. You name it, we did it. We studied together, and we talked about the future. He told me when he got straight, you know a job, apartment, and some money set aside he was going to buy me a ring. He was my dream.”

He was the perfect knight in shining armor. She should have known better. To this day, she wondered if she had known all along it was just a dream.

“The night before graduation he asked me if I loved him. I did and told him. Then he wanted to know why we had to wait. I didn’t have a good answer for him. I loved him, or so I thought. We made love that night. My very first time and I thought I was a princess who was going to live in a castle. The next day he kissed me, and I was head over heels.

“Then he picked up his phone called one of his boys and said, ‘I fucked her before the deadline, pay up.’ They had taken bets that he couldn’t get me to open my legs. I felt like an idiot. A whore, except I wasn’t the one getting paid. He laid back down and called it our nest egg. I guess I smiled, I don’t know how, until I could leave the room. He thought we would continue with our plans. It never dawned on him that he betrayed me. I thought he broke me.”

When had the ache gone away? The pain of his betrayal was a lesson now, nothing more. Her bloody heart healed. Yeah, it was a little worse for the wear, and if she looked closely, she could see the sutures from where she sewed it back together. But it beat in her chest, and it was still capable of feeling.

“What did you say Trey’s last name was?”

She opened her mouth and then closed it. “Nope, you leave him alone. I told you this story for a reason. Trey taught me I didn’t know a thing about love, but now I know what it isn’t. With my newfound wisdom, I could deal with the men who came in and out of my life. I also learned that I decide who I am, not some loudmouth who doesn’t know me.”

She raised her head to look into his eyes. “I love you Jabari. I’m not desperate for love. I don’t need to prove I’m not like my mom. I don’t have to say the words before I die. I’m good on my own, but I’m better with you. I love you.”

She placed her finger over his mouth when he tried to speak. “I don’t need you to say the words back. What I feel for you is real. No matter how you feel about me.”

She gave him a tender kiss. One that came from the girl she used to be and the woman she was now. He opened to her drawing her tongue into his mouth. His spicy taste filled her senses as her tongue dueled with his. She pulled back with a grin. He was playing with her. She licked his lips before she traced his jaw.

“I keep saying nothing can get better than the last time. Then you set out to prove me wrong.”

She sat up and stared at him.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m memorizing this moment. I want to remember how you look on your back with your eyes half closed in passion. The look of my necklace tucked against your body. Your hard nipples begging for me to touch them. No matter where I end up, I’ll be taking this memory and a thousand more with me.”

He placed his hands on her waist and flipped her. This was her time. He knew he needed to be patient, but he needed memories too. Like her brown eyes wide and dazed with passion. He attacked her mouth. His tongue seeking out the warm places that she didn’t know about. The places that connected her body together. Like the corner of her lip, when he sucked on it, her nipples got so hard. Or that sweet spot on her tongue that made her roar, and her hips buck. He kissed her like a male dying of thirst who knew that soon the water would dry up. He kissed her like a male losing the only woman he would ever love.

She placed her hand over his heart as he kissed down her neck then stopped at her shoulder. He bit her, claiming her as his mate once again. How she wished it could happen that she could become one with him. It was so sad that she could spend a lifetime crying, but she couldn’t lose the precious time she had with him.

“My mate,” she whispered. In the end, she had married just not the way she dreamed of when she was young.

He took her nipple into his mouth. Breathless sounds of passion came from her. Her hands roamed his body petting him, encouraging him. She needed to touch him. To allow his heat to penetrate the coldness she felt.

Everything was changing, but she didn’t care. At this moment, the only thing that mattered was the two of them.

“Open for me.”

The honey of his voice overwhelmed her. She spread her legs. His hand came between them as he pulled on her clit. She came off the bed. Sensations hot and delicious coursed through her body.

“More.” It was a demand.

He pulled again and squeezed. He was going to kill her. Here lies Brandi, she died from too much pleasure.

“I need to be in you.”

Hell yeah, what was he waiting for? She lifted her hips in invitation. He looked at her, held her captive with his gaze. With one move, he drove into her body making her wild. She bucked against him. A scream tore from her. He placed his arms on the bed and drove deeper into her until she could feel every hard, thick inch of him.

She wrapped her hands around his arms and opened herself up. Maybe they couldn’t be mates the way he wanted, but she needed to touch his soul. To see it shining brightly for her. She reached out and bit him as her body started to convulse with the pleasure he was giving her.

For a moment, she thought they were back on the ride. Her head spun fast with lights going off all around her. She was swamped with a bliss that just belonged to her. She could feel him under her skin, feel the pleasure she was bringing to him.

His emotions rolled over her. She felt his desire, his fear of hurting and losing her. She felt his love. Her back arched, and she gave a scream so primal it couldn’t help but rock the foundation of the earth.