Fox

“Fox, if I have sex with you every single day from now until I leave for Ecuador, can I use your washing machine once a week? Can we make it a package deal? I need to renegotiate our terms.”

She’s standing in just her underwear and a bra pouring detergent into my washing machine, and looking at it longingly. She presses the button with a little flick and turns around as I finish making her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (her request). “I mean, do you know how much of a pain in the ass it is to have to go to a laundromat? Have you ever had a guy tweaking on meth watch you fold your panties? Or had to change a five-dollar bill into quarters?” She caresses the side of the machine. “This, my friend, is the real definition of luxury.”

I laugh, even though it’s so very sad that this is what she finds to be a luxury. I set her plate on the counter as she walks my way, not at all shy about her lack of clothes. “So you’re saying you’re using me for my washing machine?”

“That’s absolutely what I’m saying.”

“Eat up. Then we’ll shower, and if you’re a good girl I may show you later what you can do to earn dryer privileges.”

She laughs and takes a big bite of her measly sandwich. I need to take her out. She deserves a nice meal and a good time, not just sex. Maybe the next day she has off I’ll take her to Prime 112.

“That was really nice when you signed for me tonight. Caught me off guard.”

“I found a video on YouTube that teaches a bunch of words. Maybe you can help me learn a few things.”

“Sure,” she says, signing at the same time and then takes the last bite.

“You want anything else?”

“Nah, I’m good. I was starving. Thanks for the sandwich.”

I take her plate and wash it, then turn around, leaning against the counter. “Do you ever get tired of these weird hours? Dinner for breakfast, breakfast for lunch?” I don’t know why I blurt this out, it’s just something that’s been on my mind lately. Seeing her eat a sandwich and awake this late—or rather, early—makes me think of how fucked-up our schedules are.

“It’s a little vampiric, yes,” she says. “But I have a job and I have to be up early most days, so I don’t have the luxury of waking up at the crack of noon like you.”

I roll my eyes and smirk. “That’s just it, starting your day so late fucks everything up. Running errands can be a pain in the ass.”

“I thought you loved your job?”

“I’m not complaining, it’s just something I think about sometimes.” I wave a hand and change the subject. “Anyway, make yourself at home. There are towels in the linen closet by the bathroom, I’ll be there in a moment.”

She smiles, hops off the stool, and heads to the shower while I finish my own sandwich, then tidy the kitchen and lock up the house. The sun is almost up, and I’m exhausted. I can’t believe she has to be at work in less than five hours. I almost feel bad about wanting to have sex with her. I’m sure she wants to sleep. Except any sympathy I have flies out the window when I walk into my bathroom and find her naked and covered in my soap, the smell filling the room. “I’ve never done it in the shower before,” she says coyly.

I have never stripped so fast.

“Is that so?” I lift her up, and her legs wrap around my body as I press her against the wall, kissing her softly over and over again. With my body holding her against the wall, I use my free hand to cup her breast and pinch her nipple, which causes her head to fall back. Her tits are very sensitive. Last time when I sucked on them, she came almost immediately. I’m going to need to spend more time on them, but standing up in my shower isn’t the most conducive position. I want to touch her so badly, see how wet she is. When I pinch it again, her back arches and she moans loudly. I can feel her heat against my dick, which is ready to slide right inside her.

“Fox…” Her voice is low and she’s gyrating her hips, begging for more. Damn it. I should have been more prepared. “We need to postpone shower sex, babe. I don’t have a condom with me.” But she just keeps kissing and nipping at my neck and I realize she didn’t hear anything I just said. Fuck.

I’m about to turn off the water and carry her out when she grabs my beard—roughly—and looks me in the eyes, “I’m on the pill. For cramps. Have been for years. And I’m clean. Are you?” She may not have heard me but her mind was on the same thing.

“Uh…” I wasn’t expecting that. “Yeah, yes.” I swallow. “Just had a full medical exam for work, so yeah, I’m good. But I’ve never had unprotected sex.”

She softens and her legs unhitch from around me. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to…We can just go get a condom. No big deal.”

I stop her and grab her thigh and hitch it back up. “No. I want to.” I kiss her deeply, her tongue warring with mine. Her face is going to be red and raw from how fiercely my beard is rubbing against the skin on her face, and my shoulder will definitely have welts from where her fingers are clawing. “I really want to.” Her eyes are already closed and she can’t hear me, but it’s true. I trust she’s not lying and I want to feel her.

I lift her up higher and the kiss intensifies. Her fingers fist my hair, and her heels are pushing into my ass. My cock is straining and aching to be inside her. I take her hand from around my neck and bring it between our bodies and she looks at me. “Put me inside of you.” She can’t hear the strain in my voice, but it’s there. I need to come so bad it hurts. I want to last, but I don’t know if I will. And when I push in without a condom and feel how warm and tight she is, my eyes close, and I have to think of every unsexy thing I can not to explode right there and then.

Her fingers tighten on my hair, and her heels dig into my ass as she tries to force me to move, which I eventually do but it’s fast and rough—one palm against the tile of the shower and the other holding her ass up. Somewhere in a crevice in my mind, I hope I’m not hurting her, because I’ve lost all control as I thrust hard and deep. Her yells are erotic and when her body tightens around me like a vise, and I feel even more wetness where we’re connected, I follow in an intense orgasm that leaves me so weak in the knees, I have to set her down so we don’t both slide to the floor.

I lean my forearms against the tiles, breathing heavily as she rests her body against my side. “Wow,” is all she says. I agree.

We finish showering without much more conversation. She goes to transfer her clothes to the dryer after I hand her one of my T-shirts and then we’re in my bed. It’s so easy with her. No awkwardness, no talking. Just sex, sandwiches, and sleep. She moves close to me, her head resting in the crook of my shoulder. It’s been a very long time since I had a woman sleep over, and I find that I’ve really missed it. “This is nice,” she purrs as she gets comfortable and sighs. “Your bed’s so fluffy.”

Hopefully she’ll get to use it often during the next two months, I think as I doze off to sleep.

Lola

My favorite golden retriever is jumping up and down waiting for a treat when I walk into the clinic the next morning. “Hi, Gypsy!” I greet, crouching down and letting her lick my face and rub her furry body all over me.

Vivian taps my shoulder and waves at me. She knows I’m deaf and has been accommodating since the first day I’ve been here. She wanted me to go to veterinary school but it just wasn’t my calling. “You look different this morning.” She eyes me suspiciously, smiling as she grabs some supplies from the back. I told her all about Fox the other day, and she’s been rooting for me to give him a shot. She’s the closest thing I have to a friend—she’s actually more of a colleague than a friend, but she’s always been very nice to me. She has a husband and two kids, both in college, and when she goes to visit them, she always leaves me in charge of the clinic and pays me a bonus.

“I decided to give Fox a chance. Just a little fling before I leave.”

“Nice. I had one of those once.” She looks off into the distance with a smile.

“Yeah? How did it end?” I hope she doesn’t tell me some awful story of heartbreak.

“This year it’ll be our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.” She winks. “It’s still just as good as it was then.”

I’ve had different jobs during the last seven years but working at the clinic has been perfect, I don’t need to listen or talk to the patients since the patients are animals. There’s no judgment, no need to hide or be anything but myself. And to top it off, I got lucky when I met Vivian, who’s been great to me. At Panic, it’s been mostly the same. The music is so loud and the ambiance is such that it’s easy to get lost in the crowd, and things like hearing, or the lack thereof, go unnoticed. I laugh and shake my head. “This is not the same. I’m leaving. He’s staying. And he’s not Glen.” Glen is absolutely head over ass in love with his wife. It’s the cutest thing in the world. I catch Vivian texting him all the time and grinning. I hope to have what they have one day.

“Glen wasn’t always the Glen you know now,” she says. “But regardless, enjoy the moment and have fun. You shouldn’t let anyone change your dreams.”

“Oh, I won’t.” I bend down and clap my hands. “Isn’t that right, girl?…Come on, Gypsy!”

During lunch, a man comes in with a bag. Vivian is out, and I’m waiting for our next client: Roxy, a Persian cat.

He looks down at a piece of paper. I see his lips move but I don’t know what he is saying. “Pardon?”

He looks up. “I’m looking for Lola Daye.”

“That’s me.”

As he hands me a bag, I notice a logo on his shirt that reads SPEEDY DELIVERY SERVICES. “What’s this?”

He shrugs, turns, and leaves.

I open the bag; there are a bunch of paper airplanes inside, and they’re all numbered. My breath catches and I can’t help the silly smile that spreads across my face.

I open the first one glad that I’m alone because I’m nervous and excited and flustered by the cuteness of it all. I really enjoyed last night.

I open another one. My sheets smell like you.

Another one. They also smell like peanut butter. You eat too much peanut butter. I laugh at that one.

Another one. Can I fuck you again tonight? So romantic, I think with a little chuckle.

The next one. I’ll let you use my washer. And dryer. And fluffy bed.

The next one. I don’t like that you left without waking me up. I would have driven you to work.

The next one. I made you a gourmet lunch. Enjoy. See you at work tonight.

Last one….and then in my bed again after.

I open the paper bag and there are two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, my favorite. There’s also a bottle of water and a bag of chips. This is so thoughtful I almost burst into tears.

I grab my phone and God, how I wish I could call him and talk to him. Instead, I text him. You are the nicest, sweetest man I’ve ever met. Thank you so much for lunch and the notes.

You are very welcome. I would have brought it to you myself but there was a mix-up with some inventory and Matt called me into the club early.

No worries. Thanks again. See you later.

See you later, baby.

Baby?

I’m not going to think about it. We’re sleeping together. No, we’re fucking. We’re fucking exclusively. But he doesn’t have to be an asshole about it, which is why he’s being nice. And in two months it’ll be over. I don’t need to overthink this. I just need to enjoy the moment and my sandwich. “Baby” is just a term of endearment. Men say that to women all the time.

Except that it feels a little too good when he says it to me.

Fox

It’s been a hectic day. Two security guys that just started yesterday already quit. Apparently it was too much for them. So now we have two new guys starting tonight, Keylan and Fritz. I’ve been showing them the ropes all day plus handling some of the inventory shit that went wrong this morning. To top it off, I woke up hoping to get laid by the beautiful woman who’d been warming my bed all night, except my bed was empty and cold. How the hell can she go on, day after day, with only four or five hours of sleep? I’m exhausted, and I slept at least eight hours.

Luckily, I had enough foresight to know the day would be insane so I brought my clothes with me and I’ve already showered, shaved, and changed into my suit. Now I’m in my office staring at the mirror, making sure I look good before the club opens. My office is full of monitors linked to the cameras surveilling the club, and the moment Lola walks in, I sense her and my eyes zoom in on her. She waves hello at someone shyly, earbuds in her ears. Now I wonder how I ever fell for that, but I guess it made sense at the time. Using the mic attached to my lapel which is connected to my security team, I press it and ask Fritz to ask Lola to come to my office for a moment before the club opens.

I cross my arms and watch the interaction on the screen. Fritz doesn’t know most of the staff yet so he stops and chats with a few people who then point Lola’s way. Then he leans over the bar and calls for Lola, whose back is toward him. When she finally does turn around, she startles and takes off her earbuds. I assume she makes a silly excuse or apology and Fritz believes her just like I did and just like every single person at Duality and Panic does. Then, I see Lola look up at the camera as if she knows I’m watching her and head my way.

I already have the door open by the time she gets to my office. I take her hand, pull her inside, and close the door behind us. “Hi,” she says breathlessly.

“Hi.” I kiss her. Why can’t I get enough of this woman? I’m ready to strip her naked in my office.

She pushes me away and walks about the office, looking around. I realize she hasn’t seen it yet. “You summoned me?”

“How was work?”

“Great. Had the best lunch. Some guy sent me a PB&J.”

“What a great guy. Deserves a blow job.”

She laughs. “I brought a bag with me for tonight.”

“So you’re coming with me after work?”

“There was the cutest little note in the bag practically begging me to come home with you.” She shrugs. “So, I packed a bag.”

“Fucking fantastic.”

She looks around the office some more. “This is nice, Fox.”

“Thanks.”

She opens her mouth to say something and then shuts it.

“What is it? Just say it.”

“It’s silly.”

I wrap an armaround her waist and pull her to me. “Say it.”

“While we have this little arrangement happening, I don’t want to…I mean, we didn’t use a condom and I think we should be exclusive.”

I let her go and slide my palm down my face, pulling my beard. “So the rules are now: two months of only sex, no feelings, but also exclusivity.”

She crinkles her nose at the absurdity of it. “Yes?” she replies, though it’s more of a question than an answer. “Oh, and I can use your washer and dryer as often as I want.”

I wasn’t planning on having sex with anyone else while I was having sex with her. I’m not that kind of man. I may have slept with a lot of women but I’ve never been an asshole about it and I’m not a cheater either. But, it’s funny how she’s already changing the terms of our arrangement. I knew it would never work.

“Fine.”

“Fine?”

Her reaction is cute but it sort of pisses me off at the same time. “What kind of asshole do you think I am? Did you think that I was going to have sex with you last night and this morning, then just pick some random bar bunny and fuck her on my desk?”

She shrugs and I can feel my nostrils flaring and my jaw tic. “Babe, if that’s the kind of man you think I am and you still agreed to fuck me, that says more about you than it does about me.”

I see her flinch as if I’ve just slapped her, which disarms me almost immediately. She’s been hurt, obviously, and the trust issues run deep with this girl. I take a breath and calm my temper. “Whether you sleep with me or some other guy, don’t sell yourself short. Don’t pick some guy just ’cause he’s available. Some guy who’ll screw around on you. You deserve better. So you’re deaf. Who the fuck cares? It’s not that big of a deal, really. It’s a bit of an adjustment, but there are worse things.”

All she does is nod and I see a spectrum of emotions cross her face but I can’t tell what she’s thinking.

“I have to get ready.”

“So, we’re good?” I ask, since she’s obviously going the “evasion” route.

She smiles. “Yeah, we’re good.”

“Great. Then I’ll see you later?”

“Yes.”

I pull her to me and give her a kiss. “So, what’s your stance on work sex?” I tease, then smack loud kisses on her cheek, nose, and neck, until she’s giggling and pushing me away. I don’t want to see her anything but happy and that got way too intense.

“All for it. But not now. I’m going to be late.”

“Fine. But you owe me. Oh and also, are we not telling people about you and me?”

She walks out before me and looks over her shoulder. “About what? About how you’re letting me do laundry at your house for the next two months? No way! I don’t want people to feel sorry for you.” She winks coyly and leaves me feeling all sorts of disconcerted, happy, confused, horny, and most of all, excited for the first time in a long time.

It’s Monday, a week later and I’m at a park with Lola and five dogs that individually weigh more than she does. They are all on leashes and I’m sitting on a bench watching her struggle to get them inside the fenced area, specifically for dogs, where they can run free. I’m laughing at how, frustrated, she blows away a stray strand of hair that has fallen out of her ponytail and is covering her eye, but she can’t reach it because her hands are currently busy.

Waiting anxiously, ready to run after a dog if one escapes, I run a palm down my face. Surprisingly, she manages to get them all inside. Then she walks over and plops down next to me and I finally relax. Wiping her forehead with the back of her hand, she exhales loudly.

“When I invited myself to your dog walk, I assumed you were going to walk dogs, not that dogs were going to walk you.”

She glares at me then shoves my shoulder playfully. “Normally there are three dogs, max. It was a full house today.”

“I could’ve helped.” I offered to help her a dozen times but she said she didn’t need help.

“It was fine.”

I take her palm in my hand and turn it to see the red indentations from all the leashes. “I know you can handle it. I know you’re fine. But it’s okay to let me help. It’s not because I don’t think you can do it. It’s just to make your life a little easier.”

Lola

…to make your life a little easier….

And then when he’s gone? Then what? Then I’ll have only myself to count on. No, there’s no reason to get used to someone helping me. Becoming dependent on someone is the worst possible thing…

“Lola? Hello, earth to Lola.” He’s waving his hands in front of my face, which takes me out of my stupor.

“Sorry,” I say quickly, shaking my head side to side. “Yeah, uh…the dogs, I had ’em.” I reiterate. “It’s fine. Part of my job. No big deal.” I smile fakely, and he’s looking at me suspiciously. Before I have a chance to say anything else, I feel a nudge on my thigh. I look down and see Spotty, my favorite Doberman, with a ball in his mouth and his tail wagging. “You want to play?” I coo at the dog as I pull the ball Fox brought with him away and toss it far, and then all the dogs run for it. This starts an hour-long game of catch that ends with Fox on the ground with three dogs licking his face while one humps his leg, and I’m laughing so hard tears are forming in my eyes.

I yelp when I’m suddenly airborne, hanging off Fox’s shoulder while Spotty and Maverick, a big furry mutt, try to lick my ear. I don’t know if he’s saying something, but I snort out an unsexy laugh and then yelp again when he slaps my ass, causing more ruckus from the dogs.

“How about a little game of kickball?” he asks. “You against me and you can have your choice of dogs on your team.”

“I’m sure the dogs will honor their teammates.” I laugh. “Kickball? You don’t seem the kickball type.”

He shrugs looking a little somber. “I haven’t played any sports in a long time but when I was in high school, and failing most classes, the only things I excelled in were football and soccer and basically any sport. I used to play just to piss off my dad.”

With his hulking stature and body composition I can see him being athletic. I just never thought someone who starched their ties would be ready to get down and dirty in a kickball match. “Your dad seems like a jerk,” I blurt out.

“He’d kick my ass when I didn’t do well in school. I was terrified of him until I was old enough to fight back.”

“Fox…”

“I joined the football and wrestling teams mostly to keep busy and stay out of the house. I sucked at school but I was great at sports, which kept my dad off my back.” He shrugs as if he’s removed from the story, but from the way he absently pulls on his beard, I know this is a sore topic for him. “I was never good enough. But now look at me.” He runs his fingers through his hair and his shoulders relax a little. “I own a house, have a great job, getting laid regularly by the prettiest girl in town…” He winks at me, and I can tell he’s trying to lighten the mood.

“I take it back. He’s not a jerk. He’s a dick.”

“It is what it is,” he replies. He kicks the ball and the dogs run for it. Next thing we know we’re playing kickball with the dogs. I realize how agile and quick on his toes he actually is. I’m impressed and a little surprised.

“That was fun,” I say an hour later when I’ve finished locking all the animals away in their kennels, and I’m about to leave work for the day. It’s probably the best day I’ve had in as long as I can remember.

“Was it?” he says, still picking leaves from his white shirt, which is full of grass stains.

I get on the tips of my toes and wrap my arms around his neck. “You had fun, Mr. Designer Jeans. Admit it! Admit to me that when I’m in the jungles of South America you’re secretly going to be sniffing laundry detergent, and you’ll probably get a big smelly dog just to remember me by.”

His devilish smile, the one I love, slowly shifts to something else. We haven’t discussed my leaving again, but it looms in the background like a big reminder that this is all just temporary. His gaze shifts a bit. “When exactly are you leaving again?”

“Five weeks,” I say, sliding my arms off him. I note that he takes a step away.

“Fox? Everything okay?”

He looks up and the smile is back on his face. “Yeah, perfect. Guess we better get busy getting busy. Don’t want you leaving the country ‘unfulfilled.’ ” He wags his brows. “There’s nothing sexier than being used for my dick.”

He says it with a toothy smile but there’s something behind the words that makes me think there’s no truth to them.

I rest my palms on his chest and tease him. “Are you complaining? What kind of man complains about having an insatiable woman to fuck without any strings?”

He takes a step back. “Not me. Definitely not me. Come on, times a-ticking. Five weeks to go.”

And he disappears out of the clinic, leaving me to close up for the day and to wonder what is going on in his mind.

Fox

We have two hours to kill before work tonight and my mood has gone completely south. Being at the park this morning was fun, more fun than I have had in a while. Lola is so carefree and happy when she’s comfortable. In the club, she’s not herself because she’s hiding such a big part of who she is, but when it’s just us, she’s this other person. Yes, she refuses to let anyone help her, but she can be loud (unintentionally), uninhibited, fiery, and I just enjoy being around her. I hate that we have this date looming, and I hate even more that she doesn’t seem to care it’s there, like a finish line. It’s not like we’ve been together that long or that I’m in love with her or anything. But I think that if we had time, we could make this work. We could go on dates, we could have a relationship, we could talk about the future. But all she wants is instant gratification.

She scarfed down a PB&J as soon as we got back to my apartment, then went to take a shower. I’m picking up in the kitchen when I hear her calling my name. I finish wiping the counter and put down the dishtowel and head to my room where I find her butt-ass naked sprawled on my bed. The scent of my soap filters out of the steamy bathroom, and my mouth waters at the sight of this woman, so wanton and sexy, lying on my bed.

With a crook of her finger, she calls me to her.

“You rang?” I ask, my arms crossed over my chest as if having a naked woman on my bed has done nothing to my cock.

“Thank you for coming to the park with me today. It was fun.”

I arch an eyebrow and jut out my chin toward her. “You thank everyone like this?”

She reaches behind her and tosses a pillow at me. “Come on. I suck at seduction. Can’t you just come here and stop messing with me?”

“Ohhhh….so this”—I wave my hand toward her—“is you seducing me? Is that what this is?”

“Fox! Come on, hurry up. We don’t have a lot of time and I want to do it,” she whines.

“Yeah, I know. Five weeks. You keep reminding me,” I say as I pull my shirt over my head.

“No, crazy man. I meant we have to be at work in a couple of hours.”

Oh. Okay, maybe I’m overreacting or overthinking.

She sits up and her attempt at seduction shifts to concern and she tries to cover her breasts. “Are you okay? I mean, you’re not mad about me leaving, right?”

I toe off my shoes and then pull off my socks. “No, you’ve been very clear about leaving. How could I be mad?”

She eyes me again, not believing me but I don’t give her a chance to ask or think or do anything else because I take her ankles in my firm grip and pull her to the edge of the bed. Dropping to my knees, I use my shoulders to spread her thighs and then hold her down to the bed. Without giving her a chance to think too much, or maybe to stop me from thinking too much, I spread her bare lips with my thumb and forefinger and run the tip of my tongue harshly over her clit, over and over again. She’s squirming and yelling, her body arching but I’m possessed. Fiercely, if not roughly, I push two fingers inside of her while I keep laving and sucking. Accompanied by a loud scream, I feel her pussy tighten in my grip as I feel her coming all over my face. Before she’s had a chance to catch her breath, I stand, kick my jeans and boxer briefs aside, and then flip her onto her stomach. She tries to get away but I swat her ass and pull it up until she’s on her hands and knees. She looks over her shoulder, her pupils dilated and her cheeks flushed. I watch her as I roughly push my strained cock into her. Again, she moans, her back arches, and my grip on her hip, as I pull her to me while pushing into her, is relentless. I’m lost in lust as I continue to pound into her, my body arching forward, covering her, pressing her deeper into the bed as I close my eyes, dig my nails into her hips. I come with a loud roar, collapsing over her limp and drained body.

I’m frustrated, mad, and sated. Feelings I’m not used to having and I’m not sure how to handle them. Rolling over to my back, I take a deep breath and feel her small fists on my chest. “What the hell was that?”

I have an arm over my eyes and I’m still catching my breath.

“You wanted to be fucked, right? You didn’t like it? You came,” I say, swiping the back of my forearm over my beard, which is drenched in her juices.

“Ugh. You’re an asshole.”

“Why?” I turn my head, confused. “Why am I an asshole?”

“That was…”

“What? What was it? Good?”

“You never just fuck me, Fox. That was something else.”

“So it wasn’t good?” I ask.

“You know it was good. But you’ve never…we’ve never done it that way. It was rough.”

Shit. I sit up. “Did I hurt you?”

She shakes her head and looks down at her naked body as if she isn’t sure how to answer the question. “No. No, you didn’t. It was…it was unexpected, I guess.”

I hop out of bed and turn so she can see me. “We’re just fucking, right? Sometimes that’s the way I like to fuck. It can’t all be about you all the time.”

I head to the bathroom and lock it behind me, not wanting to hear her reply but most important, not wanting to see the hurt look in her eyes, which I know is undoubtedly there. But I need to get this nonrelationship back on course. She wanted just sex and we’re crossing a line that can’t be uncrossed. I need us both to remember what this is. Well, she remembers it clearly, since she reminded me of her leaving. I am the one who needs to get my shit together and this is the only way I know how to do that—less “making love” and more fucking.

We don’t talk while I drive to work, and she’s looking out the window the entire time. As soon as I park, she jumps out of the car and heads straight inside the club. The entire night, I spend it working and trying not to seek her out. It’s busy, so it’s not a hard feat to accomplish.

At the end of the night, after a brief meeting with David, I head out to find Lola but she’s gone. For the last two weeks she’s been sleeping over almost every night. When she doesn’t sleep over, it’s because she has work the next morning and at the very least I drive her home, hating that she has to take the bus.

Where are you? I text.

Almost home.

You didn’t wait. I could’ve driven you. You know I don’t like you taking the bus.

We’re just fucking. And and felt like sleeping in my own bed tonight.

Lola…

She doesn’t answer. And I know I’ve fucked up. I let my emotions—emotions I have no right to feel, or rather, express—get the better of me.

I’m sorry about earlier. I was out of line.

The world doesn’t revolve around you, she texts, paraphrasing the words I said to her earlier. I just wanted to go home. Nothing to do with you.

I exhale deeply. “Fuck this,” I whisper to myself and head straight to her house.

As I park my car I see a figure rounding the corner of the street and I know by the shape of her body and the movement of her walk it’s Lola. And I’m once again mad that she took the bus home. Alone. At night.

I’m leaning against my car, watching her and ready to react if there’s a need. There’s a group of men loitering around the other side and cars on the street and it’s just a bad scene all around.

“Why are you here, Fox?” she says as she comes closer.

“To tell you to your face, not on text, that I’m sorry. I was a dick.”

“And why was that?” she asks, her hands crossed over her body protectively.

Why? That’s a damn good question and something I’m not prepared to answer. Because I’m starting to get used to having you around? Because I like you more than I should. Because I hate that in a few weeks I won’t see you again? Instead I say, “I don’t like when you say we’re just fucking.” That isn’t a lie, even though it may not be the entire truth. “I thought at the least we were friends.”

Her arms go soft and she uncrosses them and places them on my chest. “Fox, we are. I’m sorry if that comment sounded like I don’t enjoy being around you or as if I don’t like you as a person. You’re kind and sweet and funny. We are friends. Of course we are.”

“Does that mean I’m forgiven?”

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, Fox.”

I roll my eyes. “You didn’t hurt my feelings, Lola.”

She chuckles. “Oh, well, of course I didn’t. You’re too manly for something girly like feelings. But I’m sorry nonetheless.”

I reach forward with one hand and pull her to me by the loop of her jeans. Without hesitation, she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me.

“You’re forgiven for earlier but not for leaving without telling me and taking the bus at night.”

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “You’re staying over?”

“Yes.”

Taking her by the hand, I lead us up to her apartment. “I’m going to have a word with your landlord. The lights in that stairwell have to get fixed.”

“Good luck with that. He’s a dick,” she says as she unlocks her apartment. “My lease is up in a few weeks and I want to get my deposit back. I don’t want to piss him off too much.”

I close the door behind her and lock it securely. “You’re going to get your deposit back regardless. The light is just something he needs to do. When is your lease up?”

“In about three weeks. I need to play nice so he lets me live here on a week-to-week basis until I leave.”

“No. Fuck that. You can stay with me,” I say without so much as a pause, and when I see her eyes widen I continue. “We just had this conversation, didn’t we? We’re friends. You can crash at my house for a couple weeks. It’s not a big deal. Don’t overthink it. You’re there all the time anyway and honestly”—I look around at the tiny shithole—“I can’t stand that ugly lamp. You’d be doing me a favor by staying with me and tossing the green lamp.”

“Hey! It’s sea foam not green and it’s vintage.” She feigns anger.

“Sea foam or green. Don’t matter. It’s hideous. Now kiss me and show me how sorry you are for hurting my feelings earlier.”

“I thought you didn’t have feelings.”

I wink playfully and wait for her to make it up to me.

---

We’ve been sleeping together for weeks now and it’s the first time we have the entire day off. I’m utterly exhausted. Maybe I am too old for her, after all. Or maybe we’re having too much sex. I want to drive her to work in the mornings because I hate the thought of her having to wake up early and take three buses to the clinic (it’s an extra bus from my house). But the long nights and early mornings are taking a toll on me and I have no idea how she’s able to keep it up. At least I can go back to sleep after I drop her off; after her day job, she has to get ready to go to Duality. It’s exhausting just watching her.

But today we finally—finally!—got to sleep in and it turns out that when Lola doesn’t have work she sleeps in. At two in the afternoon, after a random pickup game of basketball while jogging, I actually check her breathing because she hasn’t moved since we went to sleep at four in the morning. Poor thing, she really needs her rest, but being the selfish bastard that I am, I also want to spend time with her outside the rush of work and sex.

Once I see she is, in fact, breathing, I take a shower, get dressed, and then make reservations at a nice restaurant for dinner. Then I pace around and wait for her to wake up.

“Remind me not to stay over when I want to sleep in,” she mumbles as she stretches her arms over her head and yawns. She sits up and narrows her eyes at me.

“What?” I say. “It’s past two. I let you sleep in.”

“You’ve been moving around all morning. You’re driving me crazy.”

“You’re freakin’ deaf. How would you know?” I pull the covers off her, and she groans and throws a pillow at me. Then I grab her ankles and she yelps and laughs.

“I can feel you pacing.”

“You and your extra senses. I need to remember that. Anyway, now that you’re up, let’s do something fun. What do you want to do? I made reservations for dinner later but that’s at eight. What about from now until then? Pool? Beach? Park?”

“Oh my God! Too much energy!” She pushes me away. “I’m going to take a shower and then we can resume this conversation. Meanwhile, try to do something about all that energy, will ya?”

I lay back on my bed and watch her walk away. She’s so fucking cute. Just like a little tiger.

I grab my iPad and practice my finger spelling while she’s showering. There’s a video online that teaches kids to sign, and I’m finding it the easiest. I’ll never admit that to her, though. I’ve mastered most of the alphabet already but it takes me forever to spell out a word, even though I find it easier than reading or writing. I think because it’s more spaced out or maybe because I don’t have to actually see it on paper or something. I don’t know why, but my brain can decipher it a bit easier.

“TV and snuggling. Maybe pool, but maybe not because that would entail getting dressed.”

I look up from the iPad just as she sits on the bed, her hair wrapped up in a towel, another towel around her body.

“You don’t want to do anything at all until dinner tonight? I wanted to impress you. Have a nice day. And you want to mope around the house all day?”

She crawls on the bed, plucks the iPad from my hand and sets it on the nightstand. Then she lies comfortably on top of me, her chin on my chest. “You don’t need to impress me. I’m a sure thing, remember,” she teases, and damn if that doesn’t sting. “I’m already impressed; I don’t need anything more. I don’t need fancy dinners and cool outings. But if you have plans or need to do something, I get it. I can go home so you can get things done. I don’t want to be in the way.”

I turn her face to me. “It’s not about you being in the way. I thought we’d hang out. It’s the first time we don’t have work.”

She moves up, kisses my nose, then snatches the remote control from my nightstand and smiles cheerily. “Great! Then let’s hang out.” She flips onto her back and turns on the television in my room.

I should be ecstatic. She’s not asking for anything—she’s happy just being with me. She wants just me—just my time and my presence. We’re not even having sex at the moment, which obviously has to mean that she likes me, if not she’d have left. I don’t know why I’m feeling so weird about it all.

Or maybe the deadline is just beginning to become very very real. Every day is one day closer and after our argument, we haven’t mentioned it again. But it’s all I can think about.

I snatch the remote from her hand, which startles her, and turn off the TV. “No. You know what. No. You don’t need fancy dinners. No one needs fancy anything. But don’t you want one? I want to take you to a nice restaurant. I don’t want you to think I just want you for sex.”

Her brows crease. I mean, that is our arrangement, after all.

I continue. “Okay, I do. But also, I want to eat a good meal and since you’re here, I want you to come with me to dinner. Let’s get to know one another outside of this bed. Can we do that?”

“I…uh…yeah, of course.” Her cheeks flush as if I’ve embarrassed her. “I haven’t really gone to a fancy restaurant in years. It would be nice.”

“Great,” I say as if it’s a small victory.

And we don’t spend the rest of the day watching TV. Instead I try to sign something and she teaches me one word and that leads to another and before we know it, we’ve spent most of the day in bed signing. You’d think we actually did a lot of talking but it takes me so long to finger spell even the shortest word that it’s really not a lot of conversation but she’s patient and funny and a great teacher.

That evening we go out to dinner, and she wears that black romper she wore for our first date when I stood her up. I spend all night across from her at the restaurant hoping that she changes her mind and stays at my place but she doesn’t. She’s hell-bent on wanting to sleep at her own house tonight because she says she wants to start boxing up her belongings. We make out in front of her door for far too long before I say good night and walk away, hating to leave her in her shitty apartment.

It’s the first time we’ve spent the entire day together and the first time since we began this arrangement that we’ve been together where we haven’t had sex. Funnily enough though, it was the best day I’ve had in a very very long time.

This nonrelationship is getting a little skewed.