Chapter Seven
Brooke
Somehow I made it through the last month of school. I was miserable, but I wasn’t pathetic enough to sit around waiting for Dom’s call. It took me a while to fully comprehend I’d wrecked a friendship in a five-minute conversation. As much as it hurt, I’d decided I wouldn’t live my life trying to make amends. Maybe one day I’d be able to talk to Dom again, but for now it wasn’t an option. After the first week of crying, I got mad. Dom should’ve told me how he felt. Maybe then we would’ve had a chance at making a relationship work. Or maybe he should’ve listened to me in the student union and not been curled up with the blonde hussy.
Josh, Jared and Drew all realized pretty quickly that Dom and I weren’t talking. The first time my brother asked me what Dom was up to, I broke one of their glass mixing bowls by dropping it on the floor. He only made the mistake one other time and I snapped at him so hard that he stopped mentioning his name to me. Josh might be my annoying older brother, but at times like these he just ignored the issue and tried to help put me at ease. Even though I still spent a lot of time at their apartment, I only went when Dom was in class and there was no chance I would run into him. There was one day we met in the hallway as I was leaving and he was coming home, but our eyes only met for a few seconds before he passed by without saying a word and went into his apartment.
That was the day I decided to get mad.
Ironically, Austin had been persistent, asking me to come hang out and taking me out on dates at least once a week. I liked Austin. I really did. Or at least I was trying to like Austin. The butterflies never showed up, but it made me feel better to have someone there while everyone else insisted on telling me about Dom’s amazing new girlfriend.
Talia Roberts.
I Facebook stalked her after one of the nights everyone insisted on singing her praises to me. She’s so sweet. She’s so funny. She’s so tall and beautiful. Fuck that. After the third time someone mentioned her, I gave in to the impulse. The girl was gorgeous. She could easily model if she wanted to—something she was probably well aware of. But I could easily see why Dom would choose someone like her. Luckily, Caroline had warned me before I stooped to the level of stalkery so I would be prepared. Thank goodness I didn’t check her Instagram first.
Today was the first day of dead week and we’d all decided to go to Josh’s apartment to study for finals. I was leaning back against the couch, reading and passing a notebook back and forth with Austin. To my surprise he was flirting like a high school boy sending notes to his girlfriend. I was giggling at something he wrote when the front door opened again. Dom and Talia walked in and waved before going over to the open seats at the kitchen table. My laughter died in my throat, and I immediately glanced back down at my book.
Caroline gave me a concerned look from across the room before looking back down at her own notebook. Austin nudged my side.
“Want to take a break and grab something to eat?”
I smiled gratefully. “How about—”
“You guys can’t leave. Brooke you promised me you would make baked ziti,” Josh interrupted.
I wanted to punch my stupid brother. He really was blind. “I’ll make it at my apartment and bring it back over. You never said when you wanted it, just that you wanted me to make it.”
“I bought all the ingredients yesterday because you said—”
“I know what I said, Josh. Fine I’ll make your fucking pasta,” I snapped.
“Thank you.” He gave me a smug smile. Riley reached over and smacked him on the back of the head. At least someone was on my side.
Austin smiled and squeezed my thigh with one of his big hands.
Big hand, big feet, big—
“I’ll help you cook if you want.”
“I’d like that.” I gave him a small smile. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but do you actually know how to cook?”
The only time I could remember him attempting to cook was when he almost set the apartment on fire making pancakes. He laughed and Josh and Jared joined in.
“Nope. I know how to burn toast, but there’s no time like the present, right? And I’ll bet I do okay with the right teacher.” He winked, and I shook my head, rolling my eyes heavenward.
Josh grinned. “We’ve revoked his kitchen privileges. After the last time he tried to heat up soup and he melted the pot we told him to stay the hell out of there.”
“How did you—you know what, never mind.”
Austin stood up and gave me his hand to help me off the floor. He tugged me close against his chest and grinned before leaning down to kiss me. I pulled away quickly, and I could feel a blush work its way up my cheeks. We didn’t express much PDA in front of our friends, but for some reason that one felt calculated.
I pushed past him and walked into the kitchen, grabbing dishes and ingredients to distract myself as I worked. He came up behind me and put his hands on my waist, looking over my shoulder at what I was doing.
“What can I do to help?”
I scrunched up my brows, trying to figure out something he could do that wouldn’t screw up our dinner.
“Turn on the oven?”
He laughed in understanding. “I can handle that. Then I can sit down on the other side and watch you work.”
Oh thank goodness, I tried not to show my relief, but he winked at me as he went to sit down. Josh walked up and stole a piece off the wedge of cheese I was going to grate. “Brooke has always been particular when she was cooking. Dom, remember the first time she made carnitas? I thought she was going to cut you when you started adding spices without tasting it first.”
He started to grin but caught himself before he really let go. “You’d think she would’ve realized that Mexican dishes were my specialty.”
I pointed a box of pasta at him. “Just because your momma can cook doesn’t mean you can,” I said, speaking to him for the first time in a month. “Talia when he takes you home, ask Sofia to make her carne asada. It’s delicious, but don’t let Dom fool you, he can’t make it as good as she can.”
He groaned. “The one time I didn’t add—”
“Austin, hand me the ricotta cheese out of the fridge please.” He glanced between me and Dom before going to grab it for me. Josh looked between the two of us but wisely didn’t comment. “Since everyone is here, why don’t we talk about room assignments?”
Jared and Drew groaned. “I thought we had all this figured out,” Quinn said from the couch. I thought she was asleep over there.
“The last time we talked about it Austin wasn’t going.”
And Dom and I were still friends.
“Are you and Austin staying in the same room?” Dom asked sharply.
I glanced in his direction, but didn’t glare at him like I wanted to. “I don’t know. Maybe. What about Talia? Are you coming to Padre with us?”
She looked flustered. “Um…Dom and I haven’t talked about it.”
“You should. There’s plenty of room, and we’re going to have a blast. Consider this your official invitation.”
She looked at Dom and he tipped his head to indicate it was her choice. I don’t think she liked being put on the spot. It took everything in me to contain my glee at making her uncomfortable. “I’ll have to see what my friends had planned, but I don’t think it would be an issue.”
“Great. So we need to discuss room assignments.”
Caroline cleared her throat. “I think we should table this until we get there. The only people we absolutely know are going to stay in the same room are Josh and Riley and that’s only because none of us want to hear them having sex.”
I shuddered. “Agreed.” I glared at my brother. “And if I see your ass one more time, I swear to God I’m going to murder you. I don’t need that shit in my head. Rule number one: no sex in the living room at the condo. Ever.”
Riley walked up behind Josh and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I’ll make him behave.”
I went back to putting the ziti together, trying to forget the couch incident. “I guess we can wait as long as Josh is clear on the rules.”
He shrugged and grinned over his shoulder at Riley. Her arms wrapped tighter around him and she tickled his side. I looked away quickly. Watching them together was torture some days. Austin was a fun distraction, but we would never have what they did.
I finished putting the casserole together quickly and shoved it in the oven. My heart raced as I walked to where I’d been sitting with Austin before I started cooking. It took some doing, but I don’t think anyone suspected that I wasn’t okay. The tension in my shoulders might have given me away if anyone was paying close enough attention. I pretended to shuffle through my bag, looking for something important.
“I need to head back the apartment. I left my journalism notebook on my desk. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” I said to whoever was listening.
Caroline reached out to squeeze my hand as I passed by her. She understood how hard this was on me to be in the same room as Dom. But if she understood just how much, she’d be following me right now. As soon as I was out the door I sucked in a deep breath. I was able to take a few more steps before I had to lean against the building. My hand shook as I covered my mouth to muffle the sob that was working its way out. Panic attacks had a way of making me feel like I was in a fishbowl. The world closed in on me, and every issue in my life seemed to magnify itself tenfold. I closed my eyes tight and tried to count. Sometimes it could help ground me and bring me back to reality. But today wasn’t one of those days.
I’d felt this creeping up all day, but instead of staying at home and waiting, I’d chosen to go over to my brother’s house and spend the afternoon with my friends, hoping that I could make it go away. I was lucky I’d made it out the door before I’d totally lost it. Being around people helped sometimes, but it seemed like everything was conspiring against me lately. Maybe if Dom and Talia hadn’t shown up, I could have made it through the afternoon.
“Brooke, what the hell was that in there?”
Dom walked up, his steps heavy, every movement he made showing his anger. It was the same way he’d been every time we’d had to spend any time around each other since that day in his bedroom.
“Not now, Dom.”
The closer he got, the more I wanted to scream.
“Yes now. You owe me an explanation.”
He reached for my arm, and I panicked. I pushed past him and tried to get away before he could see how wild my eyes were. He’d always said he could tell when I was in the middle of an attack by how my eyes looked. According to him, I looked trapped, like I was a wild animal trying to escape. Right now he wasn’t far off the mark.
“Later,” I choked out. “You can yell at me later.” He grabbed for me again, and I shoved back at him. “I said no!”
He stopped. “Brooke, look at me.”
I pushed past him. “Don’t. It’s not your problem anymore.”
“If you need help—”
“I don’t.”
“Brooke, just because we aren’t...talking. You don’t have to do this alone.”
I shook my head and laughed. It sounded shrill even to my own ears. “I want to. If I do then I won’t have to worry that someone I trust will disappear on me again. So go back inside to your girlfriend and leave me the fuck alone, Dominic.”
He jerked back like I slapped him. “Really? You’re pinning all this on me?”
“If you had ever told me how you felt—”
“What? You’d throw it back in my face?” he snarled.
“You’re an asshole.”
I shoved past him, trying to stay upright as I walked away. As soon as I stepped foot inside my apartment I could curl into a little ball and cry. My main focus had to be getting away from Dominic. I wasn’t strong enough to have this fight. Maybe when I wasn’t in the middle of my own personal hell, I could fight, but I just wanted for this attack to pass. Standing here and screaming at Dom while all of our friends were probably standing at the door listening to us wasn’t helping.
“Let me help you get to your apartment at least,” he said softly.
He sounded defeated, like he expected me to say no.
I nodded, too weak to fight anymore. If I didn’t let him walk with me, there was a good chance that I would end up leaned against one of the cars in the parking lot, unable to make it all the way. His strong arms wrapped around my waist and he held me upright as we crossed the parking lot. Instead of asking me for my key, he reached above our porch light and grabbed the spare one without saying anything. I let him open the door and slowly followed him inside. My eyes met his and for a split second it broke through the numbness settling over me.
“Can you make it to your bedroom?”
I let go of him and tried to shuffle a few more steps into the apartment. My entire body was numb. If it were up to me, I would collapse on the floor right here. Dom grabbed me before I fell. I didn’t even protest when he pulled me up into his arms. I felt safe there as he carried me down the hall. He threw my shoes onto the floor and tugged the comforter over my shoulders. By that point, the shivering had started. I was so cold that my teeth chattered even though I was under the covers and it was summertime. It had been a long time since I’d had a panic attack this bad.
I don’t know how long I laid there. The underwater feeling was still on the surface, but it was slowly starting to fade. When I finally felt somewhat normal, I realized Dom was lying behind me running his hands up and down my arm over the comforter.
“You stayed.”
I felt him nod his head. “This was a bad one, and I didn’t want to leave you alone.”
“Thank you.”
I stared at the window and tried not to remember that if my blinds were open, I could see Dom’s apartment. Hell if his blinds were open we could see into each other’s rooms.
“Are you okay?”
I bit down on my cheek and nodded. I couldn’t talk. If I did I wasn’t sure if I would beg him to forgive me and tell him I felt the same way or rail at him for not telling me about his feelings sooner. Knowing me I would probably tell him about the panic attack I had after seeing him and Talia at the student union. He leaned forward and kissed the back of my head. I closed my eyes, fighting back the tears that were burning my eyes, threatening to fall down my cheeks.
When I heard the door close behind him, I finally let the tears fall.