Jack
Santa Fe, New Mexico was nice. It was a large city, but had that otherworldly feeling to it. The buildings truly reflected a by-gone era. It was like Jack had ridden into another country, one undeniably Spanish.
He parked his bike beside a small restaurant with a hand painted sign featuring a cactus and block lettering. The building was squat and yellow, with a flat roof. It too, looked like it had come from another era. He wondered how old some of the houses were. It was obvious that the museums, churches, and monuments were much older than most of the architecture back home in Florida.
Jack dismounted. He glanced around, but the neighborhood looked friendly enough with people milling about. It had a touristy feel. Most shoppers had bags slung over their arms and street vendors hawked both wares and food.
So far, the weather held out. People said he was crazy to drive a bike in the winter. What had been balmy in Florida was quite cold in Santa Fe, though he’d skirted around the worst routes, planning his trip carefully.
He couldn’t bring himself to take his damn car. He needed to feel the open road and the rumble of his bike beneath him. He needed the freedom of the expanse of sky above him and the road below him. Even if the wind had been quite chill for at least the last half of the ride, he found himself centered in a way he hadn’t been before he left.
Jack slung his helmet over the handlebars and stepped off his bike. He was dressed for the chill, though he’d had to dig out a few items he hadn’t worn in years.
He walked into the small restaurant and glanced around. As he figured, Percy was already there. The guy blended into the semi darkness in the corner of the place. Though their days of riding with the darkness and becoming shadows were long past, old habits died hard. Jack still preferred to drive at night, though because of the weather, he’d done most of his traveling during the day. He even bunked in an actual hotel at night. God, he was getting soft.
Percy nodded towards him, but gave nothing away. His face was a tight mask. Jack stalked over and pulled out the opposite chair. There was already a beer waiting for him, still bubbly, a lime stuck into the tall, clear neck of the bottle. He picked it up and down half of it in a long pull. He slammed it back down on the table and took a seat.
Percy watched him warily, assessing every single move. The guy looked good. Back when Jack knew him, more than a few years into their shared past, Percy had been pretty rough around the edges, and that was putting it kindly.
Percy had the kind of face that could only be described as menacing. The guy used to raise hair on the backs of Jack’s arms, and that’s when they’d been on the same side of things. Now, the hair on Jack’s arms was just fine. He almost felt at ease with the guy.
“You said it was an emergency?” Percy raised his short, clear glass, swirled the amber liquid, and took a sip before he set it back down in front of him.
“Thanks for meeting me. Good to see you too. You’re looking good, by the way. Obviously married life agrees with you. You’re not so pale anymore. How’s Mexico?”
Percy allowed a grudging smile and Jack was a little shocked. The old Percy didn’t show emotion like the rest of the world. He still wasn’t much for it, but Jack could tell there’d been a major thaw on the inside.
“It’s been a long time,” Percy ceded. “Life is good. How I always pictured it would be if I ever got away. Mexico is- warm. It’s low key. Married life, shockingly enough, is everything I never dreamed. Shanna is amazing. Jesse is good. He’s almost a year old already.”
“Jesus. Time goes by fast.”
“It goes by a little slower when you’re the one living it. Babies can be rough. I never imagined that something so tiny could be so demanding.”
“Why do you think I don’t have kids?”
Percy stared at Jack, his eyes boring right through him. He shrugged. “Because you’re a right fucking asshole and no one will have you.”
Jack grinned. “Thanks. Thanks a lot. This coming from an old- friend.” He hesitated on the last word, but decided that was what Percy was. He was the only friend Jack had. Which was why he’d traveled so damn far, just for a conversation. Percy met him halfway and Jack knew he was going to pissed that the emergency was a personal crisis involving his cock, though he was going to try to make that less obvious.
Percy snorted. He took another sip of whatever was in the glass, probably whiskey. “It was good to get a way for a little bit. I haven’t been on a long ride in a while. It felt- freeing.”
Jack frowned. “I didn’t see a bike outside.”
“No. I left it where it was warm. In secured storage, and rented a car for the rest of the trip. I’m not crazy enough to drive on snow and ice, though I dare say, some of us don’t have as much care for our lives.”
“You have to care about yours now. You have people to leave behind.”
Percy didn’t have an answer for that. He finished the last of his drink and pushed the glass aside. “So… what is so terrible it couldn’t be said over the phone? Or emailed? I thought we left that life behind us, Jack. I did. I’m done with that. If you need that kind of help, I can’t-”
“No.” Jack shook his head. “That’s the thing. I have left that behind. For years. For so many years. I’ve lived this low profile existence. I wear a suit every day. I work in a goddamn office pushing papers and making ads for an insurance company.”
A dark smile played over Percy’s lips. “Good lord. You really have become domesticated. I never would have thought. Jack Stevens. The housewife.”
“I am not a housewife,” he ground out. He slammed back the rest of his beer, but kept the bottle in his hand. “We both know that living low profile is key to- well- to getting past that kind of life. You found someone. You have a family.”
“They’ve saved me. Each and every single day.”
“Right, well, I don’t have that. So I do what I have to do to keep my life under wraps. My bike is the only thing I haven’t been able to give up.”
“Yeah, well, lots of normal people drive bikes. You don’t have to belong to a gang or a club to enjoy an afternoon ride.”
Jack went rigid at those words. Gang. Club. Percy knew damn well the kind of life Jack used to live, because he used to live it as well. Once they got out, it was the kind of thing that no one ever wanted to go back to. Jack knew that, but some days, he found himself wishing for that sense of brotherhood once again. When things had been good, they were real good. When things were bad, though, it was hell on earth. He was happy to be free. It was just- sometimes shit got lonely.
Which brought him all the way to Santa Fe.
“Look, I know you’re going to be pissed,” he started.
Percy stared back at him with that blank look, a look that used to curdle blood. It soured Jack’s stomach a little, and though he counted his once brother as a friend, the only guy he knew who fell into that category, his discomfort was probably obvious.
“Well, out with it then. What’s so bad that I had to meet you here?”
“I should have driven to Mexico. It would have been easier on you.”
“I agreed to this because I thought you were in trouble.”
“I thought you said you couldn’t do anything to help. I know you have a family know and they come first and you can’t get involved in that shit again.”
“Then why are we here?” Percy’s sharp jawline clenched as he ground his teeth together in frustration.
Jack ran a hand through his hair. It was flat from wearing a helmet for so long. He probably looked like a haggard mess. He hadn’t brought much, just a few changes of clothes. He’d been in such a fucked up state when he left that he hadn’t even remembered a comb or a razor. He’d bought deodorant along the way, but didn’t give a shit about the rest. It could wait, until he was back home. Until he said what he’d come to say. Maybe then he could find enough peace to actually give a shit about his appearance again.
“I- I needed to talk to you. You’re- the only person that I can trust.”
Percy leaned forward. “I’m serious, Jack. I can’t go back to that. I can’t get involved with that.”
“It’s not what you think. I’m not here to talk about our old days.” Percy stared hard at him, jaw clicking away, and Jack just finally blurted it out in hushed tones. “I met a woman. She’s- not like anyone I ever met before. I’ve stayed away from people. I’ve never been with the same person twice in all these years, and even then, I’ve limited my contact. I can’t risk someone ever finding out what I used to be or who I was. I have- fake papers. Like you probably do or did. I have a cover now, a new life. We both know that’s not really who I am. I have a career and a house and a car and it’s all so damn normal. It’s killing me.”
Percy’s frown deepened. “Let’s pretend I may know what you’re talking about… you came all this way to tell me about- about a girl?”
“If it was your own wife and you were fucked up about something that happened, wouldn’t you go searching for answers?”
Something dark and thoughtful crossed Percy’s eyes and he nodded slowly. “You may have a point. Explain to me then, what’s going on with this woman.”
“I- I fucked it up. Right from the first moment.”
“Why am I not surprised?”
“Hey,” Jack protested. “You’re not a fucking prize either. It’s beyond me how you even have a wife and kid.”
Percy wasn’t offended. Instead he cracked a wide smile, which was still a little intimidating on a guy like him. Though Percy actually looked healthy and happy, had filled out and bulked up and had a strange new light in his eyes, probably due to the fact that he was in love and now had a family to love him back, his smile still felt a little like getting trapped in a frigid downpour.
“I suppose, by the grace of some force out there. Although, I worked hard for that too. You may be surprised that at one time I found myself in the same position as you.”
That both did and did not surprise Jack at all. People like them- they were geared to be alone. It’s what he’d always thought, until he met Tia. “So what did you do?”
“I sucked it up and fixed things. I did what I had to do.”
“But- but how?”
Percy knew what he meant. He was the only guy who probably could. At least, the only guy that Jack still kept in contact with. “I don’t know. I guess you just get over yourself and get on with it. You don’t stop being afraid or edgy or any of those things. You don’t forget your past or where you came from, because you are who you are because of it. You just stop letting it have the upper hand. You give your focus to something else and let that slowly take over. Every single day it becomes a little more of who you are and all that other shit that came before- it becomes a whole lot less of your present and just a part of a distance past.”
“That sounds way too easy.”
“It’s not. It’s hard as hell. You asked, though, and that’s how I’ve done it. Chose every single day to be here and now and not let that shit rule my life.”
“But how are you with Shanna? I mean, does she know about all that shit?”
Percy’s lips thinned out. “No. Not everything. She knows some. Enough. We met each other in the middle. She’s just way better at doing that than I am.”
“Go figure. I never would have guessed.”
“You know, Jack, you haven’t changed one bit. You always were a sarcastic mother fucker. Why the ladies liked you was always beyond me.”
“It’s beyond me too. I guess it’s because I’m blonde and blue eyed. Women like that.”
Percy rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t know. Anyway, apparently one woman doesn’t like you. I’m guessing that’s why we’re here.”
“I- I guess that’s one way of putting it. I fucked things up.”
“How badly?”
“Bad. I- I was just fucking lonely at the start. An opportunity presented itself and I took it because I thought I’d never see her again.”
“But you did.”
“I did. It turns out she damn well worked for me. And then- I guess I don’t have as much self-control as I thought I did, because it happened again. I got her fired. I do have her number, compliments of me bribing a slime ball in HR and I know where she lives, but I don’t dare go there. She won’t answer me calls and I’m sure she’d just slam the door on my face.”
“You got her fired?” Percy put up a hand. “Wait. I don’t even want to know. What I am curious about is, why her? And why now? You’ve been by yourself for years now. Four years is a long time.”
Jack shook his head. He wished the place had a damn waiter or waitress, but as it was, there was just a guy behind a huge bar. The kitchen staff probably did an order up kind of a thing. He thought about getting another drink, but decided against it. No amount of the hard shit was going to make Tia forgive him or like him more.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Jack confessed. “I was fine just being by myself most of the time and when I wasn’t, there was someone there to scratch the itch.”
“You’re a real class act.”
Jack shot Percy a sharp look. “I never claimed I was anything more than what I am. Anyway, I don’t know. I just- there’s something about her. I meant the last time to be the last. I can’t just open myself up like other people. I can’t let other people in and risk them finding out about me and about my past.”
“But with you, you wish you could.”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I want or what I wish.”
“And how exactly, am I supposed to help you?”
Jack blew out a breath. “I don’t know that either. I’m sorry to say, you’re the only person I could call because you’re the only one I still talk to. I can’t just go and make friends with normal people. You can imagine how that discussion would go. Oh, by the way, my mom and I were homeless since I was five. She died of a coke overdose when I was twelve and I’ve been on my own since then. I joined a gang just to stay alive and made my living stealing shit and then beating the piss out of people who couldn’t pay us for Slim Rick’s drugs. And then I got out and got a fake ID and a fake life and now I work at a legit company with my fake degree, and my life is still a damn wreck even though I’m just like everyone else now.”
This time Percy sighed. He folded his hands on the table top and eyed Jack evenly. He was much calmer than he used to be, probably compliments of fatherhood. Maybe husband-hood too. “I know that it can be a lonely existence. I was pretty screwed before I met Shanna. I didn’t plan on it and I fought it and I let her go. I went back and I fought for her and we made things work. That’s a brief summation of a hell of a lot of work and love and time and effort.”
“I guess you have helped me.” Jack crossed his arms and leaned back. “If even you can get married and make shit work out like a normal person, you, Percy, then maybe there’s hope for the rest of us.”
Percy snorted. “Yup. A real class act.”
“I never pretended I was a good guy.”
“You should figure out how to be that. A little bit. Your lady friend will probably thank you for it.”
“We’re not on speaking terms. I just- didn’t know what I should do about it. I’ve been fucked up in my own head for days. Now that I don’t see her every day, I miss her. I’ve never missed anyone before. It’s like there’s this absence, a hole. Something wrong, even though things were never right. It was honestly just about sex. Or it was supposed to be at least. I could tell that last time, though, that it wasn’t just that for her. It scared the shit out of me and I shut down and walled myself up. She left before we could talk about anything, not that I could have at the time, and then, the next thing I knew, she was being fired and I haven’t talked to her since.”
“You, my friend, sound pretty damn screwed.”
“Or not. That’s the problem.”
“So I literally drove for two days to hear you talk about your love life, or lack thereof?”
“I guess so. I had no one else to call-”
“I’m just busting your balls. Like I said, it was a nice break. Shanna knows I need that, every now and then. She knows that there are parts of me that will never be like everyone else and she loves even that. My advice, be it what it is, is that if you’ve found someone who can look at you and you think she can see the ugly parts of you and your past and still move on with a present and a future, don’t let her go. Make things right.”
“I don’t know how.”
Percy grinned, that creepy, shiver inducing grin. He pushed back his chair and stood. He stretched his arms above his head, easing out the kinks in his muscles like he was about to hit the road again. Like the whole thing really was about the journey and not about arriving there to meet at all. Jack knew the feeling. He understood better than anyone.
He and Percy both came from homes that weren’t homes. They were both screwed up as kids and that translated into an even shittier adulthood. Even as a regular person, hiding in plain sight, it was hard to shake it and learn to trust. Jack could fake it, but when it really came to being like everyone else, he didn’t know if he could do it.
“I trust that you’ll figure it out. And Jack…”
“Yeah?”
“Next time, just send a damn email. I thought I was going to have to go to bat for you and it’s been a long time since I’ve had to scare anyone.”
Jack watched Percy walk out of the small restaurant bar thing, whatever the hell the place actually was. He leaned back and shook his head. Somehow he doubted that very much, since Percy still, after all those years as a regular citizen, had the knack for making his blood run cold. And he meant that in the nicest way possible. The guy was a brother, after all. Creepy or not, he’d always be the closest thing Jack had to a real family.