Morgan
I’d had pizza thrown at me, compliments of a three-year-old throwing a tantrum at one of my tables. I had a Cherry Coke spilled on me—that was my own fault, and I burned my fingers at least five times during the day by forgetting to grab a potholder when lifting the pizza to cut it.
I won’t say my day had been bad but, okay fine—this day sucked.
When my shift ended, I sat in the break room to wait while Lenny cooked a cheese pizza for Toby and the two others I ordered for my parents. Well, okay, one was for me and Xavier too.
I turned in my chair to see Pete enter, carrying the pizzas with a look of concern on his face. “Long day?” he asked and I nodded. “I just want to say thank you for the job you do around here,” he said as he sat the pizzas on the table.
“Just doing what you pay me to do,” I said with a shrug.
“No, you do much more than I pay you to do,” he assured me. “You’re always willing to offer help to the rest of the staff. You work extra hours when I need you to, and you take on more tables than you should.”
“Really it’s okay, today was just one of those days. We all have them,” I assured him as I stood from the table and lifted my pizzas. “I appreciate your concern though.”
“You have plans?” Pete asked, and I knew what he really wanted to ask was if I had plans with my boyfriend. He’d mentioned me having a boyfriend more than one person should to another. It was awkward at times, but I think he was still thrown by Xavier’s behavior and possessive manner.
“Yeah,” I said as I pulled my keys from my pocket, “going over to my parents’. I promised I’d bring my brother a pizza.” I purposely left out Xavier would be there too, because I wasn't heartless. I didn’t want to see the look of disappointment on Pete’s face. I didn’t have to keep throwing it in his face over and over.
He was a nice guy, and he was a great boss. I just wanted to keep the conversations regarding our personal lives as minimal as possible.
“You should take the night off, Pete,” I told him, knowing full well that wasn’t going to happen. Hell, he lived above the restaurant. “Kick your feet back and relax, let someone else handle the place for one night.”
“I’ll think about it, Morgan,” he chuckled as he waved me off. “You have a nice night.”
I left feeling relieved that it was all over. Once I was out of these clothes and showered, I thought I’d feel even better.
I had been using my mother’s car after she insisted I stay away from public transportation. I had a feeling she’d been listening to Marcus and Xavier too much. I drove across town with the radio playing loud. I was singing along to the radio and I was finally beginning to feel a little better about my day until I rounded the corner and my parents’ home came into view.
Xavier’s car was nowhere to be found.
I knew he’d planned on being here and worry that something may have happened began to play heavy on my mind.
Once I had the car in park and the engine shut off, I grabbed the pizza and hurried out. Walking up the drive as fast as my legs would carry me, I pushed open the front door. The sound of Toby’s fit filtered throughout the house. He rarely had them, but when he did they were exhausting. Not only for him, but for everyone around him because we felt like in the end we were battered and bruised.
I set the pizza down and moved through the living room and down the hall. Once I stepped into his room, my heart ached at the scene before me. Toby was on his bed, turned slightly on his side as he smacked at my mother and father while they tried to calm him.
The scene broke my heart. I hated seeing him in this state. He was so confused, sad, and tormented. The look of anguish and loss on my parents’ faces when they both realized nothing they could do was going to stop it. No amount of pizza or his favorite ice cream would matter.
“What’s going on?” I asked, gaining my parents’ attention.
“Go,” my father told my mother and I could see her hesitating. “I got him,” he assured her.
Once she stepped out of the room, I could tell she was stalling. “Mom, what is it? Where is Xavier?”
She looked up at me and I could see the exhaustion in her eyes. “We don’t know where he is. It’s why Toby is so upset.”
“He didn't show?” I asked, feeling like there had to be a logical explanation for him ditching my brother.
“No.” She shook her head. “Toby was so excited. He had your father make a fort for him and Xavier. We got the snacks all set up and Toby sat by the door waiting.” She paused again.
“But he never came.”
I was looking directly at her, but to be honest I didn’t even see her. My thoughts were bouncing all over the place. A mixture of worry and of anger.
“There has to be a good reason as to why he didn’t come, but with Toby you know he doesn’t understand those types of things.” I nodded my head, but still felt as if I was unable to respond. The sound of Toby’s turmoil mixed with my father’s kind words still attempting to soothe him echoed through the hall.
“Maybe I should try?” I asked finally as I moved past my mother and toward my brother’s room. Again, the moment I entered my chest tightened with that familiar ache and the tears filled my eyes, but I fought against them. The last thing my parents needed was me getting all emotional on top of things.
“Hey buddy,” I said as I stepped up to the side of the bed. His thrashing paused for only a moment as he looked in my direction. I watched as he scanned the room, and I think in that moment he noticed I was all alone. Within seconds, he was back to being angry and saddened.
“I talked to Xavier,” I lied. The lie burned, because it was one thing I didn’t do with Toby. I always gave him the truth. I might sugarcoat it at times, but he got the truth from me.
He paused, though he still held his stiffened arms out before him as if he wanted to make sure no one attempted to touch him or move him. He was in defense mode.
“His car wouldn't start.” I began feeling instantly sick to my stomach. I saw the look my father gave me, as if he knew how hard this was for me. He offered me an assuring smile as if my father was giving me permission to continue lying to my brother. I don’t know if that made this entire thing worse or better. “He’s trying to get it running, bud, but he hasn’t had any luck. He had to have it towed off to get fixed. He told me to tell you that boys’ night will still happen and that he’s so sad he had to miss it. He said to ask you when you’re free to reschedule. The sooner the better, because he really misses you.”
I swallowed past the hollow feeling in my chest. The anger inside me felt just a little more dominant than before. The lies I just told burned like acid, even though they seemed to calm Toby just a bit. Though he was still very angry himself, the idea of Xavier rescheduling their night did seem to give him a bit of comfort.
“Would you like me to watch Turtles with you?” I asked and instantly he shook his head no before he focused back on me. Tears once again threatened to spill from my eyes. “I brought you your favorite pizza,” I told him, “a large all for yourself. You don’t even have to share.” Again he shook his head. I could see the exhaustion in him as he stared back at me almost blankly.
“Do you need to take a little nap first?” I asked.
For a moment he continued to stare, reminding me of someone very deep in thought. Ever so slowly he nodded his head as his body began to relax. Both my father and I sat next to him, fearful of touching him and triggering another reaction. The minutes ticked by in slow motion as we watched him slowly give in. His eyes drooped, and though he tried to fight it, eventually his body gave in.
I got up from the floor beside Toby’s bed and quietly moved from the room. When I entered the living room, I pulled my phone from my pocket. My father stepped into the room behind me. “I’m sure he had a good reason for not being here.”
I knew most likely my father was right, but Toby’s actions were still fresh in my mind and at that moment I found it hard to focus on anything else.
Breathing in and out, trying so hard to keep my emotions at bay, I dialed Xavier’s phone number. After four rings it went to his voicemail and my heart rate spiked, thinking the worst.
With shaky fingers I hit end, immediately followed by redial.
After several rings, just when I thought it would go to voicemail, he picked up the phone.
“Hey,” he said, sounding winded as if he’d been running or something. There was a lot of background noise, making it hard to hear him.
“Where are you?” I asked, and someone screamed out in the background. A woman’s laughter followed right before loud hooting and hollering from someone within very close proximity to Xavier.
“Shit,” he mumbled and I could sense he covered the phone. I could hear him talking, yet it was muffled, so understanding the words was impossible.
“Xavier.” I said his name, yet he didn’t answer. I was getting anxious and my patience was wearing thin. “Xavier,” I repeated a little more irritated than before.
“Sorry,” he said.
“Where are you?” I asked again as he told whoever it was near him to be quiet.
“At the frat house,” he stated before once again laughing at someone and completely ignoring me.
“Did you forget something?” I asked.
“What?”
“I said, did you forget something?” I repeated, doing my best to remain calm. With each second that passed, it became a little less possible. “Tell them to shut the fuck up,” I barked.
I was well aware my parents heard my language and for a moment, I felt horrible for them being witness to my less than lady-like choice in words. But damn him, how hard was it to find a quiet place and have an adult conversation with me?
“Babe, let me call you back,” he said and my pulse quickened.
“No,” I said instantly, “go to a different room.”
“I can’t; we’re outside and I’m a mess,” he replied. “Give me a half hour, and I’ll call you back.”
“Xavier,” I said his name again, only he replied with “Bye” at the same time, ending the call. I stood in my parents’ living room, staring at the wall ahead of me, wondering what the hell just happened. Doing my very best to hold it together, I turned to face my father, who stood only a few feet away.
“Can I borrow your truck?” I asked. I figured I should most likely leave my mother’s car, since it was set up for my brother. With the most recent events, I wondered what they would have done had they needed it while I was at work. This left me feeling selfish for using it even though they had insisted.
“Maybe you should wait until he calls back,” he replied. “I’m sure there is an explanation.”
“I’m sure there is too, I just can’t wait to hear it. Not after what I just witnessed.” I wanted to hear it now.
My father looked over at my mother, and together they shared some type of look. Then he offered her a nod as if to answer some unspoken question and pulled his keys from his pocket. “Just be careful,” he added before holding them out in my direction.
“I will,” I assured him before turning to leave.
***
Driving across town, I kept hoping for Xavier to have the perfect reason for ditching my brother. I don’t know what the perfect reason would be, but I had to hope it wasn’t something avoidable.
Cars lined the street in front of his house. Standing along the front porch and stairs were groups of people who were laughing and talking. It looked like some type of party was taking place, which only made my irritation grow.
For his safety, he’d better hope a party wasn’t the reason behind standing my little brother up.
After finding a place to park, I hurried up the front yard in search of Xavier. A mixture of guys and girls stood around laughing and talking. Some had beers in their hands, others were holding some type of mixed drink. Remembering Xavier saying he was outside, I began moving through the house toward the backyard.
Once I stepped out the back door, I looked around to see guys covered from head to toe in what looked like dried mud. I was entirely too irritated to even attempt to figure out what in the hell that was all about, until my eyes settled on one person.
There, about ten feet in front of me, stood Xavier, mud caked on his arms and neck, even some on his cheek. He had a bandana tied on his head and what looked like paint under his eyes, much like what football players wore. I could only see one side of him as he was turned away talking to a group of people. They laughed as he lifted a beer bottle up and took a long drink.
He still hadn’t seen me, but I was focused on nothing but him. Anger boiled inside me with each second that passed.
An arm thrown over my shoulder didn’t even pull my attention from Xavier.
“Your boy is a fucking machine,” someone slurred at my side. “Without him on our team, those asshole Alphas would have gained bragging rights, but Xavier took them down one by one.” The guy rambled on and on for what seemed forever, but was really only a second. I looked over at him but he was too drunk to notice my irritation. I recognized him as the fraternity president, Isaac. “He fucked up Britney’s new boyfriend. I think he might have even made the douche cry a little.”
I shrugged him off and took a step toward Xavier. I’d heard enough. As I stepped up to his side, I could feel my body vibrating with anger.
“Really?” I said, and even I could hear the hurt in my own voice.
Xavier whipped around, and I could instantly sense he was a little unstable on his feet, confirming that he had, in fact, been drinking for some time.
“Morgan,” he said with a big cheesy smile. “I was just getting ready to go in and get cleaned up so I could call you.” He looked down at himself and then back up. “I’m a fucking mess. We had this massive mud war and we won,” he added cheerfully.
Had it been any other day, any other situation, I would have laughed at the ridiculousness these weirdos got themselves into on a daily basis. It was always something so far-fetched you would think it was a joke. But at this point I was so beyond pissed I couldn’t hold back my emotions.
“Yeah.” I threw my hands up in the air sarcastically and shook them around. “You were here fucking mud wrestling in your backyard with a bunch of dumb asses, being cheered on while hitting your target, the boyfriend of your ex, might I add, which would trigger some questions if I wasn’t already so pissed off at you I could barely see straight.”
Now I had his full attention, not to mention half the group surrounding him as well.
“This is what you bailed on my brother to do?” I asked, and the realization of what he’d done hit him like a freight train.
He looked panicked as he stepped toward me and I stepped back, holding up my hand to stop him. I took in a deep breath, trying my hardest to understand how he could forget. Although I had no trouble putting Toby before everything else, I also had to understand it was different for him.
I looked back at him, his eyes wide as if he wanted to say something, but had no idea what words to use.
“You’re in a fraternity, you’re young, and your responsibilities are minimal, I get that,” I assured him. “I understand. You like to party and do really stupid shit with your friends. Okay, fine. I may not like it if you cancel on me or not show up when you are supposed to, but I’ll get over it.”
I stepped closer, lowering my voice, hoping like hell he understood why what he’d done was the worst thing possible. “However, Toby doesn’t understand. If you don’t show up, he’s devastated, because in the end he thinks he’s done something wrong. He looks up to you.” My voice cracked as my emotions threatened to take over. “For some reason, he has this obsession with you. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen from him, and when you didn’t show, I think it broke his heart. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him in the state I found him in tonight. I had to lie to him just to calm him down!”
“I forgot, I got tied up in this game and…damn it.” He lifted his hand to his head and yanked off the bandana. I think he just needed something to do with his hands. The simple fact that he forgot frustrated me.
“I’ll make it up to him,” he added.
The sound of a loud squeal made me jump as some brunette ran around Xavier, almost running into me. I stepped back to get out of her way just as she used his body as a shield. For a moment, he looked away and back toward the girl, a look of surprise covering his face.
In that moment I realized just how tired and defeated I felt. I didn’t want to fight any longer, I just wanted to leave. Being here, seeing what he spent the evening doing wasn’t helping my mood one bit.
I turned around and started to walk away.
“Morgan,” he hollered out, only I kept walking. “Please wait. Let me get cleaned up and I’ll go with you.”
I looked back at him one last time. “Don’t bother,” I told him before stepping inside the back door and leaving him to his party. At this point any hope of a rational conversation between us was lost.