“I know this is a cluster fuck,” Lager said. His voice was frail, and he sounded exhausted .

“It’s just gotten…complicated. A lot more than I expected .”

I moved around the kitchen, trying to work the stupid Keurig, which I’d never touched in my life, then gave up, unable to figure out which way the damn tiny cups went into the machine. On the other side of the line, Wills Lager coughed, his breathing ragged, and I gave up any attempts except for those that concerned the legend on the phone .

“What are your doctors saying?” When he didn’t speak, I cleared my throat. “Come on, Wills, tell me the truth .”

He inhaled, taking a moment before he released a sigh that reminded me just how old and fragile he’d grown. I’d spotted it in Paris, but couldn’t quite pin down what was off about him. I remained clueless until he told me about the kidney transplant .

“They bloody well won’t let me drink a drop .”

“Naturally.”

“Bugger that. If I’m to die, then I want my drink .”

“You’re not going to die .”

“Is that so?” in the background I heard the opening and closing of a door, then the sound of children laughing before a chair squeaked and Lager continued. “Been having long chats with Dash Justice, have you? Nice bits about family and health and medical history ?”

“That’s a low blow .”

He exhaled again, muttering something I couldn’t make out. “Ah, love, I know it’s a great thing I’m asking, but I’ve had no luck with any of my kin here in Ireland and I’ve had no other children. I would not ask if I weren’t utterly desperate .”

Below on the street, an older couple powerwalked behind two large Great Danes, their arms swinging in time with the trot their animals made. It was a distraction, as was the activity happening near the high school in the distance and the slow run of cars leaving town. This was our home, Jamie and me. This was the place that made us .

But who would Jamie be once he learned the truth. Would he revert? Change back to being angry and demoralized by betrayal? I’d hurt him once already. I wasn’t sure he wouldn’t see me knowing what I did about Lager as anything other than the pain I seemed to like to deliver .

“I know you’re desperate.” I looked over my shoulder, thinking I heard a noise, waiting as the air clicked back on before I finished speaking. “But I can’t just blurt that shit out. Like I said it’s all complicated now .”

“Why?”

“I…don’t want to go into details. Suffice to say that Jamie is coming back to himself. He’s being more open and I’m not going to risk that by dropping the drop the bomb that Wills Lager is his father and that he needs a kidney. That would ruin everything. You’ve got to give me time to do this my way.” I exhaled, needing a second to let reality sink in. It was still difficult to rationalize Wills as Jamie’s father, something I’d told him that night in Paris. Lager had always been our idol, our musical Yoda. That Jamie had somehow come from him, was impossible. But Wills related the story of meeting Jamie’s mother at after party. She’d been just another girl like all the others. Ten years later, she’d worked up the nerve to tell him the truth. It had taken nearly another ten for him to believe it .

“You knew about him for so long. You have no idea what he went through growing up with her and all the different men…” I sighed, lowering my voice when emotion had me angry. “Telling him now, just because you need a kidney would be bad. He’d never do it unless you try to meet him halfway.” It was stupid for me to play like this, to stand in the middle of the man I’d always loved and the man who’d wrote the soundtrack to our childhood. At more core, I was a peacemaker, or at least, I tried to be. And Lager was dying. In a lot of ways, Jamie was too .

“I’m also close to getting this interview wrapped up. If I go about this the right way, I can write my ticket back into the industry. I can forget the shit Jamie has done to me with that stupid song and just start doing the work I’ve dreamed of again. Please, Wills, give me time .”

He waited, another loud sigh blowing into the receiver. “Very well, then, love. And good luck to you. I just pray you aren’t too late telling him the truth .”

Wills disconnected the call and I dropped my head in my hands feeling helpless and stupid. “Man…” I started, turning when I heard Jamie coming out of the bedroom. “Morning,” I said to him, smiling against his mouth when he kissed me. He was already dressed, jeans and a wrinkled gray tee, but looked beautifully disheveled. My closed my eyes, humming when our lips met, but it ended before I could really enjoy it .

“No coffee?” he asked, sliding his cell into his back pocket .

“I tried. I can’t work that space thing.” I pointed to the Keurig, head shaking when Jamie took the small pods and dropped it into the machine. It immediately started to brew coffee .

“Damn,” I said, taking the mug Jamie offered. “This is good,” I said, sipping, then laughing at Jamie’s expression .

His cell chimed again, and I slipped behind him, wondering why he tensed before slipping his arm around me, kiss slight but sure on my forehead. Jamie looked at the screen, frowning. “That’s Landon. We’ve got to get back. We’re out a drummer because Lou slipped last night and broke his leg .”

“He okay?” I asked, rubbing my hands over his arms .

“Yeah, fine.” He dropped his phone on the island then returned his attention back to me. “We just need to get out of here and back to Indy.” He downed the hot coffee and held my face, kissing me quickly. “We’ll leave in a half hour. That cool ?”

“Yeah,” I said, frowning. Jamie disappeared into the back of the apartment and a sudden, cold sensation rushed over me. I wasn’t sure where it had come from, but I had a sinking feeling it would be with me for a while .