Chapter 39: Skylar

I didn’t sleep well. After I woke from Bijou’s crying, I couldn’t seem to get comfortable because the image of Mitch’s face as he held his daughter was stamped behind my eyes. Casting his adoring gaze down while his protective arms held her to his chest, he was the very picture of paternal affection and yes, this conflicted with the murderer I knew him to be. My muddled emotions kept me awake. I was still tossing and turning at 6:00 a.m., when my phone buzzed with a text.

Come to the bakery for coffee? I need to talk to you.

Gavin. Compunction made me twitch. Had he figured out my betrayal? I wasn’t ready to face him but if I waited until I was ready, I’d never get it over with.

Sure. I’ll be there in about an hour.

I crutched my way out of bed and into the bathroom, where I took a bath instead of a shower because standing and balancing on a wet surface was too difficult. As I lay in the warm water, I thought about my night with ski patrol calendar-boy Frank, back when I was sure that losing my shot at the Olympic team was the worst catastrophe the world could offer. Now look at me. But here’s the thing about self-pity: it spontaneously reproduces itself. I couldn’t cry over my sad, sad story, or else the narrative would never, ever change. I had to remain clear-headed if I wanted to be in control and I remembered this as I finished my bath, got dressed, and tried to leave the condo without making enough noise to wake Mitch and Bijou. Somehow, I was successful at all three, and though I realized my pride only made me more pathetic, I still enjoyed my triumph.

When I got to the bakery I saw Gavin through the windows, laying out a tray of muffins, and my heart staggered. I knew I didn’t deserve him but I also felt incapable of letting him go.

I used my crutches to swing my way up to the bakery entrance. Gavin looked up in time to see me approach and he opened the door for me. “Hi!” he said, and the warmth he packed into that one little syllable communicated that I hadn’t been called here for a confrontation. Gavin was still in the dark about my dark side; he was the Plantation Owner to my Moll Flanders.

“I made your favorite scones.”

“Raspberry white chocolate?”

“You know it.” He gestured toward a little table, where a plate with a scone and a steaming cup of coffee already sat. “Let’s sit and talk. I only have a few minutes before the morning rush begins.”

I let Gavin help me into a chair and then he leaned my crutches against the wall. He sat opposite me, drumming his thick fingers against the table and flicking his light brown bangs out of his eyes. “So how was last night?” he asked.

“You mean with Mitch and Bijou?”

“Yes,” Gavin answered.

“Okay. I mean, I don’t trust him, but he was polite enough.”

“Did Bijou cry all night?”

“No. I only heard her once.”

Gavin’s mouth set into something like a frown and a serious crease formed between his eyes. “Do you think this situation is going to be livable?”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

He let out a gusty breath. “Well, isn’t it sort of weird? You and Mitch are both single and now you’re living together and caring for a baby together, but the circumstances are so… unnatural?”

My defenses went up. “Unnatural?”

Gavin rubbed his forehead, signaling that what he was about to say was really, really difficult. “For better or worse, Jo Beth and Mitch loved each other, and whether you intend it or not, people might think you’re trying to take her place…in every way possible.”

I sucked on my bottom lip and gripped the table edge. “Wow. You must think I’m pretty stupid.”

“No, I don’t. That’s just the point. I think you’re the best, Skylar, and I think you deserve better than trying to fill Jo Beth’s shoes.” His eyes softened as his hands reached across the table to caress my fingers. “I want you to think about it. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, and you have all this potential, and I hate to see you waste it on pursuing Jo Beth’s dream and caring for Jo Beth’s daughter, and—”

“And falling for Jo Beth’s boyfriend?” I snatched my hands away and leaned as far back in my chair as possible. “Don’t worry, Gavin. You don’t have to compete with Mitch. I’m not even remotely attracted to him.”

“That’s not what this is about.”

“Oh really?”

Gavin took a deep sniff. “Aren’t you going to eat your scone?”

“I’ve lost my appetite.”

“Fine.” He got up, snatched my plate away and took it back behind the bakery counter. I stared out the window, and through the reflection I could see his gaze. “I just found out last night that I got a scholarship at Le Cordon Bleu.”

Slowly I pivoted in my seat so I could face him. “Where is that?” I asked.

“There are branches all over but I’m going to the one in Chicago.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to be somewhere with good job possibilities after I’m done with school. Chicago is perfect.”

I picked up my coffee cup like I was going to take a sip, but really, I was just warming my hands. “So, this has been in the works for a while. Why didn’t you tell me you were applying?”

“You didn’t ask.”

“Oh, Gavin.” All at once, tears escaped and coursed down my cheeks and I couldn’t explain why. I hadn’t even cried yet over Jo Beth, so why was I crying now? “You would leave me?”

The moment he saw that he’d upset me, Gavin rushed over and captured me in a hug. I let him hold me, though I wasn’t sure if I was sobbing about him or about everything else that had gone so terribly wrong.

He waited until I quieted down. I’m not sure how many minutes had passed, but finally he said softly into my hair, “You could come with me.”

I pulled away. “To Chicago?”

“Yeah. There are tons of good universities there. I was thinking we could do some research, find out where the best literature programs are, and you could apply.”

I wiped my face with the back of my hand and tried to get a grip. “But it’s the Midwest. Where would I ski?”

Gavin attempted to laugh but it came out forced and distorted. “Maybe you could take up a different sport.” With a pensive sigh, he leaned in, kissed my forehead, and then stood up. Looking out the window, he said, “I see a customer coming. We’ll talk later?”

I nodded as the bell over the bakery door rang and somebody entered in from outside.