No one was to blame but me.

I should have stopped him.

I should have risked it to make him mine.

But I was too coward to admit I loved him.

Or rather…it was too dangerous for it to be known.

It had been a couple of hours since Aiden had left. In spite of my best attempt to calm myself down and pretend I would be better off without him, I couldn’t hide the fact that the ambiance around this house had saddened. Tucked into the duvet sheet, I swept a glance across my room.

It felt empty and it was driving me nuts.

I wasn’t used not seeing Aiden around, not hearing his laughter, and not seeing his beautiful smile that never failed to brighten my day. Butterflies roamed inside my stomach as I looked back at the first day he arrived. He didn’t strike me with his charm – neither did I find him attractive then. He looked so scared and fragile that I doubted he could withstand the demand of being a servant.

It was quarter of a year later that I’d developed feelings for him. The way he moved and did things took my interest, and from there I fell deeper and deeper until I got lost in loving him, so much so that I became blind to what he was going through. The agitated expression on his face should have been enough to speak of his agony, but I’d been so selfish that I only focused on what made me happy and neglected the fact that he was bearing a secret so big that it went beyond my understanding.

I sighed and closed my eyes, tears oozing from the sides of my eyes.

As soon as I managed to clear my mind, I smelled Aiden’s scent. It was as if he was still here. In a matter of days, his scent would completely disappear. The very thought of forgetting him scared me. Fear gripped me to the extent that I felt so depressed I didn’t want to think of him or anything to do with him for the sake of quieting the noisy murmur in my head. In a whisper, my heart raced out of my chest.

Please, let me forget him… I prayed with my eyes clenched tight. But the more I tried to bury him at the back of my head, the more he invaded my thoughts, reminding me of all the jolly memories we’d shared together.

I pushed myself up and threw the duvet sheet off of me. Sweat soaked my whole body. Without any physical exertion, I panted as if I’d run a marathon hundred times in a single run. Pushing the window open didn’t help to dry the sweat. The breeze was cold. I left the window open only to hear loud noises booming from the rooftop.

Oh, right… Tonight was Father’s centennial anniversary. All the packs from the Circle tribe would come to celebrate his leadership. No one had ever served for a hundred years. Father had definitely made a legacy for himself, something I doubted I could carry out when he stepped down.

I wanted to pull the window shut, but the heat was killing me. So instead, I buried my whole body under the blanket and held my breath. Lack of air would allow my brain to pause so that I could finally rest. But the noise was too loud my eardrums almost split in half. My room trembled at the beat of the music.

Mom must have hired those obnoxious band of a foxes again. They didn’t even know how to sing, let alone with their annoying howls. I couldn’t understand how they got so famous for their lack of talent. People nowadays…

The noise grew even louder.

For fucking sake! Could someone stop them?

“Argh!”

Hearing the crowd’s howl, I buried my head under a pillow and held my breath with my eyes clenched so tight they ached. But the pain only reminded me that I was alive. Aiden’s face surfaced back to my memory. I missed him, but one way or another, I had to let him go. He’d been fated to cleave with someone of his kind. Had our relationship been found out, perhaps both of us would have been banished – or worse – death would have been our sentence. Thinking about it stabbed me with a spear so sharp, my heart bled to have him back. But there were things that could never be ours, regardless of how hard we’d tried.

Only if I’d tried hard enough to work things out, this would have never happened. He would have never left. He could have stayed. And then, only then…we could finally escape this hell of a place.

But again, things didn’t work out because I never tried to work it out. Was it too late?

At last, sleep had crawled into me as the sunset in the West shone into my room. The orange sun painted the blank walls with shadow of the birds flying in the lonely sky. Things darkened as slumber pulled me in. I released my breath and surrendered to the mercy of the god of death.

As I inhaled, my eyes close shut.

On the brink of sleep, I startled out of my daze. Someone knocked on the door so loud, my head felt as though it was going to burst out. My vision blurred as I tried to calm myself down. Had I not done so, I would have killed whoever it was outside.

“Argh!” I yelled at the top of my voice, the veins on my forehead almost popped out of the surface. “Who the fuck is it?”

“It’s me.”

Fucking hell, it was Drake.

What does he want this time?

“I’m having a rest,” I said calmly, trying to play nice and kind. I saw how he’d tried to convince Lord Blair for Aiden to stay. I got moved by his effort, but Aiden’s father seemed to have a heart of stone.

“Your father is asking for your presence,” he said.

“Tell him I’m sick or something…”

“It’s his centennial, and as his heir, you should be there. Your mother also wants you to meet the Torson’s.”

Torson. I remembered them. They were the most wealthy and lavish pack in the tribe. Second to the Genevans, they held the title of being the most beautiful creatures in the jungle. The Torson women would only transform into this elegant coyote during breeding season. Mother wanted me to take one of the leaders’ many daughters as my wife, but as attractive and desirable as they were, they lacked intelligence.

It took me a second to respond. Drake was right, I should be there, greeting the guests and welcoming them. But I couldn’t just pretend nothing was wrong. I wasn’t good at hiding. When I was pissed off, it would show no matter how hard I tried to conceal it. For a split second, I thought about going there and playing the good child, but not this time. Not until I’d moved on. Which I doubted would ever happen.

“Tom, they’re waiting,” Drake said.

Taking a deep breath, I tucked myself back into the duvet sheet. “I’m not going there,” I said at once.

The door swung open. “But the guests are expecting you there. I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to do your duty, man. How will they respect you if you can’t be bothered seeing them? It doesn’t always work in your favor.”

His words stung. Every syllable stabbed me right through the heart. I knew he was pressured by the repetition of my parents’ order, and so was I. Keeping quiet was better than engaging in a futile argument.

He walked closer and stood by the bedside. “I’ve tried my best, but his father is one of a stubborn guy. He wouldn’t listen to anyone, and you should understand that. Try and move on, man. Mopping around wouldn’t bring him back.”

I rose up and chucked duvet sheet away. “It’s not as easy as it seems, Drake,” I said, tears welling up in the corner of my eyes. “Aiden means the world to me; he’s my everything and all that I could ever ask for. So don’t you dare speak to me as if you know anything, because you don’t, and you never will.”

An expression of shame and exasperation had registered across his face. Those words that slipped out of my mouth must have slapped him so hard, it looked as though he was going to break down and strangle me. He nodded as his lips quivered. “You think you’re so smart? Well, let me tell you this, he didn’t say he was leaving because he knew you’re a hell of a jerk. You only think of yourself, fucking selfish brat,” he spat out.

My fists clenched tight. I wanted to knock him down and make him eat his words back, but then realization struck me that he was right. In the absence of feeling defeated, I got to my feet and grabbed my cloak as I stormed out of my room – away from this place.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

“I’m going to hell where I belong.”

* * *

The lights danced at the rhythm of the upbeat music. Hookers swayed their hips at the stage. Their two-pieces barely covered their shame. The crowd’s lustful cheers fueled their performance with an ecstasy of temporary glory. In this place, everyone shared the same breed. There were no wolves nor bats. They could get down and dirty with whomever they found attractive. Just sex. No string attached.

I should have been tipsy by now, but I was still as sober as if I had not drunk three liters of beer and a glass of tequila. I came here to forget and have fun…to relax and chill out. Never in my life had I ever felt so down to the extent that I no longer discerned the rightfulness of my deeds.

As the last drop of tequila reached my tongue, I slammed the bottle on the countertop and motioned my head at the bartender who’d been eyeing me. He was cute, well-built with some serious muscles up his chest, but he wasn’t my type. The other two guys seated on both sides were grinning at me; the one with a cowboy hat was leaning against the edge of the countertop, while the other was simply taking a sip of his drink as if I didn’t know they were trying to corner me.

Try as they might, I wasn’t interested in either of them.

“Another one, boss?” the bartender said, offering a bottle of vodka this time.

“Yeah, sure.” I grabbed the bottle from him and examined it.

“65% alcohol concentration,” he said as if reading through me.

I nodded and smiled, couldn’t really be bothered taking his invitation of a conversation. Looking at it, the vodka looked as harmless as water, but as soon as I took a shot, my throat flamed, my face turned red, and my ears felt as though they were going to explode. Man, that was strong. As the liquor reached my stomach, the acid inside me boiled, causing me burp so loud it sounded as though a hippopotamus was inside the bar.

Everyone turned their gaze on me, including the daughter of the Torson’s Alpha, who was supposed to be at the party held at home. I guessed she couldn’t be bothered faking a smile with spurious companies as much as I could. Although every pack in the tribe got along, we still had our own differences and dislikes. As for the Torson’s, I couldn’t think of any. It was safe to say we were mutually respective of each other’s territory.

With half of the vodka finished, I began to feel tipsy that I failed to realize the two strangers seated next to me took advantage of my temporary unconsciousness, touching me in places only Aiden had the rights to do so. By now, the liquor was pouring out of my mouth as I tipped the bottle straight into my mouth in an attempt to drown all the memories Aiden and I shared together.

My nostalgia brought me back to the pond where Aiden and I had tasted each other for the first time. It was unexpected and unplanned, which made it even more special, making me feel hopeful that it was fate who brought us together that time, and will do so again this time.

The way Aiden sucked my dick and licked my cock released so much testosterone out through my skin pores. With my eyes closed, I sucked the neck of the bottle, imagining it was his manhood and the hole was his hairy anus. A set of hands crawled up my chest from behind. Each finger worked together to arouse me as they pinched on my nipples and tickled me in the most sensitive part of my body.

Someone grabbed the bottle out of my mouth and stuck their fingers in instead. Lost in my lust and yearning to see Aiden again, I sucked those thick fingers and licked them. I almost spewed when they were pushed down my throat. I pulled them away and strived to catch my breath before I passed out. Who the fuck knows what would have happened then? After all, this place was packed with the most notorious criminals in the tribe, some of which were offspring of leaders and elders.

My ears prickled at the sound of my pants zipper unzipping. I rolled my eyes to the back of my head as I felt my dick mouthed by someone whom I thought was Aiden. Quiet moan slipped out of my lips as my heart raced out of my chest in excitement. Fully erected, I grabbed Aiden’s head and slammed him down into my manhood. I gasped for air, feeling my dick reached his throat.

He tried to pull away, but I slammed him down even deeper this time. The barbaric side in me was resurfacing again. I pulled him up by the hair and slammed him back down into me. Fuck, it felt so good I wanted to fuck him right now.

He pushed me away and caught his breath. I couldn’t see him clearly. My vision blurred so that all that I could see was obscured lights dancing across the place. The rest were canvas of moving objects I could barely identify. Thick dried lips kissed me on the neck. I tingled as it sent shivers up my spine.

“Get lost, mate,” I said, shifting my position to avoid whoever it was trying to bite my neck.

I pulled Aiden off of the floor and looked at him straight in the eyes. Still, I couldn’t see him clearly. I sniffed him and my nostrils were insulted by a foul smell of a dog. I thought it was just the people on the dance floor. Not until I buried my face on his neck that I figured out it wasn’t him.

Aiden didn’t stink. I’d never smelled him. He took great care of himself, especially his hygiene.

I shoved the stranger and wiped my mouth. Fucking hell, this dude smelled like a hyena. Disgusting! Hyenas were renowned for their distinctive smell. Since birth, they never took showers. They were afraid of the water.

Feeling like a complete bastard, I trashed the seats and stormed out of the bar.

“Hey,” the bartender called. “You haven’t paid yet.”

I pulled a stash of cash out of my coat and tossed them in the air. As soon as I managed to step out of the exit, commotion broke out as the party goers rambled among themselves for the money.

The cold night breeze whipped past me. I quivered. Looking around, I saw a dark alley nearby. My erection had not calmed down yet, so I headed toward the dark alley. Sweeping a glance across the surrounding area, I couldn’t see or smell anyone nearby. I pulled my pants down, closed my eyes, and beat off out of the image of Aiden getting down on me.