Chapter Eleven
(Chloe)
I’d still been asleep when Jax arrived home. The front door to the apartment opened with a creak. My eyelids fluttered open, before abruptly closing in the glare of the direct, blinding light that invaded the room through the sash-window. I rolled to my left and glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table through squinted eyes; it was 11:32am! I sat up in bed, suddenly.
To my surprise, I was greeted by my own naked reflection in the wall mirror that faced me. My eyes darted over the bed as I rummaged under the quilt, looking for my clothes. I found my t-shirt slung over the edge of my pillow and tugged it on. I shuffled out of bed and kept the duvet wrapped around me while I pulled out a clean pair of panties and black yoga-pants from my things.
The bedroom door was wide open and Jax appeared in the doorway, still wearing his leather jacket. I was bewildered by his serious, don’t-fuck-with-me looking stance. His arms were crossed, his legs wide apart while he straddled the width of the doorway; his face looked solemn and resolved.
As I pulled up my yoga pants, I gave him a warm smile. “Jax, where have you been?” I asked, invitingly.
Jax didn’t respond, nor did he come into the bedroom.
I tried again, “Say something,” I chirped. “Or are you too overcome from last night?” I teased, with a giggle. I strode over to him, pressed my body against his and whispered, “I missed you.” I got onto my tiptoes to reach his lips. I held myself steady by the collar of his jacket and inhaled to take in the scent of his cologne. To my surprise, the scent had transformed this morning. It was a new and remarkable mix of cologne and the rich smell of smoke from a Cuban cigar. It overwhelmed my senses and I crushed my lips to his.
Jax didn’t kiss me back. And he still hadn’t said a word.
I lowered my weight back down onto my heels and looked up at his face; it was cold and emotionless. Almost hostile. I was taken aback; the night we’d shared had felt to me like a beautiful dream. From the way Jax was behaving, it seemed as though, to him, it had been nothing but a meaningless one-night-stand he wanted to distance himself from.
My voice turned serious. “Are you all right?” I asked.
Again, he gave me no answer.
My tone hardened further and I tried again, “Jax, what the fuck’s going on? You won’t even talk to me.”
Jax gave a long, heavy exhale and stepped back, out from my grasp. Finally, he spoke, “I can’t BS you any longer,” he said, abruptly.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re not making any sense.”
“There’s something I want you to know.”
“Alright,” I replied, my eyebrows furrowing at him in confusion.
“We should sit down.” He dropped his crossed arms and his shoulders fell with them; it appeared that he had relaxed a little more. Jax put his right arm around my shoulders and kissed my forehead.
What the fuck had gotten into him? First, Jax is unresponsive, and then he looks fired up….now he kisses me?
“What’s going on, Jax?” I asked, firmly. “You push me away and then you kiss me?” I walked by his side, under his arm, out of the bedroom.
“Like I said, there’s something I’ve got to say,” he replied, sharply. He steered me to the couch. Slipping off his jacket, he tossed it onto the dining table on the way.
We sat down on the sofa. Jax sat in one corner and I crossed my legs on the middle seat and pivoted to face him. “So?” I asked. I wanted to reach out and take his hand but he had a standoffish aura, so I just sat there and waited for him to speak.
After a minute, he began to talk, “If there is going to be anything between us, then it’s important that you know a few things about my past and my club.”
“Okay,” I replied, nonchalantly. I supposed that I’d been mistaken; perhaps Jax thought I didn’t understand what I was getting into by considering a relationship with an MC man. But I understood their world completely. I understood more than Jax, my mother and anybody else would ever know. It was in my blood; everything about bikes, bikers and their clubs fascinated me. Despite my mother’s warning to avoid MC’s like the plague, I couldn’t resist. It was something I had always quietly craved. And it scared the shit out of me. But if I had really wanted nothing to do with Jax and this life, then I would have left Jax and his apartment after the first night.
“I told you about our president, Bruno De Luca. That his businesses, his money, and his family mean a lot to him,” Jax said.
I nodded. “Yes, you did. What about him?”
“Bruno is major importer of booze through his company. He owns CDL Import and Export Company Limited. That company is his pride and joy; created by him in memory of his brother, Charles. Bruno’s whiskey business is what has funded our MC for the past decade.”
“Yes, I know that. Everybody in Coronado knows Bruno’s a great businessman. Half this town have jobs, directly or indirectly, because of his whiskey operation,” I responded, knowing that I had overstated a little. “But why is that relevant to me?” I asked.
Jax ignored my question and went on, “Back when I joined my club, I didn’t have a lot. No job and my mom had left me, remember?”
I nodded again.
“Bruno and his late wife, Annie – who passed a few years back – took me into their home when I was 17. It was at the time when my mom left town. I needed a place to sleep while I was prospecting. Bruno and Annie warmed to me or something, I guess,” he said with a shrug. “I was hustling long hours at for the club, but when you’re prospecting, there’s no financial compensation for your time. You do it because you want your patch more than you want anything else.” Jax paused for a beat and took a breath. “All I wanted was enough cash to buy my first bike. But I didn’t have it. And nor did a couple of the other prospects I had befriended – Max and Danny Bricks, twins.”
“Jax what did you get involved in?” I asked, shaking my head. I squinted my eyes at him. “I’ve never heard of the Bricks twins. I bet they’re in jail or something.”
Jax responded, immediately. “I know you haven’t heard of them. Max and Danny started prospecting at the age of twenty-one at the same time as me. I was four years younger than them but we got on well. At the time, they were unemployed, hopeful but – as countless music managers had told them – talentless rappers, keen to hit the big time.”
I leaned my elbow on the top of the sofa and rested by head on my hand. I had a hunch that this story was going somewhere interesting, but Jax was taking his time about it.
“This is important, Chloe. So listen, ok?” he said with a sharp exhale.
I nodded. “I’m listening.”
He sat back in his seat. “Here’s what happened. Before they started prospecting, Max and Danny used to rap for local gigs now-and-then. The guy that hooked them up was called Mickey, Mickey Clark. The guy was doing well for himself financially; he organized illegal raves across San Diego and was well-connected in the music world. Apparently, Mickey had known the brothers since the 5th grade. So, Mickey did them a favor and started adding them to line ups of the events he was paid to run. Eight hundred dollars for a few hours performing a night wasn’t a bad trade. Pretty soon, I stepped in as manager so I could earn some cash, negotiating dates they would attend and the duo’s fee per gig. I got thirty percent off the top each time. We started doing well, and it didn’t take time away from our work at the MC during the day.”
“You never told me you were in a band,” I said, raising an eyebrow at him. I smiled. A moment later when he did not return my smile, my smile faded. That was when I knew this talk would be serious.
Jax took a breath. “I wasn’t. I just needed the cash for a bike at the time. And the boys’ needed a manger. Just let me finish explaining ok?” He looked increasingly tense and something told me this story didn’t have a happy ending.
“One evening, the three of us show up for a rehearsal for a local gig near the docks. It was ten p.m. This was normal. You showed up the day before the rave happened, met the other acts, checked your sound and did a run through. That evening, however, nobody was around. We called Mickey and he tells us he called the gig off. No rave meant no rehearsal. What was odd about it was that, this sort of thing didn’t happen at forty dollars a ticket, sold out to three hundred people. When Danny asked Mickey why, Mickey revealed that when he had arrived at the venue for the run-through, before the rest of us, there were a couple of guys in a white SUV in the car park next door; the parking lot of a boarded-up factory. He told Danny he’d watched from the window of the rave’s venue as two large guy’s offloaded moonshine from the boot of the SUV into the old factory. He’d seen them, but they hadn’t seen him.”
“Why would that matter?” I asked, tightening my lips.
“Well, these were underground raves. Like I said, they’re illegal. It’s called a squat party; they host them in abandoned buildings. As long as you’ve got a power source and basement, you’re set. Mickey knew how to pull them off without trouble. He also knew how to wrap things up and get away if the cops ever did show up to shut them down. But if he got caught, he’d go down for sure. Mickey had to be careful. To him, this risk wasn’t worth taking.”
I cut in, “But he wasn’t involved with the moonshine, and it was in the building next door.”
“Yes. But think about it, if the men who showed up in the SUV were offloading moonshine at night into an abandoned factory nobody had used in years, then it was hot stuff for sure. If the cops came sniffing around, they would have caught onto what Mickey was up to before the gig even started.”
“I guess that makes sense.” I shrugged.
“Yep. But the night ended there for us. After Mickey gave us the news, Max, Danny and I, went to the biker’s bar to have a few beers instead. We started thinking… what if the moonshine was Bruno’s whiskey that somebody had nabbed from our boats? If the whiskey was in Coronado, then that was very likely, right?”
I nodded.
Jax went on, “Even if it wasn’t’ Bruno’s stuff, if somebody else was trading whiskey in or through his town, Bruno would want to know about it. So he could put a bullet in those people’s heads. That’s when we came up with a plot. The plan was, we would bust into the place later that night, take the moonshine or whatever it was, and bring it to Bruno. It was simple. We were sure Bruno would have been so impressed that he would patch us into the Black Devils on the spot. We would also kill two birds with one stone. We’d have made it into the MC, and we’d start getting paid by the club so we wouldn’t need to work on the side to pay for our bikes. We just had to get the moonshine and take it to Bruno. I swear that’s all we were going to do.”
“I see. So, that’s how you became one of the bikers so young,” I said. “I always wondered how you managed to get patched in so early compared to the rest.”
Jax shook his head. “No. I had to earn my patch the hard way, unfortunately. But, I worked three times as hard as anyone else to make it happen quickly.” He took a breath and exhaled. “Anyway, to get the point, the three-of-us fucked up big time. The plan ended in disaster due to our naïve stupidity.”
I leaned forward and my eyes bored into his. “What went wrong?”
“This all went down about ten years ago, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Sunday. April 12th 2009.” Jax recalled. “And, before I tell you, let me say right here, flat out, I never meant for anything bad to happen to anyone that night. What happened, happened so fast there wasn’t even really time to think. One minute everything was fine and then next… it was fucked to hell. We were just kids; we didn’t know what a death trap the old grain factory was.”
At that moment the penny dropped. Askeys! Askeys grain factory. My breathing picked up and I shook my head in disbelief. My eyes welled up, but I wasn’t about to give into tears. “Everyone knows that place was ancient Jax! It has been that way for nearly fifteen years. That disused mineshaft of a building should have been demolished long ago. That place killed my f-father!” I exclaimed, my voice broken by the final sentence.
“I know. The three of us got in through a window and made our way along the mezzanine floor. All of a sudden, the ground fell from beneath us. We just fell right through! First, there was a loud rumble and a quake in the ground beneath us, followed by a drop a nanosecond later and the deafening sound of metal crashing down to the unlit basement below and the cries of the three of us falling with it. Miraculously, I was ok. But I was trapped. I yelled for the others over and over but their voices never broke the deadly silence that followed the collapse. I thought I was finished, then a man who must have been at the building for the moonshine climbs down and levers me out. When I ran clear of the metal that had trapped me, I saw a jacket on the floor: A Blood and Bones MC jacket. And the man’s street name written on the back was—”
“—Dagger.” I cut him off. My suspicions of the past few minutes had been confirmed: Jaxson had gotten my father killed.
“I panicked. I thought he would kill me if he recognized my face, so I prepared to run. Suddenly, another part of the structure collapsed and hit him. I never heard a yell or a scream. It was too late. Your father was dead before he hit the ground. I could hear police sirens sound in the distance. With the shock of it all, I grabbed his flashlight and bolted out the place.”
“You should have stayed with him,” I said. My voice began to tremble. Oh, god… I felt sick. “You should have called the fire department, the police, anyone!” Tears flooded from my eyes.
Jax tried to comfort me. “I should have done a lot of things, Chloe. I left my brother’s down there too. I always had it in my mind that there must have been something I could have done to save them,” he said, stroking my head.
“You let them die. You left three men down there all night. You were the only one that could have saved them. The fire department wouldn’t even go down into that death trap. You could have phoned somebody and helped from the basement. The next morning, my mom was devastated but had one last flicker of hope left in her eyes that the authorities might be able to haul dad out alive. But when she came back from the docks, she told me that the firemen brought ropes and ladders, but the structure was deemed too unstable to even attempt to retrieve the bodies. You caused his death, Jax. Then, you didn’t even stick around to try to right your wrongs.”
Jax’s eyes gazed into mine.
“To make it worse, the cops had the place taped up with investigators around for weeks to try to figure out why anybody had been there that night. But nobody could. We never even got his body. We had to bury an empty casket.”
“You’re saying the moonshine was never recovered?” Jax asked with a look of shock.
“No. It wasn’t. This is first I’ve heard about it. I don’t see why that’s important. The point is, my father is gone because of you. And you’re only just telling me now.”
“I know that, Chloe. I couldn’t be sorrier for what happened. That’s why I did everything I could to help you. Flash forward two weeks after the event, you and your mom move into town. I tried to look out for you and be the man you needed in your life.”
“I don’t understand why my dad would try to save you. Dad was a Blood and Bones man; you were a Black Devil prospect.”
“He didn’t know who I was. I wasn’t wearing my colors that night. He was a good man Chloe; a good man trying to do the right thing. The man was risking his life trying to prevent a group of foolish kids from getting hurt. He rolled the dice and lost.”
“So, now you owe him but he’s gone. The only reason you ever helped me and mom was to make yourself feel better,” I said, knowing that this disillusionment was something I would find very difficult to get over—if I could get over it at all.
“That wasn’t the only reason. I care about you a lot. I just want you to have the life you deserve, Chloe. I want to help you.”
There was a pause before I spoke again, “Help me like my dad saved your life even though your fuck-up cost him his? Mom and I loved you, Jax. We loved you so damn much you don’t even know. You were there for us when we had nothing and no one but each other. But now I know that you’re the one that caused it.”
“Can’t you see that everything I’ve ever done is about trying to repay your father for what he did?”
I looked up at Jax with wide, fearful eyes. “I don’t want your help. I want my father back!”
Jax paused for a beat and inhaled deeply. “I know, Chloe. I know.”
“You ran because you didn’t want blood on your hands. Face it, Jax,” I said, through heavy sobs.
“I panicked. I told you. After I ran, what choice did I have? If I had turned myself into my club, I would have been dead. I had betrayed Bruno and the opportunity he’d given me by breaking into that factory without informing him, and for leaving his prospects down there for dead. If I had turned myself into the police, I could have been locked up inside for decades. What good would that have done? Instead, I decided to let fate take its course and I promised to always protect my brothers in my MC. And I’ve done that. I vowed to always protect you too, Chloe. And I’m trying to do that for you now. What more can I do?”
“Not have left my father to bleed to death,” I cried out.
“Look, the night your father died I made a mistake. And if it weren’t for your father’s courage I wouldn’t be here. Your father was a brave man. A good man. And having spent the past ten years watching out for you Chloe, I think he would be incredibly proud of you and the choices you have made,” Jax added.
Neither of us said a word and we caught our breath.
After a tense couple of minutes, I said, “I’m starting to think mom was right, Jax. The MC world destroys lives. Your ‘mistake’ should have taught you that and served as cautionary tale. At that point, you should have left your club. Why the hell did you stay?” My eyes surveyed his face trying to understand his fucked up logic.
“Because, I had nothing left to lose! Before Bruno took me on, my whole life had gone tits up. Drugs, petty crime, and I was jobless. I tried out this college just outside of town when I was kicked out of school, but I hated it. Teachers in those institutions look down on people like me; they judge from ivory towers with no thought about why we do what we do. I didn’t have choice; you get me?”
I glared at Jax. “You think I didn’t have to work my ass off in College. You think I got lucky and had a bunch of nice teachers that handed me good grades on a silver platter? No way, Jax. I had to work damn hard for what I’ve achieved in life. My life hasn’t been all roses and sunshine either. But one thing I’ve learned, you get out of life exactly what you put in. You make a mistake and you learn not to do that again.”
Jax went on, “I get that Chloe. But you have to understand. I was truly alone. The night your dad was killed, I came home with my clothes ripped, dusty, and bloody. My mom went mental. Threw her things into three suitcases, called a taxi, and was out of my life twenty minutes later. Forever, Chloe. No goodbye. No address to visit. Nothing. It was totally unexpected. I’d known when I started prospecting that my involvement with a motorcycle club had started to put a strain on our relationship, but I never thought she would abandon me like that. It made me so damn mad at the time.”
“This is my point exactly. You don’t see the destruction you cause. Your mom was terrified of losing you like she’d lost your father. How could you expect her to stick around to watch you self-destruct like you nearly did that night.”
“I know. I figured that out too fucking late. But for whatever reason, I got lucky. Nobody ever came out for blood for what had happened, then Bruno and Annie took me into their home. I had somewhere I belonged with the club. I was doing okay for the first time in my life. A couple of weeks later you and Sheila moved into town. Like I told you before, I ate at that greasy-spoon place every damn night just to check that you were okay too.”
“Oh, you mean this? How do I know you’re not going to get me into the same kind of trouble you got my dad into? How do I know you wouldn’t run away if I were fighting for my life like my dad was?” I yelled. I understood that Jax had lied to me for a purpose, but he had lied nonetheless.
Jax didn’t respond. Instead, he pulled out his phone that had just buzzed in his pocket. He became preoccupied with his phone ‒ ignoring me completely.
I watched Jax carefully, noting the widening of his eyes in shock as he read something. Call it intuition, or simply years of knowing Jax, but I got a very uncomfortable feeling. Something wasn’t right. Something that was apparently more of a priority to him than I was. It could only be MC business.
In a snap judgement, Jax stood up and turned his back on me as he bolted toward the front door. He grabbed his jacket as he passed the kitchen table and shouted something quickly about coming back soon.
It seemed rather off hand and dismissive behaviour, unless it was a real life emergency. I highly doubted that. It was too unlikely. That club owned him like a puppet on strings.
Jax had hardly even apologized for what he’d done to my father and for the web of deception he had woven. By darting out of the apartment, it felt like he was showing me and my father the middle finger—the fury inside of me made my heart my pound in my chest. Jax had abandoned me for his club.
As the front door swung shut, I yelled through floods of tears, “Where do you think you are going, Jaxson?”